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WhistlingFlame

Chapter 3 edits, part 2

Dec 6th, 2016
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  1. Skywarp crowed. Hoping to his feet in near boyish glee.
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  3. The second sentence is a fragment and should be combined with the first sentence. You're also missing a hyphen and misspelled a word. Change this to "Skywarp crowed, hopping to his feet in near-boyish glee."
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  5. Thundercracker asked with a disbelieving half laugh.
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  7. Another missing hyphen, change it to "half-laugh".
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  9. in all the millions of years
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  11. Extra space in between "millions" and "of".
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  13. “I'll lead the group,” Starscream interjected firmly, “and I say this because I have tricks up my sleeve – which I will reveal in due time,” he was not sure what tricks he would have, just that he would come up with something.
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  15. This is a run-on sentence. I suggest taking the last part "he was not sure what tricks he would have, just that he would come up with something." and making it its own sentence.
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  17. Then formulate another strategy or another idea of how to work around the problems presented.
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  19. This should be a question.
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  21. “If I can lay out a plan, you can follow them
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  23. You mixed singular (plan) and plural (them) here, you should pick one or the other. It should be either "“If I can lay out a plan, you can follow it" or "“If I can lay out plans, you can follow them".
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  25. Although, I am still trying to fathom Skywarp's usefulness in this, but I am sure there is more to him than I initially see.”
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  27. You missed a key place to say "more than meets the eye" there. ;)
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  29. That's it for now!
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