HW 11/28/2021

1a. I engage in pseudolistening and insulated listening.  I think, sometimes, when something is important to a communication partner but unimportant to me, i pretend to listen, but will soon forget about whatever they tell me.  I should work on reflecting on information, even if it is unimportant to myself.

1b.  My problems are preoccupation and effort.  Sometimes, when things are happening to me, I just don’t feel up to meaningfully listen to others, at least before my own problems are addressed.

1c.  I can make use of the “get rid of distractions” tip.  Perhaps I could dismiss thinking about my problems if someone wanted to talk to me.

2a.  I think people struggle with prompting effectively.  Sometimes, it can easily come off as disinterest in the conversation, which makes me want to stop asking for advice.  Even if prompting is performed, the authors say that it can come off as mechanical, which I can observe.  Additionally, sometimes I am genuinely asking for advice, and prompting me to reach my own conclusion is just not helpful.

2b.  I used to be with someone who would frequently cast judgement in a variety of conversations, a sign of “cold comfort”.  Any conversation, whether it be to vent, inform or to ask advice on, had a chance to turn into judgement with this person.  It got to a point where I would be sharing less and less because I didn’t want to say the wrong thing and be judged for it.  So I would say someone on the receiving end of this response would be less conversational or open with someone who casts judgement.

2c.  I’ve caught myself performing the unhealthy response of “focusing on myself”, in that sometimes mentioning my personal experiences can come off as dismissive to the other person’s problems.  I’d like to start engaging in support responses other than agreement.  I tend to use agreement a lot when listening to the problems of others, but I’m interested in using praise or reassurance more often.

Ted Talk Response:
The first story shared by the speaker is pretty important.  When we think we’re correct, speech is used to go on the offense, to insult or defeat the other person.  But stepping back and making a little room for the other person to share will usually work out better for everyone.  Additionally, stepping back lets us realize that we usually don’t want to hurt the other person.
	She goes on to say that realizing that we aren’t correct is uncomfortable. Definitely a relatable statement.  But it has made me think of my past arguments and disagreements.  Sometimes, stepping back and admitting I’m not right is helpful, but I have found times where I admitted it too early.  Sometimes, I’d look back on those arguments and still say I was right at the time, but claimed I wasn’t right, leading to regret.
	Finally, her closing notes remind us that deliberate listening helps both the speaker and listener.  That’s a pretty interesting point, and I’m sure if more people heard it, we’d see more attentive listening going on.  Unfortunately, the high commitment and practice that goes into listening might turn people away, but knowing that you get something out of it too would persuade some to put that time into listening.