Simurgh hallucination 1

With no way to follow, Krouse was left standing there. He prodded at a piece of rubble, but his hand passed through.

Yet he was able to walk on the hard ground? He couldn't process it.

"I don't understand," he muttered to himself.

"It's not you, it's me."

He folded his arms. That's not something I ever expected to hear. "You can't blame me at least a little?"

"No," Noelle said, shaking her head. She looked miserable, and he felt a knot forming in the pit of his stomach as he saw just how unhappy she was. It wasn't something he was familiar with, on a lot of levels. Quiet, she said, "You've been great."

He spread his arms, "I don't get it. I thought we were doing fine."

"We aren't! This is… it's not working."

"I'm okay with it. I enjoy spending time with you, and I didn't get any impression you were having that bad of a time, either."

"But we don't- we aren't-" She stared down at her feet. "We're stalled. It isn't fair to you."

"That's what you're worried about?"

"Don't dismiss my concerns," she said, managing to sound a little angry.

"No', it's fine. It's cool. I get that there's stuff you've got going on that you don't want to tell me about. I can be a bit of a jerk sometimes, but I'm not an idiot. And I'm not going to twist YOUR arm to get you to share, either. That's your stuff, and I figure you'll tell me in time. Or you won't."

"It's not fair to you," she repeated.

"I'm not saying things have to be equitable or balanced or fair or any of that. So who cares if things aren't fair?"

"Don't do that!"

He spread his arms for the second time in a minute, helpless. Don't do what? Don't make sense?

Long seconds passed. He studied her, saw how dejected she was. Only minutes ago they'd been having a good time talking. Then things had fallen apart without warning, and it sounded like she wanted to break up.

It's like karma for all the times I've pulled shit on others. Only I did it in fun, and this isn't fun in the slightest.

"Someone said, a little while ago," Noelle spoke without looking at Krouse, "That I can't really forge a good relationship with others until I have a good relationship with myself."

"You don't?"

Noelle didn't say anything.

"I think you're fantastic, if that counts for anything."

"You don't know me."

"I've been getting to know you some. And I have yet to see anything that's going to scare me away."

She stared down at her feet. "…I don't think we should date."

"Okay. If you think that's for the best. But I just need you to do one thing. Look me in the eye as you tell me that."

She glanced up at him, then looked down. She didn't say a word.

"Because," he went on, "I think you've seemed happier than I've ever seen you since we started going out. Marissa said so, too."

Noelle glanced at him.

He continued, "If you really feel like us dating is making things worse in the long run, then I'm perfectly okay with breaking it off. I can leave the club if that makes things easier on your end. It was your thing before it was mine, and you've got enough on your plate with being team captain."

"I don't want you to leave the club."

"Okay," he said. He waited for her to speak, but she didn't. "Listen, I get the feeling today is a bad day. Don't know why it is, but it is. And that happens. Fine. But I'm not willing to end this if it's because the stars aligned wrong. So I'm asking you to tell me that you're worse off because we're together. Not asking for an explanation, just-"

"Never mind," she said.

"Never mind?"

"I'm- just never mind. Can we forget this conversation happened?"

"Sure," he said. He saw how dejected she looked. "Want me to walk you home?"

She nodded.

It was odd. He'd been punched before, had failed a grade, he'd lost his uncle, and yet it was here, beside his girlfriend, that he was unhappier than he'd ever been. He was helpless, confused, frustrated. All he wanted to do was to help her, but he wasn't sure how.

He fought the urge to sigh, and drew in a deep breath instead. The air in his nostrils was so cold he choked on it. All of his senses were plunged into high gear; a keening song so high pitched it made his ears hurt, cold throughout his body, the smell and taste of dust thick in the air, and pain lancing through his right hand.

Coughing, bewildered, he stared at the pile of rubble and the laboratory. Whatever effect had encompassed him, it was gone.

- Migration 17.4