One Size Too Small, Chapter 7

Kanako had fallen into a daze at some point when Martlet was around, but the bird monster didn’t seem to mind. Kanako felt her occasionally place a cold rag on her forehead and she shivered at the sensation each time. She hadn’t thought before she was this sick, but her body apparently had other plans. She supposed not eating or sleeping much could do that. She had been sort of stressed recently, and she’d heard her mother say once that her father was going to get sick with how much stress he was under. Her heart clenched at the thought for more reasons than one. She forced it back.

Kanako started to wake up as she heard the sound of voices downstairs.

“She’s still in those clothes,” Martlet’s voice rang out, sounding unhappy.

“We talked about this last time, Martlet, and I’m not interested in discussing it again.” Chujin told her firmly. “I don’t force her to do a thing.”

Was that true? It wasn’t like her father had ever physically forced her to do something against her will. Sure, he’d moved her body without asking when he posed her for the pictures, but…He’d apologized for that, at least sort of. It wasn’t like he’d specifically apologized for that, but he’d said he was sorry. And it wasn’t like she’d done anything about that, anyway. She could’ve told him to stop, or tried to physically stop him somehow. Surely, if she’d done that, he would’ve stopped sooner.

There was silence. “...She needs rest.”

She supposed she did. She let herself admit that for the first time in a while.

“She’ll get it. Let me pay you for your help.” Chujin insisted.

“Nono- I can’t accept that! I- It was nice being here…” Martlet admitted, awkwardly. Silence hung between the two. “Just, um…take care of her, okay?” There was something off in Martlet’s tone as she said that. She knew something was wrong here; she just didn’t quite know what.

“I will,” Chujin said, with a warning edge to his voice.



It had been several days since Martlet had come to take care of her, and Kanako still felt ill. It felt quite a lot like her body hated her somehow, like this was some punishment, but realistically, she supposed she had this coming. She hadn’t been eating or sleeping very well, but it still felt unfair. She couldn’t use all of her time on things like that. She had to be useful. Even when she tried to sleep, she often woke up with nightmares, and couldn’t go back to sleep. Her dad’s grip around her torso was hard to get used to.

However, Chujin seemed to be keen on making her rest. Chujin sat on the bed next to her, his arm around her. She’d told him she was going to get him sick, but he refused to listen. He insisted on staying by her side, even avoiding his work in favor of staying with her.

“Stop trying to get up,” He sighed, stroking her hair. “You know you need the rest, love. You haven’t been sleeping.”

“I want to help,” She insisted, sitting up, but letting out a cough. She hated being sick. She was so, so done with it by now. “And I can’t sleep. My throat hurts too much.”

“Even with the medicine?” He prompted, his expression twisting into something she hadn’t seen for a while. It felt genuine and caring, concerned. She let herself believe it.

“It helps a bit, but it still hurts,” She said, swallowing involuntarily and wincing.

Chujin let out a sigh, and leaned forward and kissed her forehead. She forced herself not to shudder. This was fine. She had no reason to be uncomfortable here.

“My poor dear,” He cooed, pulling her close to him. She forced herself to lean into him. “Maybe…I could give you something to help you relax.”

She was startled a little bit. “Dad…?”

“Drink a bit with me tonight.” He urged, and her heart sunk into her stomach. He was just doing this so she could sleep. That was the only reason. This was fine. This had to be fine.



Kanako forced herself out of bed later in the evening, even though she still felt a bit ill. She felt bad for resting for so long. She got back to her regular routine of chores, making up for lost time and doing just about everything she could think of. Chujin had briefly gone back to work, so she could do so undisturbed.

Chujin seemed to have nearly forgotten about her, as she’d gotten through practically all of the chores she could think of and went and laid back down by the time he went to check on her, a similar bottle in his hand.

He poured her a glass, handing it to her. She reluctantly drank it down, trying not to think of the last time she’d drank. Trying not to think about what happened after. Things wouldn’t be like that this time. He’d apologized. Things were going to be okay.

The taste was no better than the last time, either. It tasted no better than the awful medicine she’d been taking daily, and her natural instinct was to spit it out, but she forced herself to swallow, even as her body tried to reject it.

“I don’t like it, dad,” She whined, looking up at him. She had a bit of hope he’d actually listen to her.

“I know, I know…” He whispered, taking a swig himself. “But it’ll be okay. It’ll help you sleep and you won’t hurt as bad when you drink.”

“Why do adults get drunk?” She asked, genuinely, tilting her head to the side. She remembered when her mom would drink with her dad, and it never made much sense to her.

“It’s fun,” He said, with a shrug. “It’s good to get used to it. You don’t worry as much when you drink. It helps take my mind off work.”

She forces down a thought of what he’d done the last time he was drunk. It didn’t matter now. Things wouldn’t be like that this time. She convinced herself he was right. Maybe what he was talking about could be fun. Maybe she really would enjoy it some day, like he’d learned to.

She kept drinking, and he kept handing her drinks. All the while, he started to tell her stories.

“I remember…when we were young, your mother hated drinking, too,” He said, rubbing his face, staring at the ground. “I drank, so she wanted to drink too. She was always like that.”

Something in Kanako’s chest clenched. “How did…you and mom meet?”

She’d heard her mother tell the story, but she was just ever so slightly curious to hear it from her dad’s perspective, and she didn’t know if he’d be willing to tell it when he was sober. She didn’t know if she’d want to hear it when she was sober.

However, her dad’s response wasn’t what she expected. His tone was suddenly harsh. “You know that story already.”

“I-” Kanako almost flinched, feeling like she’d made a terrible mistake. Her father was suddenly angry at her in a way she’d never seen him before.

He turned away, his ears pinned back against his head. He poured her another drink and thrust it roughly in her direction. She accepted it shakily, and gulped it down.



She woke up with the worst headache of her life. Her head was pounding worse than it usually did. She’s started getting worse headaches since her mother died. Her throat didn’t hurt anymore, but her head hurt so bad she could only curl up in a ball and try not to cry. Her dad was asleep next to her, his arms around hers like they always were. He let out a grumble when she moved and his eye cracked open.

It took him a few seconds to realize she was crying softly. “Love, what’s wrong? Another nightmare?”

She shook her head, and the motion made her head hurt more. “It hurts…my head hurts, really bad…”

He let out a small sigh. “It’s a part of growing up, love. Drink some water. Ugh…” He sat up, putting a hand on his head. “I should…get to work.”

He still sounded upset with her, and she winced at it. He left her quickly.



She didn’t see him again until the afternoon, when he stumbled up to her when she was trying to dust the bedroom. His arms wrapped around her, and the first word out of his mouth made a shiver go through her.

“Ceroba…” He murmured, leaning forward and leaving several messy kisses along her neck. A shudder went through her entire body.

“Dad,” She whimpered, her body going still.

He ignored her, starting to move her over to the bed. The duster fell from her hands onto the floor. He was on top of her, his body heavy on top of her own. His breaths came in heavy pants, and she could feel something hard pressing against her leg as he cuddled up to her. Except “cuddle” felt like entirely the wrong word. He was practically crushing her with how much bigger he was than her.

His mouth was on her neck, not just kissing her, but sucking on her neck. When he dug his teeth in, she yelped, instinctively trying to push him away. He grabbed one of her wrists and pinned it to the bed.

“Shh…” He soothed, nuzzling against her cheek. “I’m here…let me make you feel good, love.”

His voice came out slurred, and it made her feel sick. She didn’t know what he meant by “make you feel good” but she didn’t think she wanted to know. She wanted to scream. She wanted to do something. She wanted to shove him away and tell him to get off of her and never touch her again, but she just…froze. Her body refused to move as his hands started to wander over her small form. She wanted to cry, but for some reason, she couldn’t even do that. The tears wouldn’t come. She clenched her eyes shut tightly, trying to block all of it out. Trying to forget this was happening.

He undressed her like it was nothing, like what he was doing was normal. Like what he was doing was loving. She stayed statue still beneath him, feeling so, so small. Her headache had only recently started to subside, but it started to pound again and she clutched at her hair, letting out a whimper.

His hands felt over her body, touching and groping her like this was something normal. Her skin was crawling. All she wanted was to be anywhere else but here. All the while, he was murmuring reassuring words.

“It’s okay, love, shh…I’ve got you, I love you,” He soothed, kissing her cheek messily. She could feel his saliva on her skin, on her neck. She could feel his touch on her skin, practically burning. She couldn’t bring herself to say “I love you” back, but she didn’t think it mattered now. She didn’t think anything mattered now.

Then was the shift of fabric. Him undoing his kimono. Taking off even her undergarments.

And she just wanted to be anywhere else but here. And it was almost like she was. If she tried hard enough, it could feel like she was floating away, like this was happening to someone else, or like she was watching this happen to her instead of it happening to her. It was easier that way.

Even the pain that comes when he forces himself on her isn’t enough to snap her out of it completely. It hurts more than anything she’s ever experienced. He’s too drunk or too selfish to have prepared her in any meaningful way, but it would’ve been painful regardless. She laid limp beneath him, feeling like a toy. No, she felt like a doll. A doll for him to use and pose and take pictures of and do whatever he pleased with. A doll for him to undress and redress as he pleased.

She wished she was anywhere else but here. She tried to imagine something happy. She imagined one of the last memories she had with her mother.

“Mommy!” She remembered herself shouting, as she fell and scraped her knee, already crying big tears.

Ceroba was at her side at an instant. “Oh, sweetheart, it’s okay, mommy’s here…Here, I’ll kiss it better, okay?”

She’d sniffled and nodded, and Ceroba had mock-kissed her knee, using healing magic to heal it. And then Kanako had hugged her mother, sniffling as her tears slowed. “Love you lots.”



Kanako vaguely registered that something in Chujin’s demeanor had changed. He’d gone from soothing her to outright crying, sobbing, apologizing. And yet he didn’t stop. He apologized like it meant a thing at all, like it mattered to her. Like it made any part of this better somehow.

But it meant nothing at all. She felt like nothing at all.



It was over eventually. She didn’t know how or when. She just finally started to register coming back to earth. She registered the sweat on her body. She felt tears on her face she didn’t remember shedding. When had she started crying…? And she saw Chujin next to her. …Already asleep, or nearly so. There were tears on his own face, his eyes closed into a somewhat unpleasant expression. She couldn’t bring herself to feel any sympathy for him.

Something else began to slowly dawn on her. It was just ever so slightly at first, but slowly the realization began to grow larger. It was a seed in her mind that slowly sprouted the longer she laid there, silently. She was terrified of moving, terrified of waking him up and having to interact with him again.

And by the time the realization fully crystalized in her mind, she was already acting upon it, knowing she might not ever if she didn’t do it now. She couldn’t do this anymore.

She slowly, slowly, got out of bed. Every noise or shift Chujin made in his sleep made a bolt of fear go through her and made her freeze in terror for what felt like hours. The sheets were damp from his sweat and she was glad to get away from them. When she was finally on the floor, she had to fight the urge to curl up and sob right there and then. He’d hear her, and she didn’t trust her ability to ever get up.

Kanako dressed herself up in her ruined clothes. She wanted to go upstairs and grab a kimono- one of her own kimonos, from her own room, but she doesn’t have the energy. The slightly too-big kimono will do good enough for now.

She also fought the urge to go and shower herself immediately. She wanted to, so, so badly, but she knew what would happen if she did that. She didn’t trust her resolve to last that long.

Kanako crept down the hallway with a limp. It hurt. It still hurt and she felt disgusting. She knew what she wanted, but couldn’t bear to properly acknowledge it. She’d break down, and she couldn’t break down now. She let herself be numb. She let that numb feeling carry her all the way through the hallway and out the front door.

She let it carry her through the still warm night of the Oasis. She’d never been out so late. Normally the idea would scare her, but she knew she was safer out here than she ever was in her home. She tells herself that over and over. She can’t properly tell herself she’s doing the right thing, that she’s doing this for some grander purpose. She’s doing this because of that simple realization. She couldn’t do this anymore.

She walks all the way through town, shambling along, feeling like nothing. She felt nothing at all except a quiet resolution and that realization. A goal to obtain.

She forced herself to walk all the way to the dunes on shaking legs that wanted nothing more than to collapse. She forced herself through all the way through the barren Wild East, and to Sunnyside Farms.

When Kanako reached the door, she stopped, looking up at it cautiously. She got all the way until knocking at the door until the reality of what she’s doing hits her truly. This is really it. She ran away from home. She walked all the way here without help. She’s really going to ask Starlo for help because her dad…

She can’t finish that thought, even to herself.

What was she thinking? Why did she think she could do this? Why did she think she could report her dad? He was her dad. Even if he’d just…She forces the thought away, but it rises back up insistently, until she’s practically weeping to herself on the doorstep of the Sunnyside household.

She felt so pathetic. Part of her wanted to walk back home and pretend this never happened, but…she couldn’t do that, could she? She’d made her choice. She couldn’t go back.

But it was late. What if Starlo didn’t open the door? He could very well be asleep, or it might be someone like Solomon, which would make things difficult. She didn’t want to see anyone but Starlo right now. Even someone like Crestina would be too painful.

But somehow, miraculously, the door opens, and Starlo Sunnyside looks at her, his clothes wrinkled from sleep. She sees the way he looks at her, and she can’t imagine what this looks like in his eyes. She was crying softly, dressed in her mother’s messily altered and rumpled kimono, on his door step in the middle of the night.

“What- what happened?” He stutters out, an expression of pure worry on his face.

“I- I don’t-” Her voice breaks, and suddenly she’s hugging him tightly and sobbing harder than she ever remembers sobbing. It was like a dam broke; the tears just wouldn’t stop, like they were making up for lost time. She clung to him like a lifeline, and he hugged her back, confused but protective.

“Hey, hey now…” He whispered, placing a hesitant hand on her back, and she shudders and sobs harder. What did her dad do to her? How could he have ruined her so badly? “Deep breaths. You’re okay.”

She tries not to think about how her dad would’ve said those exact words while his hands were on her. She tries not to think of Starlo’s embrace as suffocating and instead as safe. Like her father’s should have been.

It occurs to her she’s not entirely crying for herself. Part of her is crying for him. She feels bad. A little voice in her head whispered, “He’s still your dad. How could you?” and she believed it, at least partly. How could she turn in her own dad like she was? He was grieving and vulnerable and she was turning him in. She was running away from him.

It feels like hours until her tears stop. Starlo holds her the whole time, not asking a single question, just holding her gently. She cried until she couldn’t cry anymore, until it felt like she’d shed every single tear in her body.

“I- I’m sorry,” She hiccuped, still not quite letting go of him.

“Hey, what are you sorry for?” He asked, stroking her hair. She shivered and pulled back and she saw a flash of hurt and concern cross his expression.

Kanako swallowed. “I…Can I come inside and talk?”

Starlo gave her a small smile that meant the world to her.

She told him everything. She told him about Chujin dressing her up in her mother’s clothes. She told him about him altering previous clothes of Ceroba’s, even her wedding dress. She saw Starlo’s expression become furious at that one, but it didn’t compare to when she told him the last thing. She told him what her dad did. What he’d been doing to her for months.

Fury wasn’t the first emotion on Starlo’s face, but it was one of them. He was stricken at first, horrified, and Kanako was terrified that perhaps he wouldn’t believe her. Perhaps he’d tell her she was being silly and send her home, back to that nightmare.

But, of course, that isn’t what Starlo does. He stands up and moves to hug her, but realizes at the last second it might not be desired. He’s silent for several moments as he stares down at her. She sees so many emotions on his face- worry, concern, fear, and absolute fury. Even if that fury isn’t directed at her, it scares her, just a bit.

“You’re never going back there.” Starlo swore, kneeling down on her level like her knight in shining armor. “I promise.”