10:40:43 PM) liang.k91@gmail.com/CE10C846: you make it into SUCH a big deal
(10:40:49 PM) liang.k91@gmail.com/CE10C846: that it makes it into a big deal in my head
(10:40:57 PM) liang.k91@gmail.com/CE10C846: and i feel pressured
(10:40:59 PM) liang.k91@gmail.com/CE10C846: so pressured
(10:41:00 PM) Alan Lee: and that's where you lose me
(10:41:42 PM) Alan Lee: so because i make it a big deal, all of a sudden it's now a big deal aka pressure to you...?
(10:42:01 PM) Alan Lee: kellie, how do you handle other people's excitement for events in their life?
(10:42:29 PM) liang.k91@gmail.com/CE10C846: just fine
(10:43:06 PM) liang.k91@gmail.com/CE10C846: except when they won't tell me what's so exciting?
(10:43:41 PM) Alan Lee: so... what, if i keep asking you to do something, what, you feel like if you actually do it, you LOSE to peer pressure?
(10:43:46 PM) liang.k91@gmail.com/CE10C846: it feels like they're toying with my emotions
(10:44:11 PM) Alan Lee: kellie...
(10:44:12 PM) Alan Lee: i'm sorry, but you think i was trying to TOY with your emotions?
(10:44:23 PM) liang.k91@gmail.com/CE10C846: that's what it feels like
(10:44:29 PM) liang.k91@gmail.com/CE10C846: even if it's not your intention
(10:44:35 PM) Alan Lee: ok. you tell me. AM I?
(10:44:48 PM) Alan Lee: -.-
(10:46:16 PM) Alan Lee: so, it has nothing to do with what i'm just trying to tell you, rather than what you're telling yourself inside your head?
(10:46:31 PM) liang.k91@gmail.com/CE10C846: no, but you catch me in the mood when i'm NOT in the mood for any surprises.
(10:46:43 PM) Alan Lee: uh, kellie, i'm not psychic
(10:46:54 PM) liang.k91@gmail.com/CE10C846: i tell you to text me.
(10:46:58 PM) Alan Lee: nor is there any fathomable way for me to know
(10:47:07 PM) Alan Lee: yeah, and i argue that it's just not the same
(10:47:33 PM) Alan Lee: because the entire point of "excitement" might just slip past you
(10:47:43 PM) Alan Lee: and when i actually explain it, it's too late
(10:47:59 PM) Alan Lee: or if people take text the wrong way
(10:48:38 PM) Alan Lee: cause there's no way in hell you can pinpoint the accurate emotion conveyed 100% of the time. hell, jessica's gotten angry with me cause she simply read a text in the wrong attitude
(10:49:47 PM) Alan Lee: tell me, what's my emotion right now?
(10:50:02 PM) Alan Lee: just by reading my text
(10:50:41 PM) Alan Lee: am i smiling, angry, sad, confused, etc.
(10:51:30 PM) liang.k91@gmail.com/CE10C846: if you keep insisting on calling me, you're crossing my personal boundary. you make some good points, but i have this WALL for a reason and i am not ready to bring it down.
(10:52:41 PM) liang.k91@gmail.com/CE10C846: for now, i like the fact that i don't have to deal with people's emotions.
(10:53:34 PM) Alan Lee: even if it's positive, fun, energetic happiness and excitement?
(10:54:06 PM) Alan Lee: i'm sorry, but i don't think "dealing with" is the right phrase for that sort of stuff. i mean, and hear me out, wouldn't you want to be surrounded by that sort of energy?
(10:54:32 PM) Alan Lee: you obviously want to avoid the heavy stuff, regardless of what mood you're in, cause it just brings you down and burdens you
(10:55:25 PM) Alan Lee: whatever. i'll acknowledge you don't like me 'pressuring' you as you see it
(10:56:22 PM) liang.k91@gmail.com/CE10C846: thank you.
(10:56:46 PM) liang.k91@gmail.com/CE10C846: i need some time to think.
(10:56:49 PM) Alan Lee: but kellie, you can't just do this with everyone, nor with the people who give you that leeway
(10:58:58 PM) Alan Lee: quite honestly, i feel like people have just been taking advantage of me, and i don't like feeling used. i find it perplexing that instead of respecting me for being understanding, i'm merely walked all over.
(10:59:30 PM) liang.k91@gmail.com/CE10C846: i see
(10:59:44 PM) Alan Lee: and so now i ask
(10:59:49 PM) Alan Lee: what about in the future
(11:00:01 PM) Alan Lee: what do i do whenever i have exciting news i want to share
(11:00:08 PM) Alan Lee: do i merely not tell you?
(11:00:20 PM) Alan Lee: do i check in?
(11:00:27 PM) Alan Lee: where do i cross the line?
(11:01:12 PM) Alan Lee: and tell me not in a cross manner, but honestly
(11:01:40 PM) Alan Lee: because i'd rather not compromise our relationship
(11:03:09 PM) liang.k91@gmail.com/CE10C846: text me with a piece of the news that you have. for example, "i got a new dvd authoring program! i'm so excited!" and then i can follow up with "cool! tell me more when I go online or when i get out of class"
(11:03:31 PM) liang.k91@gmail.com/CE10C846: that way it gives me a glimpse of something instead of nothing, you know?
(11:03:49 PM) Alan Lee: that defeats the point of anticipation =_=;
(11:04:10 PM) liang.k91@gmail.com/CE10C846: i'm already an anxious person, more anticipation doesn't really help :(
(11:04:33 PM) Alan Lee: do you not enjoy the anticipation of hanging out with someone? -.-;
(11:04:50 PM) Alan Lee: or of even what anime i might show at the anime nights?
(11:06:25 PM) liang.k91@gmail.com/CE10C846: yeah
(11:06:39 PM) liang.k91@gmail.com/CE10C846: i mean
(11:06:46 PM) liang.k91@gmail.com/CE10C846: yes i like looking forward to hanging out and events and stuff
(11:07:05 PM) liang.k91@gmail.com/CE10C846: but i'm not "AAHMAHGAD"
(11:07:26 PM) Alan Lee: and my simple phonecall was "AHHMAHGAD"?
(11:08:40 PM) liang.k91@gmail.com/CE10C846: usually it's not as big of a problem, it's just that your recent phone calls were in the middle of class, so it interrupted important things :(
(11:09:03 PM) Alan Lee: ok, first of all, there was no way in hell to know of your schedule
(11:09:11 PM) Alan Lee: second, put the thing on silent during class
(11:09:23 PM) liang.k91@gmail.com/CE10C846: i know it's not your problem, that's why i didn't say anything.
(11:09:38 PM) liang.k91@gmail.com/CE10C846: anyway
(11:09:43 PM) Alan Lee: uh, you texted me today about it
(11:10:00 PM) liang.k91@gmail.com/CE10C846: because i knew that if you tried to insist any more i would lose my shit
(11:10:49 PM) liang.k91@gmail.com/CE10C846: anyway
(11:11:11 PM) Alan Lee: you're telling me you couldn't spare 5 minutes of your time during that entire waiting period of me just trying to talk to you to avoid all of this?
(11:11:33 PM) liang.k91@gmail.com/CE10C846: fine, next time i will
(11:11:38 PM) Alan Lee: forget it
(11:11:50 PM) Alan Lee: i wasn't asking can you next time
(11:12:15 PM) Alan Lee: because the next time i do have something to tell you, i'll be going back to this conversation, which would ruin any type of excitement i have
(11:12:51 PM) Alan Lee: it'll merely be informational, dry and cut
(11:13:37 PM) liang.k91@gmail.com/CE10C846: i don't really know what i can do.
(11:13:52 PM) liang.k91@gmail.com/CE10C846: i'm sorry that your excitement will be ruined
(11:13:54 PM) Alan Lee: how return a phone call next time?
(11:14:06 PM) liang.k91@gmail.com/CE10C846: k
(11:14:15 PM) liang.k91@gmail.com/CE10C846: i can do that
(11:14:15 PM) Alan Lee: but i doubt i'll call
(11:14:42 PM) liang.k91@gmail.com/CE10C846: i understand.
(11:15:06 PM) Alan Lee: kellie
(11:15:23 PM) Alan Lee: i can't speak for you
(11:17:07 PM) Alan Lee: but the question begs to be asked: was it simply not possible to remove your own anxieties from the picture and just hear what i had to say? and if it wasn't, do you think that waiting until your own boiling point was the right move?
(11:18:37 PM) liang.k91@gmail.com/CE10C846: it's a mistake out of many i've made, i accept that.
(11:19:45 PM) Alan Lee: don't call it a mistake. i probably did try and coax a call from you one too many times, and for that i apologize
(11:20:01 PM) Alan Lee: and perhaps i should've just texted you or just wait until we meet
(11:20:32 PM) Alan Lee: but kellie, we lack communication
(11:20:47 PM) Alan Lee: and i don't mean talking or meeting
(11:21:04 PM) Alan Lee: i mean between friends.
(11:21:15 PM) Alan Lee: there was no way of knowing that it was making you lose your shit
(11:21:29 PM) Alan Lee: nor can you just stay silent because i can't see you or be in your heat
(11:21:30 PM) Alan Lee: head*
(11:21:51 PM) Alan Lee: so my only request is be reasonable