Thread 74: Stories 31-45

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>2
"Spitfire"
~~~

"...Soooo.... you're, uh... you're Two?"

>And I'm never feelin' blue!

"What?"

>Aj Two! Jumpin' with my bouncy shoes!

"I don't..."

>Aj Two, don't ya' wanna see me tooooo... AJ TWO!

"..."

*Soft applause*

>Thanks! Yer' a lot nicer now. Ah' like it!

"Thanks?"

>...Can I ride ya'?

".........Yes."


~~~~~~~~~~

*FIREBOOOOOM!*

>EEEEEEEHHHEEEHEEEEHEEEE!

"DON'T TELL YOUR DAD!"

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Spike
"Daw"
'DT'
-SS-
=41=

"Oi! You, the scaly pipsqueak."

>No, Pipsqueak's in Ponyville, are you his extended family?

"What? No, the fuck're you talkin' about?"

>Nothing, can I help you...uh...

'She's the dumb pirate Pommel's all mushy with.'

"Mushy's a good word for-naaaah, too young, don't wanna corrupt your tender brain."

>Too late for that. Can we help you?

"Yeah, there's apparently a Club here devoted to fightin' and I'm just now findin' out about it."

>And?

"Take a bloody break from yer kindergarten playdate and tell me how I can join it."

'Playdate!?'

-...This is going to end poorly.-

"Aye, I'm looking to join the Gun Club, and I won't leave ya be until ya point me to it."

>...this IS it.

"...bullshit."

>No, really.

"The Gun Club is you and two fillies?"

>Well we also have a changeling.

"..."

>She likes potatoes. But currently due to a...

'Break up?'

-Difference of opinion?-

>Schism, let's call it that, a schism, yeah it's just us four.

"Riiiight...welp, nothin' for it, if this is the fight club then I'm joining it."

'Haaaang on a minute! Who says we're letting you join?'

"Because I'll feckin' sit on ya if you don-...wait a tic, I know who you are now!"

'Really, well it's nice to see you're finally pulling yourself out of the ignorant sea hovel you came from-'

"You're the runty little shit that's been fuckin' around with the guard!"

'Runty? Excuse me, if I was a runt, could I heft THIS?'

"...right, so you can carry around a big feckin' metal dildo, yer point?"

'HE IS NOT A METAL DILDO!'

"Oi, squeaky, hush up before I thump yer gourd. Now you, dragon, how do I get into this Club?"

>Well you-

'Don't. You do not get in this club, fuck off!'

>You're really against this.

'Remember the LAST time we let someone in that we didn't know all that well? I got hit in the face! WITH A BRICK!'

"Right, your criteria must be mighty high, what's the grey one do?"

'She...uh...'

-I dodge really good.-

"And you, scales?"

>Magic gun.

"Right, so all I got to do to get in is either get a fuck off cannon, dodge good, or jigger up meself a magic gun."

'Or you can fuck off, I vote fuck off.'

"Excuse me if I don't take you seriously considering I'm old enough to be yer sister, yer older, more attractive, less insane sister."

'Well you got one of those right, grandma.'

"Can we PLEASE mute the little pink ball of shite?"

>Look, traditionally you get into the Club by proving yourself in a fight. Twilight and PJ got in by fighting each other, 32 got because we all saw him fight a monster from his memories in the simulator. You got to prove you CAN fight to be in the Gun Club.

"Ya doubtin' me, stubby?"

>Just need to see it with my own eyes.

'And then we'll say no to your scurvy ridden ass.'

"Right, well, infanticide ain't on the list of things I'm willin' ta do-"

'Pansy.'

"Though do note, when you grow into a mare, I'm breakin' yer feckin' face, so that leaves me duking it out with a monster of me memories. Shouldn't be hard, got a lot of those knockin' about my noggin'.

>Anyone using the simulator right now?

"Pom took his boys out on a little excursion, showing off some stuff in a training exercise, but they should be done by now, I left 'em in good..."

>...

'...'

-...-

=...GUYSINEEDYOURHELPIDON'TKNOWHOWTOTURNITOFF!HELPMEHELPMEHELPME!=

"...bollocks."

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>42
"???"
~~~~

The soldier, as always, was crisp, smooth and in lock step as she made her way through the halls of Canterlot Castle. Normally, this would be a place she would spend very little time in, especially considering recent events, but Princess Cadenza has requested that she deliver this form to Twilight immediately. Well, 'immediately' had not been mentioned, but it was assumed. Clearly, if Cadence hadn't wanted this done quickly and efficiently, she would not have asked her, and instead chosen one of the drones. But since this was given to her, she was to ensure it was done with the upmost efficiency and precision.

She moved with purpose to the joined meeting room, smoothly knocking on the door as soon as she arrived and only entering after she heard the-

"Come on in!"

From inside.

But, as it hit her the moment she entered, perhaps she should have been paying more attention to who was speaking. For the minute she entered she was greeted with the sight of many empty desks, and but a single pony sitting in the middle of it all.

"...Oh, hey Forty Two."

Her expression remained neutral and unfeeling as she looked at the slightly awkwardly shuffling orange mare sitting at her desk. She gave nothing but a single stock courtesy of a nod, before darting her eyes around the room once more for any trace of the lavender princess.

>I seek an audience with Princess Twilight Sparkle.

"Oh, uh... she ain't in, sorry."

>If she is on an official business, I will put in a request for a more formal meeting when she is available.

"Huh?... Oh, she ain't doin' nothin' special, just wanderin' around a bit. Why? Somethin' important Ah' can help you out with?"

>No.

She could have elaborated of course, but she felt like that said it all.

"...Fair enough. So, uh... how ya'll been adjustin' ta-"

>Good day, Princess Applejack.


She curtly spun on her heels, the lock click of a soldier's movement spurring her around as she turned her back on the other mare.

"...Come on, ya' really gonna be like that?"

Her voice was low, sad and defeated, soaked with regret.

"Ya' used ta' be the only one Ah' actually trusted of those guys. Ya' helped us out when Ah' needed ya' too..."

>My trustworthiness remains unchanged, however, I cannot say that for all associated parties.

The orange mare winced, shuffling her papers a bit.

"Guess Ah' deserved that one... look, Ah' never intended fer' it ta' get this bad."

>Nor have you sought to improve it after it reached that point.

The wince changed, turning ever so slightly into a narrowed eye in no time at all.

"It's as much her fault as mine. Ah' tried, ain't mah' fault she got it this bad."

The helmet shifted slightly, but even still Applejack could not see into the soldier's eyes.

>...Very well. I do not accept your words on the matter, but understand that is your stance, and agree to disagree for the sake of peace. Good day, Applejack.

"Oh, what, now yer' just gonna walk off after throwin' shade at me? Look, Forty Two, iffin' ya' want ta' talk, let's talk!"

>I was merely here to seek an audience with Princess Twilight, that I replied to your conversation was a form of courtesy, not one wherein I seek your company.

"Sure ya' did, just gonna hide behind all yer' desk talk and ignore everythin' else cause Ah' done called out the fact yer' princess messed up too."

>Again, I had no intention of speaking with you on this, or any other matter, so if you do not mind I have business to attend to-

Hooves hit the desk, and Applejack raised herself, and her voice, up.

"Dang it, Forty Two! This wasn't supposed ta' happen, why are ya' actin' like Ah' was tryin' ta' get it this bad!?"

>Because you fucking BROKE HER ARM YOU HYPOCRITICAL PIECE OF SHIT!

As if a gale wind had suddenly flung into the room and knocked her right on her ass, she slipped from her tenuous stance atop her chair and landed hard on her rear. The changeling that had spun on her took on a look of shock and horror at what had escaped her lips, instantly calling upon her fire magic to consume her and return her face to a more normal, calm look.

>Good day.

She hurried away as fast as she could without looking as if she was running. Applejack tried to reach out to her, tried to stop her, but it was too late. The door was shut, and she was gone from the princess's sight.

"...Dang it."

She knew it was going to be bad. She knew this, of course she knew it, but some part of her hoped she could convince Forty Two that it hadn't been that bad, and that they could still work together if the time came. She hoped that, somehow, this would stay normal with her, and that she could still have the one changeling she used to really like on her side with all of this.

But now...

That look was one she recognized, no matter if it was on a pony, or any other kind of face.

'You hurt my friend, and I hate you for it.'

"...Dang it..."

Outside, in the hallway, Forty Two remained on her crisp, staccato steps, perfectly in sync and in tune. To the outside world, she looked as soldier like as could possibly be, but inside...

>... My performance is suffering. I need to... re-evaluate.

The moment, the absolute instant she could detect no one else around, that she knew she was truly alone, fire returned and consumed her.

Like a candle burnt away, she was gone. Leaving behind nothing in her wake, not a trace... of Chrysalis's finest soldier.

She had a mission.

She would accomplish it.

Then... she would re-evaluate.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Chrysalis
"Fluttershy"
~~~~

>AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH! AHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!

"...I'm starting to see why you and Mane-Iac hang out so much..."

>AHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Y-YOU... Y-YOU... YOU....

"Transformed the statue, yes, um... I was actually kind of hoping you would... help me turn it back?"

>It's a giant chocolate bunny now! THIS IS AMAZING!

"I um... disagree."

The Queen's cackles reached a fever pitch as the giant chocolate statue hopped around. She might not have found it to be as funny as she did, had it not been for the fact the statue was of a dragon not a minute ago.

"This isn't that funny."

>N-NOT THAT FUNNY!? Fluttershy, Flutterbutter, Flut-to-the-what, look at this! Look what is happening! There is a GIANT CHOCOLATE RABBIT HOPPING AROUND THE GARDEN! How are you not loving this!?

"How are you? He's scaring ponies."

>HAHAHHA! Oh, Fluttershy... sometimes scaring them is fun.

"...I disagree..."

She didn't stop laughing, or smiling, but she did at last grab hold of the thing with her magic, watching with mirth as it kicked and spun in the air.

>...I wish I could do stuff like this, I think I'd have a ball.

"...Are... are you serious?"

The shocked, horrified whisper may as well have been an exploding jet engine for how loud it rang in the Queen's ears.

To the former pegasi, it looked like Chrysalis had just told her she enjoys dancing on the graves of puppies.

"C-Chrysalis... you don't want this. You don't want to know that you might... might do something without meaning to, just because you're not strong enough to hold it in. I wish anyone, absolutely anyone else had been picked for this. I'm... I'm the worst choice for something this big. Twilight, Applejack, Dash, even Pinkie could have handled this better. It... it's not fun. It's not happy, or exciting, or cool. It's the worst feeling ever..."

She frowned, just for a second the Queen frowned.

And then she smiled again.

>Pffft, come on, really?

Fluttershy, however, remained frowning after that.

>Look, power's power, okay? I've got the power to set ponies on fire with my mind, and the more I sap the bigger chance it is I'll sneeze or something and accidentally do it. Forty Two once put Spike in the hospital because she was over charged. This shit right here? It's power...

With a burst of green magic, Fluttershy felt a grip on her mind, steadying her as she returned the statue back to normal.

>...And it's all how you look at it.

With a mental jerk, she suddenly twisted inside of Fluttershy's mind, and the ground itself transformed, warping until it became like jello.

"CHRYSALIS!"

>AHAHAHAHAHAHH!

Playfully, she leapt forwards, bouncing on top of the strange substance.

>Come on, Flutters! This is fucking awesome! You've got powers like no other pony on the planet! You've got magic beyond compare! Why the fuck are you wasting your time being all doomy and gloomy!

"Because someone might get hurt!"

>Well, that's up to you, not the powers, isn't it?

She paused, looking upon the bouncing Queen with just a hint of anger.

Slowly, very slowly, her hoof reached out, and she poked the edge of the substance.

Once, twice, three times she tapped it, watching it jiggle ever so slightly.

A glance left and right told her that none others were around, scared off by her previous actions.

A moment of deliberation, a second of thought... and then she jumped forwards.

"Hee hee!"

>HAH! Now you've got it!

She barely got three bounces in before she started fretting.

"B-but... but what if I accidentally-"

>Fluttershy? Seriously? You're on a giant floor made out of bouncy jello, and you're worried about that?

A pause, a moment sitting there in the cold wiggling floor... and she was bouncing again.

"Y-you'll... stop me if I get out of control, right?"

>HAH! Duh! So cut loose! Come on, let it all out!

"...wee..."

And she did. She bounced, and giggled, and played for the first time in what felt like forever. No fear, no worries that the world itself would become twisted if she held on for a moment longer, nothing like that. Just one moment where she could at last let go of her fear of what she had done before, and had herself a fun time.

Far, far away, a single eye looked up from the telescope she had been looking into, the worry that had been inside it gone once more as she breathed a sigh of relief. The tall figure moved away, at last sure that she would not have to step in.

For just a minute, Princess Celestia could leave this in Chrysalis's hooves, and not fear what might be if her powers cut loose once more. She could stop her near constant watching, just in case. Just for a hit.

For all three, it was a short time, only a few minutes of peace.

...But it meant the world to them.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 >Citrine
"Changelings"
~~~

"FACEPUNCH!"

*BLAM!*

"OW!... Fucker! That's only six points!"

>You can't even count that high!

"Yes I can! One, two, three, four... uh..."

"Run out of limbs?"

"...Fuck."

>So is this just what... you all do all day?

"...Well, yeah? What else are we going to do?"

>I don't know, I just figured you did... stuff.

"Oh, uh... well, I paint. Sooo..."

>Oh, really? Well, I'd love to see that!

"...I kind of ate my canvas in a fit of artistic rage."

"He did, spazzed out like a freak and damned it to hell, literally."

"I AM AN ARTIST!"

>Oh... so, uh... you don't, like, do anything else?

"Well, 11 has been releasing some records, that's going pretty well."

"IT'S LEGAL! THAT WAS THE RULING! TOTALLY LEGAL!"

"He's legal now too, I think."

"I can't remember."

"TOTALLY LEGAL!"

>I'm just saying, like... what do you all DO?

"Mostly just hang out with the hive and hope we don't get stuff thrown at us over very justifiable concerns we're going to try to take the place over."

"Cause we did that!"

>Well... I mean... we're not freaking out.

"And it is AWESOME"

"You guys are great!"

>Soooo... now what?

""""""""".............""""""""""

"Huh."

"...Go ask the Queen?"

""""""""""""GO ASK THE QUEEN!"""""""""'""

"Who volunteers?

"""""""""""....""""""""""""""

"Sissies!"

"I don't see you stepping up."

"...Brothers!"

"..."

"...Let's just go find one of the ones she likes, all in favor?"

""""""""""""""AYE!"""""""""""

"Ayes have it."

>....you guys are weird.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

NC
>JJ
"Actarius"
'???'
~~~

>...Sooo... how's the job hunt going.

"You know what? Not well. Not well at all."

>Ah, didn't think so... any real problems?

"I think because I'm not a guard anymore, nobody is going to take me seriously."

>Well, how can you fix that?

"I don't know, did anybody take Pommel seriously before? Maybe I can just do what he did."

>...Eerrrr-

~~~~

"Hi, miss? About that whole eating and sending on an adventure thing, is that just something you do, or do you have to sign up for it, or-"

'FUCK OFF!'

"Right, gotcha."

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>29
"Ghostkid"
'???'
~~~

>No, thou are not going to get a piggyback ride!

"But whyyyyyyyyy?"

>For starters, you can fly, second, my coat rustling of it's own accord would cause quite a stir that is bound to get me noticed!

"So's stealing a coat."

>I AM BORROWING IT TO SAVE MINE SOUL!

"So is screaming at the air."

>But ah, you see child! Mineself has found the ultimate of covers! I am Sillysoul, the homeless pony who speaks of insanity! With mine acting abilities, all will think me crazed, and not a one shall bother me!

"...Unless they're a guard?"

>Pish posh, there are but a mewling few of them in thine land, the odds of finding a guard are-

'About a hundred percent.'

>Now that's just silly! Mine head of math would say that...

'...'

>...Well, you're still wrong, because you said ABOUT a hundred percent-

'Come with me-'

>DUST ATTACK!

'GAHHHH! MY EYES! MY... oh wow, my eyes! They're... they're huuuuuugee...'

>...

"Was, uh, was that the 'dust' given to you by the zebra?"

>...Whoops.

"..."

>...Do not do drugs, they are bad for you.

'HOLY CRAP EVERYTHING TASTES LIKE COLORS!'

>Consider my point proved.

"His friends are going to arrest you."

>...

"I notice you're pulling out the bag again..."

>No child should ever do drugs...but those are adults.

"This logic isn't very-"

>DUST ATTACK!

'Cool! Now we can ALL see the hippo!'

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Applejack
“???”
_____

Fwump.

“Drats.”

Pomf.

“Oh come on now, really? Not that one either? Well, consarnit….”

>…That’s mah’ line.

Buried underneath a double-decker pile of hats, Applejack gave her head a clearing shake and glanced up at the spidering clinging to the roof just above her.

The spiderling that instantly skittered to the other side as though that would render her invisible.

For the sake of… sake, Applejack continued to stare at the now vacant spot.

“I know it’s your line! …I just like it. Consarnit. Con. Sarn. It. That’d be a nice name, wouldn’t it? Like, a middle name. Hello, my name is Arana Consarnit Blood’n’Guts!”

>…

Nope.

Not even going there.

>Ara’… girl, what’re y’all doin’?

“Huh? Can’t you tell? I’m trying to kill you!”

>…Back to that, are we?

“Wuzzat?”

>Said Ah’ appreciate the effort, really, ‘cause death would seem like a splendid lil’ vacation right about now but, uh… why?

Big, luminous eyes blinked.

“Because when the one of my momm-SCIDERELLA! THE SCIDTASTIC SCIDERELLA!”

>…

Nope.

Not going there either.

“…W-well, uh… when one of Sciderella’s hive got depressed, she usually tried to kill them. If they lived, it gave them something to be happy about, I guess, I dunno. Most of them tried to hide behind me. Sometimes it worked, sometimes I had to dodge, depends on how giddy their depression made mom-ERELLA!”

>…It never fails to amaze me how y’all came out like ya did, all bubbly and optimistic despite circumstances.

“It’s all thanks to my life’s mantra! When life keeps thudding you over the head with no end in sight, you just gotta smile and try to make the best of it! Because eventually, that fake smile you’re constantly wearing… eventually it’ll became real. I… that’s what I learned.”

>…Huh.

Still staring up at the blank space of ceiling, Applejack leaned back in her chair.

Fuck-ups and second chances.

Changes.

…Grudges.

Her teeth ground together as a familiar face swam across her vision, a black, chitinous, devilishly sneering face.

“Sometimes life just ain’t fair… trust me, I know. And that’s the point. The way I sees it, life is just a little slice of tartarus taken and molded juuuust right… and then we’re plopped right smack-dab in the middle of it without a guide to first. We can whine and fuss and be melted to the bone by gastric acid, or we can struggle through doing what we can when we can while learning whatever twisted lessons we can.”

>…

Faust above this changeling hybrid was some sort of mentally disturbed.

But that didn’t mean she was wrong.

Because she was shockingly right.

Life was not fair.

And while accepting that fact might be maddening, it was either acceptance or be swallowed up by those lingering clouds of depression and inner hatred.

“So I say smile. If for no other reason than to show life we can be happy despite it trying to knock us down, I say… smile.”

And, amazingly, she did.

She smiled from the heart, a heart that felt lighter and pumped unburdened.

Because second chances were too rare to mess up in the same fashion….

Changes both drastic and small were in order….

Grudges… had to die in order for any changes to be had.

Applejack exhaled as though she’d been holding her breath.

>Ah’ can’t believe Ah’m sayin’ this, heh, but… y’all really made me feel be-

Fwump.

>DAGNABBIT AH’M NOT DEPRESSED ANYMORE YA LITTLE ARACHNID!

“Really…? Oh. Wait a-oh! Oh, that’s great!”

With the rigidity of a Canterlot guard, Applejack suddenly sprang to all fours and began a quick march to the door.

>Wh-what in tarnation is this? What’s going on?!

“Well, uh, see, I thought you were still down in the dumps so I kinda… made a control weave that’d force you to go get us some apple cider so we can drink together!”

>ARANA YA FLEABITTEN VARMINT AH’M GONNA GET YOUUUUUuuuuuu….

Applejack’s robotically moving legs carried her right on out the door and down the hall, a festive little wool cap situated comfortably over her head.

“…She’s probably not even that mad. I hope. ...And I hope she gets back soon with some love... feelin' a might woozy, ugh....”

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Pommel
"Sucker Punch"
'Haymaker'
-Lucky Strikes-
=Guards=

>Watch the corners, guys, I don't know what the hell that thing was, but if 41 accidentally spawned some kind of Hyperspace Hyperwars monster in here, we need to be on guard-aaaand they're huddling together in fear, fantastic.

-You mealy mouthed scum-sucking simpletons, get yer acts in gear!-

=Sir yes sir!=

>...thanks, Leiutenant.

-No problem, the rank'n file are easy to handle, just shout insults at 'em and they'll do whatever you like.-

'Better to be feared than be loved if you can't be both.'

"Where the fuck'd you learn that?"

'Blueblood reads a books, I hang out with Blueblood, though we both agreed that Marechiavelli had his head up his ass. It's fine for the LT to do that, captain, but if you ask me, you need to start acting worthy of respect if you want the guys to listen to you.'

-You mean they don't respect me?-

'They joke about how you wear dresses behind your back so no.'

=YOU ASSHOLE!=

-THEY WHAT!? YOU SONS OF-!-

>Kick their asses later, Strikes, we're on the job...kind of.

"I'm with Haymaker on this, training's cool and all but maybe you should think about getting to know everyone better, show them you're a Leader, not just a superior."

>Yeah, you're probably right about that, maybe I should set something up?

-Like what a pizza party?-

"Worked with 41..."

'How the hell did she afford to take guards out for pizza anyway?'

"Well I helped, she's my buddy...also I was hungry for pizza. But mostly because I wanted to help her."

=D'awwwww.=

"GO FUCK YOURSELVES, NO MORE PIZZA FOR YOU!"

=Awww...=

"By the way, boss, I'm just letting you know that like a...let's say a month from now I got leave."

>Wait what?

"Yeah, it was already approved, I'm just letting you know."

>How long?!

"Just a weekend. And it's after our deadline so, no worries there just uh, didn't want to alert you out of the blue."

>Is this the tickets thing?

"Yeah the tickets thing."

>O...k...well thanks for telling me ahead of time, real considerate, I can only hope everyone else here will be so forthright with me and-

'You're about to fall into a crater.'

>What-AAAAAAAHHHHHH! ...oh...thanks, Leiutenant.

-Mrrph wlmprrh.-

>Help him pull me up, please, guys.

"Alright, Maker, you grab one side, I'll grab the other and we'll haul him up."

>...guys pull me up.

'Hang on a sec, we need to get the proper leverage-'

>No, please, pull me UP!

-MRRPH HM URRRPH!-

"Okay, Faust, what's got you so-"

~GRAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!~

>"'-...-'"

>PULLMEUPPULLMEUPPULLMEUP!

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Sunset
"Variolus"
'Victims'
~~~~

'Mmmh, you are such a tease.'

>Don't be silly, handsomee, I am not teasing. I am just giving you a preview of what's to come.

'Oh? And what might that be? Perhaps... a little bit of th-'

*POW*

*crumble*

>...

„Aaaaaand that marks number six. Six stallions or mares you knocked out after they moved into your personal space.“

>I TOLD you, it's making me uncomfortable. I don't like to pretend I am interested when I am absolutely NOT. I wouldn't appreciate having that done to me either!

„Mmh hmm. Then why do you keep on trying?“

>Because, as you put it, we need love to even continue existing?

„And I am sure that that twinge of excitement and accomplishment you felt when some of the tougher nuts gave in and followed you to some dark, shady corner was all just pretense too.“

>What-what-wha-what!. Are you reading my mind again? Seriously? Do you HAVE to do that?

„Actually, I am reading your emotional spectrum. Since I am directly hooked up to it. Sharing is caring, Sunset Shimmer. Now stop flapping your gums, there comes another,.“

>...you just called me by my name.

“That I did.”

>Whatever happened to calling me 'meatbag'?

“You are using my name, figured I might start using yours. Now stop asking insipid questions and flirt like you mean it. We're starving.

>Haaaah... why me... Ah! Heeeey, beautiful! Sorry for just popping out of nowhere, but you I REALLY dig that dress of yours. Is that an original from Rarity's?

'O-oh, uhm, no, I mean, yes. Yes, it is! I am so happy someone actually noticed. Are you from Canterlot?'

>Just recently moved here, but everything feels so drab. Couldn't help but notice you in the crowd, though.

'Awww, you are flattering me. Say, that perfume you have smells really ni-'

*POW!*

*crumble*

>...Faust-dammit.

“Hah...! Ahaha! Hahaha! Woooow. Right on the nose! I don't think even I can repair that.”

>S-SHUT UP!

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Non-Canon
>Pinkie
"Cadence"
'DT'
~~~~
>Welcome to Not Late Night /pa/ with your host Pinkie Pie! It's during this time that content does matter, but Blah! Join the Pink Pony Club as we discuss things on our show...THE PERSPECTIVE!!!
Crowd cheers.

"I'm the pretty one. <3"

'I'm the grumpy one.'

>And I'm the crazy one! So what's the news today?

"I...haven't done much lately actually."

>ME TOO!

"I don't think I need to do anything though. Everything's fixed."

>Oooh no...we'll come back to you. How about you, DT?

'I got my friend into my club, an asshole pirate is trying to join us, and I got a sweet drink from an influential pony.'

>...From Pennydrop?

'How did you know?'

>Yikes...uh. She's a bad influence for you. You shouldn't trust her.

'Why? She's done nothing wrong.'

>Hmmm...both of you aren't exactly in a good place right now. I wish I could help you both right now, but I'm being held up in the canon universe. If only there was a way for me to influence the canon world from here.

"Canon world? I thought this was a dream show."

>Thing is while I'll remember what happens here, you two won't...then again...it's a long shot, but hey let's try it! Cut the camera! Are we off the brain waves? Great. I'm going to perform...an inception!
http://inception.davepedu.com/

'What?'

>We're running out of space. Let's plant those ideas! DT, it's easier to get what you want when you're nice to them.
Pinkie smacks her on the forehead and she disappears.
>Your's is a little more complicated, but Cadence, Chrysalis and AJ aren't in a good relationship. You should play matchmaker and repair it.

"Wait, not the face!"

>Sorry, I already established it.
Smacks Cadence on the forehead and she disappears.

>...it gets lonely here sometimes.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Twilight
“????”
~~~

Somewhere within the castle, a door shines in a bright, sparkling lavender aura for a moment. A click, and it swings open moments later.

>Hellooo~? Anypony home?

Moving cautiously, the Twilight enters Sunset's room looking left and right.

The door had been locked, but frankly, after searching the entirety of the castle and asking everypony she trusted not to blab, the unicorn was at her wit's end.

She had to find her wayward predecessor before she either did something incredibly smart but evil or Chrysalis decided to take matters into her own hooves and pasted her.

Both were very bad alternatives to just giving her a stern scolding.

>Of course not.

But Sunset Shimmer's room was empty. It was warm inside, and some of that telltale smell of tobacco was still present, but the mare didn't seem to be in.

>Hmmm... Her bed looks like somepony recently slept in it. And it's warm too. So she's still coming back here.

Pulling her hoof back from the tousled bed sheets, Twilight frowns, once more looking over her shoulder.

>Is she actively avoiding me? If she does, I will eventually have to talk to the Princess about... huh...?

The alicorn heard a faint scratch of wood against wood when she first came in. But now she heard it once more so it clearly wasn't the door.

Falling silent, Twilight waits for a few seconds, waiting for it to ring out again. And her patience was rewarded.

One of the drawers of the dresser stuffed into the corner of the room moved and rattled, as if something inside was moving.

Both intrigued and worried, Twilight approached, grasped it in her telekinesis and YANKED it open revealing...!

“Ah!”

A very life-like but crude doll that looked like Princess Celestia. It looked worn from age, but beloved, repeatedly patched over time.

“Dear me, how long did you plan to stuff me in there, Sunset? I understand that you sometimes need time to yourself, but couldn't you ask your old teacher to give you that privacy instead of just tossing her in here and... shutting it...”

And it talked in a very life-like manner.

“Oh.”

Twilight could swear the doll looked nervous all of the sudden, small beads of sweat appearing on its face. But that was physically impossible, right?

>...
“...”

More and more of those beads started to appear, until finally, the doll began sweating up a storm, eyes shifting just a little.

It reminded her so VERY much of Princess Celestia when she made a mistake and tried to hide it. Like that one time she lost the crayon drawing of them drinking tea together.

The doll suddenly went rigid.

“I AM A PRINCESS, ARE YOU A PRINCESS TOO?”

>...I am not falling for that.

“Of course not. Anything else would have worried me. You always were my most precious SMOKE BOMB!”

>Wha?

POOF.

The doll flung something from the drawer into Twilight's face, and it exploded in her face with a sudden burst of magic and smoke. It burned in her eyes and mouth, prompting her to cough.

Through the haze, she could just barely make out the small shape darting out of the room through the door she had left ajar.

>Koff! Hack! Bleeeh! W-wait! Don't run! You need to tell me where she is!

Twilight took off after the small simulacrum of her teacher, still trying to wipe her eyes with a cloth held in her magic while shouting at anypony she passed.

>Stop that doll! GUARDS!

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 >Guards
“???”
‘???’
~~~~~

>So then I told him “Hey! If you don’t pick your sorry face up off the ground right now I’ll give you something to cry about!” And that’s when I finally dried my eyes, put on my helmet and decided to come into work today.

>Those self-talk mirror sessions are really paying off aren’t they?

>Whatever gets me going when I wake up.

>All I ever do is cry….

>That’s stage one, The Crying.

>I’ve been on stage one for three months now.

>Get on my level, four months here.

>Stage two, The Drying, usually comes at half a year.

>Oh, cool.

>Something to look forward to, I guess, though that knowledge only makes me more depressed.

>Perfect chance to go all out during the next session.

>…Yay?

>Hey…do you guys hear that?

>Hear wh-

“aaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAOUTTAMAHWAYOUTTAMAHWAYCAN’TSTOPAAAAAaaaaaa”

>...Just now, was that orange blur… Princess Appleja-

‘SOMEPONYSTOPTHATDOLLITKNOWSTHINGSANDIMUSTHAVEIT!’

>…And was that Princess Twilight chasing a… Celestia doll?

>…

>…

>We’re not hitting stage two anytime soon are we?

>’Fraid not, friend. ‘Fraid not.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

NCOMAKE!
>Twilight
"AJ"
'Dollestia'
~~~~

>STOP THAT DOLL!

"STOP THAT ME!"

*CRASH!*

'...I don't know what I expected...'

>HORN! FUCKING HORN!

"MAH SENTIMENTS EXACTLY!"

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

NC OMAKE
>Sunset
„Variolus“
'Chitty'
~~~~

POW!

>You know.

POW!

>There's something oddly cathartic about

POW! POW!

>PUNCHing ponies in the FACE.

KER-POW!

'...'

>Do you hear that?

„Oh, fuck, no, not again!“

'..mineminemineminemine...'

>What? What's happening? Why is the ground shaking?!

'mineminemINEMINEMINEMINE! FACEPUUUUUUNCH!'

KER-THUNDER-POW-OF-THE-TITANS!

'Yes! Yes! Finally! Oh Hivemind, how I NEEDED this! Finally someone who... oh, shit, Variolus, is that you?'

„Uuugh. Yes, you oversized joke of a Q-“

POWPOWPOWPOWPOWPOW!

'Ahahahaha, this is the best day ever!'

„K-kill me...“

'On it!'

„N-no, I didn't mea-“

POWPOWPOWPOWPOWPOWPOWPOW!

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________