Bullshit

MotokoLast Saturday at 6:08 PM
Please don't do that.
Radiant HeroLast Saturday at 6:09 PM
I can still be your friend, Toko. I can still be here to talk with you and support you. We just can't be together given our different beliefs and views on things. No one is taking me away from you.
MotokoLast Saturday at 6:10 PM
... You know, there were moments I was looking forward to spending the rest of my life with you. I hoped it could be.
Radiant HeroLast Saturday at 6:13 PM
I'm really sorry it's ended up like this.
MotokoLast Saturday at 6:20 PM
I... don't believe that someone who believes in making these choices and having free will per se is sorry about something that they consciously make the choice to do, at the cost of another person they knew they'd hurt in the end.
Radiant HeroLast Saturday at 6:21 PM
Sighs and gazes down.
I am making the choice to stand by what I believe in that I can't be with someone who isn't in the same religion I am. I have made my fault by being attracted to you and hoping to see if something may come of it, but we have our differences in this life and that can't be avoided.
Me, knowing that you would not be able to make that specific sacrifice, and yet still trying what I could, is my fault.
MotokoLast Saturday at 6:24 PM
... What did you try other than to keep from me this secret? That's on the same level as a liar in my eyes. to give someone false hope.
Radiant HeroLast Saturday at 6:26 PM
..I'm a liar then. I'm a failure. I'm a no good person.
My intentions then were all bad.
I don't know what else I can say or do to make it right. It's already broken and you being disappointed and saying things like that just hurts me even more. What else do you want me to say? What else do you want me to do? - This is just how life is, and I'm trying to be an adult and mature about it talking it through with you.
MotokoLast Saturday at 6:29 PM
... I know you don't understand that I love you- but, is the you I knew and loved even the real you? Do you not see the massive fatal error here?
Radiant HeroLast Saturday at 6:30 PM
I'm the same person I have always been, but I brought to the table something personal to me and something I always am afraid to bring up to begin with for anyone.
MotokoLast Saturday at 6:32 PM
So long as you hold that thing dear, the man I loved is dead. I can understand now how Nathan felt when he said those words. He said then neither out of spite nor out of sorrow, it was out of disgust for what he found.
Radiant HeroLast Saturday at 6:32 PM
Just keeps looking down unable to really know what else further to say.
If it just works best that you forget me, I'll live with it, even if you don't remember me anymore or choose to push me out of your memories.
MotokoLast Saturday at 6:33 PM
could only scowl. That sorrow? That's turning to anger right now.
I'm honestly so disappointed.
You can not imagine right now how disappointed I am that you'd withhold that condition from me for so long.
On top of that, the fact that you would let something so utterly futile be a deciding factor is appalling.
What I offered you was unconditional. Yet that wasn't good enough.
And I bothered to try to save it?
Radiant HeroLast Saturday at 6:36 PM
What am I supposed to say? I am trying to be understanding and trying to do what I can to be accommodating and kind. Am I just screwing up to you over and again? What am I doing?
MotokoLast Saturday at 6:37 PM
You're saying that to be with you, I must change. And here I was thinking you understood.
Radiant HeroLast Saturday at 6:40 PM
..?? Maybe it's because I'm so caught up in the moment and just feeling so self-loathing to myself that I fail to see it. But converting your beliefs, your religion, it's the only way to be with me. This isn't to say that you just change your mentality and viewpoint on things. You need to undergo lessons to understand the teachings that are taught in the church, to believe them, and then to be baptized. - That alone would more than likely change many things about you which I know isn't something you would take kindly to.
MotokoLast Saturday at 6:41 PM
... I was fucking baptized.
My mother never let me forget this and I will annihilate you if you imply otherwise so help me god.
Radiant HeroLast Saturday at 6:41 PM
..Sighs. I don't want to fight you, Toko.
MotokoLast Saturday at 6:42 PM
I'm not a member of any religion, by the way.
Hence why shit makes no sense to me at ALL
Radiant HeroLast Saturday at 6:44 PM
I should have told you from the beginning which is why I am so upset at myself.
It's fear of myself and what others will think.
MotokoLast Saturday at 6:45 PM
I have pieced my world together on my own, and I am a furious motherfucker right now that's only going to get more pissed off because as far as every single person is telling me right now your reason is the most unfair bullshit I have probably EVER fucking heard.
Radiant HeroLast Saturday at 6:45 PM
At least you wouldn't have felt so angry like this.
MotokoLast Saturday at 6:45 PM
I am a rape victim that is not ashamed of the shit they've endured but so help me god I am god damn ASHAMED of this.
What the FUCK do I tell my mother?
What do I tell my aunt?
Holy shit they will fucking HATE you for this.
Do you understand the implications?
I can't convert for a bullshit reason because they would NEVER
EVER
approve of that.
Radiant HeroLast Saturday at 6:47 PM
I'm really feeling at a major low right now, Toko. Do you honestly, sincerely, and seriously believe, that I'm out to cause you this much level of frustration and disappointment?
MotokoLast Saturday at 6:48 PM
Do you really want that answer? Because as far as i'm concerned if you cared as much as you claim to you'd be making different choices as an autonomous individual and you don't want that answer.
Radiant HeroLast Saturday at 6:48 PM
..What do you want me to say?
Because I honestly feel like crying honestly. I really do.
MotokoLast Saturday at 6:49 PM
I've been crying. You're not the only one.
But I stopped because now i'm just FURIOUS.
I've been through this so much. I'm DONE crying over bullshit.
Radiant HeroLast Saturday at 6:51 PM
Do you think getting even angrier at me and telling me I'm going to be hated is something that will help any? You say you're not going to hate me, you say you're just going to leave and forget me. You say you're trying to change. There's just a whole level of misunderstandings that are coming just from both of us either feeling so angry or just so disappointed.
MotokoLast Saturday at 6:53 PM
I'm going to make this as simple as I fucking can for you since my brain operates at a level that has been compared to Albert Einstein and sometimes I just tend to exist on more advanced levels than what is normal.(edited)
I love you. I am psychologically and emotionally INCAPABLE of changing that fact, how it is received, or how it is expressed.
I do not give the slightest of fucks about most if not all things within reason because I literally can not find the time or energy to give a shit about things that do not immediately benefit me be it now or in the grand scheme of things.
However, the very small family I have left matters to me no matter how angry they make me at times. That being said, they have a very neutral and equalist method of thinking that I too share, and as such, I can and will predict their reactions accurately and will not follow a path that may risk causing any divide whatsoever in my family NO MATTER WHAT.
If I can not afford to do this, I will not do it. It is risk versus reward.
However, despite this, I am trying to sit here and waste time and energy telling you that I want you to stay. I want to be able to regard you as I did all this time, because that is who you are to me.
Do you understand or do I need to continue?
sighs.
I suppose not.
Radiant HeroLast Saturday at 7:06 PM
I just. I don't know what to say. I feel really hollow right now. In the, "I feel like I want to throw up." sort of way.
I want you to keep your values.
I want to keep my values.
MotokoLast Saturday at 7:07 PM
My promise to Nate has been keeping me from doing some real fucking bad shit right now.
My love doesn't require you to change. That's the thing.
You can keep your values, the ones that actually constitute as real, valid values and not just social conditioning that will leave you miserable in the end.
Radiant HeroLast Saturday at 7:09 PM
I don't know what you mean by social conditioning.
My religion is something conditioning me?
MotokoLast Saturday at 7:09 PM
Do you really think that "you need to conform to my views or this can't work" is a fucking value?
MotokoLast Saturday at 7:25 PM
exasperated sigh. Taps her foot.
MotokoLast Saturday at 7:36 PM
... Please just stop fighting me on this. I know what it means to you but it's not something that in the current times will ever land you a truly worthwhile relationship, not statistically with how shitty people are.
No one bound by something so easily broken will truly be happy.
MotokoLast Saturday at 7:49 PM
Well? Is this all...?
... Alright then.
November 18, 2018
MotokoLast Sunday at 12:30 AM
I don't know if you're still around, but...
Never mind...
MotokoLast Sunday at 1:39 PM
... I hope you'll come to your senses some day.
MotokoLast Sunday at 4:26 PM
A message from my mother;
 Clearly, this wasn't a big enough deal before, so... Why is it now? If this has been such a non-issue for as long as it has, what happened to you that made you find jesus? Was it a death in the family? What was it because clearly, this wasn't a non-issue before and I don't buy it for a second. Or is this just your pussy way out? "Gee, I'm done with Jenna so I think i'll just leave and pull religion out of my asshole." This isn't something you wait and tell someone, this is something you lead with.
I know you'll never actually respond to this, but everyone. And I mean everyone whom I have sought to try to find a single person who agrees with you, has told me you're wrong.
The least you could do is try to have the guts to fucking talk to me. Don't hide like a coward because the world says you're wrong.
MotokoLast Sunday at 4:51 PM
Ciel de NuitToday at 4:50 PM
If he truly loves you, then you don't need to convert
CharaYesterday at 4:40 PM
What
The fuck
Wow
MotokoYesterday at 4:41 PM
Yeah.
I uh.
I though this would last, y'know?
Just. am I wrong to think that?
Was that wrong?
CharaYesterday at 4:46 PM
Not at all, I promise
AislinP {Stork}Today at 2:27 PM
o.o;
Wow.
Yeah, they don't deserve you. Still, that's a horrible way to end things. That's really a shame. I'm sorry. D: I wish there was more I could do.
Give it time, though. Take a break, a breather, if you will. Take care of you. They'll realize what they're missing, and if they don't, well...that's a shame, too. But you'll find someone that won't give you ultimatums like that.
I'm honestly glad you didn't give in to that sort of change for them. That's controlling.
DenriYesterday at 6:52 PM
like i dont understand why hes lie "oh boo hoo woe is me"
like boi fuck u
's not all of it, but the general consensus remains the same. Quite pitiful.
MotokoLast Sunday at 8:32 PM
I've decided something. And you will need to be here and attentive for this.
As in, you will have to speak.
There is no hiding any more.
I will abandon everything for you, I will tear myself to metaphorical shreds, but you will not like what you get as a result.
I can no longer trust you like I used to, as you lied via omission.
I will no longer be able to love you as I used to.
But I will become what conforms with your 'values'. This is the sacrifice I will make.
MotokoLast Sunday at 8:45 PM
Doing so will isolate me from my family. This is what you have asked of me.
And this is what i'm willing to give you.
November 19, 2018
MotokoLast Monday at 3:21 AM
Please, let me be what it is you wanted me to be for you.
All you have to do is tell me to stay. That's all you need to do.
MotokoLast Monday at 3:39 AM
Please. Please come back.
MotokoLast Monday at 8:49 AM
Please  come back. I know you're there. Please come back. I'm not mad anymore, I'm sorry.
Please come back, I won't fight any more.
November 22, 2018
MotokoToday at 2:56 PM
Well, I guess i'll never hear from you again. You've had a long time to say something and decided instead to remain quiet.