geist simon

"...So I'm sorry to say, after this vlog I'm going on an... an indefinite hiatus. Some real life stuff has come up. Haven't been feelin' very well, and I think y'all deserve me at my best, yeah?

Anyway, I look forward to hearing your thoughts about today's discussion. Be sure to comment and subscribe. See y'all."

He shut off the webcam, staring into the sightless black lens. He was alone but still felt like he was being stared at. Every one of his followers could see, as much as he tried to hide it, how sunken his face had become. Big black bags hung under his eyes. His voice had grown raspy, coughing every few sentences.

Sure, it would be easy enough to tell them that he'd just gotten a cold, but he knew the truth. This had been going on for weeks, and only getting worse.

And he'd already gotten the diagnosis telling him that he was going to die.

It was frustrating. On some level he was infuriated that he'd worked so hard, climbed up to some mild position of influence only for the sickness to slip it all away from him. Another part of him blamed himself, a constant assault of could-haves and should-haves. Yet another just wanted it to be over. The worry twisted his stomach even more than the illness did, tension forcing his throat closed when he thought about Ezra doting over him, desperately trying to prop up a dying body.

He still didn't know what he did to deserve someone like him.

It would be so easy to just disappear, he thought. So many content providers did just that, after all. He would stop posting and there would be some brief speculation on where he went and then everyone would move on. His own family had already forgotten him and he wasn't even dead yet. Why should so many random strangers get the privilege?

Nonetheless, he gave in. His entire career revolved around broadcasting the truth. He could at least show one last bit of loyalty to that.

He set up the webcam for the first time in two weeks, opening the recording software. It whirred to life, capturing the image of a face that he knew had to look like death.

He spoke, in a voice from a raw throat.

"Hey. I know I said I was gonna be on hiatus, but... well. I gotta be honest with y'all. You deserve it, after all this time supportin' my channel. This is gonna be a bit... informal. I apologize. But I think this needs to be said. For you... and for anyone else out there goin' through what I am.

"One month ago... I was diagnosed with HIV. I got on some treatments for it, but by the time I did it was... well, it was mostly too late. The worst of it had already started. The doctors... they say I don't got too much time left.

"I can't thank you enough for sticking with me for these two years since I started this vlog. That you've cared 'bout what I have to say and have supported me... It means so much. It's been such a great time, discussing these subjects, hearing your opinions, even the fights we've had... Thank you all so, so much.

"I know I've mentioned it a few times before, but... I grew up in the South. And there, it wasn't always easy bein... y'know, gay. And I know I've done a lot to not make that the topic of every vlog, but... I don't think it can really be avoided now. No matter who you are, where you came from... w-what your situation is, don't give up. As cliche as it is to say... it really does get better if you keep movin' forward. And don't... don't let anyone stop you. You deserve better than people steppin' all over you.

"And... for the love of God... take better care of yourself than I did.

"So... I guess that's it for this channel. Again, thank you so much for followin' me. And if you're just tunin' in now, please go back and watch my older videos. You... you deserve to see me in a better state than this...

"'Bye, everyone."

When he turned off the recording, his stomach ached. He was a mess, trying hard not to lose his composure even though he knows he'd failed halfway through. It was an awful video. But he knew that he really wouldn't be able to do better than this.

It took him almost two hours to get the nerve to post it, but he did. And it would be the last time he would visit his channel.

In this lifetime.

A week later, he'd let himself peacefully slip away in a hospital bed, his last feelings being deep relief that finally, it all was over.

And five minutes later, he jolted awake once again to the sound of fluttering, silky wings and a whisper of scripture. But the whispers were quickly drowned out by the shouts and declarations of 'miracle!' as the young man with AIDS returned to life, with not a trace of sickness in him.

The news travelled fast. And once he got the courage to look at his farewell video again, he could pinpoint the moment where the comments turned from condolences to the readers declaring he'd restored their faith in God.

This pleased his savior spirit greatly. But he just kind of wished he'd stayed dead.