A Helping Hoof P11

<The previous day>
>You are now Fluttershy.
>And the train ride home from Canterlot was probably the most depressing encounter that you’ve had to date.
>The rest of your friends were around Rarity, who was bawling her eyes out earlier.
>She’s been reduced to mumbling sobs.
>You’ve exiled yourself to your own little bench, hanging your head solemnly.
>This was all your fault.
>But why you of all p0nies?
>Why did the changelings pick you to impersonate, and not, say Twilight with all her fancy magic?
>It didn’t make sense.
>And what did they want with Anon?
>How could he be of any use?
>Celestia didn’t know, but she said she’d interrogate Anon herself after he’s had some time to stew in the dungeon.
>Perhaps he has an idea.
>”Hey Fluttershy?”
>You turn and see Rainbow Dash trotting up to you, taking a seat next to you.
“Y…yes Rainbow?”
>She sighs lightly, and looks at you with a determined glance.
>”I don’t know what in the world is going on with all this changeling nonsense. I don’t know what to think about Anon. And I sure as heck don’t have any idea what to do about Rarity. I just want you to know that I don’t hate you or anything, alright. We’ll get to the bottom of this, and clear your name. Just…make sure to apologize to Anon when you see him next alright?”
>You nod, fashioning a weak smile.
>That was already the first thing on your list.
>It was your uncontrollable urges that started this mess after all.
>”Oh and…good luck with the investigation, Flutterspy.”
>She snickers at you before flittering away.
>…you’re not a spy…
>Celestia tasked you with two of her guards, whom you recognized as the ones who took Anon away.
>She said they’d contact you tomorrow, and to take today to rest a little.
>But you really doubted your helpfulness, to be honest.
>The six of you arrive at Ponyville. Twilight offers to walk Rarity home and the others depart with well wishings to both Rarity and yourself.
>No one offered to walk you home.
>That’s okay.
>They’re probably all mad at you still.
>You sent their…your friend to jail.
>Oh Celestia he’s probably all alone and scared…
>You walk slowly and silently toward your cottage as the dull orange of a sunset washes over you.
>Perhaps…just maybe…Celestia would actually let you help combat the Changeling threat.
>Then maybe Anon can forgive you.

>You are now Rarity.
>And it was kind of Twilight to offer to walk you home.
>But you need no help.
>You’re absolutely fine.
>So what if your mascara is ruined, your breath smells of wine (at least it was expensive!) and your beautiful mane is in shambles.
>Nothing a few showers, a bubble bath, a full makeover using the most expensive coat conditioners that money can buy and a full…body…massage…
>You haven’t even made it to your house and you’re already starting to tear up.
>No.
>No you’re not going to worry.
>What good is there in worry?
>Besides, it’s not like Anon is gone, he’s just in jail.
>Can you blame her, though?
>He assaulted the Princess, or at least tried to.
>You fashion a faint smile as you recall the events.
>He threw a tantrum just to defend you. He didn’t care the consequences.
>Such a silly human.
>But he was your human.
>You sigh, as you trot towards the direction of Carousel Boutique.
>You were extraordinarily tired, and the train ride sobered you up WAY too much.
>There were just too many emotions going on in your head.
>You needed a drink.
>Something stiff.
>Like Anon…
>OH OF ALL THE THINGS TO THINK ABOUT BRAIN
>You shake your head roughly and trot through the marketplace, ignoring everp0ny around you.
>You needed to get home.
>Get something to drink.
>And then…
>OH BY CELESTIA
>YOU HAD COMPLETELY FORGOTTEN
>Your speed quickens and you blaze through to the Boutique, stopping to catch your breath as you open the door.
>Sweetie Belle is apparently back from Mom and Dad’s.
>You walk in and set down your bags, making your way to your room, hopefully quietly enough that-
>”Rarity! You’re home!”
>She speeds up to you, hugging you tight.
>”How was the visit with the Princess?”
>She then looks behind you, blinks her little eyes, and looks up to you confused.
>”Where’s Anon?”
>You turn your eyes away, avoiding her glance.
“He’s…he had something else to attend to”
>Yeah, sweet lie.
>”Rarity, you’re the worst liar ever in forever, you know that right?”
>She lowers her eyes at you.
>”What happened to Anon? And why do you look so…uhm…not Rarity?”
>You can feel a bit of sweat on your brow.
>”Anon is fine. He’s staying with the Princess for now. Now if you excuse me Sweetie Belle I must get to work. I’ve spent far too much time with Anonymous that I’ve completely neglected my orders.”
>You attempt to push her off, and she resists at first, but then finally lets go, letting you walk past her.
>”Rarity…please don’t lock yourself in your room again…you know how you get.”
“Oh pish posh darling, what’s the worst that could happen?”
>You push open the door to your sewing room, and lock it.
>Your eyes instantly dart to the corner of the room where Anon set your liquor box down.
>There you are, my friends.
>You levitate your bottle of scotch, half empty.
>This should be strong enough.
>Popping the cork, the familiar peaty smell permeates the room.
>Good ol’ scotch.
>You take a draft, swallow and exhale happily.
“Ahhn~ How delightful.”
>You take a smaller swig and trot over to your design table.
>You begin sketching out a random design.
>You’ve got your juices going again.
>It’s time to work.

<Present Day>
>You are Celestia, and by the stars you did not sleep a wink last night.
>It is a new day, and with a new day comes answers.
>Hopefully.
>The revelation of another changeling threat worried you greatly.
>The fact that Anonymous seemed to be at the center of the issue was even more troubling.
>You crawl slowly out of bed, walking to your balcony. Luna signals you from her own balcony that she’s done for the night.
>You nod happily to her, and she departs.
>You focus on the glorious astral body, shine your horn, and begin the sunrise that you enjoy every morning.
>It was good to be the Princess.
>After an arduous detailing of your mane, hooves, and coat by your servants, you are finally able to conduct your royal duties.
>First thing is first, you need to talk to Anonymous and hope he’s calmed down enough to be of use.
>You did not want to force him to do anything.
>While he was not a pony, he was still one of your subjects.
>You sigh, making your way to the door to your dungeon.
>You nod at the guards.
”I will be going to check on the prisoner. See to it that Raritan and Disc Ward are summoned, would you?”
>”Yes, your majesty.”
>You smile and open the door, making your way down the stairs in no hurry.
>Changelings.
>How interesting.
>Why would Chrysalis be so eager to attack again so soon after her defeat?
>And why target the human, of all p0nies?
>People. Whatever.
>There seemed to be something strange going on, and if Anon was the root of it…well…it’s a darned good thing you were able to isolate him.
>You pass the winding halls to the jail cell that was to hold Anonymous. It was the biggest, after all.
>Upon reaching the room…you are stopped dead in your tracks.
>The door is open.
>The keys are in the lock.
>And Anonymous is nowhere to be found.
>You tense up.
>In the 1000 years that you’ve ruled, you had never had a prisoner escape.
>Well, you’d never really had prisoners either, what with the abundant peace brought forth because you’re the best Princess ever.
>…perhaps leaving the two nitwits in charge of Anon was a bad idea.
>You take a deep breath and compose your thoughts.
>There seemed to be no signs of a struggle, and the keys were in the lock still.
>…so…it seems that Chrysalis wishes to be brash and invade your castle underneath your very eye.
>You have no idea what she could want with Anonymous.
>That human was trouble, and you sensed it when you first met him.
>He was a being of chaos, much like Discord.
>Though his mind was innocent and void of any negative thoughts, you were able to glean that his race was one that was not nearly as peaceful as your own.
>The very thought of all that bloodshed makes you cringe.
>Whatever the reason, you must get him back.
>If not to interrupt Chrysalis’ plans…then maybe for Rarity’s sake.
>Poor Generosity…it seems she has lapsed into alcoholism to be able to deal with Anonymous.
>You do hope that her friends are able to bring her out of it.
>”You called, Princess?”
>You turn to see Raritan, his golden mane fluffy and bouncy, a smile on his face.
>And he wasn’t in his armor, either.
>You put a hoof to your forehead and rub your temple.
”Raritan…I won’t even ask why you’re not in uniform. Where is your compatriot, Disc Ward?”
>He looks down, and seems shocked.
>”Wow I didn’t even notice I wasn’t wearing it! My apologies Princess. I was styling my hair and then I got your summons and I guess I forgot to dress for the occasion. And I think Disc is off getting rations or something. Not sure what that’s all about.”
>You take a deep breath and exhale slowly.
>Raritan and Disc Ward were among the few guards that you hand picked to be your own special guards, those which would be assigned special tasks and generally do more than stand watch around the grounds.
>They were also the only guards with a little personality; the majority of other Pegasi guards were dull, lifeless, and single-minded.
 “Raritan…can you tell me what is wrong with the scene behind me here?”
>You gesture to the empty cell.
>”Oh holy cow, how did he get out? Oh it looks like he filched the keys from somep0ny. That’s weird; Disc gave me the keys when we traded shifts last night. The guy passed out so I thought ‘Hey, this guy’s probably harmless, I’m gonna go to sleep too.’ Well shucks it looks like I was wrong. But wait if I had the keys, how did he get them? They’re strapped to my…”
>He looks down.
>”…my armor.”
>You scream internally.
>You then remember that this is why you hired the other guards.
“Raritan…go get Disc Ward please. I’ve an assignment for the two of you. Perhaps I will try and forget that you let the only prison breakout in my kingdom in 1000 years occur.”
>He takes a small step back, and salutes.
>”Y-yes your highness!”
>With that he turns and trots quickly down the halls, his hoofsteps echoing through the stone.
>Okay Celestia, you’ve an escaped prisoner that may be a danger to the whole kingdom.
>What is the first step?
>You put a hoof to your chin and then smile.
>Of course.
>Complete lockdown.
>You close your eyes and search your mind for the spell.
>You’d have to tweak it a little to bar any non-ponies from entering your realm, and you’d have to expand it to include Ponyville as well, but that was nothing.
>It was your duty to protect the Elements of Harmony and your subjects at all costs.
 >You shine your horn and plant your hooves flat, bracing yourself as the spell is cast.
>You open your eyes to an expansion of glittering yellow magic growing from around you.
>With a smile, you turn and head back to the throne room.
>It was good to be the Princess.

>You are Fluttershy.
>Last night’s rest was full of everything but sleep.
>You were worried about Anon.
>You hope the Princess wasn’t treating him badly.
>Yeah…he was stupid to try and hurt the Princess but…
>You sigh and clamber out of bed, rubbing your tired eyes with a hoof.
>You make your way to the bathroom, and approach the mirror.
>Tugging at your face, you frown slightly.
>You were a model, once.
>Why didn’t Anon like you?
>Maybe he didn’t like pink or yellow…
>Or…maybe it wasn’t the wisest choice to wait until Estrus to try and win his love…
>That’s probably right.
>You slump a little and step into the shower, turning it on and letting the relaxing water flow down your mane and coat.
>You breathe deep and close your eyes.
>The Princess said you could help with the problems surrounding Anon and yourself, and if you can manage to fix this…then maybe he’ll…maybe he’ll at least let you go out on a date.
>That’s a reasonable start, right?
>Well…then there’s the fact he’s with Rarity…
>You remember the hurtful things you’ve said about her and Anonymous’ relationship.
>You hated Estrus.
>It made your body go crazy and you’d try and…get your fix…any way you could.
>And it made your mind think such strange things…
>Thank Celestia it only lasted a week. Any longer and you might have to move even further away from society.
>You begin your shower routine.
>You were a model once, but that in no way means you can’t treat yourself like you’re still a model darn it.
>You spend the longest time on your hair, making sure it stays silky. Your coat was bound to get a little messy from the critters that you lived with, but you still have to make sure to always look your best.
>Your mind wanders as you scrub your coat clean.
>Well…Anonymous likes ponies at least…for some reason you were thinking he wouldn’t.
>That was a lot of the reason of why you kept your distance.
>He seems to really like Rarity…and…they were on the train right next to everp0ny else…
>You feel your marehood quiver slightly.
>Your hooves start to wander toward it subconsciously.
>The image of Anon pounding his hot monkey [spoiler]dock[/spoiler] into Rarity…the both of them going at it in a frenzy of wild passion…
“Mmm…Anon…won’t you do me next…”
>Needless to say, the shower took a little longer than you expected.
>You step out of your shower and grab a towel from the rack, cleansing your coat a bit.
>A knock at the door interrupts your routine, and you panic slightly.
“Coming!” you shout to the door, wrapping your hair in the towel.
>Most of your critter friends that live in your cottage seem to be asleep still, Angel included.
>That’s probably a good thing, he doesn’t like visitors much.
>The knocking continues as you approach the door, peeping through the little window.
>What in the world…?
>You pull the door open, and are met with two Pegasi that look extremely out of place.
>”Hello maam, I’m Disc Ward and this is Raritan. We’re with the COPS. We were told that you were to be assisting us in Royal matters?”
>You blink, mildly blinded by their glittering gold armor.
“Uhm…yes.  I’m Fluttershy and I was told that I could help find the Changeling in Ponyville?”
>The white one pokes his head out from behind the other.
>”Oh hey I remember you! You were there the other day! Oh man you’re one of them Elements of Harmony!”
>Disc turns and glares at Raritan.
>”Do you think that at any possible moment in your job that you could PRETEND to be professional?”
>Raritan shakes his head and smiles.
>Disc puts a hoof to his face and sighs.
>”Miss Fluttershy, I apologize for my partner’s interruption. Yes, we can use a little help, but I’m not really all that sure what it is that you can do for us. What is your talent? Butterflies?”
>You turn and look at your flank, smiling faintly.
“I’m able to communicate with animals. Can that help?”
>He puts a hoof to his chin.
>Raritan pushes him out of the way.
>”You could help with perimeter patrol and stuff! Like, get your animal buddies to make sure there’s nothing skulking around Ponyville and Canterlot.”
>Disc pushes him back and huffs.
>”My partner, while annoying, has a good idea. Do you think you could do that, and keep us updated?”
“I should be able to do that…um…how do I get in contact with you if I find something?”
>”I think you have that dragon that spits letters, well; we can receive them as well. Just write to us and we’ll handle it. Be careful, Fluttershy.”
>They start to turn, Raritan waving frantically back as Disc slaps him in the back of his helmet.
“W-wait! What are the COPS?”
>They stop and turn toward you.
>”Celestia’s Obedient Personal Security, maam. We’re the special forces.”
>He ends that last line with a wink.
>”Wait, I thought we were Celestia’s Only Problem Solvers?” Raritan replies turning to Disc.
“Um…”
>The two of them walk off, still bickering.

>You are now Disc Ward.
>And this was your first big assignment since that one filly got loose from the insane asylum.
>What was her name again?
>Ah whatever.
>Now its Changelings, just like the ones that you saw at the Royal Wedding.
>It’s a damn shame that Celestia didn’t let you give those no-good ne’er-do-wells a cut of your blade.
>Apparently having a special talent for lethal force is unnecessary EVEN WHEN THE WHOLE KINGDOM IS IN DANGER.
>”So what’s the plan, Discy?”
“Please stop calling me that Raritan.”
>The two of you walk down the path into the main area of Ponyville. The two you hadn’t really spent much time here, but it seemed a quaint little joint.
>Apparently it was also the vertex at which this nonsense was conspired.
“Well, let me see. We followed the trace of Changeling magic from the castle back to Ponyville. Let’s just keep following it and see what turns up.”
>Raritan nods as the two of you clinkity clop your way into town.
>As usual, the Royal Guard showing up is sort of a rarity.
>As you breach the town’s borders you’re immediately accosted with glances and gasps from many an onlooker.
>And as usual, Raritan eschews his duties and tries to make smalltalk.
>”Hey, Disc, look that one has a cutie mark of candy! I love candy. I’m gonna go talk to her.”
>You don’t try to stop him anymore.
>Unfortunately and strangely, Raritan’s special talent was…well you hadn’t really figured it out yet.
>It was a big pinkish-reddish heart, with the center being the head of a mare that none of you had ever met before.
>Raritan had made it his personal quest to find that mare, and had become quite the ladykiller.
>This would be great if it wasn’t for the fact he was about as spastic as a chicken in flight.
>You were his wingbro, and while the both of you were single, it seemed as if he was also yours.
>It was good, being pretty much the most important members of the guard ever.
>As you continue to walk, nodding your head to a few other ponies that smile your way, Raritan returns.
>”Hey Disc! I got some Butterscotches. I bet they taste amazing.”
“Be careful, they could be drugged. You can never trust Butterscotch.”
>He looks at you like you’re clueless and you just smile.
>He was so fun to mess with.
“So the Princess mentioned Fluttershy and another p0ny here in town that we should question first and foremost. I’m going to ask around and see if someone knows who we’re looking for. Just…stick close Raritan, alright?”
>”Right-o Disc. You can count on me.”
>He pops in a yellow drop of candy and smiles.
>You really couldn’t count on him.
>His last screw up had the two of you kind of jittery in Celestia’s eyes.
>Somehow the keys to the human’s cell were pickpocketed off of Raritan’s armor and he escaped.
>It was of utmost importance that the two of you find him.
>According to the Princess he was the key to the whole Changeling plot.
>Also something something about him being dangerous, but you met the guy. Sure he was big, but he seemed nice enough.
>Strange he couldn’t talk though.
>Raritan seemed to be actually focusing, or at least as much as he’d allow himself, keeping a steady pace behind you smiling and nodding to the public.
>Impressive.
>”Oh holy cow look Disc.” Raritan says suddenly, gesturing to the sky.
“Raritan, we’re not on a sight-seeing trip, this is a serious matter. What is it now?”
>You look to the sky, humoring your fellow Pegasus.
>Oh no.
>Not her.
>”Isn’t that whats her name…Rainbow something?” He says, grinning madly.
“I swear to you, Raritan, if you cause shenanigans again I’m going to tell the Princess and she’ll bar you from the force or something.”
>”Hey Rainbow! Look who it is!” Raritan calls to the heaven in his sing-songy voice.
>Rainbow Dash is resting on a cloud above the town, sure enough, and of course.
>OF COURSE.
>She hears Raritan’s voice over the hubbub of the town.
>Her adorable blue ears perk up and the slightest hint of her magenta eyes make their presence known.
>Your wings start to pop open unconsciously.
>This isn’t happening, not now.
>Raritan jabs you in the side, noticing your wings.
>”I knew this was going to be a fun day Discy.”
>You turn to him and glare, your yellow eyes attempting to bore a hole into his smiling face.
>You hear the fluttering of wings, and sure enough, turn to find a Rainbow Dash.
>You tense up.
>”Uh…Hey guys.”
>”Hi! I’m Raritan. This is my buddy Disc Ward. He’s been dying to meet you.”
>You shake a little, the rage towards Raritan attempting to overcome your embarrassment of meeting your crush.
>For the first time.
>Fething great.
>She looks at the two of you and perks up an eyebrow.
>”What in the world are a bunch of Royal Guards doing so far from the castle?”
>”Conducting important Royal business, citizen!” Raritan calls out in the deepest voice he can muster. It isn’t very deep, but he’s puffing his chest out like it is.
>”Uh…that’s nice.”
>She shifts a little.
“Uh…miss Rainbow Dash. You uh…know anything about somep0ny named Rarity?”
>”Her name sounds like mine!”
>You see her eyes shift to Raritan’s flank.
>”She’s over at Carousel Boutique I think.”
>She gestures with a hoof in a westerly direction.
>“Though I’ve gotta ask…why do you have her face on your flank Raritan?”
>You see Raritan’s blue-green eyes shrink to pinpoints, his body tensing up and shaking slightly.
“Oh for the love of…uh, thanks Rainbow, please go. I need to handle this.”
>Rainbow shrugs and flaps off, leaving you with a crumbling Raritan.
>This was not a good thing.
>Raritan’s cutie mark was a mystery; he just sort of woke up and had it.
>It was a mare’s face, surrounded by a pinkish heart.
>Since then, Raritan had made it his life’s journey to find this mare, and figure out why in the world he has her face as his cutie mark.
>And…now he’d found her.
>You touch your ear with a hoof, activating the transmitter in your helmet.
“This is Disc Ward. Patch me in to the Princess please. It’s an emergency.”
>You grab Raritan and pull him to the side, sitting him down.
>”D-d-d-d-d-d-disc. It-it-it-it-it’s her. W-w-w-w-w-what do I d-d-d-d-d-do?”
“Calm down Rar, I’m getting some help.”
>The Princess’ voice is heard through your transmitter.
>”Disc, did you find the Changeling? What’s going on?”
“Negative, your majesty. Worse. Raritan has found Rarity. His Cutie mark. He’s uh…he’s not taking it well. How should I proceed?”
>There’s silence for a moment.
”Rar, hang in there, alright?”
>”Disc…while that’s certainly an emergency for you and Raritan, it does not concern me. Keep Raritan under control and see to it that you get results.”
“Roger that your majesty, I’ll try to keep a lid on Raritan. Disc Ward out.”
>How were you going to keep a lid on Raritan?
“Rar, listen to me. The Princess says it’s imperative that we talk to this Rarity. I’m gonna have to know that you can do this.”
>”B-b-b-b-b-but D-d-d-d-d-isc…“ He stammers, looking at you with tears starting to well in his eyes.
“Come on buddy, you need to do this. For you and for the kingdom. Come on, let’s go be heroes!”
>Oh Celestia this was a terrible idea.
>You pull him up and he sniffles.
>“O-o-kay Disc. I…let’s do this.”
>You roll your eyes and start to walk slowly towards the direction Rainbow mentioned.

>You are now Rarity.
>And you’ve sort of lost track as to how many dresses that you’ve made.
>You ran out of mannequins long ago.
>Now you’re just hanging them up on an assortment of wire hangers that you had Sweetie Belle make for you.
>She kept complaining that it hurt her hooves or some such nonsense.
>You offered her a drink, saying that it’d help with the pain.
>And she had the gall to refuse it!
>Well, she wasn’t allowed to complain then.
>You’d been steadily crafting your art for…a day now? Maybe? You’d drawn the curtains a while ago.
>If it wasn’t for the incessant pattering of Sweetie Belle complaining that she was hungry or something you’d have been finished long ago too.
>There was plenty of food in the house, but of course Sweetie kept saying that there wasn’t anything.
>You’d have a long talk with mother and father about her attitude.
>One thing she was good for was finding something for you to drink, as your own personal reserve seemed to have run dry.
>Though that last glass that she proffered tasted a bit off.
>Sweetie Belle had said she found it in the house, so it was probably some from a stash that you hid around the house.
>”Rarity…why are you drinking so much? And you still won’t say what happened to Anon…”
“Hush Sweetie, you know I don’t like to talk when I’m working.”
>”…Rarity you used to SING while you worked. And have you looked in a mirror lately? You look like you haven’t slept in days.”
>You huff and continue sewing.
>What did a little Filly know?
>This one was rather fun. Lots of frills and ruffles, very Victorian. You’d even included a bustle.
>Who was this for?
>You look down at the blurry piece of paper.
>Fluttershy? When did she place an order?
>You look down at the green and yellow dress, furrowing your brow in distant anger.
>Wait…what did she do again?
>You put a hoof to your chin.
>Huh.
>You had no idea.
>Ah well.
>You glug down another highball of the strange red liquid.
>It was almost sickly sweet, but packed a kick all the same.
“Where in the world did you get this stuff, Sweetie? It tastes so familiar.”
>She ignores you, too busy coloring on the floor apparently.
>You throw a bobbin at her with your magic and it thunks against her head.
>”Ow…Rarity what was that for?”
“Sweetie Belle, listen to me!”
>”Rarity, I already told you where I got it! From the cupboard in the bathroom. It was the only stuff in the house that smelled like your…stuff.”
>You look down at the glass, and then to the little bottle.
>You levitate it up to you and squint.
“N…eigh…quil?”
>…
>You were drinking cough medicine?
>Suddenly you hear a knock on your door.
>You sigh and turn back to your work.
“Sweetie Belle, be a dear and go get that for me?”
>”Yes Rarity…” She replies, sighing lightly.
>You take another swig of your cough medicine.
>It wasn’t bad, really.
>A few moments go by with your sewing machine prattling on.
>Who in the world was it this time? The Princess?
>You smile to yourself.
>”Uh…Rarity I think you need to come out here.”
>You groan angrily, rising from your pillow.
“This had better be the Princess herself, Sweetie or I’ll have to get Father’s belt and…”
>You arrive at the door and are nearly blinded by the sight of two Royal Guards standing in your doorway.
>”Hello ma’am, my name is Disc Ward and this is…this is Raritan.”
>He gestures to the pony behind him who seems to be attempting to bore a hole into you with his eyes.
>”We’re with the COPS. I believe you’re aware of a certain situation going on with the human and changelings. We’d like to ask you a few questions, if that’s alright.”
>You look to the brown Pegasi, blinking a bit unbelievingly.
“Why?”
>Seemed a simple enough question.
>”Well, the Princess told us that you and the pony called Fluttershy were closest to the human, which means you’d know if anything strange was going on with him.”
“Couldn’t I have just sent a letter?”
>He cocks his head at you confusedly.
>”Ma’am, we prefer to do things in the field, but you’re welcome to send the Princess a letter if you feel it’s necessary. May we come in?”
“I don’t see why. Especially with how your friend back there is practically staring at me.”
>He turns to his partner and whispers something. The white pegasi’s ears droop and he breaks his stare, finding the ground more interesting.
>”I…I…please let us in miss…uh…Rarity…we gotta be the heroes.” The white one stammers, his voice soft and alluring for some reason.
“Of course, darling.” You respond instantly, stepping aside to let them in.
>WHAT
>WHY DID YOU DO THAT
>Disc looks to Raritan, then back at you and then back at Raritan, clearly lost.
>”Uh…alright. I promise it won’t be long.”
>You look down at Sweetie Belle.
“This is all your fault. Now I’ll never get my work done.”
>She rolls her eyes and walks away from you.
>You’d deal with her later.
>The two guards enter and take a seat at your dining room table
>You levitate a random bottle over and upend it, finding empty.
>You grumble and toss it over your shoulder with a loud shatter.
>”Maam…are you quite alright? You seem a bit…off.”
“No, I am not alright. Say your peace and get out of my boutique. Especially if you’re here to say how Anon is a criminal and he deserves to be locked up.”
>”B-but…” Raritan squeaks before Disc shushes him.
>Disc rises and takes off his helmet, shaggy brown hair flopping down his neck sweatily.
>”Alright, then I’ll hurry this up. What’s your relation to Anon?”
“I’m his mare. Didn’t the Princess tell you anything?”
>”So you’re taken?” Raritan suddenly pipes up, his voice full of surprise and sadness.
>You look to him and try to fashion a smile.
>It barely works.
“Yes. Next?”
>”Is there anything that you can tell of about the night of the incident? The uh…end of estrus party?”
“We were all drugged and I ended up being raped by my lover who then died on me. Apparently not-Fluttershy had some strange drug and used it on Anon to make him black out.”
>”Alright…did anyone else notice anything different about Fluttershy at the party?”
“No, she was acting pretty normal. Shy and reclusive. Not very bitchy, though, that was new.”
>You actually smile at that one.
>”Uh…Miss Rarity…do you think I could um…look around Anon’s room?” Raritan asks, rising slowly.
>Disc snaps to Raritan with a glare, whispering something through his teeth.
“I hardly see why. This is about the changelings, not my Anon. And what in the world are you two whispering about?”
>”Nothing at all, maam.” Disc replies, glancing over at Raritan.
>”Uhm…actually…uh…since she’s his mare and all don’t you think we should tell her? I mean she looks worried.”
>Tell you what?
>”Damnit Raritan, shut up. You’re going to blow the whole operation.”
>”O…okay but only after we tell her. I mean, I’d want to know if…if the love of my life…”
>He looks to the ground, blushing slightly and pawing at the table with a hoof.
>You don’t have time for this pony’s games.
“Out with it, Raritan.”
>Instantly his tail starts to wiggle, a wide smile appearing on to his face as he turns to Disc.
>”She said my name Disc! Oh my Celestia I can’t believe she said my name. Do you think she can say it again? Oh man I can’t believe this is happening. She’s right there! My cutie mark’s meaning! It’s her!”
>What?
>His cutie mark was you?
>You wager a glance and sure enough there was your face on his flank, complete with a little heart.
>”Damnit. You know what, fine, Raritan, I’m leaving. Gosh, I didn’t think I’d have to babysit you. I’ll be waiting outside. I should have known you couldn’t keep it together.”
>The guard rises and puts his helmet on, while Raritan frowns slightly.
>”By the way, Maam, anything that that foal says could be a lie as far as the Kingdom is concerned. I’d think it wise to not kick the wasp’s nest and let some rumors float around.”
>You nod, but only because you wanted him out of your house.
>He probably tracked mud in too, the brute.
>Back to the root of the matter: blabbermouth.
“So you were saying, darling?”
>”Disc? Why are you leaving me? Disc?”
>Disc exits your boutique without as much as a grunt in Raritan’s direction.
“Raritan. Focus.”
>You put a hoof to his helmet and jostle him slightly.
“Uhm…well…Anon’s missing. It seems like he escaped from jail somehow and we don’t know where he went and we don’t know really where to look. You’d think a six foot ape would be easy to spot.”
>He laughs awkwardly, gauging your reaction.
>And you don’t know how to react.
>But your alcohol does.
“My Anon is MISSING? And you didn’t think to tell me? GET OUT OF MY HOUSE.”
>Raritan scrambles to his feet as you launch a few empty wine bottles at him with your magic, hoping to miss.
>Most of them clank noisily against the wall, your throw unaided and inaccurate.
>One crashes against the doorframe as he exits, spooking the Pegasus something awful.
>Didn’t hit him, but good enough.
>You huff angrily.
>Anon was missing.
>Why in the world was Anon missing?
>Where did he go, and why didn’t the Princess tell you?
>This is ridiculous. First changeling nonsense and now Anon’s disappeared.
>No time for tears, now is the time for action.
>Flutterbooboo’s dress can wait.
>You grab your saddlebags and a small bag of bits, walking over to Sweetie’s door.
”Sweetie, I’m going to be gone for a while. Make sure to take care of my house.”
>You don’t wait for a response, and quickly depart.
>You’re going to find your man.
>But first, you needed to stock up.
>And by that, you mean that you were all out of liquor.
>And you’re not going to go through this shit sober.

>You are Anon, atop a grizzled Griffon with the only other Human in all Equestria on your way to Ponyville to grab Rarity and get the hell out of there.
>And apparently Crystal just signed you up for something involving getting even with Celestia.
>Not that you were really complaining, as far as you were concerned Celestia was a bitch who let power go to her head.
“What do you mean ‘we’ Crystal? I mean, yeah I don’t really like Celestia, but I wasn’t aware you had something crazy planned.”
>She turns to you, looking over her shoulder, her green eyes glimmering slightly as her blackish blue hair wafted in the wind.
>You swallow slightly, and you swear you can see anime sparkles around her as she runs a hand through her hair.
>Shit brain, get it together.
>Sorry man, you know we really can’t do that.
>She’s attractive, you’re turned on, and she wants you man.
>That’s pretty much everything we can’t work around.
>”Anonymous…that was a slip of the tongue. Sorry, I’ve been…I’ve been meaning to speak with Celestia about my…exile…for a while now. I just…I’m…I’m excited that you’re here with me, is all.”
>You catch a tinge of rosiness on her cheek before she turns.
>”Haw haw haw, ye be fallin’ for the young meatbag, eh Queenie?” Herny calls from below.
>”Quiet you.” She snarls.
>You smile a genuinely at her comment.
>You were glad that she was here as well, however crazy this world seems to be, it was nice to have someone that you can depend on.
>A friend.
>You flash back to your other friends, Pinkie, and Rainbow and the others.
>They’d probably be none too happy to hear how you’d been exiled.
>Haha, maybe you can overthrow the throne.
>That’d be ludicrous.
>The rest of the trip goes by in somewhat silence.
>You held on to Chrys but stopped from embracing her so hard, fearing her smell would overtake you.
>You enjoyed the colorful land that was passing by you, but to be perfectly honest, you were being dealt a pretty shitty hand.
>”Looks like we be comin’ up on Ponyville. I’ma land here in th’ woodses and wait fer ya. Take too long and I’ll leave without ya.”
>”Doubtful.” Crystal replies snarkily.
>Herny swoops down into a small clearing not too far from a path to Ponyville.
>Apparently he doesn’t know how to land peacefully, as his claws rake the earth beneath him as makeshift brakes.
>You’re using Crystal as an oh-shit handle, and she’s practically strangling the griffin squeezing on to his neck.
>”Ah hahah! Thank ye for flyin’ the Herny express! I’ll be waitin here for ye, out of sight. Maybe I’ll find somethin’ to eat.”
>Crystal is the first to dismount, landing with a slight flop.
>She extends a hand to help you down and you oblige.
>Manliness isn’t really that important when you’re flying around on the back of a giant eagle-lion who just happens to be a criminal as well.
>You hop down with a grunt and the two of you make your way through the woods to the path, waving to Herny.
“He’s totally going to bail on us, isn’t he?”
>”More than likely. But don’t worry, I think I have a backup plan.”
“You think?”
>”Look, I’m more worried about what you’re going to do. I mean, what’s your plan? You’re a wanted fugitive if anyone sees you and I’m pretty sure a six foot human is pretty noticeable.”
>You actually didn’t really have a plan…this was a last minute spur-of-the-moment kind of thing.
>…you weren’t about to let her know that though.
“Well I know exactly where she is, I can just sneak in and grab her and get out.”
>”And then what? Take her back to the den of thieves and murders?”
“Look let’s just…figure out how to get to her for now.”
>You break from the woods and skirt the edge of the path, and you can see a few little buildings over the horizon.
>Civilization.
>Ponyville.
>You catch yourself smiling.
>Finally, maybe you can have a little respite.
>The two of you walk down the path at an average pace.
>”Anon…I hope you know what you’re doing. You’re putting us both in danger, you know.”
“Relax Crystal, I got-
*THUNK*
>You slam face first into…nothing, stumbling backwards into Crystal.
>”Oh my gosh Anon are you alright?” she cries, looking to you.
>You rub your nose gently, thanking god you didn’t break it.
>But what the fuck?
>You reach out and feel for whatever you ran into.
>You feel something, but it’s invisible and feels kind of like glass.
“Uh, Crystal, any idea of what the hell is going on now?”
>She strides forward, a look of mild confusion on her face.
>Pressing a lithe hand to the wall, she closes her eyes for a moment.
>”It’s a shield of some type I think. Powerful magic. Damn, Anonymous, it looks like Celestia really wanted to keep you out.”
“Goddamnit.”
>You pound on the glass, and it rings noiselessly.
“Godfuckingdamnit.”
>You slam both fists on the shield and slump to your knees before the wall.
>You finish the endeavor by resting your head against it.
>You want to cry, but the tears won’t come out.
>You can see Ponyville on the horizon.
>It’s so close.
>…she’s so close…
>“Anon…are…are you okay?”
>Crystal asks softly, kneeling down next to you.
>You take a deep breath, your heart trying to pound its way out of your chest.
“You know what, Crystal…I don’t think I’ve been okay since I arrived in this crazy world. It’s just one goddamn crazy event after another. Like I’m on this big fucking rollercoaster of emotions and bullshit and I’m…I’m fucking tired of it.”
>You turn to her, your head hanging slightly, your eyes solemn.
“I don’t even know if I can have a ‘normal life’. I’m constantly accosted by these fucking ponies and yeah, its great that they’re friendly and all, but…I’m a human damnit. And…and then this stupid bullshit of me being dead and…”
>You shake your head.
”… I thought coming here I’d be able to get the one thing I’ve cared about in this crazy land. And apparently I’m not even allowed to do that. She was my rock, and now…now I don’t really have anything, any more.”
>You look down to the three little diamonds embroidered into your shirt.
>”Well…you have me.”
>You look to her briefly, her green eyes brightly shining in the sunlight.
>She sets a hand under your chin and lifts your head slightly.
>”And…I don’t know what all I can do, but maybe…maybe I can help you find your girl?”
>Her voice is slightly uneasy as she says it, though you can tell she’s telling the truth.
>Though even if she was lying it wouldn’t really matter.
>What in the hell would you or her know about magic anyway?
“Crystal…I…thanks but…maybe I should just…I don’t know. Maybe it’s a sign that I need to just fucking give up already. I mean, I was arrested, exiled, and now I’m pretty much ostracized. I mean I know I’m pretty damn stubborn but this kind of slaps me in the face, you know?”
>You brace yourself on a knee and slowly rise, looking into the distance at the town.
“I can figure out the magic death thing later, I guess. I mean, at least if I’m dead I’m not dealing with all this stress, right?”
>The joke seems lost on her.
>”Anon…don’t talk about dying or anything, alright? We’ll find a way to fix you.”
“Yeah, I guess so. There’s probably some miracle cure somewhere in magical pony land.”
>You laugh but it’s a weak and forced one.
>You offer her a hand and she accepts, rising to her feet with a faint smile.
>You notice she doesn’t let go of your hand, but you don’t really mind.
>You didn’t really think there was a cure, but who the hell knows, right?
>“ Actually, if I recall, there’s supposed to be some hoodoo shaman pony around here that knows some pretty crazy stuff. Since we’re here we might as well give it a shot.”
>Crazy hoodoo shaman pony.
>Alright, why not.
>You’ve got all the time in the world apparently.
>All hope is not lost, you weren’t about to give up that easily.
>But goddamnit if things weren’t just getting incessantly difficult for you.
>You were now entirely cut off from pretty much everything you’d ever known in a world that constantly attempted to fuck with you.
>You had no more friends, no more clothes, and barely a house to live in.
>You look to the girl standing next to you, a warm smile still adorning her porcelain skin, which was practically glowing in the sunlight.
>Though you feel a little empty on the inside, you’re not alone.
>She’s smart, nice, gorgeous, helpful…and she’s human, to boot.
>Plus, it seemed like she really liked you.
>Your imagination starts dreaming up corrupt thoughts that seem to want to bash Rarity in favor of Crystal, but you shake them away.
>This wasn’t a matter of choice, or comparison.
>But…something inside you tells you that it probably won’t be hard getting used to her company.
>The two of you look into each others eyes for a moment, each of you lost in a world of your own creation for but an instant.
>You can feel your heartbeat thump against your chest, and through her hand, you can tell hers is speeding up as well.
>You take a small step forward, releasing her hand and wrapping your arms around her waist.
>She follows suit, her thin arms wrapped daintily around your neck.
>The two of you stand, embracing in the middle of the road, two beings in a world that you didn’t belong to.
>Two exiles that had lost it all.
>You crane your neck forward slightly and plant a soft kiss against her jet black lips.
>You don’t think of what Rarity would think, or how crushed Pinkie Pie would be that you killed her OTP.
>You don’t think about Fluttershy, and how she’d ruined your life with a simple lie.
>You don’t think about the Princess, and her conniving ways to get you away from her subjects.
>You pull Crystal close to you, embracing her feylike frame.
>You only think of the girl in front of you.
>Something different…something willing to help you despite all of the nonsense thrown your way.
>Something that seemed to be willing to stick by you for your company alone.
>A new hope.
>After a moment that seems to span hours but lasted only seconds, you break the kiss, looking into her eyes with a sense of happiness that you hadn’t felt since that fateful day with Rarity.
>She smiles wide at you, showing off her fangs.
>”Thanks for giving me a shot, Anon. I knew you’d come around.”
>You emit a smirk to her comment, and pull away.
“Come on Crystal, I know you could stare into my eyes all day but times-a-wastin. I’m dying remember?”
>She frowns slightly, causing you to chuckle heartily.
“Calm down. Sheesh.”
>The two of you hold hands and walk slowly into the forest toward where you parked Herny.
>For better or for worse…
>It looks like your adventure was far from over.