Hello. My name is Zachary Hinchliffe. I am a 19-year-old male living in Lafayette, LA.

My mother and I have always fought my entire life. I love her, but I can never seem to catch a break from her. All our arguments invariably end with the resolution that my actions are inappropriate and I should have better control over my emotions. I have been trying my hardest to meet her standards. For nineteen long years, I have tried to meet her standards. I just can't. She has always played a card she's liked to call "distortd perception", talking about how I percieve arguments in a natural bias towards myself and conveniently forget everything bad I did and make up bad things she did. Only now am I starting to believe that it may actually be the other way around, and she's been using that as an excuse, however subconsciously, to remain on top and be "right". But whatever it is, I just can't handle it anymore.

Take earlier today, for example. I walked out into the living room. I asked my dad if he had sent a package (last week he had promised to send it for me, after he forgot when he initially offered). He forgot. I expressed a, what I consider to be legitimate, a feeling of disappointment and maybe even a bit of frustration (a sigh, a slap of my hand against my leg, and a "Daaaaad!"). Mom took the opportunity to tell me I should have just done it myself. Of course, my natural reaction was to say that dad had already forgotten once and "promised" me he'd send it a week ago. I was not angry at him for this, nor am I now; I was just disappointed. Mom, again, is like "if you want something to be different, change it!" I lost it at that point, talking about how I'd love to move out if I had the means. She of course says that the only thing that bothers her is that I come out and throw hissy fits, and then told me about how much I "overreacted" when first coming into the living room; when I said I wasn't mad at Dad, she didn't believe me, and had that aforementioned "you have a distorted perception" attitude going, at least implicitly.

Of course, this ignores the fact that I have no source of income and severely impaired vision, as well. I do not know how to take care of myself. Now, yes, I have Asperger's Syndrome, but I refuse to blame my Asperger's Syndrome for being functionally "behind the curve"; many people with the disorder tend to do this and, frankly, give people with it a bad name. There is no good excuse for me not being able to make my own way in the world right now. But, as much as it's embarassing, I don't have the life skills required at the moment, and that's that. So I'm pretty much stuck at my family's house for now. But I don't know what to do anymore. If I knew how to take care of myself, I really would move out. I can't leave Lafayette due to other things going on in my life right now, but I would move out. I can't drive, see well, or support myself very well, but at this point I would rather live in a dumpster.

My father has always been a much more reasonable person than this. But I never, ever, ever get any defense from him. When my mother gets angry at me, and he's around, I'm acting "irresponsibly" and "inappropriately". But if he's not around, sometimes I try to talk to him about these issues. But then he never approaches her about it, or does anything to try to act in my defense. I love him so much, but he's never, ever stood up for me. And god, that hurts.

These problems, of course, are exacerbated by my mom's intense work schedule. She's been extremely stressed lately (though understandably so), and I think that's reflecting in how she seems to be getting on my case about increasingly minute things. But it really does feel like it's being taken out on me.

I can't believe I'm typing this. I never thought I would actually be typing something where I've felt something about our relationship other than me being a terrible person and causing all her problems. But, frankly, I've lived my entire life with the idea that I'm not being a good enough son to my parents, and, honestly, I'm starting to believe my parents aren't good enough to me.