Legacy of Tesla

Tartan_Fluffy, June 14, 2013; 03:41 / FB 11626
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Legacy of Tesla
Challenge 30 Submission

Though you're a professional electrician, you dabble in some amateur engineering, do-it-yourself, and a spot of gardening.

Fluffy Ponies have helped in that regard. You've tried to build numerous ways to keep them out. But of course, when you idiot proof something, someone builds a better idiot. And Fluffies are probably the best idiots ever constructed.

Still, you've had an idea. Fluffies can be "reset".  To be technically accurate, it's a quirk of the bioengineering that a hefty electrical shock can induce amnesia and make them open to suggestions for a while, but their status as biotoys means that only whiny people really contest the notion it's a reset. For all practical purposes, that's what it is, so the phrase fits.

The idea has flaws for defending against fluffy yard invasions though. A drive-stun type electroshock weapon - you need to get close. You risk sorry poopies that way. A ranged one like an actual Taser? Well, sometimes the darts over-penetrate and they seriously damage a fluffy, ruling them out as less-lethal. Good as a deterrent though, fire at the smarty and drain the charge on the little shit.

There's also the fact most commercial models of stun guns deliver a high voltage and can cause complications in certain fluffies. Plus, some places restrict access to electroshock weapons. What would be ideal is something with decent range, low voltage, and a wide spread. Low risk to humans and actual animals.

And that's exactly what you're trying to build...

***

Luring the fluffies into the garden when the device is ready is easy. A plate of spaghetti sits in the middle of your lawn. The main sensors for the device are set up across the route the fluffies will follow. Sure enough, along comes a herd.

You have a camera pointed at the entry route. The infra-red beams are broken, activating the microphone to hear what's happening. You watch the herd move in, and can hear them too. The herd babbles with excitement but one voice is loud and clear amongst the rabble.

"Smawty find sketties! Smawty am best smawty!"

Keep telling yourself that, champ. You're in for a shock...

They waddle up, rolling a pair of plump fluffy mummas along behind them. There's some foals wandering with them too. Good, you want to see the effects of this on that sort of fluffy too...

You press the button. The metal cone, looking a bit like a Christmas tree, buzzes for a second. The fluffies don't even notice as they head for the spaghetti.

And then there is lighting.

FZZZZZZT!

Arcs of blue light flash between each fluffy and the cone for a split second. There's no response from most of the fluffies for long. They got about half a second to yelp and then fell silent. The cameras show them all adopting vacant expressions. The excitement is gone. They're just looking in the direction of the spaghetti, not at it.

And the mummas are strangely enough wheezing and making peeping noises, but showing no fear. Certainly not screaming nuu or babbling 'nu huwt mumma' like every other time you saw this sort of thing. Hm, best let them finish up before you go out. It's a "drawback" to less-lethal you predicted. The mummas could have scaredy fits and explode, the basic panic kicking in even though they're mindless now.

Ah, there they go. *Pop* *pop*! Now to go out and talk to the fluffies, see if they're open to suggestions.

If this has worked, it's potentially a means of easy fluffy removal. You built it as a stationary device but you have ideas to have a man-portable one. Make it look like a proton pack maybe... Fluffbusters! Shock them, make them walk into traps, take them to a breeder, take them off for science, take them to an incinerator. Easy way to subdue most of a herd, let you pick out the good ones. Easy way to stop fluffies escaping a breeder mill, they get zapped into a catatonic state at the edge of the boundaries and go to default in the end.

Wait... Now the rest are heaving and wheezing.

Oh bugger.

*Pop* *pop* *pop* ...

Turns out they thought the mumma's fluffsploding was a suggestion. Even the foals ejected by the fluffsploding mummas are detonating.

*Pop*  *pop* .

Well, looks like *pop* you need a slight rethink. Maybe a microphone link for remote *pop* use? On the plus side, *pop*  you can just hose the  *pop* *pop* garden down and you built the *pop*  tesla coil from stainless steel - just unhook the power *pop* supply and wipe it off. Thank goodness for remote controls and *pop* webcams.

*Pop*.