Thread 12: Stories 76-90

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>Dadling
"Bat-Mom"
[???]
{???}
~~~~

>Friggen job market.

"Well, why don't you just ask you Queen to get you a job? She's in with multiple royals, isn't she?"

>I dunno, actually.

"...You have, like spoken to her since this... 'event' happened, right?"

>Nope.

"...Well, I mean, she KNOWS about the 'event', right?"

>I guess? Pretty sure 42 knows, and 77 obviously knows, surely SOMEONE mentioned it to her.

"Oh, good, that makes me feel better."

~~~~~

[Majesty, I was wondering if we could talk about-]

{The next words out of your mouth better be 'pie' or some variation of such.}

[...This is like the fourteenth time you've cut me off, is this deliberate?]

{Deliberately pie hungry, yes.}

[You know what? I'm just going to let you find out on your own on this one.]

{Find out wha- NOOOOO! 18 YOU BITCH THERE WAS ONLY ONE SLICE LEEEEFT!}
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"Hey, Two, is that a guitar?" Spike walks over the the instrument, and away from impending servitude as Two's Marschmally roaster.

Two just nods. "Yep! Shiny say he used to try guitar and then remembered he had hooves."

"Celestia's mom forbid he just use his magic to levitate a pick... Anyway though, mind if I try a few jams on it?"

Two nods again with more excitement. "I wanna hear!"

A few moments of tuning up the old instrument, and soon Spike begins to strum a slow tune which rings of nostalgia to Two, speaking to genetic memory locked in her own blood, a hymn of her people which matched this slow tempo (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XqH4-aDfClM)

"There are loved ones in the glory,
Whose dear forms you often miss;
When you close your earthly story,
Will you join them in their bliss?"

As she sang, the room flooded with memories of swarms of hungry changelings in the decline of their glory, dying queens giving their final orders to their hive.

"Will the circle be unbroken
By and by, by and by?
Is a better home awaiting
In the sky, in the sky?"

Outside, Chrysalis was passing and froze as she heard the music and lyrics, her memories burned with the final moments with her mother, momsie smiling sadly and begging her to make sense of their suffer, to be the one who saves their dying race, and then, a declaration of her faith with one of love.

"In the joyous days of childhood,
Oft they told of wondrous love,
Pointed to the queens of yore;
Now they dwell with them above."

By this point, within the room, Spike and Two began to softly cry and were shocked when the door swung open and Chrysalis joined in on the chorus

"Will the circle be unbroken
By and by, by and by?
Is a better home awaiting
In the sky, in the sky?"

Regardless of the surprise, Spike continued to play, and Two rejoined her not-mother in the next verse

"You can picture happy gath'rings
'Round the hearthside long ago,
And you think of tearful partings,
When they left you here below."

Memories continued to dance in phantasmagoria across the small room, a swirling dervish if memories of times so long ago but painfully recent

"Will the circle be unbroken
By and by, by and by?
Is a better home awaiting
In the sky, in the sky?"

"One by one the hives became empty,
And one by one they went away;
Now the swarm is parted,
Will it be complete one day?"

By this point, Spike's playing had become even slower, and Chrysalis and Two's singing began to choke up, voices crack as the meaning of the old hymn sunk in.

"Will the circle be unbroken
By and by, by and by?
Is a better home awaiting
In the sky, in the sky?"

The song ended with a whimper and the music closed later, much slower, and when Spike set the guitar down, he was shocked by Chrysalis hugging him of all people.

"Thank you, Spike... That jogged some very important memories from me I had nearly forgotten..."

"Yay! Not-mom and Spike are getting along!" Two joined in the hug, still crying when suddenly Spike was removed from the equation with a punch that revealed Shining Armor and Cadence.

"What was that for?" Spike demanded.

Shining Armor's voice cracked, his eyes shimmering with tears. "For making everyone, especially Two, cry!"
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"IW"
>AJ
-Celestia-

"Where is the princess who approved this decree?! WHERE is Princess Applejack?!"

>Excuse me, but Ah'd really prefer if y'all would use the door next time. Ah'm not quite a hundred percent on which walls are important, but Ah can tell ya that just about all of 'em are solid fer a reason.

"Iron Will is too incensed to use DOORS! (though he does understand the importance both structural and aesthetic of walls, and he is sorry about that) Explain this proclamation at once!"

>...What proclamation is that?

"This grey pony just appeared one day at Iron Will's house and started hauling away pieces of his labyrinth! It's throwing off the feng shui of the entire place!"

>Ignorin' for a moment that a labyrinth of any size prolly violates several zonin' and buildin' codes, sir, this seems like the sorta thing y'all might wanna take up with the local guard, first. Have y'spoken with them yet?

"OF COURSE I have! Iron Will always respects the due course of the law, but they said that her permits were all in order and it was out of their hooves!"

>Ah never approved any big-- oh. Ohhh.

"So you're telling Iron Will that you DID give that pony permission to dismantle his beautifully crafted labyrinth?!"

>Uh, after a fashion, Ah suppose Ah did. Ah'll uh, Ah'll get this cleared up for ya as soon as possible, sugarcube.

"I mean, there wasn't even a duration, a location, there was nothing on the permit! It was just a--"

>A drawin' of a rock. Ah know.

"Iron Will trusts you'll take care of this problem?"

>Yeh, two shakes of a lamb's tail, Ah just... Ah need to sit down and think fer a second...

"Thank you."

>Think, Applejack... think... how can ya pin this on Celestia...

-Hahaha, I toooooold you!-

>Dammit Celly, use the door!

-The DOOR? Like a PEASANT?!-
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>32
"Pommel"
'Flim'
-Flam-

'It was like theatre!'

-A Romane tragedy!-

'Duty and Family coming into conflict, brother, I'd watch that play!'

-We should pen it, we'd make millions! Billions! We'd be the richest men in the cellblock!-

'And could finally pay our gargantuan bail!'

"Will you two knock it off? 32, the hell did 77 say to you?"

>Just giving me the long and short of things, don't wordy about it.

"I don't get it, you and him went through hell together and made it out, how could he-"

>No, no my friend, HE made it out. I made it home.

'Ooh, tagline~! Are you taking notes, brother?'

-I am arranging the words in the straw!-

"Do you two want me to get Cheese Sandwich back in here?"

'-Shutting up!-'

32 shakes his head.

>It doesn't matter in the long run, we've drifted apart like we did the night...day...it doesn't matter, the time I separated myself from 77 and 88 in the caves.

"Yeah, I've been meaning to ask about that, by 77's account you just up and disappeared one day while floating down the river. Something about waking up and finding you gone."

>I suppose you want me to tell you the tale.

"Well we could just continue singing your silly little songs."

>Heh, point. Fine, but I warn you, this will take a while, and its going to be far from pleasant...

-So that's a no to our production being a musical?-

>"..."

-...shutting up.-
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>Applejack
"Celestia"
~~~

>WHAT THE FUCK, CELESTIA!?

"...Good evening to you too!"

>No, what the fuck!?

"...Is this about the fact I'm trying to walk through the portal? Look, I know I've been spending a lot of time in the Empire, but spending time with Shining Armor is really relaxing, I'm personally amazed at how less tense I am when I come back, and this is after getting into short snippets of comedy related hijinks. Most of this may have to do with messing with Chrysalis, I admit that."

>YA KNOW DANG WELL WHAT AH'M TALKIN' ABOUT!

"Oh! Is this about the hot tub thing?"

>What!?

"Shoot, there goes any chance of slipping that one by. This about me blackmailing Pinkie for a ten foot cake?"

>What!?

"Okay, not that. This about me ordering a giant bug zapper? I promise you, it wasn't supposed to go into the ballroom, there was an error on the shipping order."

>WHAT!?

"Me altering your baby pictures for my Charity drive?"

>WHAT!?

"Scoring higher than you on the 'hot or not' survey?"

>...

"Did you find those calendars under my bed? Look, you can keep them if you want, he was barely a rookie when I took them and honestly he is not as embarrassed about them as I thought. He handed out a copy to Chrysalis and 18. Blackmail potential is gone."

>...

"...Are you sure I know what you're talking about?"

>...The... the law thing.

"Clarify further."

>Ya' set mah' window for striking down that stupid law ta' tuesday.

"Yuh-huh?"

>It's wendsday. You set it back so Ah' missed my window.

"Oh!... I just think the laws funny is all. I have no idea WHY you did it, but I think it's good you have a bit of humor in your life! So I decided to keep it around. I want you to always remember the first official bill you ever signed into law."

>Ah' don't want ta'.

"Too bad. Now, if you don't mind, I have a great many tubes filled with biscuits, and a hunger for screams. Good day!"

>...Would it still be assault? Ah' don't know if any jury would convict me.
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>Fluttershy
"Cadence"
[???]
~~~~

>HEHEHHEEHEHEHE!

"...Fluttershy? Sweetie? You're creeping me out."

>EEEEEHEHEHEHEH!

"O-okay, so... having a good day? Yeah? You look like you're having a good day. Lots of smiles."

>I'MMMM JUST THE BEEEEEEST! EHEHEHEHEHE!

"Glad to hear it! Too many ponies are down on themselves nowadays, always second guessing themselves. I say you just have to go for it and put yourself out there, be proud girl!"

>EEEEEE!

"Glad you agree! By the way, I notice your hoof is shaking, you want me to hold your knife? I don't want you to drop it, you could hurt yourself."

>GOOOOOOD...

"Well, if you insist. Can I get you some tea?"

>CUUUUUT

"Of course it comes pre-cut, silly! I don't have time to cut it up myself! Now where did I-OH NO!"

>DIEEEEEEE

[FUCK YOU!]

>GLK!

*ZAPBOOM!*

"...OH MY GOODNESS! That Fluttershy was a fake, and made of fairy dust! She must've been a clone or something! Good work, but however did you know she was a fake?"

[...]

"...You did know she was fake, right?"

[...O-of course! Would I really blow her head off if I wasn't sure? Silly Caddy.]

"...Chrysalis..."

[...Please don't tell.]

"Fine, but I don't owe you one anymore."

[Done and done!]
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>Applejack
"Spike"
'???'
_______

"Hey, uh, applebutt?"

>Hmmm?

"This might just be a side-effect of the sudden influx of paperwork but... I keep hearing these random bursts of maniacal laughter echoing through the castle at times."

>Huh. Ya don't say....

"Yeah, I mean... besides the fact that it's just plain creepy and makes my scales itch, it sounds really familiar...."

>Oh, well... don't worry 'bout it none, loverboy. Trust me, we'll be bookin' some time in the cryin' corner soon enough.

"..okaaaay, because that doesn't make me more curio-"

*BAM!*

'Ah! There you are, my little Humdrum! BAHAHAHAHA, have you finally realized how your pathetic power pony friends have been using you for their selfish gain and- damn it, damn it, damn it! No, that's not what I meant. Shit, I have got to work on that... okay, do-overs. Ahem... Humdrum! It is I, the exotic Mane-iac! But you may call me Mani! How goes your horrible life?'

>...
"..."
'...'

Spike slowly turned from the creepily smiling mare back to Applejack. He said not a word and after a few seconds, scooped up his bundle of forms, a quill and ink, and casually strode past Mani and out the door.

>Spike...? Uh, Spike? Spike, where ya goin'?

"Gonna go claim my spot in the corner and finish my work there. I can't deal right now. Hello and goodbye, 'Mani'."

>...

'Well, that went pretty good as far as first meetings gAHAHAHAHAHA-'

She slapped a hoof over her mouth while Applejack just let her head thud to the table.

>Land sakes, Ah need some hard cake....
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>Dadling
"Batmom"
~~~~

>Ta daaaa!

"Wow! That is actually really cool."

>Isn't it?

"Can you teach me how to tap-dance with my forelegs?"

>Sorry, can't it's our special ability.

"Really?"

>Yep! Every Changeling hive had one. There were ones that could smell your blood from miles away, ones that could blend in with different surroundings, ones that could see in pitch black, ones that could make their skin disappear, even ones that could grow taller!

"Wow, sounds like you guys got the short end of the stick."

>Ugh, I know! I heard there was a hive that could turn their limbs into swords! Like, real swords, indistinguishable from something forged from the strongest steel!

"Holy shit!"

>Yeah, and the scary thing? Allegedly.. the Queen knows ALL of them.

"Damn, that is scary. Imagine having all those powers at your command."

>I barely scratched the surface! That's why you do NOT want to get on her bad side, she is not someone you want to take in a fight.

"I wonder why she never uses them?"

>She has her reasons, I'm sure. And they are probably really scary.

"Maybe there's some horrible backlash to using them?"

>What possible backlash could there be to turning your foreleg into a sword?

"I guess you got me there... now dance some more."

>You just want to see my ass shake, don't you?

"That I do."

>Happy to oblige! Dadadadadad~
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>Rarity
"Applejack"
[Spike]
~~~~

>~Stitch by stitch~ Thread by thread~ hmhmhmmmm~ That's the art of the dre-Hm?... Oh! Spikey-Wikey, you know you shouldn't sneak in a girl while she's shower...ing...

"...Jus' me."

>Why are you-

"Ya' do realize there's a finite amount o' hot water in the castle, right? Normally, not a problem, it's a castle, but Celestia says we're actually runnin' low in this wing!"

>Well, proper exfoliation IS important, darling.

"Is that mah' good shampoo?"

>No, no it is not. For you see, for that statement to be accurate, this would have to be 'good' shampoo. This is not. It is very cheap, ineffectual shampoo. It is bad.

"It's mah' favorite kind!"

>Because...?

"It's cheap!"

>Expected as such.

"Iffin' it's so terrible, why are ya'll usin' so much!?"

>Because, my dearest member of the Apple clan, it is amazing in the one thing all bad shampoos are good at... bubbles!

"..."

>...I like the bubbles.

"GIMME THAT!"

>Now wait just one second! Don't use my expensive stuff!

"Yer' gonna use mah' stuff, Ah'm usin' yours!"

>It's not equivalent!

"Don't care! Look at all yer' precious bubbles!"

>NOOO! HRMPH!"

"Don't throw that crud in mah' eye! RRRA!"

>Practice what you preach! NEEE!

"RAR!"
>NEH!
>"GRRR!"

"Why ya'll little!"

>Bring it!

[...Someone should stop this.]

>EEE! No hair pulling!

"Stop kickin' me in the chest, then!"

>NEVER!

[...Somebody...]
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>18
"???"
~~~

>FOR FUCKS SAKE! I swear, this freaking paperwork is getting BIGGER! I turn around and all of a sudden there's more!... Wait a minute...

~~~Minutes later~~~

>YOU BITCH! This is YOUR paperwork!

"...Ah' regret nothin'!"
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>Spike
"DT"
'various ponies'
~~~~~

'Hey! There are 2 members from the A-team that are going to fight each other.'

'Shouldn't we do something?'

'Nah, I think they know what they're doing. Clear the streets everypony!'

>We're really going to do it here? Right in the streets of Ponyville. I thought you'd want to cut loose in the simulator.

"I just had a little something special planned for you."

>Well, ladies first.

"I was hoping you'd say that."
She tosses a smoke bomb in front of Spike and covers the entire street with smoke.

>What the?
Spike pulls out Charity and tries to make out what's going on in the smoke.

'Aw what a rip. We don't even get to see anything.'

"What's wrong, Spiky boy? Can't see me?"

>Well, you can't see me either.

"Oh I'm wearing infrared goggles. I can see your heat signature just fine"
Prongs shoot from a tazer electrifying Spike.

>UGHGUHGUHGUH
He shoots in the direction of the wires and the shocking stops. He follows the wires to the tazer but no DT.

"Heh heh heh. You'll have to do better than that to find me."

>Isn't this kind of cheating?

"This is a battle, Spike. There's no such thing as cheating. Of course, I did choose to fight like this so that you'd have a lot less options on bullet types."
A glass jar gets smashed behind Spike's head and he gets covered in yellow liquid.

>Ow! *Sniff sniff* Oh dear Celestia, what is this!?

"It's a special little stink bomb I made just for you. Well, I didn't really have time to make it into a bomb, so I made do."

>*gags* Geez, this is just wrong! It smells like 200 year old piss and nachos. *gags*

"I wanted to make sure I leave a lasting mark on you, even if it's non-lethal fight"
Spike gets blasted by a concussion shot by her rocket launcher making him smash into a cabbage cart.

'My cabbages!'

>Uh, we'll pay for that later.
Another concussion blast lands his butt into a bucket.
>...Really?

"It's obvious who's going to win. You should just give up now."

>If I can't come to you then I'll let you come to me.
Spike runs out of the smoke and into the clear. A flashbang lands in front of him and his vision goes white. Another smoke bomb explodes blanketing the area clear area with smoke.

"You think it'd be that easy? I'm pretty much in control of the environment here."

>Hmmm...think think think...wait...what if...
He finds a trash can and lights its contents with his fire breath. Tossing the flaming trash on random places on the ground. He does the same for another trash can, and another.

"What the in the world?"
She sees multiple heat sources.

"So you've so you managed to wise up. Come out, come out, Spike."
She looks around and moves carefully.


"You know what's your problem? You're a one trick dragon. Too overspecialised for your own good. Always thinking you have that one special bullet that can save you. You should have brought more than one weapon to this fight."

>I've got other tricks too. I can breath fire. I've got fireproof scales-

DT shoots at a heat signature where Spike's voice was coming from. Only it was flaming garbage.

>I'm a killer ventriloquist. But even without those...

DT looks around trying to figure where Spike's voice is coming from.
Spike pops up from a pile of flaming garbage and shoots a tranquillizer dart into DT's neck.

>...I only need the one good shot.

"Gugh..."
She tosses another flashbang at Spike before passing out.

>Oh n-*BOOM* Son of a-! My eyes!

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>SA
"Chrysalis"
'18'
~~~

>No, please, come right on in. Me being in the shower is clearly a beacon to say "Hey world! Come right on in!"

"Shut it! I have to get this junk out of my... well, my junk, I guess."

'I HATE YOU!'

>Is that-

'She poured chocolate milk down our asses!'

>...Why?

"I got some bad advice from what I was assured was an expert, sue me!"

'56 is NOT an expert!'

>...Is he that one that won't stop-

"YES."

'And I told you it was a dumb idea, but nooooo!'

>Why'd you do it to her too?

"I needed a second opinion!"

>By that you mean "I didn't want to feel stupid alone"?

"Shut up."

'Eeeeugh!'

>Why my shower.

"...No reason."

'She was going to ask you to help clean it out anyway.'

"SHUT UP!"

>Fine, whatever, I'll use the other shower.

'Just when I thought you couldn't get any sadder.'

"Shut it, this looked good on paper."
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>SA
"Chrysalis"
[???]
~~~

>Chrysalis, I want you to know, I am always happy when you make new friends, really I am, but...

"But what?"

[AHAHAHAH! FOOOOLISH LUMINOUS SHIELD, DID YOU REALLY THINK YOU WOULD ESCAPE THE COMIC PLANE SO EASILY!?]

>...Who?

"She thinks you're a comic book character."

>Named 'Luminous Shield'? And he looks like me?

[What!? You are not Luminous Shield!? Then for what reason was I called upon to destroy your works of JUSTICE!?]

>Really, Chrysalis, stop leading the crazed madmare astray, really. Back to the subject at hand, there is a superhero out there, his name is LUMINOUS, SHIELD, as in a SHINING piece of ARMOR, and he looks exactly like me.

[And his Fortitude of JUSTICE is a shining beacon made of gemstone!]

>...I feel like I need to call my lawyers.

"...Messing up Shiiiiny's paappers!"

[AHAHAHAHAH! FALL BEFORE MY GREATNESS, PAPERS OF JUSTICE, FAAAAALLLLLL!]

>Where's my freaking lawbook?
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>SA
"Cadence"
[Maneiac]
~~~~~
[AHA! IT IS MY OLD RIVAL: QUEEN OVERTURE! TODAY YOU MEET YOUR- Whoa, okay, sorry, let my try that again...]

"Queen Overture? really?"

>Check it out...

Shiny tosses a Power Ponies comic to Cadence

"..."

>Should I call our lawyers- honey, why are you crying?

"Her mane is prettier than mine..."

[Uh, okay, should I try this again later?]

>Please? I need a moment.

[AWAY I GO! AHAHAHAHA!]

BAM!

>I wish more people used the door properly
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>32
"Pommel"
'Flim'
-Flam-
[Guard]

>It was the ni...I'm going to call it the night, though we've established it could have been the middle of the day for all I know. We were drifting along the river, 77 and 88 had drifted off to sleep, 88 holding on to that knife of hers, 77 holding on to 88.

"Heh."

>What?

"Eh, just imagining a badass like 77 cuddling up to-"

>I wouldn't exactly call it cuddling, more hanging on for dear life to one of the few creatures he could call a friend.

"-uh...I'll take that laugh back."

>You should, though I do agree we had quite a bit of camaraderie between the three of us. I was awake as we kept floating, unable to share in their slumber. In the long run I suppose this was a good thing, because I was able to see the rocks.

32 scratches idly at the chitin beneath one of many scars covering his body.

>The river split in two further along our route, the two paths diverged along a formation of razor sharp rocks that would have skewered the three of us. There was no time to wake the other two up, the rocks would be far too fast upon us for that. So I did the only thing I could, I kicked off and separated from them, forcing us far enough apart so that they would float one way and I the other.

-Astonishing!-

'Such heroism!'

-I'm tearing up, brother!-

'As am I!'

-I'd hug you if it weren't for the walls!-

'Indeed!'

"Knock it off, you too, if you keep talking we won't have time to-"

[Pommel! It's lights out! Stop fraternizing with the prisoners and get to your barracks!]

"Ugh, damn it."

>Don't worry, my friend, I'm not going anywhere, we'll resume tomorrow.

'And we shall work on composing the big 'Oh No The Rocks Are Coming' aria!'

-Now what rhymes with rock...-

>"..."

'-Shuuuuutting up!-'
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