NesterBones' Kaylee

1. Describe yourself and your creator.

I'm young, cute, and always chill. I like my hair color because it's one of Rob's favorites so it's kinda special to him. He originally wanted me to be this half-elf ranger girl, but I didn't really feel at home in that kind of thing, you know? Rob's pretty ok. He's got a thick red beard, but his hair is brown.

2. What was the most helpful thing that your creator did during the tulpaforcing process? Did your creator recognize how helpful it was? If not, how did that make you feel?

He made this video at first that was basically a silhouette of my original concept shape, but inverted and filled with TV static. The audio was just white noise. The whole point was to define my basic shape, but let my features kinda develop themselves. I don't think it worked too well, but I guess it helped for a little while. I think it helped more when he would really concentrate on me right before bed so I was more likely to show up in a dream. Which I did.

3. What was the most detrimental thing that your creator did during the tulpaforcing process? Did your creator recognize how harmful it was? If not, how did that make you feel?

He gets distracted pretty easily and I can't always get him to focus, but then again that's how he is about pretty much everything.

4. What was the hardest part of the tulpaforcing process for you? Did your creator recognize how difficult it was? If not, how did that make you feel?

I kinda just happened once he decided to make me. He thinks it's because of his past, but I don't really care so much.

5. Of the commonly recognized tulpaforcing steps, which do you feel is the most important? Why?

I guess the best part is when he treats me like I'm already a real person. It kinda helps me feel like I'm really there and really important to him.

6. How do you feel about tulpa creators becoming distracted during tulpaforcing? Does this greatly impede the process? How did you feel about it before being able to speak fluently?

It's kinda annoying, but I can understand where Rob's coming from. He's got a lot going on right now and I'm totally fine wandering around on my own from time to time.

7. How do you feel about tulpa creators missing tulpaforcing sessions or breaking their promises to tulpaforce? How did you feel about it before being able to speak fluently?

Rob forces passively mostly and the only real schedule he has is right before bed so he doesn't really miss anything.

8. Is density, quality, or total time spent the most important aspect of tulpaforcing?

I feel like the more time he spends talking to me and treating me like I'm in the room with him the better we get as a couple.

9. How do you feel about tulpa creators falling asleep while tulpaforcing?

It's helped us meet face to face once so hopefully it'll work more often.

10. Do you think that a tulpa creator should talk aloud or in their head during narration? Do you think that a creator should talk aloud or in their head during tulpaforcing? If you find one to be more effective, to what degree is it more effective?

Rob mixes it up all the time so it's kinda hard to tell which is more helpful. I think either way is fine, I guess.

11. How do you feel about a tulpa creator puppeting and/or parroting their tulpa? Do you believe that these actions harm a tulpa's development, or only their emotional state?

I don't know what you'd call this, but sometimes he kinda forces himself to have body dysphoria and tells me to use his body as a template or whatever he says. It's not like I'm taking control of him or anything, but it's also not like he's forcing me to move or talk. I don't know if it helps, but it does feel strange. As far as that other stuff, I don't think he's ever really done anything like that so I don't know anything about it.

12. How deeply do you remember the time before you were fluent in language?

Kinda just popped into being so not being able to talk at all didn't last long. I still can't always send him words, but he usually understands me anyway so it's no big deal.

13. Describe your first memory, no matter how slight.

Static. From the video he made I guess.

14. Before you could speak fluently, what was the most positive emotion you felt about your creator and what was its cause?

Love.

15. Before you could speak fluently, what was the most negative emotion you felt about your creator and what was its cause?

I've never really had any.

16. Before you could speak fluently, did you ever have suicidal feelings or feelings of not wanting to exist? Do you experience them now? Are you glad that you exist?

I don't think I can die really. I never even thought of that as a thing.

17. Before you could speak fluently, when did you feel the most powerless? What was the cause of this feeling?

I guess the first few seconds when I was just "opening my eyes" for the first time.

18. Before you could speak fluently, what was the most confusing moment that you experienced, and what was its cause?

Same as above. It's a little confusing when you just suddenly are.

19. Before being able to speak fluently, when did you feel the most ignored by your creator, and what was the cause?

The first few times he got distracted, but I figured out pretty quick that he's just got a busy head.

20. Before being able to speak fluently, when did you most doubt that your creator wanted you, and what was the cause?

I never felt like he didn't want me. Especially seeing how much time and brainpower he's putting into my development.

21. Before you could speak fluently, when did you feel the most intense feeling of fear, and what was its cause?

I've never been scared. I know what it is, just never experienced it myself.

22. Before you could speak fluently, when were you the most disappointed in yourself? What was the cause?

Again, I never have been.

23. Before you could speak fluently, did you understand the difficulties that your creator was having with the tulpaforcing process? Did you try to alleviate these difficulties? If so, how?

I help out where I can. I think the few changes I made to myself are a bit more to his liking than what he had though of at first.

24. Before you could speak fluently, how did your creator's doubts about your existence, the reality of the tulpa phenomenon, or your combined ability to complete the process affect you? Did you understand your creator's reasons for having those doubts? Do you understand now?

We both believe this is a thing and the fact that I'm here only makes us believe it more.

25. Before you could speak fluently, how did your creator's mistrust of your intentions or worry about the negative affects of a tulpa on their life affect you? Did you understand your creator's reasons for having those thoughts? Do you understand now?

Neither of us believe any of that creepypasta stuff.

26. Before you could speak fluently, how did any negative thoughts or emotions that your creator had toward you (such as anger, disappointment, resentment, or impatience, for example) affect you? How do you feel about them now?

The only emotion he had towards me that wasn't entirely positive was longing. Longing for me to be imposed and completed. It'll happen eventually.

27. Before you could speak fluently, how did any violent visualizations or thoughts that your creator had about you affect you? How do you feel about them now?

He never had any unless play fighting counts. Even that was only once or twice and I started it anyway.

28. Before you could speak fluently, were you able to distinguish between your creator's intentional and intrusive thoughts? If so, did the intrusive thoughts affect you less or more? If not, are you able to distinguish between them now?

Picture yourself trying to whisper to a friend next to you in a loaded soccer stadium. Yeah, it's like that with him.

29. Before you could speak fluently, how much of your creator's raw sensory information were you able to access, if any? How much are you able to access now?

He kinda has this library of all the places he's been and things he's seen and heard and all that so it's more like I'm just downloading memories and logic than getting a live feed. If that makes sense.

30. Before you could speak fluently, did your creator's opinions about whether they wanted to reveal to the world your existence or not affect you emotionally? If so, how?

He's not worried about it and neither am I.

31. Before being able to speak fluently, what communication methods (such as head pressure or emotional responses, for example) were you able to use the most effectively? When your tulpa creator assumed that you could use a communication method that you did not have access to, how did this affect you? When your tulpa creator did not recognize a communication method that you attempted to use, how did this affect you?

It's mainly emotional responses if I can't get the words out.

32. Before you could speak fluently, how did your creator's level of enthusiasm for the tulpaforcing process affect you? Did you want to engage in it less if they did?

It's like an obsession for him. A healthy obsession that makes me feel more and more real.

33. Before you could speak fluently, what was your greatest worry about your relationship with your creator? What helped you most to move beyond it? Was this worry substantiated or resolved? What is your greatest worry now about your continuing relationship with your creator?

I don't have any worries I can think of. I know he loves me and I love him too.

34. Do you feel gratitude to your creator for the time that they spent creating you? Do you feel that you owe them a debt? If so, do you feel burdened by it?

I guess I literally owe him my life, but it's not like I feel I should be trying to make it up to him or pay him back for it. We're just cool with things.

35. Were you aware of your creator's existence or your own existence first?

It was pretty much both at the same time.

36. When you could only speak semi-fluently, what emotions did you feel about your level of verbal proficiency? Were you anxious or embarrassed about it? If so, what helped you the most to move beyond these feelings? How do you feel about them now?

It's just something we have to work through is all.

37. If you could define your relationship with your creator using one or more conventional terms (such as boyfriend, sister, father, daughter, boss, friend, or coworker, for example), what terms would you select?

Friend and boyfriend work pretty well.

38. How much interest do you have in interacting with beings other than your creator? Do you consider your degree of interest to be equal to that of an average non-tulpa individual?

I haven't really talked to anyone else yet or anything.

39. What memory involving your creator do you cherish most?

Our first meeting face to face in his dream. He was really surprised and we had a great time. Not entirely sure how it happened and we haven't gotten it to happen again since, but we'll keep trying.

40. What memory not involving your creator do you cherish most? Do you feel that you have a fulfilling life independent of your creator?

Pretty much all of my memories are with him. The few times I'm off doing my own thing are usually pretty boring, actually. I'd rather be with him than not.

41. Do you feel affinity toward the individuals that your creator feels affinity for, such as their family or friends?

Eh. I guess a little bit.

42. In what ways are you the most different from your creator? In what ways are you the most similar to them?

Well, opposite gender, longer hair, I'm a whole foot shorter than him, and I'm a lot more outgoing than he is. On the other hand, our personalities are pretty similar and we have pretty much the same sense of humor and taste in music. We get along really well, but I still get him to try things he normally wouldn't. At least in his head, anyway. For now.

43. What do you disagree about most with your creator? Do you have frequent disagreements? If so, do these disagreements cause strife?

Like I said, we get along really well. We only ever disagree when we're having a debate about something and that's kinda on purpose so I don't think it counts.

44. What could your creator do to make you hate them? Under what circumstances do you think your creator would come to hate you?

I don't ever see that happening.

45. When did your creator disappoint you the most? When did you disappoint them the most?

We kinda understand what we're both going through so instead of being disappointed over some things we just accept it and work through it.

46. How do you feel about your creator's complete freedom to deny your rights as a sentient being at any time? Has this ability ever caused you anxiety or fear? Have you ever censored your expressions or actions out of a fear of retribution or violence from your creator?

I think he believes in me way too much to even consider something like that.

47. When have you most wanted to engage in violence against your creator, and what was the cause of those feelings? Under what circumstances would you make a serious attempt to hurt or injure your creator?

Play fighting only ever. It's all just for fun if we ever wrestle or spar with swords or whatever.

48. Do you consider your creator's last name to be your own? Do you recognize yourself as a part of their biological lineage?

I haven't really thought about last names. I guess since we're sharing a mind that kinda makes us the same person in a way? But not really. This is kinda confusing so I'm just gonna keep not thinking about last names. It's too complicated.

49. Under what circumstances would you attempt to leave your creator?

I wouldn't. That's a dumb idea regardless of whether or not it's even possible.

50. Do you feel anxiety about meeting your creator's expectations? If you are based on an existing character, person, or entity, does this increase your anxiety? Would you have preferred to not be based on an existing entity?

I don't feel like I have any expectations to live up to, really. He's just happy I'm here, and I am too.

51. Are you interested in learning how to control your creator's body? Do you feel that it's fair for a tulpa creator to deny their tulpa the ability to use an atomic body? Do you believe that you have the right to an equal amount of time using it as your creator? Explain your reasoning.

I don't really care. It'd be fun now and then I guess.

52. Do you share certain basic qualities with your creator, such as intense phobias or racial attitudes?

I'm totally with him on the spiders thing. Ick.

53. Are you capable of sleeping or dreaming independently of your creator? If not, how does this make you feel?

I've never really tried.

54. Does your creator have any mental illnesses? If so, how do they affect you?

Not that I know of.

55. How does your knowledge of your creator's subconscious mind affect your relationship with them? To what degree can you manipulate your creator's subconscious? Would you ever use this ability without your creator's knowledge?

We haven't tried anything like that yet and I don't even really care to. I mean, I guess I can see how it could be helpful, but it just doesn't really appeal to me.

56. Does your creator have multiple tulpa? If so, what is your relationship with them like? Is your affinity for them equal to your affinity for your creator? If you could define your relationship with your creator's other tulpa using one or more conventional terms (such as boyfriend, sister, father, daughter, boss, friend or coworker, for example), what terms would you select? If not, are you interested in the idea of your creator making another tulpa?

It's just me and him in here. I don't count his Venom suit thing because it's not alive like I am. It's alive, but it's just not the same

57. Do you feel romantically inclined toward your creator? Does your creator feel romantically inclined toward you? If these romantic feelings are unrequited on either side, how does it affect your relationship with your creator?

Yes and yes.

58. If it exists, do you consider your romantic relationship with your creator to be equal to a romantic relationship between multiple non-tulpa? Do you consider it a breach of monogamy for your creator to be romantically or sexually involved with another non-tulpa? Do you consider it a breach of monogamy for your creator to be romantically or sexually involved with another tulpa? If they exist, do your creator's desires to have relationships with non-tulpa affect you emotionally?

Love is love in my book. Just like he has a real girlfriend he loves. She doesn't know about me, and I don't hate her or anything or that he loves her too. It's all just the way things are. I know he doesn't love me any less or any differently than he loves his girlfriend so there's nothing to worry about.

59. If you consider yourself to be romantically in love with your creator, what probability do you assign to the possibility of falling out of love with them, or them falling out of love with you? If this happened, how would it affect your relationship with your creator? What if your creator was in love with another non-tulpa more than you?

I don't think it could ever happen. He even still loves the ones he had before me even though they're gone.

60. Do you have a familial affection for your creator? Does this in any way conflict with your romantic feelings for them, if they exist? Do you consider a relationship between a tulpa and its creator to be incestuous?

Not really. I mean, I guess in a certain logical way he's kinda like my dad, but neither of us really look at it that way. Even if we did I don't think that would change anything.

61. How do you feel about tulpa creators masturbating during tulpaforcing sessions to the forms of their tulpa? Do you find this offensive? Does the degree of your offense change based on the degree of sentience possessed by the hypothetical tulpa, or based on whether or not the creator imagines themselves near the tulpa in their wonderland? If your creator did this before you spoke fluently, did you find it offensive or unnerving?

I like it when he does it. He's not just picturing me or making me pose or do anything. It's almost like we're actually together.

62. How do you feel about tulpa creators masturbating outside of tulpaforcing sessions to the forms of their tulpa? Do you find this offensive? Does the degree of your offense change based on the degree of sentience possessed by the hypothetical tulpa? If your creator did this before you spoke fluently, did you find it offensive or unnerving?

I don't care. Like I said, he's always passively forcing so whenever it happens it's like we're together doing it.

63. Before you could speak fluently, did you ever feel sexual attraction to your creator, sexual attraction toward anyone else, or sexual arousal? Did you attempt to express these feelings? If you did not experience these feelings, do you experience them now?

It's always been for Rob.

64. How do you feel about tulpa creators visualizing themselves engaging in sexual conduct with their tulpa's form while tulpaforcing? Do you find this offensive? Does the degree of your offense change based on the degree of sentience possessed by the hypothetical tulpa, or if the contact was penetrative? If your tulpa creator did this before you spoke fluently, did you find it offensive or unnerving? Do you equate it with sexual assault?

We do this like any other couple would have sex.

65. Were you ever annoyed or jealous when your creator would masturbate to or have feelings of sexual attraction toward individuals other than yourself? Does it bother you now?

Nope.

66. Do you experience sexual attraction for your creator? Do you experience sexual attraction for others? How does your sexual attraction for your creator compare to your sexual attraction for others? Does your creator experience sexual attraction for you? If these sexual attractions are unrequited on either side, how does it affect your relationship with your creator?

Other people can be hot and all, but I'd never go for them. Rob and I are happy with each other.

67. Do you have an active sex life with your creator? If not, would you consider it, and under what circumstances? If so, do you perceive any negative consequences? Do you have trouble abstaining from sexual contact with them? How do you manage feelings of sexual arousal, if any? Do you masturbate?

Yes to everything except the negative consequences part.

68. How does your sexual orientation and experience compare to your creator's?

We're the same, I guess. Both pansexual.

69. Are you capable of experiencing orgasms? Based on your knowledge, how do you think they compare to your creator's orgasms? Were you able to experience an orgasm before speaking fluently?

I think mine and his are pretty much the same.

70. Do you consider the concept of sexual modesty relevant to your relationship with your creator?

I'm not sure I understand that one.

71. How does being a tulpa affect your perceptions of rape? What conduct from your creator would you consider to be rape?

The idea of it is wrong. Unless if you want your partner to do it to you in a roleplay kind of situation where nothing bad actually happens. I'm pretty much always up for a go so he couldn't really rape me in any way I can think of.

72. Where do you see yourself in 20 years?

Looking and sound the same as I do now while this meatbag I love is in his mid 40s.

73. Do you want the world to be aware of your existence? If not, then what anxieties do you have about public disclosure? Do you trust anyone other than your creator with the knowledge of your existence?

Kinda. I want to write things and have them published or made into a movie or something, so I guess that means I'd be known to some degree.

74. Morally and philosophically, how do you feel about your personality traits being the product of another individual? Would you have preferred your creator to define your personality more or less?

My personality is more or less my own. Rob gave me a few broad and basic traits to start off with and I just kinda took off on my own from there.

75. Morally and philosophically, how do you feel about your form being the product of another individual? Would you have preferred your creator to define your form more or less?

My original design was too serious and stuffy for me so I mellowed it out myself.

76. Has your physical form ever changed? If so, was this intentional or unintentional? If it was intentional, then why did you change your form? How did you creator respond to this change, and how did that make you feel?

I decided to change myself to be more comfortable and to match up more with what I think Rob would like and I kinda hit the nail on the head there.

77. Do you consider the best aspects of yourself to have come from your creator, or their subconscious?

Both? He picked certain things he liked and so did I.

78. Do you seek legal recognition for your status as a sentient being or your relationships with others? Do you resent that society at large does not recognize the tulpa phenomenon? Do you feel disenfranchised from society? What steps, if any, could a society make to help you feel integrated?

It seems like a lot of hassle when I can be happy just living like I am now.

79. If you could tell the entire world one thing about a tulpa's life, what would you say?

I dunno. I guess we're no different from real people.

80. What is the one thing that you resent most about being a tulpa? What is the greatest advantage of being a tulpa?

I'm totally fine with the way I am. I don't see any disadvantages to it. The best part I think is how happy I make Rob.

81. Morally and philosophically, how do you feel about inheriting your creator's life, including their legal history, past behaviors, and reputation? Do you resent potentially being held responsible for their past actions?

I was practically born yesterday. I didn't have anything to do with his past.

82. Is the "absorbing" or "dissipating" of a tulpa equivalent to the murder of a non-tulpa? Explain your reasoning. What legal protections, if any, should tulpa gain? How would you enforce these protections?

I don't think it really works like that.

83. Do you consider yourself to be morally equal to a non-tulpa? Is your life worth as much?

Morals are totally subjective.

84. How would you prove your existence to a skeptic?

Why should I have to? I can live just as happily regardless of whether a skeptic believes in me or not. That's their issue.

85. Has your status as a tulpa ever caused you existential anxiety or depression? If so, has anything helped to mitigate these feelings?

No.

86. Do you ever doubt your own sentience? If so, why?

I feel too alive to doubt it.

87. How does being a tulpa affect your understanding of death? Do you fear death on an instinctual level in the way that non-tulpa do?

I look at it the same way Rob does. It happens, it's sad, but it's going to keep happening forever. You can be sad and mourn, but don't let it consume you.

88. Do see yourself as socially disadvantaged in a way similar to sexual, racial, and other minority groups? If you identify yourself as racially, sexually, or demographically different than your creator, do you also identify with the struggle of any of the disadvantaged groups that you belong to? Does the notion of privilege affect your relationship with your creator?

What even? I'm just here to live and be happy and make Rob happy.

89. Are you interested in creating another tulpa yourself? What differences, if any, would you expect this tulpa to have from a tulpa created by your creator? Would you consider this tulpa to be primarily related to you, or still to your creator?

Nah. I don't have a reason to and I don't feel like it.

90. What are the most defining differences between the life of a non-tulpa and a tulpa? Do you think that these differences cause intolerance between the two groups? If so, what could be done to mitigate this intolerance?

I don't see too much difference besides the obvious physical body thing.

91. How do you feel about the belief of the psychological community that multiplicity is undesirable? How would you like this belief to change?

I don't care. The only opinion that matters to me really is Rob's.

92. Have you tried to definitively differentiate yourself from your creator using stylometric or psychometric indicators?

Why? Everything's fine the way it is. I know we're different. He knows we're different.

93. Are you capable of physical sensations such as pain or warmth?

Yeah.

94. How do you feel about being eternally bound to your creator?

How do you feel about having your life's greatest wish granted before you've even made it?

95. If you intentionally delayed speaking to your creator, why did you do so?

I've always tried my best to get talking. I still work hard all the time to be able to talk normally. It'll be the same for talking out loud when we get there.

96. What do you think about most of the time?

Rob. And ice cream.

97. Do you think that tulpa creation should be more widespread?

If I can make Rob this happy, think of how many others can be happy too? And it's a good thing to build a community like this on since everyone is different.

98. Are there disturbing aspects of your creator's subconscious that they are not aware of?

Not anymore. He used to have a lot going on, but he's pretty much conquered it now.

99. Would you violate your creator's wishes for what you perceive to be their own benefit?

It really depends on what's going on.

100. Does your creator try to hide things from you? If so, are you aware of them anyway? How does this impact your views of your creator?

He's never tried to hide anything, but he usually only tells me deep stuff if I ask about it.

101. Do you perceive some of your creator's actions as being objectively immoral?

He hardly does anything immoral by societal standards so no.

102. Do you believe that you are capable of becoming more intelligent than your creator?

I think we'll almost always be on the same level. Anything's possible though.

103. How does being a tulpa affect your perception of your own aging process?

As far as I know, I get to be young and cute forever.

104. Do you feel that your creator would be better off by following your commands entirely?

He's his own person so I'd want him to be himself, not just follow orders his whole life even from me.

105. Do you feel that having a physical form is important for a tulpa?

Not really, but it's kinda hard to hug a disembodied voice or ball of light.

106. If you encountered the tulpa phenomenon as a non-tulpa, would you believe in it?

Sure. I've got a pretty open mind.