Thread 28: Stories 46-60

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NON CANON
"What I tell you is hearsay, even I was not around when these events unfolded. In eons past, there were two mighty empires of the north and south, The Great Hive of the old Changelings, and the Holy Draconic Empire. Each empire had been expanding rapidly, from opposite directions, it was inevitable they butt heads.

When they did, carnage filled the lands now called Equestria, a pastoral land now knew bloodshed unlike any other in the world before or since. The Changelings were deceptive and aided by their dark magic, but the dragons were powerful, each one slayed a hundred of the strongest soldiers easily and possessed great cunning, using their physical might for more than head on confrontations, they'd burrow tunnels beneath frontier hives for surprise attacks or some would fly up to the edge of heaven and drop iron rocks.

It was a wonderful chaos, but such as things were, the magic of the changelings proved their upperhand, they unlocked the sorcery which would give them strength to match a dragon and even retain their disguises. You may have seen the modern form of this when Chitania attacked.

I digress, the dragons were getting pushed back, and soon, Equestria belonged to the Changelings, but it wasn't enough. They sought to raze the dragon kingdoms to the ground and soon they pushed until they were upon the doorstep of their capital.

In an act of desperation, the Dragons pledged themselves to the demons of the abyss. The fiends accepted the offer of the Dragons under the condition they slaughtered the changeling race to the very last.

At the time it seemed more than acceptable, and the dragons brought into this world Dark Magic. The tides of the war shifted against the changelings, they were stronger now, but could not stand against the new dragon sorcerers or their demon familiars and the Changelings were driven back until the Dragon Emperor fed upon the Changeling Empress."

"And then, it came time for the common changeling, the civilians, the drones, the workers. They never stood a chance, but it is said the Dragons took no joy in such extreme retribution, and at last, they told their demonic patrons 'enough!'

But the demons smiled and told the 'we had a deal', and hell loosed upon all the lands owned by dragons, horrible wraiths rose up and branded the very souls of the dragons, and in a single day and night of misfortune, their mighty capital city sank into the earth, never to rise again.

The dragons survived, barely, and exist to this day as little more than talking beasts, and each one born, their soul is branded by the stigma of Hell, destined for it upon death.

The changelings, in time they would recover, but never to their former glory. Those days were gone. It was around this time ponies began to come into the picture, naive, curious, and unknowing of these strange lands they had come upon, but guided by their gods..."

'Oh, did all that REALLY happen, Discord? This would mean Spike's soul is bound for hell! We'd have to do something!'

"... You'll never know! I could have been making it all up, I could have been telling the truth, or I could be telling the truth but am still wrong anyway! Ahahahaha! See you all at partyland!"

>... I'm understanding now why Chrysalis hates that guy.
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>SA
“Cadence”
'2'
=Celestia=
[42]
{18}
~Chrysalis~
-Mane-iac-
~~~~~

>Okay everyone, try to stick together, I've got the map right here and we can try to plan out the-

“EEE! They have the little taffy stations! They'll make it into whatever you want!”

>Cadence hold up-

[Don't worry, I'll watch her!...NOT LIKE THAT!]

{Not like what now?}

[SHUT UP BRAIN!]

>42, are you-

[GONE!]

>Wait now-

'OH OH OH! 18 THEY'VE GOT THE MERRIGOROUND! C'MONC'MONC'MON!'

{Don't pull- HOLY CRAP YOU ARE STRONGAAAHhhhhhh...!}

>Hold it, you can't just-

-AHHHHAHAHAHAHH! LOOK, INSECTAVIA! There are bumper cars with which to BAAAATTLE THE FORCES OF GOOD! AWAY!-

~Maney hold up! Your hair's loose, remember what we talked about, YOU WILL KILL US ALL!~

>...

=Didn't quite go as planned, did it?=

>Plans? Plans are for the weak, Celly. I had nothing but the vaguest of ideas, and a bit of glimmering hope.

=Hope is for the naive, and the brave.=

>Little from column A, little for column B.

=...Want to go on the roller coaster?=

>You know what? I do. I really do.

=Good, because I am going on the roughest, toughest rides in this park, and you are going to come right along with me!=

>And now my worries have gro-oh no!

=OH YES! MWAHAHAHAH!=
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>Spike
"DT"
'SS'
[Pinkie]
~~~
>Well, that was a fun trip, hope the park's just a good.

'YOU BOTH BLEW UP ALL OF QUIET HILL!'

"Not my fault the town has some of the dumbest locks on doors."

>Gotta admit, that was not very good civic planning. Gonna have to talk to Celestia and Applejack about putting a ban on 'Esoteric door keys'.

[BEW! BEW! WOOOOOO!!! WOOOOOOO!!! HOLD IT RIGHT THERE!]

Spike and Tiara look at each other, shrug, and then hold up Silver Spoon, who poses in their hands/hooves, right over the area Pinkie's gesturing

[okay, good, a little to the left... Got it. You're good. Now then, we need to have a serious talk before I let you two enter Partyland.]

>What's on your mind Ponka?

[Cheesy and I have a very strict 'no weapons in the park' policy, and unicorns even need to submit to a magical dampening process while in the park.]

'Uh oh.'

"WHAT?!"

>Okay, where should I put Charity and Crackerjack II?

"ARE YOU NUTS?! I'm not giving this to you!"

Tiara squeezes her rocket launcher tight

>C'mon, Tiara, be reasonable, its not gonna kill you to let go of your weapons for a bit.

"YES IT WILL!"

[That sounds like a real medical condition.]

"It is!"

[IT'S LOOOOOVE!]

'... You've gotta be kidding me.'

[Yep, I am, fork it over, or no Partyland.]

Diamond Tiara agonizes for several minutes before...

"I can't do it myself... Silver Spoon, Spike, help me..."

Spike and Silver Spoon take the rocket launcher and hand it to Pinkie

[ALL your weapons.]

"Fiiiiiiiine."

The next five minutes are spent with Diamond Tiara disarming herself of every explosive she owns. And some paperclips, big ones.

[Alrighty, you're good to go! Have fun!]

"TBARLITU was gonna take me on my first loop coaster... I was gonna give him my loop coaster virginity."

Silver Spoon and Spike look at eachother

'We'll buy him a t-shirt.'

>And maybe later I can convince Twilight to build him a robo-pony body for next time!

'SPIKE!'
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>Twilight
“Dash”
'Rarity'
[Applejack]
{Pinkie}
~Fluttershy~
~~~~~~

>We're heeeeerre! Come on, we need to find Shiny and hit up the bouncy house so we can do this together! Me and Shiny never get to have bouncy fun together anymore!

“Pft...”

>What?

“Uh... that clown looks funny.”

>Oh, yeah, I guess he does!

'Well, you have fun with that, come along Applejack!'

>Wait, don't you guys want to stick together?

'Oh, uh, sure! But there is just one little thing I need to do, and I have to bring Applejack with me because of... reasons.'

>...Reasons.

[Don't ask. Also, don't go ta' mah' brother for a last minute gift idea.]

“...Well, that put some interesting images in my head.”

>I don't get it.

{YOU GUYS MADE IT! Come on, I've got so much to show-}

'Sorry, Pinkie! Can't talk! Ta ta~!'

[Ah' have regrets.]

{Oh... well, okay, we can still-}

An explosion of confetti and milk duds rang out beside them.

~...Hi.~

{FLUTTERBUTTER! Now it's a party!}

~Oh, um, actually, I was uh...just on my way to the bathroom, be right back!~

“...Did anyone else notice the confetti and milk duds?”

{Uh duuuuuuh, how else would Discord get around?}

“So where is the guy?”

>...Weird. But-OH! I think I see him! SHINY!

“Don't run off-... there she goes...”

{…}

“... You get a weird vibe too?”

{Dashie, she's not that kind of girl! In this series of events, at least...}

“What?”

{C'mon! I've got so much to show you!}

“Well, I guess I am here to have fu-GAH! Don't pull!”

{I'M PULLING!}

Alone in the bathroom, Fluttershy found herself a touch... worried. Worried about reconnecting with her friends, fretting if her animals are okay, the usual.

...Oh, and she also accidentally turned the entire toilet into solid chocolate that smelled like three weak old tea. That was probably a cause for concern as well.

~Um... this isn't good...~
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>29
"MM"
'Trixie'
[Zecora]
~~~~

>At last! The wonder, oh, the joyful feeling surrounding me! Tis the taste of love of the sheer feeling of fun on mine tongue, the flavor of joy for thine fellow kin and entertainer! What a wondrous, beautiful place!

"Really?"

>NO! This park is noisy as the inside of a bell, the food smells like it was made via flavor spray, these prices are extravagant and that clown is giving me the funny look!

'Hrmph! And these entertainers are third rate, too! They are nothing compared to my GREAT and POWERFUL performance!'

[Do not be so quick to judge, from here I can smell a divine fudge.]

"Oooh! I love chocolate!"

>She really does, it's unhealthy almost. A dark food to fill into thine heart with it's dark and blood clotting contents.

"Must you ruin everything fun for me?"

>Must I? No. But it is most enjoyable all the same.

[Come, my friends, let us partake in our fun! We shall move together, and do this as one.]

>...
"..."
'...'

>TILT A WHIRL!

"CONCESSIONS!"

'MAGIC SHOW!'

And like that, they were off.

[...Sigh.]
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>Flash
"Fizzle"

>Oof, nice choice of train, cinder-head

"Ah shut up, it was the only train that was goin' to Partyland I could scope out, what? You'd rather we turn the drivers into splatterdoo and cosy up inna front cabin?"

>No, I just think jumping into the cargo carriage that had the Fasut-damned CUTLERY plastering the whole space was another dumb idea of yours. Ow!, right in the tush too....

"Whatever man, you probably don't have any nerve endings left there, just shuttup and enjoy the ride"

>Says the dragon that's managed to melt his pile of knives and forks into a cosy little seat just by thinking about it

"Thrrrrrrrrpt"

>You do realise they're going to notice that right? A molten slag of what were once ladels?

"Hey, if the guys in charge here didn't even order their silverware to come in freaking crates, an' just chucked the shit right into the truck, who's to say they're to blame? It coulda been anything that melted 'em, not me!"

>Well I'm calling the shots once we get in, and get some ponies running scared. Ha! When I'm through with Partyland, it'll be a haunted fairground of my own making. Not one of your cheap teenage jump scare fests, something that'll even make Pennydrop wet at how...uh....How Eeeevil we can be...yeah

"Dumbass"

>Smart-alec
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>Rekulk
"Vekir"
'Grehm'
~~~~

>Vekir! Remove yourself from that seat! Shameful behavior!

"NO! This tube of shiny and metal moves on it's own! There is even no magic to pull it! THIS IS A DEMON! We are riding within the belly of a DEMON!"

'If we were, would we not be digested like the slug-headed many crawler does to it's prey?'

"That is what I fear! Perhaps it is only the armor of the Twience Princess that keeps us safe!"

>Do not be silly, you pup! Many ponies sit around us in fine health. If what you said was true, they would melt away as Meshir's mate did when caught in the puddle of fangs.... well, I admit, 'sit around' is broad, as many sit so far. I am too intimidating with my prowess to trade, yes! Afraid of losing all their things before reaching the land of parties! I understand, and I will hold off, fellow travelers!

'...That didn't seem to help.'

>It never does.

*TSSK! COMING UP ON PARTYLAND NOW!*

"THE DEMON! IT SPEAKS! WE HEAR YOU DEMON! LET US GO AND YOU MAY HAVE MY LINT!"

>...You aren't letting go of it-

"IT IS MY LINT!"
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>Jugglejack
"Actarius"
'???'
~~~~~

>WOW! It's so... happy! It's like the ballroom on a weekend, but there are no... er, less fires!

"Yeah, looks great. I think the circus with that one juggler is over near the back."

>Great! I am going to get SO many tips today!

"Think they'll sink in?"

>I'm planning on making sure that tip goes in all the way, buddy! It's going in so deep it'll fill my stomach!

"Cool. I'm hoping they've got those nice haircare products for cheap."

>Well, you don't want it too cheap, you've gotta get the good stuff.

"Yeah, I guess you're right. The worthwhile stuff may make my throat sore, but it does feel amazing in my hair."

>Allergies?

"Yeah, it's a real pain in the ass."

>I know what that's like!

"...You ever wonder what they're talking about behind our backs?"

>Nah, it's because of who we are.

"Really?"

>Think about it... I'm a changeling, and you're a guard. They don't like you guards in the ballroom, and I'm guessing the same applies for the guard?

"Hm, yeah, I guess you're right. Always hear someone complaining about Changelings."

>Yeah, they probably just think we're different.

"Don't quite go the same way?"

>Exactly! We're a little bent, and they think it's confusing.

"Point. Well, who cares, I'm happier."

>Me too! I'm way happier... with...

"...You okay?"

>...Who in the hell..

'HIYA! Hey, have you seen Applejack around here? Princess version!'

>...OH SHIT! You're that Spider-Changeling, right?

'Uh huh! I was in Applejack's bag, but I got distracted and ran off.'

"Why were you in her bag?"

'It's comfy!'

>I'm not supposed to talk to you.

"Bah, come on, what's the harm?"

>...Wellllll...

"Come on, we'll help you find the Princess."

'YAY! Thanks buddy! Wow, Applejack was right, ponies DO like me better without my other legs!'

"Ignoring that."

>...This can't backfire, surely.

"You coming?"

>...Surely...
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>Spitfire
“Soarin”
‘Fleetfoot
-Bulk-
~~~~~~

>MY BACK!

“MY BACK!”

‘MY BACK!’

-THEIR BACKS.-

‘Why did she make US carry all of her stupid suitcases anyway?’

>Technically she didn’t but I’m the bottom bitch to her, and the bottom bitch needs her own crew of lesser bitches. That’d be you two in case there was any confusion. Bulky is excused because reasons.

“Wait, when did I get lumped in with-”

-I CALL THE FLOOR!-

>Bulky, this is Dash’s room. Ours is down the ha-

But the super sized stallion had already circled his special area and sank into it with a quirky, cross-eyed, victorious smile, like he’d won a great battle.

“That’s both disturbing and a touch cute….”

‘I am not going to be bitch to the bottom bitch!’

>Can it, bitch. While we’re here you get three hots and a cot. The cot being my ass. Are we clear?

‘…yes, ma’am.’

>Good.

“…go ooooon.”

>Shut up, Soarin.

“Just sayin’, we do have Dash’s suitcase of toys right over there. You know, just an observation, nothing more.”

>Ignoring your simple ass, she gave us each a list of things to do while… while she’s gone and….

'Oh God, what? What is it?'

>We... she wants us to make sure Bulky has a good time.

'...'
"..."
>...

'Hell.'

"No."

-WE WILL RIDE ALL THE RIDES!-

>Bulky, wait, don't get too-

-ALL OF THEM!-
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She had been wandering for days. Battling, carving her way through any foe that stood in her path, re-honing skills that had gone numb in the time she had been imprisoned. She had bent, broken and battered so many, she no longer even counted them.

But it was all worth it, for at last, she had reached the land she sought. She had narrowed in with a hard determination at this target, this one place that she had traversed lands to find.

Malicious, wide eyes narrowed in glee, and she could not keep the low, menacing laugh from escaping her throat.

>At last.

The muted chuckle exploded into a maniacal cackle, and with a joyful spring she raced towards the place had heard such strange and amazing things about. Oh yes, this was going to be fun.

...Unless they were lying about this place's popcorn, in which case she was going to be PISSED. She did not just walk her ass through that fucking tornado to get some sub-par kernels, hell no. She's only putting the best in Mr Popcorn.
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>56
“Luna”
_______

“For the last time, this is not a couples outing!”

>I never said it was, Moons.

“Then why are thou grinning as such?”

>Becuzza that bunch of clowns over there obviously. Look, they’re doin’ some pretty cool things with those balloons.

“Ooooh! Why yes, yes they a- DO NOT DISTRACT US!”

>Pft, so cute….

“What was that?”

>I said shoot, the line for the Pancake Flip is stupid long.

“What is this… Pancake Flip…?”

>Didn’t read the brochure?

"We did not wish to come to this nightmarish land in the first place!"

>Oh, well no worries, that’s why I’m here! The Pancake Flip puts ya on this doughy bed thing, and then you’re jettisoned into the air, sent flippin’ like mad, until you land on another pad about forty yards away. Then it pumps ya back and forth a couple times just like a real pancake! It’s pretty popular. No deaths yet, either, which surprises me.

“…”

>So whatta ya say? Feel like waitin’ or- whoa! Moons? Moons, you okay? You’re lookin’ a bit nau- NO! NO MOONS DON'T-

*BLAAAAARGH*

>GAAAAAH!

And suddenly, the other theme park goers had a greater attraction to laugh at as Luna stuttered her apologies.
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>Suckerpunch
"41"

>Wow, this place sure as hell lives up to the hype so far.

"I know right? What'cha wanna do first? Wanna go do some rollercoasters? A tilt-a-whirl? LAZER TAG!"

>I dunno, I kind of wanted to have a nice quiet relaxing day.

"Ahhh...wuss."

>Excuse me?

"You heard me, ya pansy, you're scared of the big rides!"

>Nice try but I came here just to take my mind off-

"*cough*Youhavenodick*cough*"

>Oh that's it, tilt-a-whirl, NOW!

"First one to barf buys the other lunch!"

>YOU'RE ON!
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>SA
"Celestia"
~~~~

>...Huh...

"...Huh..."

>...Huuuuhhh..."

"...mmmhmmm..."

>...You feeling anything yet?

"No, not a thing. This is supposed to be the really scary one, right?"

>Says on the brochure you wouldn't be able to handle it.

"Well, I'm handling it."

>Yeah, not that scary.

"...Are we jaded?"

>Oh sweet loveybits we're jaded.

"We're totally jaded to this sort of ride."

>In fairness, how can we not be? I've been in a flying tank flying at near the speed of sound while a giant monsters was tearing chunks out of it.

"I've been in a daring airborn fight with my little sister shooting lasers at me."

>We wouldn't even be worried if this thing went off the edges, I could throw up a barrier no problem.

"I could just ride it out, even. I might be out for a couple weeks, but I'll live."

>...Crap.

"Love how your swears have all muted here recently."

>Happens when you have impressionable ears around you.

"Oh, I know how that is. Dealing with little ears in the school is such a problem."

>Ooo, I can only imagine.

"Oh gracious, are we actually reduced to talking about our homelives?"

>Seems like it.

"...So, has Cadence started to lighten up on the vanilla sex life?"

>CELESTIA!

"Question stands."

>...No. She's not very adventurous in bed. She has one way she likes it.

"Mmm, that's a pity."

>Not really, still, you know, enjoy it. Love my wife and whatever love we we make.

"Boy, we are lucky we're the only ones on this ride, aren't we?"

>Right? That would be a headline. "Princess Cadence: Not the sex-machine everyone thought!"... Hrm, but that might dissuade some of those notes...

"Or make them increase so they can show her some 'real' moves."

>And now that idea has turned sour.

"It's what I do."

>Here comes another dip.

"Yaaayyyy... bout the only thing that would liven this up is us having sex on it."

>Making love, Celestia, I do not have sex, I make love.

"Oo-lala. So fancy."

>And this would only liven it up because you would have your mind racing the whole time to explain the charred corpse of a foreign prince and a whole lot of questionable stains to the ponies at the end of the ride.

"It'd be interesting though... another drop... wheee..."

>If Pinkie didn't own this ride, I swear I would run it off the rails just for the satisfaction of feeling that bounce.

"Yes, well, make sure to put a bubble around me too, I don't want to scuff my necklace."

>Oh, pshaw, like you need to ask. I'll never let anything hurt you if I can.

"Mmmhmmm... same."

>...Oh thank god, the rides almost over.

"Right? Let's hope that rocket ride is at least a little more fun."

>It's probably not going to be.

"Then start working on a solar proof shield and let's see how long you can last!"

>HAH! Chrysalis is having a bad influence on you.

"...You realize what you just did, right?"

>...Oh dear heavens...

"Do you want me to shoot you now?"

>No no... I will need a sword for the ritual.

"I'll tell them you died bravely."

>No need to lie on my account, they'll understand.
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>2
"18"
~~~~~

>WIN THAT ONE!

"BLAMO! Hah! Shoot the ducks? Buddy, I used to shoot GUARDS for a living!"

>NOW WIN THAT ONE!

"Ring toss? Pfft! I've nailed an extension request form from into a Styrofoam cup from sixteen feet!"

>NOW WIN THAT ONE!

"Test your strength, eh? FEEL THE LOVE!"

*DING!*

>I HAVE SO MANY PLUSHIES!

"Shiny is going to 'enjoy' all of these in the bed."

>I'MMA SLEEP WIT ALL OF 'EM!

"Oh, I believe you, and I will watch... watch as they consume him... mwhahaha...."

>...18? Ya' okay?

"Hm? Oh, yeah, fine..."

>...WIN THAT ONE!

"The claw machine?"

>YEAH!

"...Uh... let's, uh, let's try something else."

>...

"...I am going poor on this, aren't I?"

>Prolly.

"...Dang."
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>29
"???"
'???'
~~~~~

>Ahhh, it's good to get a bit of thrills for the soul, is it not? Literally, in one case!... Though how on earth that pink ball of insanity knew that filly's soul was behind me, I will never know. Still, certainly worth the extra ticket just to watch everyone lose thine minds in a frenzy at the explosion of the light. Oh! What a rapturous feeling it must infuse, to ascend to a level beyond what eyes can see! What ears may hear! What a heart may-

"AHAHAHHAH! YOOOOU! COUNT VON CHITIN! I KNEW YOU WOULD ESCAPE WITH ME ONE DAY!"

>GAAAHHH!... What the devil!? Why am I being harassed by a cosplayer!?

"TELL ME YOUR SECRETS!"

>Unhand-er, unHAIR me you damnable-

'Maney, put him down, he's just a nutjob.'

"...Oh! Sorry about that. Anyone ever tell you that you talk EXACTLY like an overly dramatic villain? You do."

>My Queen on high! I am revered to be in your presence again after so long!

'...The hell are you?'

>...I... I am your loyal infiltrator, 29! I was the one who infiltrated the place most high, and bedded the royal so fair!

'...Not ringing a bell...'

>I served under you in the invasion of Canterlot!

'Not... nothing.'

>I tried to sleep with Cadence!

'Wow, you are just trying to make this difficult, aren't you?'

>...I'm the one who works for the mayor?

'I have a changeling who works for a mayor?'

>...I'm the one who gave you the legal advice for the law about the blowjobs.

'OH! OH YOU! Yeah, you, I remember you! Yeeeeeaaahh, I'm with you now, okay, yeah... you doing okay?'

>...I was....

'Good to hear! Come on, Maney, slip and slide next!'

"AHAHAHAHAHAHAH!"

'Have fun being a janitor!'

>I AM A MAYORS AIDE!

'Whatever!'

>...Well... that's some soul crushing pain right there... HEY! NO! YOU DO NOT CALL HER A... You know what? Actually? I'll let it slide this one time. She is a bitch.
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