Wish Me Luck

I wish I knew how she felt.

That's really what my life boils down to. My one big question I want answered, that's it. I feel like I'm at a crossroads and I need to make the right choice.

Perhaps I'm being a bit over the top. After all, I don't really believe in soulmates or fate or any of that stuff. If things don't go well now, I'm completely confident I'll find someone else. There's plenty of fish and I wouldn't class myself as a bottom of the barrel bait.

Yet, I love her. Well, I think I do. I'm not sure if I should say I'm in love when I don't really know if I am. There's just so much about her I adore and I could only put a fraction of it down to hormones.

We talk and talk and talk, passing the hours with laughter and arguments, with debates and innuendos, every day melting away. I can't even remember most of what we say, just that we often speak with smiles.

There's our walks through the city, our picnics in the parks, our evenings at the movies and afternoons in coffee shops. I don't think we've gone a week apart when both of us are in town.

How many books have we read at the other's recommendation? I'm sure I've got a pile as tall as I am. How many times have I read her poetry? Not enough.

I look forward to every day that much more, when I know I'll see her. When my expectations aren't met, I deflate, hoping that nothing serious has come up.

She encourages me, and I've enjoyed finding my lost hobbies. I've drawn portraits of her in so many places, her soft smile amongst the best views around our little town. No one else seems as alive as she does in my work.

What else is there for me to say…. I guess, if I'm laying all my cards on the table, I should talk of the physical side.

She's beautiful, really.

Her hair's long and smooth, a chestnut brown that catches fire when dusk arrives, with eyes that match. Then there's her lips, which have a natural curve to them, something not quite a smirk, more of a subtle, sly grin.

I can't tell you how alluring she looks as the sun sets.

A touch shorter than me, she's the perfect height for me to rest my chin on when we have a little greeting hug. She feels precious with her slim build, a little thing I need to hold on to so I can keep her safe.

Well, I said I would lay all my cards down….

She's not overly endowed, but, at a good handful or so, it suits her. While not a fanatic about fitness, jogging, swimming, and a little weight training keeps her toned in all the right places. Both are only amplified by her style of clothes, always something modest that reveals just enough to invade my imagination.

So, I bet it's sounding like I've come out with pocket aces, I certainly think of it like that.

The problem... I, I'm leaving. I had all these crazy plans about confessing to her at graduation, hopefully starting something beautiful for the both of us. By then, I'll be half-way across the world. I won't be coming back for at least a decade.

Long distance relationships don't work. I know that, everyone knows that, yet people still try to make them work. For ten years though? There's no way I could ask her to do that.

So, I have to ask even more of her. Today, I have to ask her if she'll leave everything behind to come with me, and all I have as an incentive is myself, my love, and a ring.

Wish me luck, won't you?

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