ArtifactAnon

>"It's ok if you can't do magic, Anon," Twilight tells you.
>She smiles, as do all the other rainbow colored ponies behind her.
>"You are just a human after all. Nobody expects anything like that out of you."
>Of course. It always comes down to this, doesn't it?
>"Just leave the hero work to us. We'll bring you back a souvenir."

>You grin and wish the girls good luck on their adventure
>God damn it, this is pathetic
>Your face swaps to a grimace as you turn around
>Being protected by a couple of pastel horses, what a load of bullshit
>You walk to the Twilight's Castle, you told her you'd read for the rest of the day
>Because what else can a human like you do?
>She's been acting like a fucking babysitter to you since you got to this world
>All because ponies are blessed with magic and humans aren't
>It's like a secondary life force for them
>And it manifests itself in different ways, all very obvious
>Unicorns can use it to exert their will upon the world around them
>Earth ponies use it for feats of great strength and stamina
>Pegasi use it to manipulate clouds and other weather phenomenon as well as carry themselves on the winds
>It turns out, humans were not unheard of in Equestria
>They were discovered around when ponies developed written history, although they were quickly wiped out due to a small population, the Great Unicorn War, and the harsh winters of Equestria
>You had read some legends though, of Sun Wukong, the king of the humans
>They say that he hid away from the his kingdom when it fell, taking a rare and powerful artifact with him
>He had crafted it by enslaving hundreds of unicorns, and that no pony, diamond dog, or griffon could ever hope to operate it
>You open the door to your room in the castle, which you had only because you were technically the human ambassador, which is just Twilight's way of showing you pity in your opinion
>It's been weeks since you formulated this plan
>You're going to find the abandoned kingdom of the humans, grab that artifact, and...
>Well, you haven't really thought about what you'll do once you have the artifact
>You don't even know what it is
>It could just be an apple that regenerates as far as you know
>Even if it's not something that lets you shoot lasers out of your eyes, it'll still show everybody you're not as frail as they think!
>You grab the backpack filled with all the stuff you'd need for your journey
>Trail food, canned food, a Minotaur style can opener...
>You had to buy a lot of things made for minotaurs and get them altered
>Regardless, you also had a magic torch, a lighter, and everything you'd need for your standard camp
>Along with Ol' Faithful, the best woodcutting ax on Sweet Apple Acres
>And by that, you mean the only one
>Back when Granny Smith was young, they had a strapping young minotaur working for them
>Her words, not yours
>He cleared the entire field, she was transfixed by his sweaty, bulky body
>And then they went to bed in seperate rooms and Granny Smith waited until marriage like a good filly does
>She blurted out that ending when Applebloom walked in the room
>Either way, you didn't like the idea of Granny Smith getting some minota-
>Derailing that train of thought manually, you haul your backpack onto your back and leave the room
>You pull out a map and a compass, and leave Ponyville

>This was an awful idea
>Why did you decide to take the Everfree Forest as a shortcut again?
>Oh yeah, because you're lazy and stupid
>You dodge the living root that snatches at your left leg
>Jumping into a poorly executed roll, you manage to avoid the timberwolf that has been chasing you for the last 5 minutes
>Sitting on your ass, you rub your head softly as the timberwolf stares you straight in the eyes
>It pounces towards you, jaws open, and you barely manage to catch it's jaws with your hands
>You begin screaming as the timberwolf fights to rip into you
>Your adrenaline kicks in even harder than before, giving you retard-like strength
>You grit your teeth, still screaming through them, as you exert force on the creatures jaws
>Pushing in opposite directions, you manage to separate the creatures head in two
>The action and the blood loss leave you tired, and you flop backwards, timberwolf tooth still impaling your hand
>Time to rest for a couple minutes
>You pull the bits of wood out of your hand carefully, pulling out some gauze and anti-septic from your backpack
>Even though ponies may be backwards in some ways, they've at least got proper medical supplies
>After collecting the supplies that fell out of your backpack during the run, you continue through the forest
>Several days later you arrive at a settlement on the edge of the Everfree
>You had massively underestimated how long it would take you to go through there
>You thought your natural human toughness could help you face magical creatures
>Turns out natural human toughness doesn't mean shit to magically imbued monsters
>Go figure
>A sign at the entrance of the town reads "Hoovesdale - In Development"
>Currently it just looks like a way smaller Ponyville, except with darker wood for the buildings
>You guess they used wood from the Everfree for the town
>You couldn't even dent those trees with your axe
>You had to rely on fallen twigs and branches to start your fires
>Thank god the area's climate isn't too humid to have dry branches
>You enter the town, earning stares from construction workers and townspeople
>A sign reading "General's Store" signals where you need to head
>You pull out a sack of bits, your "allowance" from Twilight saved up over weeks
>Basically just your welfare
>At first you refused to be a government leech, but once you figured out your expedition wouldn't get any funding due to some significant hiring bias in Ponyville, you had basically no choice
>Walking around the store for a bit, you restock your supplies and grab a few extra things you never would have thought to bring before
>Who would have guessed you'd need a towel so many times?
>Bringing your purchases to the counter, you're greeted with a pony who looks almost comically like a war veteran turned pony
>Eyepatch, scratchy beard, missing limb
>The whole nine yards
>"Well, never thought I'd get to see a mystical beast walk into my shop and start perusing"
>You give him a sly grin
"And I never thought I'd end up in a land of talking horses, but hey, here we are."
>His eyes widen for a second before he bursts out into laughter
>"I like you monkey, what's an ape like you doing in a place like this? The town's not set to have a proper population for the next couple of months."
"This shit-flinger actually, is on a quest. To find the old human kingdom."
>The old pony suddenly took on a more serious tone
>"Listen kid, whatever ideas you have, I suggest you drop them. I don't know how another human got into Equestria, and why he's missing his tail, but apparently his brains went with it. The old human kingdom has become overrun by jungle, something the last king did when he died."
"Wait, missing a what-"
>"That jungle sucks the magic out of other living things to survive."
"Oh well that's not so bad, I don't have any magic in my body."
>"Bullshit."
"Nope! Tested by the Princess of Friendship herself. Thanks for the hints though, those old stories I read only gave me some stupid vague riddles about where to go."
>The horse chuckles
>"Thought those monkeys weren't supposed to be tenacious at all."
>As you leave the store, some questions come to mind
>What did he mean by missing a tail?
>And considering how you know humans to be, it seems implausible that apex predators would get beaten by horses with magic
>Especially considering magic has no effect on you
>Twilight's attempts to teleport or levitate you always failed, due to you not having magic to sync up with her spells
>The more you think about the so-called history of humans, the less it makes sense
>Looks like apart for searching for some artifacts, you've got another objective

>It's been two weeks since you've left Hoovesdale
>You've been hopping from small town to small town, making your way south to the Jungle of Despair
>And you've finally made it
>In the plains before the jungle, you've been finding strange things buried in the ground
>Charred wooden planks, pieces of pottery
>It's like someone razed a village to the ground or something
>Seeking the last flat land you could find before the jungle, you set up camp for the night
>After a couple hours of rest you awoke
"What the hell?"
>A strange blue glow came from the direction of the jungle
>You opened your tent, rubbing your eyes
>Every bone in your body was telling you that this was an awful idea
>And yet you're doing it anyway
>God damn it Anon
>You grab your backpack and head into the jungle
>Flowers blooming in the moonlight lead you down a path
>They open and expose their glowing innards as you step near them
>After an hour of walking, you're face to face with what could be your goal
>Flowers cover the ancient temple
>They glow an iridescent blue, welcoming your arrival
>From the glow of the flowers, you can make out that the temple's in the shape of a monkey's head
>Entering the maw of the monkey, you follow the strange flowers further down
>Once you enter the temple, the first thing you notice is the lack of guiding flowers
"Looks like I don't get any help for this one eh?"
>Great, you're talking to yourself now
>You pull out the magic torch and light it with your lighter
>The torch glows purple, a stark change from the neon blue lighting from the entrance
>Murals and runes inhabit the walls
>You take a moment to look at them
>They all feature humans
>None of them have tails however
>This is getting weirder and weirder by the minute
>As you head deeper and deeper into the depths of the temple, the murals get stranger
>Ponies' backs being crushed by humans riding them, with humans laughing at them
>This one was particularly interesting however
>A mass of unicorns on one side, lead by two alicorns
>One white as snow, and the other deep blue
>And a writhing mass of humans, with one standing standing above them
>A human, clad in light golden armor, with golden hair, and a tail to match
>Atop his head a red and gold circlet
>Sun Wukong
>With renewed vigor you speed through the murals
>The unicorn army defeated
>Ponies enslaved yet again
>And then the murals suddenly end
>The last one half finished
>Are you missing something?
>This is probably where their history ends
>But none of this matches up with what you read
>That would mean someone is lying here
>You're going to get to the bottom of this
>The floor flattens out and you're face to face with the entrance to a chamber
>It's circular, and in the middle lies a chest
>The chest is decorated similarly to the rest of the room, circular swirls of solid gold and red wood
>You open the chest carefully, but dust explodes out of it regardless
>After coughing and waving away the dust, you're left with the contents of the box
>Several books, a familiar looking circlet, and a stick in the same design as the circlet
>You pick up the circlet, rubbing the dust off of the gold with care
>Staring at the circlet intently, you decide there's only one course of action
>You put it on
>Searing pain flares through your forehead, and it feels like someone in smashing your tailbone with a hammer
>You scream out in pain as every single hair on your head ignites in pain
>The pain overwhelms you, and you lose consciousness
>"Hey Twilight, up late again?"
"Huh? Yeah Spike, I was just reading this book again for citations for my claims on why I think it's poorly written, due to the fact the author has to switch characters to show stuff the main character wouldn't know otherwise."
>"That's neat and all, but have you heard anything from Anon yet? It's been almost a month now..."
"Come on Spike, how much trouble could he have gotten into? He doesn't have a spark of magic in him."
>Spikes face contorts as he burps out a puff of green flame and a scroll with it
>You open the scroll
>"We found him."

>You are Anonymous
>Were you ever anyone else?
>"Well I should hope not."
"What the fuck was that?"
>"Right here big shot."
>You sit up and are face to face with a floating golden monkey
"What the fuck are you."
>"You shall not speak to the former king of humans like that!"
>What the hell is this
"Last time I checked, Sun Wukong wasn't a floating golden monkey."
>"Hey, I didn't think I'd end up like this either when I bound my soul to my circlet either. In fact, you can see me and the unicorn who I had do this right over there"
>He points to the other side of the room, where a human and pony skeleton lay
"Okay then. So why exactly did you do this?"
>"Well, when a slave revolt burns your entire food supply right before the harshest winter you've ever experienced and all your scholars are the first to die, you come up with some pretty crazy ideas on how to make sure your race's legacy lives on."
"Point taken."
>"And you're part two of that legacy apparently. I'm pretty glad I didn't go with the plan where I destroyed this thing."
>You nod softly, agreeing with him
>Grabbing the chest, you leave the temple, ghost king in tow
>It seems like morning had come while you were passed out
>You pack up your camp, and take one more look inside the chest
"So what's with this stick anyway?"
>You pick it up, inspecting the object