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lulzies

More Than Friends-Chapter 3-(The Bees and The Beards)

May 26th, 2012
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  1. 3
  2.  
  3. >You pace around the room, trying to think.
  4. >Cadance, Cadance.
  5. >You just don’t remember.
  6. >Shiny is just bouncing and catching a ball to the wall, obviously uncaring.
  7. >”Anon, you seriously forgot?”
  8. >Yeah, no shit, Sherlock.
  9. >Who was that?
  10. >”Cadance, the princess pony who we met when we were seven.”
  11. >When you were seven, what are you, Albert Neighstein?
  12. >You give him the best ‘Really.’ Look.
  13. >”What.”
  14. >”Shiny.” You point at yourself. “Anonymous.”
  15. >”You, hooman, me, poony.” Shiny returns the gesture.
  16. >”You seriously expect me to remember something from SEVEN FUCKING YEARS ago? I can barely remember what I learned today!”
  17. >”Hey! …You and I both, Anon.”
  18. >Shiny drops his ball and goes to you, to stop your tracks.
  19. >Assured you are stopped, he goes back to his ball.
  20. >That ball-sy bitch.
  21. >”Look. I don’t even know why you’re freaking out.”
  22. >You rush over to the unicorn.
  23. >He does not understand the gravity.
  24. >”LOOK.” You stick the letter to Shine’s face.
  25. >”Why does it smell so bad?”
  26. >Whut.
  27. >”Say what?” You sniff it, getting a soft aroma of roses.
  28. >”How can you say it smells bad? It smells like roses to me.”
  29. >Shiny gives you the most disgusted look.
  30. >”Come on man. You’re the one who watched Griffon porn.”
  31. >Shiny perks up at the statement.
  32. >”Y-you… Did it too!”
  33. >”Because you made me watch it.”
  34. >”Shut up, Anon.”
  35. >Your turn to laugh.
  36. >”What’s porn, Anon?”
  37. >Shit.
  38. >You can see sister Twilight standing on the doorway, looking curious.
  39. >The two of you exchange glances.
  40. >”Your turn, Anon.”
  41. >You curse your brother in your head.
  42. >You can’t honestly swear in front of your sister.
  43. >She might pick up your mouth.
  44. >And seeing her having soap in her is just too sad.
  45. >Ohmycelestia you’re tearing up.
  46.  
  47. >”Anon?”
  48. >”Uh-“ You scratch the back of your head.
  49. >”You see, Twilight. The birds and the bees, you know that?”
  50. >Avians and Apoidea?”
  51. >Whatthefuck.
  52. >”What- No. Twilight. BIRDS – BEES. Capeesh?”
  53. >Twilight gives you the look- the look that spells confusion.
  54. >”Yeah, Anon. Avians and-“
  55. >”No, Twilight. It’s a metaphorical.”
  56. >”Mey-tha-pho-ree-cul?”
  57. >Atta girl.
  58. >”Yes, Twilight. You see, Stallions are the bees. And the mares are the birds.”
  59. >”So I’m a bird?”
  60. >”No Twilight, you don’t have a beard.”
  61. >Twilight cocks her head.
  62. >Poor thing you are already over loading her little mind with your extensive knowledge.
  63. >”Anyway. Bee’s have-“
  64. >”The stallions?”
  65. >You sigh.
  66. >You fucking love this filly.
  67. >”Yep. They have ‘things’- let’s call them stingers.”
  68. >”Bees have stingers.”
  69. >”Yep.”
  70. >”And they rip off half of their guts if they try to pull it out after the sting! Because it gets stuck under the skin and-“
  71. >Hold the phone.
  72. >What the hell are they teaching kids these days?
  73. >”Uhm, shure. Anywho.”
  74. >”So the bee, when he sees a mare he likes-“
  75. >”Which is the bird, right?”
  76. >”What beard?”
  77. >There is a moment of silence, before you go on.
  78. >Sometimes, sister Twilight is weird.
  79. >”ANYWAY- so the bee stings the bird.”
  80. >”Doesn’t that hurt?”
  81. >You dry the tear on your eyes.
  82. >”It is the pain of love, Twilight.”
  83. >She cocks her head again.
  84. >”You’ll know when you’re older.”
  85. >”Okay!” Twilight answers happily, feeding on the things to come from her best brother.
  86. >”Hey, Twilight, you know how it hurts and bloats up when you get stung?”
  87. >”Yeah?”
  88. >”Well, the bird get’s bloated, after the sting. That’s what you call pregnancy.”
  89. >Twilight cocks her head again.
  90. >”AND that is how fillies are made.”
  91. >”What happens to the bee?”
  92. >”The bee?”
  93. >”Uh-huh.”
  94. >You look into the distance.
  95. >”The bee, loses itself after that. The bird then wants a house, child support, and LOVE. And then, the bee, losing his half, just dies, Twilight. But not physically. Mentally.”
  96. >You tap your head.
  97. >”They just die inside the head, Twilight. Can you imagine that?”
  98. >Then you break into sobs and run out of the room.
  99.  
  100. >Shining’s sides are all over Equestria.
  101.  
  102. >Then you just run back in, grab Twilight, and go play air plane again.
  103. >You fucking loved that game.
  104. >It is the only time you can act autistic.
  105. >This is probably why you loved your sister so much.
  106. >Not in an incest way.
  107. >Sick fucks.
  108.  
  109. >”Anon, do you know what time it is?” Mom pokes her head in, seeing you playing around with Twilight again.
  110. >You’re playing WaddleShip, and somehow, Twilight is sinking all of your ducks.
  111. >Pony magic, you swear.
  112. >After all, you strategy of placing all the ducks in a row is genius.
  113. >”Time for Twilight to let me win?”
  114. >Twilight giggles.
  115. >”Honey, it’s time to pick up your friend.”
  116. >”I have a friend?”
  117. >”Cadance?” She is tired of your games.
  118. >”Oh, right. I’ll be right back. AFTER I beat Twilight.”
  119. >Twilight giggles again.
  120. >”Come on Anon. You’ll be here all night.”
  121. >Mom laughs at this.
  122. >You rage quit, before slipping on a white shirt.
  123. >You supposed to look nice for your old friend.
  124. >You straighten up a tie, make sure your sleeves are rolled up; hair fixed, and move out.
  125. >BEFORE grabbing your trusty jacket.
  126. >You don’t recall where you got it.
  127. >Someone sent it to you as a gift almost a year ago.
  128. >You just can’t remember.
  129. >You slug it on your shoulders, and move out.
  130.  
  131. >The train station was unusually crowded, what is with these press ponies?
  132. >Being the asshole you are- you slowly push your way through.
  133. >You drop one or two camera, much to complaints of the reporters.
  134. >Well, fuck you too, buddy.
  135. >You eventually end up in the very front, with a guard blocking your path.
  136. >Soon enough, you can hear the whistle of the train.
  137. >A quite regal-looking train stops, much to the excitement of the reporters.
  138. >You can see Princess Celestia walking up the open path.
  139. >She soon spots you.
  140. >It wasn’t that hard.
  141. >You were at least a head taller than the most ponies here.
  142. >”Anonymous! I did not expect you to be here. Come here!” Celestia motions you to her side.
  143. >The reporters and the guard grunt in annoyance.
  144. >That’s right fuckers. Eat it up.
  145. >Some snap pictures, while most are scribbling notes.
  146. >There is a hiss on the train, and the door opens.
  147. >A pink Pegasus unicorn stands on the platform.
  148. >She has purple irises, with a multi coloured mane.
  149. >It is a wave of yellow, pink and purple.
  150. >She is wearing a grin on her face, and judging by her eye alignment, you can say it genuine.
  151. >She scans over her surroundings, taking in the sight.
  152. >Suddenly, Big Bang.
  153. >Lights everywhere.
  154. >Flashes run through the air, hitting Cadance straight in the face.
  155. >She winces, before regaining her composure.
  156. >She then spots you, among the lights.
  157. >You must look like Edward Cullen or something.
  158. >Blame Stephaneigh Nay-er.
  159. >”Ah, Cadance, nice to see you again, my beloved nephew.” Celestia readies her pony hug.
  160. >Cadance smiles before diving for the hug.
  161. >To your surprise, she passes Celestia, before reaching you.
  162. >She wraps around you tightly, laughing.
  163. >Great, now the flashes are on you.
  164. >You smile and hug back.
  165. >Fuck, you have no idea.
  166. >”It’s great to see you again, Anon.” She lets go, heading to give her aunt a hug.
  167. >You just stand there, like an idiot, but happy.
  168. >Then the three of you walk to the prepared carriage.
  169. >Fuck yeah, royalty.
  170. >You sit in the comfortable cushions in the carriage.
  171. >Oh lordy, you can get used to this.
  172.  
  173. >You are Cadance.
  174. >All these years.
  175. >You are coming back to Canterlot.
  176. >Back to your old home after seven years of studies.
  177. >Seven years, can you believe that?
  178. >And once again, you meet Anon.
  179. >Your old friend.
  180. >You hope he is wearing the jacket you sent to him last year.
  181. >So the train stops, and the hiss is heard.
  182. >The crowd is making quite a fuss.
  183. >You take a breath, before opening the door.
  184. >Blinding light slaps your face, but you stay calm.
  185. >You wince a bit, before readjusting.
  186. >You look around, spotting Celestia.
  187. >She saying something, and then you see him.
  188. >After all these years.
  189. >With all these lights, he looks like Edward Cullen.
  190. >Blame Stephaneigh Nay-er.
  191. >He is much taller now, with his dark hair of his.
  192. >He’s wearing a tie, a shirt- and
  193. >SQUEEEEEEE
  194. >Your gift!
  195. >He’s wearing it!
  196. >You rush to him right away, giving him a hug.
  197. >You laugh in delight, as you pull him closer.
  198. >You missed him so bad.
  199. >He replies the hug, holding you for a while.
  200. >You tell him on how you missed him.
  201. >He nods.
  202. >That’s… a good thing, right?
  203. >With all these lights, it’s perfect.
  204. >Then you remember you forgot your auntie.
  205. >Oh, the awkwardness.
  206.  
  207. >Back to Anon.
  208. >You glance over to Cadance, who seems to be enthralled to be talking with Celestia.
  209. >She insisted sitting next to you.
  210. >You are truly taken back on how she changed so much, she looks-
  211. >Well, gorgeous.
  212. >Okay, that is the last comment you will make about pony beauty.
  213. >You can actually smell the roses on her.
  214. >Like the letter.
  215. >You stare into the window, distanced.
  216. >”So, Anon.” Celestia calls.
  217. >You turn, surprised.
  218. >”Say something to Cadance.” Celestia laughs, before glancing between the two of you.
  219. >”Well,” You turn to see your old friend.
  220. >She looks to you expectantly.
  221. >The way her snout is pointing downwards, the way that her eye looks up to you, the way her mane flows around her head-
  222. >You pause, not realizing you’ve been staring.
  223. >She’s staring back at you, seeing something you don’t.
  224.  
  225. >Celestia is just holding back her laughs.
  226.  
  227. >You smile stupidly, and scratch the back of your head.
  228. >”Haha, well, you look… great! Good to have you again, Cadance.” You extend your hand.
  229. >She smiles ever so softly to you, before taking your offer.
  230. >She lets her soft hoof into your hand, and giving you a small shake.
  231.  
  232. >”Anon. You’re blushing.”
  233. >A ball hits your head.
  234. >”And you’ve been staring at that wall for hours.”
  235. >Shiny bounces another ball at you.
  236. >You don’t feel anything.
  237.  
  238. >”OH. I get it.” Shiny leans in closer.
  239. >”Looks like Anon is falling for a mare.”
  240. >You wake at the statement.
  241. >”What? Me? Anonymous the Human?”
  242. >Shiny crosses his legs.
  243. >”Yeah, definitely. Anon, congratulations.”
  244. >You slump down.
  245. >Shiiiiiiiiit.
  246. >Looks like the Minotaur had burrito dinner again.
  247. >Some amount of shit here.
  248. >Insane amount.
  249. >You never thought…
  250. >Ah, you were always insensitive at this.
  251. >”This can’t happen!” You lay on your bed, defeated.
  252. >”Oh come on, Anon. Don’t be a filly. That rock of a heart started beating, and you want to take it back to a cave and crush it with a rock.”
  253. >”Fuck off, Shiny.”
  254. >You can’t believe he just referenced ‘Windigo Town’.
  255. >”Hey, watch your mouth, young man.”
  256. >A knock is heard on the door.
  257. >Mom is there, looking awfully happy.
  258. >”Anon, your friend is here…”
  259. >As you pass, you can swear you heard your mother whisper ‘Good catch’.
  260. >You grunt at your pony mother.
  261. >You head out to the door, to see Cadance, by the door steps.
  262. >She is looking around, taking in the surroundings once again.
  263. >She then spots you, still in your outfit.
  264. >”Hey.” She mutters, trying to make eye contact.
  265. >”Hi.” You mutter, half- raising you hand.
  266. >You walk down the stairs, meeting Cadance by the door.
  267. >”Would you like to come in?” You say, motioning her.
  268. >”That would be great, Anon.”
  269. >She smiles at you, and enter you humble abode.
  270. >What the fuck is happening to your brain.
  271. >She sits on a couch, looking about.
  272. >And then, your savior comes.
  273. >Twilight.
  274. >She runs into the living room, making air plane noises.
  275. >You are so proud.
  276. >She then stops and looks at Cadance, before smiling and running to her.
  277. >She then traces her eyes to you, and then back and forth.
  278. >And then, your savior becomes the devil.
  279. >”So, are you Anon’s marefriend? About time.”
  280. >TWILIGHT HOW COULD YOU
  281. >Cadance blushes at the statement.
  282. >She ruffles Twilight’s mane, smiling to her.
  283. >”You’re Twilight, right?”
  284. >”Yep! Anon’s best sister!”
  285. >And also the only.
  286. >Cadance smiles, taking the filly in her forelegs.
  287. >”Sure, you are, Twilight.”
  288. >She holds the small filly, cradling her.
  289. >”Hey! I’m not a bwa-by!” Twilight protests, but her size is too small to betray her words.
  290. >Cadance laughs, still holding Twilight.
  291. >You don’t like being ignored, so you just chime in.
  292. >You crouch by the couch, helping Cadance hold Twilight.
  293. >You don’t even realize how close you are to Cadance.
  294. >”Wow, so this is what it feels like to be dad.” You whisper.
  295. >Twilight giggles happily, while Cadance is quiet.
  296. >OH SHIT GRIFFA WHAT
  297. >You then realize your mistake.
  298. >You recoil, blushing badly.
  299. >Cadance backs away as well, blushing.
  300.  
  301. >”Uhhhh” Shiny Armor is just standing on the staircase, watching.
  302. >”Don’t mind me.” He snickers before running into the kitchen.
  303.  
  304. >Shit, you dun goofed.
  305. >You look at Cadance, who has been silent.
  306. >”Uhm, I don’t mean it in that way and-“
  307. >”Of course you mean it- she’s your marefriend!” Twilight shouts from the bottom.
  308. >Thanks for the save, Twilight.
  309. >Cadance lets Twilight down, before backing up.
  310. >”I gotta go.” She flies to the door, almost fleeing.
  311. >You are just sitting there, wondering.
  312. >”Well?” You look down to your sister. “Aren’t you going to get her?”
  313. >Fuck you Twilight.
  314. >But good plan.
  315. >You run outside right away.
  316. >You can catch Cadance trotting off to the park.
  317. >If you run you can probably-
  318. >JUST SHUT UP AND DRIVE
  319.  
  320. >”Cadance!” You call from her back.
  321. >When you catch up to her, you are out of your breath.
  322. >You need more exercise.
  323. >You let out some tired gasps, before ending it with a big ‘Whew’
  324. >”Hey, sorry about Twilight.”
  325. >She nods, still not facing you.
  326. >”Let me make it up.”
  327. >She mechanically turns to you.
  328. >”How about-“
  329. >You feel a cold slap to your face.
  330. >Is this- mud?
  331. >You wipe off the mud on your face, and stare at her questioningly.
  332. >She gives you a playful smile, and lifts several hundreds of mud shots.
  333. >”Anything, huh?”
  334. >You were into skin care, but not that much.
  335. >You prepare your own magic, ready to fight fire with fire.
  336. >”Anything.” You reply, with a smirk.
  337. >She can’t best you.
  338. >Because you ARE the best.
  339. >”All for the old times’ sake?”
  340. >Then you have a flashback.
  341. >That first time you met Cadance.
  342. >”Bring it, Pegacorn.” You smile.
  343.  
  344. >That day, the entire park was leveled.
  345. >Mud, mud everywhere.
  346. >But more importantly, you.
  347. >You had mud everywhere.
  348. >This shit ain’t good.
  349. >Cadance is once again, trotting on top of your mud pile, declaring her victory.
  350. >Oh, she is going down.
  351.  
  352. >Literally.
  353.  
  354. >You jump out of the pile, grabbing your enemy.
  355. >The two of you slide down the pile, both screaming and laughing.
  356. >You find yourself over the pony, looking down.
  357. >You use your arms to bring yourself up, before realizing how suggestive your position is.
  358. >Cadance was already blushing, so you got off like a Griffon.
  359. >”Whew.” You blow a whistle, still tired.
  360. >”Yeah.” Cadance replies, her mane all over the mud.
  361. >”Just like old times?”
  362. >”Just like old times.”
  363. >You smile and gasp for more air.
  364.  
  365. >After you fixed all your mess, you decided to rest under your favorite tree.
  366. >Just watching the skies.
  367. >Cadance joins you, still tired after that little war.
  368. >It’s getting dark, which was great.
  369. >You liked watching sunsets.
  370. >”Someday, huh?”
  371. >”Absolutely, Anon.”
  372. >”How was it for you?”
  373. >She rubs her chin, thinking.
  374. >”It was great. After MY victory.”
  375. >”Heresy.”
  376. >The two of you sit in silence, as the sun goes down.
  377. >You whistle, which evoked a response from the bird above.
  378. >You smile and hold out your finger, where a small canary landed.
  379. >It sang back, while you whistled in tune.
  380. >Cadance hummed along, before a bee landed on her snout.
  381. >She smiled and blew it away, and continued humming.
  382.  
  383. >You sigh, it’s sunset time, and you get you enjoy it with your old friend.
  384. >Maybe- More than friends?
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