Sarah Kestler Isn't Dead: 4

Seraphina::Torment [Part Two]
“Lilis,” she said, propping her chin up in the palm of her hand.
           “Yes?”  The dekn turned to look at her.
           “You said that you found me.  When I was a newborn.”
           “I did.”
           “Well,” Seraphina sighed, avoiding eye contact, and mumbled something into her hand.
           “What was that?”  Lilis inched closer, trying to listen.
           Seraphina’s cheeks flushed red, and she slapped her hand down onto the table in front of her, unblocking her mouth.  “What happened to my birth parents?”
           Lilis froze.  She had not expected a question such as that.  “Your—your birth parents.”
           Seraphina’s blush only deepened.  It was clear to the older dekn that she was very embarrassed. “Yeah, them.  You never told me what happened to them.”
           “Oh.”
           Seraphina continued before Lilis had the time to think of a response.  “I don’t want you to think that I want to go back to them—I don’t remember them.  How could I?  But… I’ve been trying to figure it out.  You’ve never really told me where I’m from.  And—and I understand.  A lot of bad things happened after you took me in.  Because you took me in.  I know all these little details about how I came to be yours, but a lot of the big ones—the really important ones—are missing.  I just… I want to know.”  The words spilled out of her mouth, and at the end she looked up at Lilis, eyes filled with questions and—it twisted Lilis’s heart to realize it—pain.
           Lilis reached out, enfolding Seraphina’s hand in hers.  “I understand.  I’ve never known how to broach the subject—you’re the only child I’ve ever raised, so this has all been trial and error for me.  And I’m going to be upfront with you, Sera.  I don’t have all the answers.  I have some.  But there are some things I just don’t know.  Will that be okay?”
           Seraphina nodded.
           Lilis took a deep breath, holding it in her lungs for a moment before gradually letting it out.  Her heart beat fast.  She hadn’t expected an inevitable conversation to be so stressful.  She’s a teenager.  It’s time. She deserves answers.  She braced herself.  “What do you want to know?”
           “Um…”  Seraphina’s brow furrowed.  She hadn’t thought that far—what question did she want answered first?  “Who are my parents?  Where are they now?”
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Seraphina laid back, expanding the range of her gaze to encompass as much of the night sky as she could.  Her breath billowed out in a silvery cloud above her head as her chest rose and fell, following the slow tempo of the stars.  The city around her grew quiet, falling into the hush of nighttime.  From within her pocket there came a gentle buzz. She sat up again, fishing out a small glass and metal device.  At a touch from her fingertip it lit up, displaying a headline in bold red lettering: CLOUD9 STREAM OF INFERNOUS TORMENT OF KNIGHT ELLPAGG TO BEGIN IN THREE HOURS – STAY TUNED FOR UPDATES. Seraphina turned the screen off and set it aside.
           Quite the show that will surely turn out to be.  She did not know much about the Knight Ellpagg—only that he was sent into the Infernous in place of King Uriel, and that numbers of arkn were falling over themselves to watch the torment as it unfolded.  She found it distasteful.  So many arkn with so many better things to be doing.  Yet, instead, they watch members of their own kind suffer in the playground of the Carver?  It was only one of the reasons why she felt little connection to the civilian world.
           Footsteps were approaching.  Seraphina turned.  Walking across the rooftop was a winged figure, whom she recognized as Athaliah’s son, Hazih’el.  He was only a couple years older than her, and they had grown up together.  He had not inherited Athaliah’s healing powers—instead, he took after his other mother, Tamar, who was not a member of the Valkyrium.  Both Tamar and Hazih’el were gifted with an eye for mechanics and engineering. Hazih’el was an apprentice under the main mechanic of the Valks, designing weapons and tools.  He had once attempted to learn magic under the guidance of Seraphina when they were both very young, but quit after an accident that had left him with a large burn down the side of his face and neck.  His mother healed him, but he and Seraphina never tried that again.  She couldn’t wipe the memory away, and she was sure he couldn’t either.
           “You look thoughtful,” he said, breaking Seraphina from her reverie.  “Where’s your mind, Phi?  What are you thinking about?”  He sat down beside her, crossing his legs and wrapping one arm around her shoulders. She leaned into him, resting her head on his chest.
           “I dunno,” she replied.  “What are you doing up here?  I thought you had something planned with Zachariah.”
           He shrugged, jostling her head.  “Zac cancelled, his brother needed him for something.  So I thought I’d come see you.”
           “How’d you know I was up here?”  She asked.  It was not secret that she spent many of her nights up on the rooftop, but it was not something she openly advertised, either.
           “Well, I saw your footprints down the west hall, and then from there the hinges on the stairwell door were still warm from having been used, and then—”  He cut himself off, chuckling.  “I asked your mom.”
           “I figured as much.”  She smiled.  Then she sat back up, frowning.  “Did you see the news?”
           “About the Cloud9 stream?  Yeah.”  He looked at her out of the corner of his eye.  “You okay?”
           She considered the question for a moment. “Yeah, I am.  I don’t know much about him, so it’s not my place to say whether or not he deserved this, but streaming it for entertainment is another issue entirely.”
           “Are you going to watch it?”
           “Yeah.”  Seraphina felt a twinge in her chest at taking part in the madness.  “I want to see the Infernous.”
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Another buzz came from Seraphina’s pocket, accompanied by a more distant one coming from somewhere on Hazih’el, waking the two of them up. “It’s starting,” mumbled Hazih’el, fumbling for his device.  “Fuck, it’s cold.”  His numb fingers dropped the glass screen onto the ground and he swore again. Seraphina laughed.  “Can we go inside?  I’m freezing.  Oh, god, my neck hurts.  Who thought it was a good idea to fall asleep out here?”  He stood, stretching out his arms and back, shaking out his wings. His entire body shivered.
           “You fell asleep first, Haz.  On me.  I couldn’t move, so I fell asleep too.  This is your fault.”  Seraphina reached for Hazih’el’s hand and he pulled her to her feet.
           “I wouldn’t be out here if you hadn’t been out here,” he countered, wiping a bit of dirt off of her back.
           “You wouldn’t have come up here if Zachariah hadn’t ditched you for his brother.”
           “You’re right,” Hazih’el said.  “This is all Zac’s fault.”  Then he laughed.  “Come on, we can watch it at my place.  My moms are out on a date, being gay and shit.  And you’re always welcome over.”
           “Then let’s go.  Just let me stop by and let Lilis know where I’ll be.”
           “Alright.  We need to hurry, though—what will people think if we miss the first few minutes? That would be un-arkn of us.”  He snorted and grabbed her hand, leading her to the stairs.
“Hey, Zac got done with that stuff with his brother a bit early, would it be cool with you if he comes join us?  He’s not really interested in all this Ellpagg stuff either, but he says he’d still like to see me.”  Hazih’el looked hopefully at Seraphina.
           “Of course that’s fine.  Who am I to stop you?”  She laughed at the silly grin that came over his face.  He ducked back into the kitchen, talking rapidly into the phone. After a minute or two he returned to the couch, bouncing a little bit before plopping down on the cushion beside Seraphina.
           “How long will it take for him to get here?” She asked.
           “Oh, about five minutes or so?  He’s a fast flier.”  Hazih’el turned back to the screen on the wall of the room.  “What did I miss?”
           “Well,” said Seraphina, “he’s been crying consistently for about the past fifteen minutes, so not much.”
           “Damn.  You think he’d run out of tears at some point.”
           The two of them watched the memory-less arkn wander through a dark house, trying doors and hiding from the horrors of the Infernous.  It was not what she had expected.  But, then again, when she heard stories of the Infernous, she had never really known what to imagine it as.  It was different for everyone, building on their personal fears.  What would my Infernous be?
           A knock came at the door.  Hazih’el jumped off the couch.  “That’s Zac!”  He rushed over, throwing open the door and immediately embracing the arkn that stood out in the hall.  “Come on, come in,” Hazih’el said, dragging Zachariah in by the hand.  “You remember Seraphina, right?”
           The other arkn scrunched up his face, cheeks reddening.  “Um… no?”
           Seraphina stood, smiling.  “That’s alright.  I don’t believe we’ve actually met before.  Haz has just told me a lot about you.  I think he likes you a little bit.”  She offered her hand, which he took in greeting.  “Like he said, I’m Seraphina.  It’s nice to finally meet you.”
           “It’s nice to meet you, too.  I’m Zachariah.”  He flashed a grin.
           “Come on, let’s sit down,” Hazih’el said.  “We wouldn’t want to miss more of Ellpagg crying in a dark house.  That’s my favorite part.”
           They all sat down, Hazih’el taking up the spot in the middle.  He laid his legs across Seraphina’s lap, resting his head in Zachariah’s and leaning up to kiss him every once in a while.  They chattered about the stream, each of them only halfway paying attention.
           “How long have you two been dating?” Seraphina asked.
           The boys exchanged a glance.  Hazih’el was the one to answer.  “A year and a half, now, is that right?”  Zachariah nodded.  “Yeah, a year and a half.”
           “Alright, cool.  That’s—holy shit.”  Seraphina froze, mouth half-open.  “Did you guys see that?”  She pointed at the screen, which was still relaying the shaky view from Ellpagg’s camera.
           “See what?”  Zachariah asked.
           “There was—I saw something, in the stream.  It was like…” She couldn’t find the right word. “There’s something in the Infernous with him, some… I don’t know what it was, exactly.  You guys didn’t see that?”  There’s no way to play it back, the stream is in real time.  Damn it.
           “Sorry, Phi,” said Hazih’el.  “I think we were too busy being gay to catch it.”
           “It’s alright,” she said.  “It’s getting late, anyway.  Do you mind if I head back to my place?  I don’t know how much of this crying-in-the-dark I can take.”
           “I totally understand.  Do you want me to walk you home?”  Hazih’el asked.
           “No,” she waved him down, “I’ll be fine.  You two have fun.  But not too much fun.”  She smiled at the two of them and left.
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Seraphina sat down, swinging her legs over the edge of the rooftop, feeling the wind tugging at her clothes.  Her feet dangled about eight stories off the ground, where the streetlamps were nothing but twigs and any people out at that hour were specks. Like Hazih’el had said earlier, it was cold.  The wind drove a sharp chill into Seraphina’s skin, and early morning frost had begun to coat the rooftop.  To warm herself, she murmured a few words and brought to life a small fire, which hovered in the air beside her and danced whenever the wind picked up.  She pulled her wings close around her body and resumed watching the Cloud9 stream.  She felt bad that she had lied to Hazih’el about why she was leaving.  But she needed to watch it on her own.  She needed to know what it was that she saw during that split second.  She needed to see more of the Infernous.
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“Lilis,” said Seraphina.
           “Yes?”  The dekn glanced up from her work.
           “You said you knew the Carver.”
           Lilis froze, eyes locking onto Seraphina’s. She shook her head, straightening up and facing Seraphina completely.  “Yes,” she said slowly, “I did.”
           Seraphina swallowed, maintaining eye contact despite her brain urging her to look away, to drop the subject.  “How did you know him, exactly?”
           Lilis exhaled, running one hand through her hair. She pulled out a chair and sat across from Seraphina, both elbows resting on the surface of their dining room table.  “I worked for him.  In a way. Why—why do you ask, Sera?”
           “Why did you leave?  You didn’t have to join the Valkyrium.  You didn’t have to be surrounded by arkn.  Why did you do it?”
           Lilis worried her bottom lip with her teeth for a moment before saying, “I found you.  You know this.  I found you and I came here to protect you.”
           “But you didn’t have to.”
           “No,” Lilis said.  “I didn’t.  Seraphina, why are you asking me this?  You know the answer.  What are you getting at, darling?”  She reached out, placing her hand on Seraphina’s.
           Seraphina opened her mouth to answer, but then stopped. Why am I asking this?  She knew why. What do I tell her?  She knew that the truth was the best option, but she didn’t know how she would react. She pinched the bridge of her nose between her thumb and her forefinger, her eyes squeezed shut as she thought.
           “Seraphina, what is it?”
           Seraphina withdrew both of her hands, placing them in her lap.  “I’ve been watching the Cloud9 stream of Ellpagg’s torment.”
           Shadows fell over Lilis’s eyes.  “I told you not to.”
           “I know—”
           “Why the hell did you think that was a good idea?” Lilis demanded.
           “I don’t know, I—I just wanted to see—”
           “Seraphina, I told you to stay away from that, it has nothing in it that you need to see. The Infernous is not a good place.  And Ellpagg—” there was pain in her eyes, but it was not her own “—you don’t want anything to do with him.”  She watched Seraphina carefully, then added, “He’s in there for a reason.”
           Seraphina squeezed her own fingers until she could feel her pulse in the tips.  “But why? Why do you want me to act like none of this is going on, like it doesn’t matter to me?”
           “You know why, Sera.  We’ve been over this.  You promised me you wouldn’t watch it.”
           “I just wanted… I wanted to see the Infernous. And you can’t take me there, and that was the next closest thing… I’m sorry, Lilis.  But you should know how much this is important to me—you should know why it’s important to me.  I need to watch it.  I have to see.”  Seraphina laid her head down in her palms.
           Lilis sighed.  She stood up and moved around the table to kneel beside Seraphina, wrapping one arm around her shoulders.  “I know this means a lot to you.  I’m just scared it will hurt you.  Look. We’ll watch it together.  If you’re going to go through this, you’re not going through it alone.  Is that alright?”
           Seraphina lifted her head and nodded.  “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before.”
           “It’s alright.  This whole thing is… much more complicated than it needs to be.”
           “Well, I’m involved, and I think that that, by proxy, complicates things.”
           Lilis chuckled.  “We’re a little complicated.”  She straightened up, patting Seraphina on the back before returning to her seat.  “So, how has the stream been going so far?”
           “Oh, it’s mostly been a lot of crying.  Like, an inordinate amount.  I didn’t expect him to cry so much.  It’s pretty much all he does.  The Carver is there.  I guess that’s why I asked.  He’s kind of a dick.”
           “He’s definitely a dick, trust me.”
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The notification came in the middle of the night, only a few hours after Seraphina had returned home from her rooftop spot.  She was roused from her sleep when the vibration of the device caused it to inch off of the bedside table and clatter to the floor.  She rolled over, reaching down and feeling around on the floor, her fingers clumsy with sleep.  When she pulled the screen in close to her face the light stung her eyes, causing her to nearly drop it again.  After a few moments devoted to changing the amount of light the thing emitted, she squinted her eyes and focused in on the headline, written in the same bold red:  CLOUD9 STREAM INTERRUPTED – KNIGHT ELLPAGG LEFT INFERNOUS – STAY TUNED FOR UPDATES.
           Seraphina bolted straight upright, clutching the device so hard it hurt her hands.  Her heart had jumped into her throat, and there was a sick twist in her stomach.  He’s out.  She could feel it, somewhere deep inside her.  It burned.
Traitor.  The word rang in her head, echoing like the clatter of sword on shield in a cathedral.  Traitor, traitor, traitor.  She steadied her hand.  The blood roared in her ears, hissing the word over and over and over again. She could feel Deloran’s gaze on her. She inhaled, drawing the air through parted lips, and held it.  She drew back her arm, holding the knife in a sure grasp.  For just a moment, all thoughts left her mind.  Her arm snapped forward like a snake striking, shooting the knife forward to slice through the air and stick cleanly in the target.  And she exhaled, the air hissing out between her teeth.
           “Good,” said Deloran from where they sat, “very good.”
           Seraphina retrieved her knife from where it was embedded in the target dummy—smack in the center, only mere millimeters from where her last throws had landed.  She returned the knife to its place on the weapons table and went to go hear what Deloran had to say about this throw.
           “Your accuracy has improved immensely since we began your training.  The hours you’ve put into this have been well spent—I hope you know that.”  They clapped her on the shoulder.  “But,” they paused, “you always look so angry.  So tense.  You need to drop that tension.  That is what will come back to bite you in the end.  Why are you so angry whenever you train, Seraphina?”
           The word came spiraling back, swarming her brain like a plague of flying beetles.  Traitor.  Traitor.  Traitor. “I can’t help but think of those that we set out to neutralize.  The enemies of the arkn.  The…” The word clawed its way up her throat, throwing itself against her teeth, begging to be let out.  “The traitors.”
           Deloran nodded.  “Anyone in particular?”
           Seraphina paused, testing out the response in her head before voicing it.  “The ex-king, Uriel, who abandoned his people.  And his bastard son, the traitor Ellpagg, who forsook his race and dubbed himself a false god.”
           “I see.  Is there a reason why you feel so vehemently towards those two?”  Deloran leaned up against the target dummy, watching Seraphina with dark, attentive eyes.
           Seraphina glanced away, studying the ground while she searched for a response.  “Look at the ruin they’ve caused,” she said.  “The chaos.”
           “You’re right,” Deloran said.  “You aren’t alone in this.  There are many of us who feel strongly about Uriel and his son and what they have done.  But that does not mean that you should hold onto that and let it fuel you—before you know it you will be burned up just as much as it.  Draw strength from your training, your knowledge.  From those around you.  From the cause.  It will be much less draining.  And eventually, all fury falls flat.  One cannot run on rage alone.  I’ve seen many try and fail, and I don’t want you to be one of them.  Okay?”  They placed a hand on each of Seraphina’s shoulders, looking them straight in the eyes.
           Seraphina nodded.  “Okay.”
           Deloran smiled.  “Good.  Now that’s all I have for you today.  Pick up your knives and go.  Have dinner with your mother or something.  Relax.  Get that tension out of those shoulders—I could feel it.  I’ll see you tomorrow.”  They waved and walked off.
           Seraphina gathered her knives, wiping each one down with a velveteen cloth before slipping it into its sheath.  She screwed her eyes shut, turning Deloran’s words over in her mind.  One cannot run on rage alone.  She took a deep breath, feeling the air fill her lungs, expand her ribcage and straighten her back.  But the air was knocked from her as one word came ringing back into her skull.
           Traitor.
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[TO BE CONTINUED]