Thread 27: Stories 31-45

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>Rekulk
"Vekir"
'Grehm'

Deep within a windowless room of the castle, a trio of Morlocks deal with a hiccup in their designs.

>So, we have hit a snag, yes, true, but aha, we are lucky we are among friends! This room shall be our headquarters while we wait for the Twience Princess to return!

"Hurrah!"

'Indeed.'

>Until then, we shall attempt to diplomacy with the ponies and family of Zhetri Tuuhl, we shall make new friends as Zhetri Tuulh would wish us to do!

"Yes! I shall do this!"

Vekir runs for the door, Grehm nonchalantly puts a hoof on her tail.

>No no no, not YET, sister, we wait until the sky demon has left for other hunting grounds, otherwise well...

'Melt.'

>Yes, that.

"Ohhhh...I forgot."

Vekir sits down next to Grehm, waiting patiently.

"Is it down yet?"

>No.

"How about now?"

>No.

"Noooow~?"

>Sister!

"I am excited! You have told us of the ponies and we have seen them but we have met none, Apple Princess was kind, but she was only one!"

>Patience, you need patience. Just how did you not get eaten as a pup?

Vekir sticks her tongue out.

"I was too fast for clumsy adults, you know that."

>And you lead them right into mother's jaws.

"And we always ate well!"

Vekir gives a little bounce of excitement, neither of these two finding their macabre nostalgia the wee bit unsettling. Grehm remains stoic.

>...Grehm, you speak even less than usual, is there problem?

'On the way here.'

>Yes?

'I saw one of them. One of Zhetri Tuuhl's.'

>Yes, we will see many of them-

'No. One of HIS.'

>Ohhh...oh. Yes. Uh...avoid if you can there may be...misunderstanding between you.

'I must go and think of my sins.'

Rekulk pats his companion's shoulder.

>Surely you can be forgiven brother.

'I do not believe I deserve to.'

Grehm walks to a corner, Rekulk turns back to Vekir...or at least the spot she was sitting at.

>Wha-HEY!

Vekir pushes open the door and eeps as a ray of sunlight nearly vaporizes her.

"...not time yet."

Rekulk facehoofs.
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>10
"Applejack"
{BBB}
~~~~~

>COME OOOOOONNNNNNNNN!

"No."

>COME OOOOOOONNNNNNNNN!

"No."

>BUT I FINALLY GOT HER PERMISSION! Do you have ANY idea how hard it was to get my Queen's permission to interview her!? DO YOU!?

"Not happenin'."

>BBB! BACKUP!

{BZZT! Under the current bylaws, she is allowed interview with any participant.}

"Unless their parent, legal guardian or themselves say no. Ah' ain't her momma, Ah' ain't her handler, but Ah' can tell her ta' say no and she will. Which she did. No."

>But why!? So many want to know about her!

"Cause Ah' know ya' won't want ta' censor yer'self, got too much integrity ta' do it. Which means iffin' she start's talkin' bout her ma', you'll publish it."

>But I...

"Ain't personal, but her kin ain't somethin' we want ta' let out ta' the public just yet, last thing we need ta' do is give Chrysalis some ammo. She promised Shiny she wouldn't talk about Sciderella without his okay, but that goes out the window iffin' she say it."

>...B-but I...

"Ya' wanna know, Ah' know, Ah' get it. Ah' feel fer ya', really. But thissin' isn't going to be somethin' we can be open with yet. That Queen was a terror, ain't no question. So be patient, Ah'll tell you eventually."

>...

{...Error, sadness detected.}

>In waves, BBB, in waves.... I WILL figure out how it is, and not just how you want it to be, Princess Awesome! No matter how long it takes! COUNT ON IT! BBB! LET'S GO!

*SHOOOOM!*

>...I... I meant take me with you.

*MOOOOOHS*

{Sorry.}

*SHOOOOM!*

"...Iffin' Ah' wasn't so proud of the gal, Ah'd be worried."
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>Applejack
“Celestia”
______

“So, Applejack, I have a question for y-… oh hardy har har, I don’t know where you got that cast-iron helmet with the emergency flashing red light but you can take it off.”

>Y’all wanna ask a question. You. Celestia. Askin’ a question. No, the helmet’ll stay right where it is, thank ya.

“…Isn’t that heavy?”

>Extremely. A non-alicorned neck woulda done snapped by now.

“Ah. Well anyway, I snuck into the kitchen a little while ago to get a snack and I found these sugarcubes here.”

>Ah don’t see anybody, Tia.

“…”

>What?

“Did you really just do that?”

>Do what?

“…”

>…

“Sugar... cubes.”

>Room’s bare, Tia. Jus’ us.

“…Nope. No. I’m not doing this, no. Good day to you, ma’am, I'm out.”

And Celestia promptly left the room, leaving a very confused, neck-sore Applejack behind.

>Huh. Well that was weird. Wonder what that was all… oooooooh. Oh wow, Ah jus' had a serious Cadance moment.
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>Rarity
"Twilight"
'Dash'
[Spike]
~~~~~~

>YOU WHAT!?

"Fought her on the train."

>WHAT!?

'Fine, THROUGH the train, technically.'

>WHAT!?

[Mrphmohmom... MPHM mophram...]

>...What?

"He can't talk while you're pressing his face into your chest."

>HE CAN SPEAK TO MY HEART!

"That doesn't mean what you think it does."

>STUFF IT! I can't believe you engaged such a creature in such a confined, populated space!

"..."
>...What?

[...Mrphmm....mmmmmmrrrrphmbeemuhfuh...]

>...Did he just say that one might have been his fault?

"..."
'...'
>...

*SMACKSMACKSMACKSMACK!*

[OWOWOWOWOWOWOWRAOWRARITYOWOWOWRARITYSTOP!...]

>I cannot believe you, Spike!

[I only had one shot!]

>You did not, she's been like this for months!

*SMACK!*

>I can't believe you put yourself in such danger! And against someone who nearly crushed you last time you met!

[S'cuse me for wanting to do something usefu-]

*SMACK!*

[OW!]

>DO NOT PLAY THE WOE IS ME CARD! I am a lifetime member and the PRESIDENT of the woe is me foundation, and as acting head of all things woe I declare your to be silly for trying to feel useless against GARGANTUAN LASER SPITTING BUG MONSTER! ...You are NEVER useless, you hear me? NEVER, and I will not have you saying it in front of me!

[...Ahhh... alright, yeah, pretty dumb.]

'I thought it was a good plan.'

>...

*SMACK!*

'...Shutting up.'

[WHY'D YOU HIT ME!?]

>You enabled her, you enabler.

[Seriously?]

>Yes, seriously. Now!...

Without another word, she scooped him up, and laid another kind of 'smack' on him.

>Remember THAT next time you do something foolish because you feel unappreciated!

[...Ablah.... uhhhh...]

>That's a good boy. Come, Twilight! Come and tell me all about your wonderful tale!

"...Is he going to be alright-"

*THUMP!*

"..."
'...'
>No worries, I have that effect, 'll get used to it.

[Uh huhhhh....]

>...Eventually.
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>Vekir
"56"

Astounding! Amazing! A...bsolution? Vekir tried to remember if that was a good word for what she was seeing. Pony words were weird. Ponies were weird too, but not bad weird, nice weird, if that made sense. Did that make sense? She would have to ask Rekulk.

The light of the freshly risen moon -that's the name of the sky demon's gentler cousin, how pretty!- shone down on her as she explored the castle, a spring in her step, her body a coiled spring ready bust forth at any moment in excitement. She could not wait to meet someone, to converse, to-

Have something rub against her rear?

"Hmm..."

A pony!

She turned, smiling wide, then blinked her eyes, then smiled wider.

"Hey, you mind? I was getting just getting a feel for your plot."

>A brother of Zhetri Tuuhl!

She bowed as low as she could, giddy.

>I possess much honor in meeting you, o'esteemed brother of he who gave us civilization!

"...huh? Could that honor maybe let you hold still a moment? I've never seen a plot like yours before."

>Of course!

She kept herself bowing as the changeling...put his head against her bottom again? This was weird, and not that not-bad weird mentioned earlier.

>Uhm....

"Haaaang on...yeah...yeaaah...huh..."

The little black bug took his head away from her rear, nodding.

"Not exactly soft and not really all that firm...hmmm..."

>I do not understan-

"Six out of ten. Yeah, you're exotic, palebutt, in a kinda monster movie way, but it's masking some real quality issues I can't ignore."

>...I continue to not understand.

"Your plot, I mean, you look young-"

>I have recently attained adulthood!

"Well there ya go, room for improvement!"

>Hurray! ...what do I improve?

"Plot, rump, butt, booty, tush, patootie, your rear!"

>...an admirable cushion is to be striven for?

"Is it!? It's the ONLY thing to strive for! Plot is a glorious thing, to be studied and admired, like a fine painting or a beautiful sculpture! If you don't have a plot, you don't have a purpose in life!"

Vekir blinked. Had a Morlock rambled like this to her, she would have bared fangs and gave HIS 'plot' a good chomping. But this...was a brother of Zhetri Tuuhl, paragon of wisdom and vision, so it would stand that the same held true for this one.

She rethought the entirety of her existence.

And then fell to her knees.

>Teach me your ways, wise sage!

The changeling blinked...well...that was new. Then he smiled.

"Rise, my student, come with me and we will explore the wonders of plot in all its forms!"

>Hurrah!

"Hurrah!"

>"HURRAH!"

And they were off.
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>29
"Applejack"
'???'
~~~~~

Very, very slowly, he cracked the door open.

>Is she gone?

"... Yes, ya' little twit, she ain't here."

>Good!

Pompously throwing open the door, he strutted in with a flair.

>These forms must be filled to thine utter perfection within the week! A single moment more and all shall be delayed unto those that need them well! Particularly me, who matters.

"Course ya' do."

>Do I hear a wit of spite within' thine voice? A touch of bitterness? Oh! What a grousing I hear spill from the mouth of the blandest, most uninteresting princess there has ever been.

"How does anyone stand you?"

>Mine cultured speak, wit most sharp and abilities in bed unrivaled.

"No, really, ya'll have got ta' be the most egotistical, annoyin' little shit Ah've ever seen, and Ah've seen Rarity on her bad days."

>And you make the taste of unbuttered, dry white bread appear whenever you walk into the room, yet somehow you still manage to hold office.

"Hows that hunt fer' royals goin'?"

>About as well as your endless search for culture and refinement.

"So, not good?"

>At least ya'll have come ta' terms with it.

"..Did you just try ta' sound like me?"

>Oh dear, it is so very hard to get into a role so unfamiliar, I do hope I did well!

"And, jus' ta' double check, you think ya' deserve royalty, and nothin' less."

>I DO DESERVE NOTHING LESS AND NONE SHALL EVER SAY OTHERWISE IN MY PRESENCE! Woe to those lesser than I! BUT NOT I! I AM A WIELDER OF FANTASY MOST OBSCENE AND WONDROUS!

"Yeah, yer' own."

>JUST SIGN THE D-WORD FORMS!

"...What?"

>SIGN!

"Fine. By the by, why didn't ya' want Celestia in the room when we talked?"

>...What?

"Ya' asked iffin' she was here, right a'fore ya' came in."

>I wasn't talking about...

"..."

>...You... female dog word...

"Ah' know."

'HIIII MISTER 29! I knitted you a sock! No explosives, promise!"

>AHHHHHHHHHHH!

"Ah' know...."

>AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
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>Celestia
"Twilight"
~~~~~

"Celestia? We're back..."

>Ah, my once most faithful student, how did your search go- WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO YOU!?

"It's not that bad."

>There is shrapnel in your hair!

"...Shoot, told Rarity to doublecheck."

>Speak!

"We, uh... we found her..."

>...

"...Wellllll.... didn't go well, we kind of... destroyed the train. Partially her... partially Rainbow Dash sonic rainbooming her through it... partially me using them as bludgeons... mostly just rampaging dinosaur changeling, though."

>...

"...Yeah. Was not happy when Spike... you know, shot her in the head..."

>...

"...Didn't work, actually. Not mad, he used his compression rounds, which I was actually pretty sure would work, but we miiight have underestimated just how much of that durability is her size magic, and how much is just... her..."

>...

"...I got her diary, I think."

>...Chitania has a diary?

"She does. Need to get Chrysalis to translate."

>My sympathies.

"So yeah... not a total bust."

>...Is this an issue? Is she going to start up and attempting to murder trains? I need to know this, now.

"Actually? Surprisingly civil up till the bullet to the head thing. She can hide pretty well, I didn't even catch on till she slipped up in a conversation. She seemed willing to get off the train too, but you know, once in a lifetime opportunities... don't think she'll be keen to talk with me again, though. I kind of tied her to a train and sent her flying."

>...

"What? I couldn't fight her. I couldn't beat her one on one, so I just kind of 'redirected' her."

>Wise choice, I suppose?

"Needless to say, though. My search is probably over. She's on to me now, and she won't make the same mistake again."

>So... are you done with all this?

"Not even close. But for now, it's in wait."

>What now?

"Now?...."

*THUMP!*

"ZZZzzzz...."

>...Saw that coming.
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>Twilight
"Chrysalis"
~~~~~

She did not know what hurt worse, the ringing in her head caused by magical drain, or the light that was beaming right into her eyes. Thank goodness Chitania hadn't actually managed to hit her, or she probably would be feeling a lot more aches.

>Ooooh, that's not a good feeling.

"I know, I stole your morphine."

Of course, there she was, neutral expression on her face.

>Because you wanted to talk?

"...Sure. Let's go with that. So, I heard you had a little run in with a certain somebody?"

Groaning, Twilight slowly righted herself.

>'Run in' is a little mean in the context.

"Stop dodging the question."

She sighed to herself, guess for once even Chrysalis wasn't in the mood for some banter.

>Yes, I found Chitania on a train.

"And?"

>...Spike shot her in the head.

There was a very subtle twitch on her face, very subtle, but there.

>It just pissed her off.

"HAH! Ohhhh, poor charcoal breath, will he ever learn?"

>Please do not insult my little brother while I am right here.

The rolling eyes were just a touch less subtle.

"Think I can put the rest together myself, smash smash smash, boom boom, roar, then you ran off, right?"

>You didn't even think for a moment I could have won, did you?

"Nope. If you wanted to win, you would have brought me. But you brought speedy the bluefast, so I figured plan A was 'get the fuck out of there'. Was I close? Tell me I was close. Oh well, lesson learned, no? Let's not do that again."

>I might have to.

That cackle never stopped being annoying.

"Listen, if you want her dead you'll have to leave it to the 'professionals', if you don't mind? Ones like myself who actually stand a chance against someone like her."

The laughter stopped, and an uncomfortable silence filled the room. Suspiciously, Chrysalis couldn't help but noticed the fidgeting.

"...Is there something you're not telling me?"

Magical power gripped something just beyond her line of sight, and before she could react Chrysalis was now face to face with a very peculiar object.

"...What the hell is this?"

>You don't recognize it?

"Should I? I don't read all that often."

Deep breaths, she steeled herself. Moment of truth.

>This is Chitania's diary.

The widening of her eyes was expected, as was her own magic suddenly reaching out to grip the book.

"Chitania had a diary?"

>Yes, but...

Wordlessly, she flipped it open.

"...Changeling. Her language, specifically."

>Oh?

"Yes. Very oddly done, her line were excellent codemakers. They had to make up for their lack of mental prowess somehow."

>...Oh.

She didn't have to ask, she knew what this would most likely mean. 'Oh, I can't read it for you, but I'll 'try' with it all by myself and-'

"No problem, though. She taught me how to read it when she used to tell me stories."

>...Oh?

"...Her handwriting is a bit sloppy here, but..."

>...

"...'I do not know if mother meant to toss this out in front of me, or if she actually did think I was asleep. I think she's caught on to the fact I've been reading Pony books recently, and I don't know if this is her way of saying she'll let me continue, or that it's all garbage, I can never tell with her. That said, I always did kind of want to write my own stories, so'-"

>You'll... read it to me?

An annoyed glare kind of said it all, but Chrysalis was never one to let words go unsaid.

"That's what I'm doing, aren't I?"

To that, Twilight realized she had no response.

"It's Chitania's diary, not mine... but I'm skipping over anything embarrassing she says about me! Last thing I need is to give you ammo for your delusions you're on my level. Rest of it, though? Who cares. Not my problems."

Her mouth had gone dry, she suddenly noticed.

>Thanks.

"Yeah, well..."

>...I didn't want Spike to shoot her, you know. I was talking to her when it happened, and I wanted to keep talking to her. She was actually fairly civil, had some nice insights...

"...'Today, Mother made me eat a rock. No reason, she just thought it was funny'."

Twilight settled back into her bed, already strange and curious tales filling her ears.

Maybe... maybe Shiny was onto something with what he had told her...
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~~~

>Earlier today I saw a puppy. Briefly, I wondered if I could keep it, and train it into some badass hound at my command.
>Mother disagreed, but she was not irate. She loves her new fur coat.

~~~~~

>I saw a happy family while we were infiltrating a town today. Briefly, I wondered about my own father.
>Mother informed me his skull was easily the least crunchy she had ever eaten.

~~~~

>I learned how to fly today, it was really quite amazing. Wind rushing though my hair, cool mist on my face, quite exhilarating.
>Mother says she's going to throw me farther next time if I don't train harder.
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>Qutie the shocking discover today. It turns out I can, in fact, punch through a diamond.
>Mother says she's going to toss it harder on the next one.

~~~~~~~~

>I did not want to know what gryphon tastes like, actually. It seemed rather macabre to eat something like that, but mother informed me it gives us a shiny coat.
>She punched me about ten or so hooves down when I pointed out we don't have coats.

~~~~~~~

>While infiltrating a town, mother informed me if I start looking at males before she dies she's going to kill them all, as this is a sign I am contemplating replacing her.
>Then she did it anyway, just because.

~~~~

>It turns out, you can boil meat in it's own blood, and while that blood is still in veins.
>Mother says I owe her fifteen bits. I don't remember making a bet.
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>Suckerpunch
"32"
'High Roller'

'Hey, you wanna know what I never got?'

"A GED?"

'Oh ha ha, no. I never got this...obsession most people have with ass.'

"...excuse me?"

'Well most people I know just go straight to the butt as far as attraction goes, it's real weird. I mean sure the face can be a deal breaker but it's all about the ass and I don't get it.'

"If you ever see a pintsized changeling with a nasally little voice, do yourself a favor and don't tell him that."

'Why?'

"Just...don't."

'Well anyway, for me it's the eyes, y'know? Nice shiny green pair, whuff, call a doctor, right?'

"...the eyes are what helps you decide if you want sexual intercourse?"

'Yeah, why?'

"Well consider this, you're a race of brightly colored quadrupeds whose major defining feature is a tattoo on your rump. Now if we bring biology into this you can see that in intercourse it's usually done with the male on top with his belly on the female's back. Therefore it would take some serious contortion on the female's end or some severe length of body on the male's to see into the female's eyes, whereas it's easier to look at her rear."

'...'

"...so in fact you are the fetishist and continue to disgust me."

'You...rattled that off pretty easy.'

"Well my job was seducing ponies into loving relationships, which usually involves sex, ya see."

'Ahh, okay, makes sense ya Silver Fox, you.'

"How'd you know my Las Haygas alias?"

'...'

"There were a lot of old mare's hanging on to disco."

'IIIIIII'm just gonna go...'

"Tata~"

High Roller leaves, 32 turns back to his roach and rock.

"So, who wants to hear a story about how 71 entered a blood feud...with a bridge."

>Hey.

"Oh what do you wan-huh, you're not that poncy deviant."

>Yeah, hi, I'm Suckerpunch? We've met.

"Oh ho ho ho~ I remember you! The punchdrunk Romeo!"

Punchdrunk shrugged off the nickname.

>I need to ask you some questions.

32 turned back and tilted his head.

"What about?"

"Oh HIM? Why?"

>I have some suspicions...

"Yes. They're screwing down here. Like rabbits. On some form of aphrodisiac."

>I know, pretty much everyone knows, and they leave it at that, I think...there's something else going on here.

"Ooh, Suckerpunch P.I, huh? Book'em, Reggie!"

>This is serious! I don't know what he's up to but-

"Look, what, conceivably, could he be planning?"

>To...steal something, maybe?

"With that nurse as an accomplice? Please, she looks like the type to confess to stealing a pencil."

>Maybe she's working for one of our enemies-

"YOUR enemies, I've washed my hooves of the lot of you. Furthermore, look at your possible enemies, the Gryphons don't employ ponies, honor yadda yadda, and Stalliongrad is too busy spying on ITSELF. And Chitania, pfff, she'd be doing this on her own."

>...he's doing something, damn it, I know he is.

"Yeah, he's DOING his girlfriend."

>You know what I me-

32 shakes his head.

"Just shut up, shut up and stop trying to play hero, you little fool. I've suffered conversation with that dolt for days now, and he is by far the dumbest most self-centered pony I've ever met! There is no deception, only more stupidity and lasciviousness."

>If this bastard is after something illegal, it's my job to take him down!

"Is it? Is it really? Look around yourself, you're an ant, just like me. Above us sit an elite that outclass both you and I in every way, and above then sit living gods that outclass THEM! You and I are superfluous! Now skitter away like a good little ant, hm? Maybe go give up the ghost and give that little friend of yours a proper tumble in the hay."

>You don't want to help? Fine, but I'm not giving up on this.

"I'm sure you won't."

Suckerpunch storms off, just short of snarling, he passes the cells, not noticing when the object of his investigation exits one of them, a look of annoyance on his face.

'...well, this complicates matters.'

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>Crossing a river is never an easy task when flying is off the table, and it's been raining.
>It is even less easy when your fatass mother makes you carry her.

~~~~~

>Earlier, I asked mother why we do not simply go and face the sun raiser directly. Surely she, with her titanic power, should be her match.
>When I manage to get back from where she punted me, I think I will save the question for another time.

~~~~~

>I walked in on my mother 'relaxing' again today. She was so upset she hammered my head into a wall.
>Even now, she bitterly swears that mare looked like a stallion.
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>Mom ended up killing three of our drones before finally waking me up
>She says I'm too much of a conformist and put me in a clown wig
>She still ended up mistaking four other drones for me.
>I love days off.
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>Here is a story. Once upon a time there was a prince.
>Then mother came, now there is not.

~~~~~

>Huh. So, bones are flammable. That apparently happened.
>Or is it just chimera bones? Must research further.

~~~~

>You know what's worse than having your mother bare down on you?
>When she does it with her horn pointed right at your chest.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

~~~
>Dear, diary
>Be me
>see qt3.14 stallion
>So sweet and charming
>Would totally start a hive with him
>Mother spills out from my pockets and kills him
>Fucking mother!
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