Super awesome kung-fu chilli recipe
------------------------
Ingredients:
500g-600g lean minced beef
2 small red onions OR 1 big red onion
2 cans of chopped tomatoes
1 can kidney or adzuki beans
Pickled red Jalapenos (hot and sweet)
Ground cumin
ground cayenne pepper
ground Paprika
ketchup or Tomato puree
1 OXO cube
Fresh coriander
Garlic Paste
Worcester Sauce
1 bottle of beer (i use San Miguel)
Some chocolate
Black Pepper
Salt

Method:
-------
Throw the beef in a big-ass pan, I use a wok. because i am cool.
Cook that shit up and brown it off
Throw in a line of Garlic paste
Shake some Worcester sauce over the beef as its browning
Salt n pepper too.
Cook it up boy.
Chop the onion, chop it good, oh yeah baby chop that shit. I like a medium chop cause I like my chilli with a little texture. Unlike that nasty supermarket slurry.
Sprinkle in half the OXO cube
stir
Throw in that chopped red onion
stir
Pour in half a bottle of the bee
stir
Let it cook a little make sure all that shit is amalgamated. seasoning the beef and cooking if off in beer at this stage gives my chilli is famous depth of flavor. So do it.
After a couple of minutes drain the beans and throw them in too
Cook it up for another coupe of minutes, the onions should start to get soft.
Throw in the two cans of tomatoes, it will look pretty sloppy and liquid now, thats cool. relax.
Chop the red jalapenos, about 1/5 of a jar (discovery brand hot and sweet red japapenos, from the supermarket) and throw them into the pan, stir it up good.
Put the can on low/med and let it bubble.

The shit that makes it good
--------------------------
See the secret to my chilli is that its seasoned and spiced as the mixture cooks down to the consistency you want it. It will start off pretty liquid. a good chilli has a complex deep flavour that builds as you eat it. it's not supposed to blow your head off on the first spoonful that's amateur stuff. So here's what we are going to do:

Season the chilli as it cooks down. personally i like my chilli not too liquid, not too dry. i like it juuuust right. Like goldilocks prefers here porridge.
So as the chilli cooks put in the ground spices:
Cumin  1tsp
Cayenne 2tsp
Paprika 1 tsp
stir
let it cook
Chilli changes its taste profile as the liquid is cooked off. after you have spiced let it cook a little and taste again.
Season again if necessary. I generally season my chilli 5 or 6 times as it cooks down to the consistency I want. A little at a time, making sure all the spices are perfectly balanced and the heat is juuuuuust right.
taste
At this point the chilli will likely taste a little too acidic for your tastes (chilli made this way does)
break up some chocolate and stir it into the chilli.
The chocolate will perform two functions (1) neutralize the acidity of the chilli without fucking up the awesome deep and complex flavor profile you have spent time creating with the careful addition of spices while it cooked down, and (2) give the liquor a lovely glossy sheen. This is why the addition of chocolate is the superior way of ph balancing your chilli.
Taste, happy? ensure that you are because if not this is your last chance to balance the flavours. the world's best chilli is almost complete!
Chop the fresh coriander up, use a lot and it MUST be fresh. if you don;t use fresh coriander then you are most certainly a TWAT.
throw in the coriander stalk and all, (i don't know how much coriander by weight, but they sell fresh coriander in little baggies in Sainsbury, I always use a while bag of that) stir it in, it will break down quickly
By now your chilli will have the perfect balance of spices, and a real depth of flavour since we seasoned the meat right at the start.
it should also be about at the right consistency not to sloppy, not too thick, and have a glossy rich sacue because of the chocolate and the beer.
serve it up.
i like to eat my chilli with crispy potato skins and spicy rice.
Alternatively I also like it with grated cheese on top and a side of tortilla chips.
i thank you.
-----eof------