every single thing these days is fucked. society, boys, girls, people, every single thing i swear to god. the last time i was genuinely happy would be february last year, ever since then i've been a pissed off little shit who snaps at the tiniest of things. i'm fucked up, there are millions of reasons behind why i think that. almost every person in society is a judgemental fuckhead, and if you're not following the latest 'trends' you're a loser, don't deserve to have any attention directed at you, you're nothing, if you wear short shorts, you're a slut, if you wear a singlet, you're a slut, if you wear stockings with anything people assume you're an emo who cuts, they never assume that maybe you wear stockings because it matches what you're wearing, they never assume that your legs might be cold and that's why you're wearing it. if you're friends with too many boys, you're a slut, friends with too many girls, you're a lesbian. i'm known for being a slut because almost every person i hang out with or talk to is a boy, maybe it's because girls are fucking bitches who complain, bitch, whinge and are annoying all the time that some people like boys more, because i know that's why i prefer boys. but then again boys are fucked too, not all of them of course but just some. i fall for the wrong kinds of people and i can't help that, no matter what i do i can't help but end up liking the boys that use girls, flirt with everyone, and it pisses me off. riley's a little lying fuck, said he'd stop flirting with girls, but did he? no. he doesn't give a fuck about my feelings, he's the reason i cried every night for almost three weeks, he's the reason there are scars up my leg, and he's the reason i was wondering why i'm still here living. zach's a piece of shit, i love him, but i hate him, he too chats up every girl, used to always be keen to sneak over and see me of a nighttime, always cared for my feelings, always wondered what was wrong and always listened, that's not the case anymore, now he ignores me, goes around with other girls, doesn't even think about me in my opinion. i don't think he gives two shits about me, he begs to differ when it's brought up in a conversation, but that all comes through my mind as lies. even thinking about how much i get fucked around by guys makes me shake with anger, for once i just wish there would be one guy who would treat me properly, that wouldn't chat up other girls, and would actually like me for who i am, but that's apparently too much to ask these days considering almost all townsville boys are fuckwits. there's only one thing that upsets me more than being fucked over by boys, and that's knowing that my brother won't be aroudn to see me graduate, to see me get married, to be an uncle to my child when i have one. it's not his fault that he's not here anymore, it's the person who ran him over's fault, if it wasn't for that fucking cunt my brother would still be here. i know he was a good person, i know he would've been the best brother, and for him i try and stay strong. the picture of him makes me tear up, even thinking about this makes me tear up, but it's okay because i know i'll be with him again one day, i know he's watching over me, and when i visit his grave, i go and pick my own flowers for him because i don't want to use mum's and dad's, i like knowing that some of the flowers on his grave are from me and me only, i never met him, but i love him, and he will always be in my heart.

i hate being so negative all the time, i hate my body. i can't look in a mirror and be pleased with what i see due to all the girls posting pictures in their bikinis and such showing off their perfectly skinny bodies. i try to starve myself, but when mum makes dinner completely unaware of what i'm doing i have to eat it, because i can't let her efforts go to waste. one day i'll be skinny, one day i'll have a body like half of townsville girls, i tell myself that constantly, but it doesn't seem to be working at the moment. to sum this up, fuck everything.