Handyman in Equestria CH 2

>Noonish in Equestria
>You stir from your recliner, pawing the sleep from your face...
>Your head feels a bit off...
>Fucking wine always did this too you.  Looks like you'll be clicking on one less cylinder today
>You wonder how Dashie's doing...
>You trundle over to the bedroom and open the door
>You flip the lights on to check on her
>”TURN IT OFF!”
>You oblige...  Closing the door gently behind you
>She'll be alright...
“Right...  Time for business I guess...”
>You don't have any orders left to fill.  An unusual occurrence, but it's not unwelcome
>You sold miscellaneous furnishings from the shop for some added income and stock was getting a bit low.  Time for a supply run.
>Smokes, some bits from the safe, passport.  Checks all around.
>You check the clock.  They said they'd pick the table up at 5, leaving you plenty of time to do some shopping
>As you make your way to the door, you see the rock next to Dash's book
“That's right... I'm gonna have to think of a good one...”
>No way you were going to let Luna get away with making you look like a turd on one of your precious nights off.
“Donkey Kong, Highness.  It's on.”

>You walk out the door and greet the day.
>Canterlot is always bustling at this hour.  Jollyrancher ponies left, right, and center.
>You meander down to the shopping district.  A large town circle adorned with stalls around established businesses,
>Seems busier than normal...  You hope stock will last for a while
>One of the shops sports a sign of a log going through a saw blade.  Destination reached.
>You walk in, greeted by the familiar smell of wood and burnt sap
>Almost as good as coffee, that.
>”Anonymous!  Good to see you!”
>A bulk of white overcompensation bounds toward you
“Morning, Roy.  How've you been?”
>Roy D. Rage...  Means well, but a bit much for this hangover you're nursing
>”I'm good Anon!  Hey, haven't seen you at the gym in a while!  You goin' soft on me?! HAHA!”
>Please stop shouting...
“Lot on my plate at the shop.  I'm actually here to place an order.”
>”YEAH! Got you covered pal!”
>Jesus, if you're there... Please...  I need you...
>”The usual!?”
“Yeah.  Thanks.  You have any treated cedar?”
>”Fraid not, pal.  We can give you the usual, but we're lower on stock this week.  You understand...”
>That's unusual...  Well whatever.  You got what you need.
“No worries, Roy.  When can I expect the delivery?”
>”Boys'll have it to you tomorrow afternoon, same as always.  I'll oversee it personally!”
>He slaps your back playfully, which equates to a reasonable kidney shot
>Only the dead can know peace from this hell
>You sign the paperwork, placing the amount due on the table, and make for the door
“Have a good one Roy.  I'll see you around...”
>”Sounds good, pal!  By the way, nothing better for a hangover than some time in the gym!”
>...
>Dick...

>You wave a hand and walk back into the city circle.
“Right...  Now for groceries...”
>Across the circle, you see Bon Bon's shop.  Reminded you of a malt shop.  Mostly sweets, but she had the necessities.  Convenient, being so close to the workshop.
>You open the door to the sound of those bells
>”Welcome!...  Oh, Anon...”
“Morning Bon Bon.  How's things?”
>”Just fine, it's afternoon by the way”
“Right...  So it is...”
>Seems she still has it out for you after turning Lyra down for dinner
>Apparently the two are pretty close.  Whatever...
>You peruse the back of the shop where the non sugar based goods were
>It's taken some time, but you've managed a few recipes that at least gave you a feeling of meat
>You managed to get pretty good with mushrooms.  You remember from TV on earth that some Thai monks used it to simulate meat
>After collecting your edible yard work, you go for something a little unorthodox
>Eggs, worcestershire, and hot sauce
>Right.  That'll do
>You make your way to the counter, a dead pan stare from Bon Bon meets you with all the warmth and affection of a hornet's nest
>”That it?”
“Pack of smokes, too, please”
>She stomps onto the register bringing up your total.  Seems like you should probably find a new shop to go to...
>”Seems Lyra has been a bit down lately...”
>She never takes her eyes off the register.  Today's sure gotten off to a rootin' tootin' good start...
“I kind of figured.  I've been meaning to apologize, but I haven't seen her”
>You notice her ear twitch as she looks at you through the corner of her eye
>”Oh?”
“Yeah... Let her know I'm sorry I had to pass on dinner.  Work was piling up and I needed to get a jump on it.  I'll try and make it up to her”
>Her stern face softens a bit
>”Alright.  Total comes to 25 bits.”
>You hand her the change.
>She tosses and extra pack of cigarettes in your bag.  You take the hint...
“I'll see you 'round Bonny.”
>”I'm holding you to it, Anon.”
>Another wave as you walk out the door

>Shopping day is a very dangerous day...
>It doesn't take you long to get back to the workshop. You enter to something you didn't expect to see.
>Rainbow Dash is in the middle of your shop, looking at you with completely bloodshot eyes, the magenta of her irises completely blended
>There was dying, there was death and then there was this...
“Ah!  Dash, I told you last time.  You puke in my workshop and I will end you.  Kitchen!”
>”Eughrghmmm”
>She trundles over to the kitchen as you put the smokes and bits in the safe
>A series of “BLUEHHH”s emit from the kitchen.
>Time for some Earthly wisdom...
>You take the groceries into the kitchen and plop them on the counter
“How you doin' Dash?”
>Zilch from her, head still in the sink
“I told you before, Dash... Try and keep up and you'll end up throwing up.”
>”Buck yo- HWAHHHHH”
>Fucking ponies are always cute, even when they're dieing inside...
>You take out the special orders you placed at Bon Bon's and grab a rocks glass from the cabinet
“Alright Dash.  I got something that's going to fix you up in no time, but you're going to need to be strong...”
>She starts spitting in regular intervals.  Looks like she's on empty.  Good sign.
>You take an egg and crack it into the glass, dowsing it in worcestershire and dashing some hot sauce into it.  Next comes some salt and pepper.  Fuck it.  Sprig of cilantro for shits and giggles.
>”What the buck is that...”
“It's called a prairie oyster”
>”Is it an omelet or something...?
“You wish.  Bottoms up, puddin'.”

>You hand the glass to dash as she recoils and dry heaves.
>”You're serious?...  You can't be serious...”
“Old Earth Remedy for a hangover, Dash”
>You do your best Russian accent for this bit
“RRREMEDY FRROM OLD CONTRRY!  GIVE YOU POWERR!”
>”Anon...  There's no way”
“It's this or another 20 hours of pain and misery.  Take it from the one not doubled over in pain”
>She reluctantly grabs the glass with some shaky hooves, downing it quicker than you thought she would”
>Her eyes instantly bulge on swallowing.  You swoop in and hold her mouth closed from the bottom and top with both hands
“This is for your own good, Dash!”
>She struggles for what seems like an eternity, but eventually calms down.
>You release her.  Seems like it's working.  She's out like a light.
>You pick her up and gently plop her on the recliner.
“You'll thank me later...”

>Your attention is immediately torn away by a knock at the door.
>They must be here for the table.  It's getting to be around that time
“Coming!”
>You walk to the door and open it, greeting the...  1, 2, 4,... 8 pegasi at the door, white and clad in golden fur.
>Do these fuckers bleach themselves?
“Welcome.  I suppose you're here for the table?”
>“Yes.  We need it moved to the castle as soon as possible”
>Right.  Time for the tricky bit...
“Alright.  It's going to need disasembly.  Give me a minute.”
>You walk over to the table and lay underneath it, undoing a number of latches underneath the tabletop
>”Excuse me, but what are you doing?”
“The order asked for something easily stored.  That's not easy with a table this size, so I made it to be broken down into 4 sections lengthwise.  It'll be easier to move and reassemble”
>The last latch comes undone.
>”Ah.  Good, that should make transportation easier.  You reputation precedes you.
>ohstopityou.jpg
“Help me get these outside would ya?”
>The ponies stroll in, taking each section on top of their heads, moving each piece outside one by one
“Right.  That's all of them.  Where are we loading them?”
>A pegasus produces a number of lengths of roped.
>You see where this is going...
“Right, then...”
>You ties each of the lengths to the 4 sections, two a piece, and tie them to the midsections of the 4 pairs of ponies
>Seems like you're going to get a show this time...
> The teams begin liftoff, straining momentarily, adjusting to the weight of their sections
>Before long, all four sections are a couple stories above you, floating off towards the castle...
“Huh...  That's a first...”
>You take a second to appreciate your flying table...
>As the pieces fly out of sight, you walk back into the workshop.  Seems the sun is starting to make its descent as well.
“Another day another dollar...”

>You spend some time in the kitchen making some food for you and Dash.  She should be coming to soon enough.
>Sure enough, as you add the aromatics to the mushroom casserole, dash drags herself into the kitchen
>”Smells edible in here”
“You'd be right.  You feeling any better?”
>”Shockingly, yes.  What the buck was that you gave me?”
>You take a whiff of the casserole.  The cheese topping has browned to perfection.
“Prairie oyster.  Old hangover remedy from Earth.  You'll feel right as rain after you eat some of this”
>You scoop Dash some of the chow onto a plate and some for yourself, placing a place on the small table in the kitchen.  Made by you, of course
>”Smells good”
“We'll see.  Dig in, Dash”
>You both start eating
>Not too bad, if you don't say so yourself...
>”Sho Anon.  I heard you get in pretty late lasht night.  What were you up to?”
>Your fork freezes for a split second, remembering the fiasco from last night
“Went to the castle garden for a stroll”
>Dash pauses to chew her mouthful giving you a quizzical look
>She swallows and continues
>”The castle garden?  What for?”
“Had to get away from your snoring”
>Badaboom!
>You dig back in
>Dash pouts before giving you a menacing grin
“I'd send you to the moon for that, but it looks like you've already been there...”
>...
>Shit.  Seems you should have put that in a cabinet or something...
>”Musta been pretty late when you went to the garden.  You didn't happen to meet someone there, did ya?”
>You don't like where this is going...
>”You didn't happen to meet someone with power over a certain celestial body, did you?...”
>...  You figure there's no point in keeping it down.  Plus, you trusted Dash like family.  You decide to spill the beans...
>You transpire the events of the night before, her expression shifting from shock to mockery, to outright ridicule
>You might as well have made spaghetti, damnit...
>”Oh man, Anon!  You're usually such a cool customer!  I can't believe you dived behind a bush!”
>You don't want to think how blush your face is right now...
>”Haha...  Still though, it's nice to see you at least managed to get on her good side.”
“Excuse me?”
>”Anon, I know you're knew here, but think for a second”
>Dash points her hoof right at you
>”Who is the only other pony in Equestria with one of those rocks?”
“Fuck if I know Dash.  She just told me let her know next time I come around the garden”
>she begins to laugh harder and harder
>You take the time to finish your meal...  Dash hasn't touched hers, preoccupied with twisting the proverbial knife
>”You know what?... Never mind... I'll see you later, Anon.”
“What?  It's late.  You sure you're okay for you to fly back to Ponyville?”
>She stretches her wings and back before fluttering towards the still open window
>”Gotta hand it to you, Anon.  One hell of a cure-all ya got there.”
>You smirk
“Want the recipe?
>”I'll pass”
“Fair enough.  Tell Soarin I said hey.”
>”Sure thing Anon.  Later!”
>She shoots off like a bullet out the window and down the mountain on which Canterlot was adjoined
>Shakier than usual...  You're a tradesman, not a miracle worker, after all...

>You clean up what little mess there was
>You notice the moon start to rise from the window in the kitchen.  Seems your hangover left with the sun too...
>You figured with the table delivered, another jaunt around to the castle wasn't uncalled for...
>You clean up the rest of the dishes before preparing for the journey
>Smokes, passport... You're good to go
>You light your cigarette on your stove before heading out
>You were a bit eager to hear her thoughts on the table...
>You make your way to the door
>'the stone, dipshit'
>Right....  You grab the stone off the table and head out into a now quiet Canterlot
>As you walk through the streets, you reflect on what Dash said earlier...
>Who else would have a moon rock?
>You wonder if they were as scared shitless as you were when you...
>You cringe at the memory of your silliness
>You take a second to notice the all too familiar surroundings...
>It was kind of magical
>All this construction, but not a soul to be seen, like the city was here for the city's sake
>That pale glow from the castle walls starts to show as time goes
“Perfect...”
>You smirk at the memory of being rused...
“Shit!”
>You forgot to think of a prank!
>...
>You know there's nothing at this hour...  You're going to have to go at this analogue
>Jump scare is the best option, you think to yourself
>But how are you going to get her attention?
>How the hell are you supposed to get her attention with a rock?
>...
>Well, in the movies back home, you'd chuck it at the girls window to get her attention....
>Seemed cliché, but what wasn't in this land of skittle ponies
>You figured it was fool proof

>By now, you've reached the castle garden, noticing the light coming from the balcony overlooking the garden
>The moon was now in full swing.  Luna had to be up there.
>You pull the rock out of the pocket, ready to give it a mighty hurl.
>There's the wind up!
>You release heavily, launching the stone at the balcony...
>It clears the railing!
>You're proud of the fact you manaqge to clear the balcony itself, but that sense of pride doesn't last
>All of the sudden, something catches your attention
>”OWW!”
>It's a high pitched wail...
>Seems the door was open.  You curse yourself on this oversight
>You keep your eyes on the balcony seemingly locked in your follow through...
>You know you should probably hide, but legs are not responding
>Out walks an extremely upset Luna, floating the rock in front of her with her magic
>She sees you immediately
>This aint good...
>She flings herself off the balcony, catching the breeze in her wings, landing deftly in front of you
>You figure there's no point in asking how the table turned out...
“How about that drink”
>Sweet merciful Christ...  You only wish you could take that back...
>”May I ask why you thought it wise you hurl a stone into my bedroom?...”
>She's talking through her teeth again....
“I...  Well, I thought you wanted me to contact you and I thought you wanted me to throw it at your wind-”
>You notice her patience run out in a big way
>”You were supposed to speak into the stone, you CLOD!”
>...You don't know why that makes so much more sense, but it kinda does compared to what you just pulled...

>You drop to your knees, planting your face in the dirt, hands planted squarely on the ground in front of your shoulders
“I'm so sorry Luna!  I had no idea...  Please forgive me!”
>She flings herself back to the balcony, still visibly upset at your most recent goof
>It doesn't take her long to return in the same fashion, floating the bottle of wine and glasses along with her
>Her face hasn't changed at all...
>She parks herself on the grass pouring herself a glass of wine, placing both the glass and the bottle in front of you, releasing her magical grip
>Always the cool customer, as Rainbow Dash said...  What was it about this mare that made you such a douche?
>You decide to try and lighten the mood, pouring a glass for yourself
“I'm sorry Luna.  Where I come from, we throw stones at windows to get women's attention.  I didn't know it was a walkie talkie”
>Her mood seems to lighten a little.  A peer in your direction creeps through a low hanging eyelid
>”Oh?  I thought you were displeased with it.  I was prepared to offer you a few more that may have suited your tastes..”
>Her voice is dripping with sarcasm and a hint of resentment
>You wince at the thought of performing the five D's in a meteor storm...
“I promise, Luna.  I'll use it as prescribed from now on.  Still friends?”
>You raise your glass to her for a clink
>After a pause her demeanor returns to a straight face before reciprocating the cheers
>A slight silence falls over the two of you
>”So business was slow again today?”
“Unusually so”
>You're glad the conversation has taken a turn for the better
“I took the time to gather some materials though, so I'm staying busy.  You?”
>You notice her glass drop a bit, still handled by her magic
>”No rest for the weary I'm afraid...”
>What the hell should be keeping her busy at this hour?

“Is everything okay, Luna?
>She drops her head to the level of her glass
>You wonder why she would be so down
>”Summer always has the shortest nights.  I want to make every night special for everypony, but doing so in such a time frame is a bit exhausting...”
>You knew the trouble of deadlines
>It might be a bit different from her stand poing, but you want to offer her at least a little encouragement, given the circumstances
“Well, I for one appreciate the work.”
>Her ears twitch briefly as she raises her head, turning to you slightly
>”And what is it about the night that you value so much?”
>You wonder why there's so much tension in her voice...
>Is she...  upset?
“Well, I've always done my best work at night”
>She turns her head more, her face becoming softer and softer
“I don't like working in the day.  It's... problematic...”
>You down the rest of the wine, pouring yourself another glass
>You just pitched a rock at her noggin, how much worse could you look, honestly?
“Where I come from, I was just some guy.  Nothing special.  But here, I'm a damn celebrity”
>You swirl the glass a bit before taking another hearty swill
“I appreciate the thought, but sometimes, I just want to be able to blend in again... Not that that's going to happen...”
>Luna plops her glass in front of her, laying on her stomach while resting her head on her forelegs
>”I can relate...”
>You stop mid swig at that one

>You figure since she's royalty, she would be in a similar boat
>”Since I've come back, assimilating has been... an issue....”
>”Everypony treats me like a godess or a monster”
>She looks back up the moon
>”The middle must be nice...”
>Call it the alcohol, but fucks are nowhere to be found...
>You snag the glass while her attention is elsewhere bringing it to your own
>You top off both glasses to the brim
>You hand one over in Luna's direction
>She looks at you and the glass curiously
“Take it”
>She wraps the glass in a glow, holding it in place
>You bring your topped off glass in front of hers
“To you, you bitch”
>She's taken aback, her eyes going wide and her wings lightly fluttering against her body in agitation
>Soon, you notice that the shock is replaced with a  playful grin
>”And to you, you incompetent jackass...”
>You clink and down the contents as quickly as possible, she does the same
>Finishing, you both burst into laughter
>It's followed by a long silence
>Both of you stare at the night sky again...
>”Thank you Anon”
>You snap back to reality
“For what...”
>This part is unexpected
>A peck of Luna's lips meets your rich cheek
>”For treating me like a normal pony”
>She flies off to the balcony
>You hear her closing the doors behind her as she enters...
>...
>...
“What?”
>You forgot to ask her about the table...
>Well, shit...

End Chapter 2