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You awaken in Westeros Quest MK1 – Review by CosmicWatcher

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Aug 11th, 2016
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  1. By: CosmicWatcher !118LTnv3DE
  2. Originally posted: 29.07.2016
  3. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------
  4.  
  5. YOU AWAKEN IN WESTEROS QUEST MK 1 REVIEW
  6.  
  7. THE GIST:
  8.  
  9. This is just a review of the Velo part of the quest before Trick took over and before Velo made a comeback. This is everything up to and including the Velo-ing.
  10.  
  11. We all know that this quest isn't going to be remembered for the actual quest itself but for the memes and for Velo and for what he did. There's just not that much outside of that.
  12.  
  13. We play as a high school drama student that's magically transported into the world of Game of Thrones. We engage in lot of really boring wish fulfillment. The characters are hollow. The interactions are dry. The choices are inconsequential. The threats are easily dealt with. The plot is meandering and dull. Nothing about the world we're in seems to effect the character beyond a full superficial elements. There's no awe or sense of adventure or emotional content.
  14.  
  15. Its not a good quest.
  16.  
  17. LET'S TALK ABOUT WISH FULFILLMENT
  18.  
  19. Now lets be honest. There's nothing wrong with a waifu quest or a "you wake up in the setting quest" or a godmode quest. There really isn't. You want to be the little girl you be the little girl. You want to stand on top of Castle Greyskull and shout I HAVE THE WAIFUUUUUU you go right ahead.
  20.  
  21. Quests are about having an entertaining time with a group of anons online. I myself have done (and still do) embarrassing wish fulfillment quests.
  22.  
  23. What I'm saying is I'm not going to slam a quest for wish fulfillment.
  24.  
  25. I'm going to slam a quest for being poorly written and boring wish fulfillment. Especially when it attracts an incredible number of players who love it so much that they hold it up as a shining example of good questing. Especially when its players beg its QM to come back and write after he sticks a knife in their back.
  26.  
  27. What I'm saying is sit down and buckle the fuck up.
  28.  
  29. ------------------------
  30.  
  31.  
  32. WE AWAKEN IN WESTEROS
  33.  
  34. We wake up Westeros. We're Velo/A scrawny 18 year old high schooler drama kid named Isaac. We wake up ass naked in a park because this is GOT and if you aren't naked you're either sitting in a throne plotting or covered in blood.
  35.  
  36. Now I'm not a GOT person. I know about as much about it as a casual knows about comic books. I guess the appeal is that its a violent sexy Machiavellian fantasy story. That's not for me.
  37.  
  38. And so you might be thinking "the quest isn't for you. It's for people that know and love GOT". Okay. I can dig it. But wasn't GOT kind of dark and "realistic"?
  39.  
  40. An 18 year old drama kid couldn't survive being dropped naked in Detroit. And I would hope a gritty medieval fantasy would be at least comparable to Detroit in terms of danger.
  41.  
  42. The quest is filled with posts describing plans to use our character's knowledge of GOT to become rich and powerful before we get clothes. I think the prioritizes in this quest are obvious.
  43.  
  44. GROUND RULES
  45.  
  46. After getting dressed we have some ground rules laid out. We will be using the book continuity, but all characters will be aged up to show levels because oh dear god no.
  47.  
  48. You have to be 18 to post on 4chan. I think a character should have to be 18 before they can be in a quest.
  49.  
  50. BREAKFAST CLUB CHARACTER GENERATION
  51.  
  52. We get to decide our character's background and skillset a few posts in. Velo decides the name and personality.
  53.  
  54. Again, priorities.
  55.  
  56. We're given our choice between dumb jock smart nerd boring boyscout or random 4chan user.
  57.  
  58. People vote for the dumb jock. But suddenly Velo introduces a drama kid character class. And suddenly people start voting for it.
  59.  
  60. Quite suddenly.
  61.  
  62. DRAMA CLASS BEST CLASS
  63.  
  64. Would you believe we picked the OP class?
  65.  
  66. We decide to join the guard because we know taking wounds in an realistic medieval setting will in no way impact our life expectancy. Nor will sleeping in barracks with guys that don't bathe regularly.
  67.  
  68. You know you have to take shots before you go south of the equator because of disease? And now we're going to hang out and sweat and get wounded with people that don't bathe.
  69.  
  70. But disease is probably not something we have to worry about. Our drama powers give us an amazing Force Sensitivity and subconsciousness I bet it boosts our immune system.
  71.  
  72. Don't believe me?
  73.  
  74. The captain of the guard thinks we're a panty waist because we are and tells us to go home. We respond with a Jedi Mind Trick.
  75.  
  76. "You stare him in the eye with an intensity that visibly shocks him, modern social awareness giving you an audacity these people aren't used to"
  77.  
  78. Did he just check his muscle privilege? What the fuck even just happened?
  79.  
  80. No. Think about this in your head. What just happened? You have this scrawny modern kid stare at a grizzled fantasy warrior and somehow shock him.
  81.  
  82. Picture the moment in your head. That moment is the distillation of fantasy wish fulfillment.
  83.  
  84. -cont
  85.  
  86.  
  87. So now we got to fight the captain of the guard and assume an "awkward stance" because the most experience we ever got with a sword was when the drama club did the climax of Hamlet.
  88.  
  89. We were probably Gertrude.
  90.  
  91. Guess what happens? We roll a 1D100 and get a 75.
  92.  
  93. A 75 lets us disarm him.
  94.  
  95. Even before Velo starts writing people are calling us a secret sword master and "Loris' hidden sword champion".
  96.  
  97. On a 75.
  98.  
  99. We would have probably dodged the blade, flipped over him, and cut his trousers off with a "pff noting personal old timer" if we had a 90. A 100 would have had us spawn a dark katana in our hand.
  100.  
  101. So we're now in the guard. Which means we now get to learn how to fight. After beating the captain of the guard.
  102.  
  103. PLAYING WITH THE BOYS
  104.  
  105. Our companions include Jerro whose character is that he's 14, Garret whose character is that he has red hair, and "Boar" whose character is that he's a bore.
  106.  
  107. We get some text blocks about training and training and no character development because that implies interpersonal interactions and as Velo shows later that's not something he's comfortable with.
  108.  
  109. "You seemed to really enjoy sword play, weirdly reminiscent of the video game you played back home."
  110.  
  111. Oh kill me now.
  112.  
  113.  
  114. n spite of not being a seasoned veteran or even seeing battle we get our choice of where to be assigned during our "Day of Experience". We probably used our drama kid mind powers to influence some people.
  115.  
  116. We choose to be assigned as the personal guard of the royal family, primarily "Margery Tyrell" because waifus.
  117.  
  118. To his credit Velo says that we aren't the Praetorian guard. We'll be the pack mules for the actual armed guards.
  119.  
  120. But still. Still. Royal guard straight after bootcamp. In real life you have to have a bit more to just wear those hats outside Buckingham palace.
  121.  
  122. "The harshness of modern language seemed barbaric next to the poetic melody of her soft but loud speech."
  123.  
  124. Yeah. Is she like a half-elf or something? I'm not familiar with the setting.
  125.  
  126. We oggle Margery Tyrell and Velo amuses himself describing how beautiful and perfect she is. Our one interaction with our friends so far in the entire quest is nodding as Boar says he wants to put a baby in her cunt.
  127.  
  128. The anons slap themselves on the back for how clever and cool they are to have rolled a 75 and get on the royal guard. They're looking forward to where the quest is going.
  129.  
  130. A noble swordsman shows up and challenges us to a duel so we can kick his ass with our drama skills.
  131.  
  132. GETTING ON THE ROAD
  133.  
  134. We're assigned to guard the royal train to Stormcloud or whatever the city is called. We meet the handmaiden Elinor and say nothing to her.
  135.  
  136. Boar eats out a whore while we watch and get stiff. This has more description than our first meeting with Elinor who is later described as our best friend.
  137.  
  138. We discuss bettering ourselves by reading books. But not books on science. Because we already have know more than all their wise men do when it comes to engineering and science and technology.
  139.  
  140. The anons are not yet talking about steam engines and the industrial revolution but you see the seeds being planted.
  141.  
  142. Remember A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court?
  143.  
  144. Now instead of him being a charming polymath engineer imagine if he was a blank slate drama kid.
  145.  
  146. Yeah.
  147.  
  148. THE ONLY INTERESTING PART OF THE QUEST HAPPENED WHEN WE WERE IN BED
  149.  
  150. Then we fight an assassin. Guess what? We win.
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