Salman Corbette 1999

This time I will be covering full analysis, because this SCP made me snerk. It's probably a troll article, but I don't mind going through this.
lol jk

Item #: SCP-1999 ((It seems you wanted to snatch up this "special" number as quickly as possible. That's cool, I guess, but if you've written an SCP that you're unsure about - as I would be with this one - don't make it take up a number that everybody's gonna look at. It's like posting your baby pictures on Reddit. You'll end up embarrassed and other people will be annoyed.))

Object Class: Euclid ((This thing EATS FUCKING GALAXIES. Who cares if it's far away - it still presents a very considerable threat. I'd be pretty worried just because it makes the ears bleed of whoever see it. Make it Keter.))

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-1999 is located in Sector [REDACTED] of space at the current moment. ((Just say CURRENTLY. Saying "at the current moment" makes you sound like a 7th grader trying to seem smart in his English report.)) To ensure that SCP-1999 is to never be found by unauthorized persons, all high power telescopes require a password to view sector [REDACTED]. ((Wait… The Foundation has control of EVERY HIGH-POWER TELESCOPE EVERYWHERE!? HOW DOES THAT EVEN WORK!? And more importantly, how can I use this to get nudes of Zooey Deschanel?)) The password for sector [REDACTED] is █████████. ((Yes, of course, I'll just input a password on my TELESCOPE!))

Due to the fact SCP-1999 is outside of SCP control, any SCP's ((Say "SCP Objects". Just saying "SCP" is informal, and shouldn't be used in containment procedures.)) that may assist in SCP-1999's capture may be used against it. ((Yes, I can just see it now: The year, 20XX. SCP-1999 is approaching the milky way galaxy. Seeing the threat, the Foundation places Able into a space shuttle and launches him into space. Watch as Able suffocates while swinging a sword at a constellation TRILLIONS OF LIGHT YEARS LONG!!)) Any SCP's that help with size reduction and/or transportation of objects may be used under the [REDACTED] protocol to capture SCP-1999.((Yes, not only is this a financially viable option, we will literally capture TRILLIONS OF STARS and place them in containment cubes, a la SCP-727-J. I can get behind this!!))

Description: SCP-1999 is a creature made entirely of an unknown light, possibly another spectrum. ((Do you even understand how light works? If it's an unknown light, we most certainly can't see it. This is something I learned in Grade 6. WTF is an unknown light anyways?))
A0R6a.jpg

((Oh, right, like space but with a dirty lens. Of course.))

It is described by those who have viewed it as a mass of tentacles, four eyes and a giant toothed mouth. ((Ok, the FUCKING IMAGE YOU JUST SHOWED US LOOKS NOTHING LIKE THAT! Either find a good image or don't show an image at all!)) SCP-1999 is currently One Billion Light years away and is One Hundred Trillion times the size of the Milky Way. ((Pffft. Do you have anything more accurate? If not, you can always say this is an estimate. Or, through the oddest of coincidences, this thing just happens to be exactly one hundred trillion times the size of the milky way.)) SCP-1999 is considered a safe distance from our Galaxy. ((But, wait a second. It's one hundred billion light years away, but is literally quadrillions of light years across. That would me- OH MY GEEEWWWDDD!!!!!!!!))
The side effects of viewing SCP-1999 include horrible nightmares filled with tentacles, trypophobia, headaches and bleeding ears. ((Note to self: Seeing giant monster constellations causes the same effects as listening to a Hillary Duff album while watching Hentai. But seriously, did you just think of the most random possible medical afflictions and mash them all together. I'd like to know the thought process here. "But what if tentacle nightmares just don't do it? What's really scary? Oh, I know. HEADACHES!")) No one seems to know where SCP-1999 came from. ((Well, out of everything you put in this article, this line is actually somewhat creepy. Still, the tone is way off. Try "Currently, Foundation researchers have yet to discover SCP-1999's origins."))

Addendum:
20.02pm 20/02/2002: A galaxy in Sector [REDACTED] disappears. ((Wait, they didn't discover this thing until 2002? What the hell was going on at the Foundation? Why didn't they detect it before it ate an entire fucking galaxy in half a second [Which would imply, by the way, that it can travel faster than light, which would mean that it can get to u- OOOOHHHHH MYYYYYY GEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWDDDDDDD]? And more importantly: How many innocent astronomers had to suffer from tentacle nightmares!? Those poor souls.))
01.38am 21/03/2002: A high power telescope located in ███████ discovers SCP-1999 after searching for missing galaxy. ((So I was looking for this galaxy that just disappeared out of the blue, without submitting a formal report as to its disappearance to any major scientific publishers, and I found A GIANT TENTACLE MONSTER IN THE VISIBLE LIGHT SPECTRUM NOBODY HAD SEEN BEFORE.))
03.34am 21/03/2002: All scientist's in ███████ are killed by SCP personal. ((Now we all have our own personal canons, but I'm pretty sure it may be a little overboard for the Foundation to kill every person who fits in with the six degrees of separation from this thing.))
04.38am 21/03/2002: Sector [REDACTED] is locked down and password protected by SCP personal. ((WTF did they do, go find every high-powered telescope in the world, password protect it, and just blind any astronomer who dared use an unauthorized telescope? Why does it need to be a high-powered telescope anyways? If it's as big as you say it is, and within the visible spectrum of light, it probably takes up half the fucking sky at night. Then again, this may explain the profusion of tentacle nightmares the world has been suffering from for the past ten years.))
15.30pm 30/04/2002: The [REDACTED] protocol is approved. ((WHY DID YOU PUT THIS IN!? This means absolutely nothing to the reader. There is no reference to it before this, and there's nothing in the article after it. You might was well have just put in "The [REDACTED] unicorn shits on a telescope." Don't just put in meaningless redactions at the end of an SCP!))

In conclusion, reading of this SCP may cause diarrhea, megalomania, and HEADACHES.

EDIT: Don't worry about it too much kid. My first SCP also bombed, if that's any constellation.