Thread 27: Stories 46-60

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~~~~

>I almost achieved my Titan form today. I came within spitting distance of activating the size magic necessary.
>Mother was so proud she gave me an extra helping of mountain. I told her it was already too much. So she added another scoop.
>I'll hopefully dig myself out by sunrise.

~~~~

>Mother crushed another four drones today. I told her it was a bad idea, we'll run out at this rate. Doing it again and again is a bad idea.
>She said she could quit anytime she likes.
>Then she tried to crush me.

~~~~~

>Diamond dogs taste like salmon.
>...I have nothing to add to that, it's just weird.
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Also non-canon
~~~
>Dear, diary
>A mare walks down the street
>it's a street in a strange world
>Maybe it's the third world
>Maybe it's her first time around...
~~~
>Between training I've been hording musical instruments and practicing
>my mom found out and smashed my lute
>To deny her the pleasure, I promptly grabbed every instrument I could and broke it over her head
>She said she was proud of me
>After I got back from where she punted me (new record, whoo!)
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>Pennydrop
"Flash"
'Fizzle'

'Partyland? You've invested into Partyland?! What kind of stupid move is that? I thought this was meant to be a dark and shadowy corporation or something'

>Evidently your brute strength and hot temper leaves little in understanding economics and sharp wit, Mr Fizzle. Yes, we are investing a PR building into Partyland, it's simple business practice

"Uh huh, and where's the hidden nuke silos in there? Come onnnn, there's gotta be something for us to scare people with, something like some....some-COTTON CANDY SENTIENT OOZE MONSTER-...huh, never thoughta that"

>No, there's nothing of the sort to be built there, even if there was something that'd raise the heads of any normal visitor, I'm not telling you either

"'What?! Why?!" "-LOGIC SYSTEM ERROR-"

>Because you're not part of it, at least not for the foreseeable future, your jobs are to continue training here, Fizzle, to hopefully control those incendiary powers of yours, that's the fourth recce room you've burnt down. And you Flash are to hopefully behave yourself, no more combat sims, you were THAT close to gutting one of the VIPs on his walkabout

'Wasastupidroomanyway....no-onelikedit....betteroffburnt'

"I did not nearly gut that guy...come on, didn't I tell you I knew who to kill and who not to? One of the first things I said to yo-ERROR! OXYGEN SUPPLY CUT OFF! ASSISTAAAAAAA-"

'....Does he usually spark like that?'

>No, just activated a small fail-safe if he tries to talk about....that little incident, he'll be fine, but none the less idiotic

"Geh.....ok geeze, I geddit, no more....(dumbass)"

'So....if we got nothing to do with this Partyland thing inna first place....why tell us?'

>So you'd stop asking questions as to why your little penthouse was stripped and sold off for scrap. Goodbye. [Teleport]

'THAT WAS YOU YOU- FUCK!'

"That dirty slimy bitch!-BLOOD PRESSURE RISING, URGE TO MAIM, RISING-"

'This was your fault! If you hadn't trashed the place, she'd wouldn't be so pissed off with us!'

"Oh, since when did chainsaws leave scorch marks on walls, huh?-APPROXIMATE OF 14.2% SUCCESS RATE-Gaaaah, SHUT UP!"

'I'LL ROAST YA YOU RUSTY FREAK!'

"Come on then, I'll tear you to shreds!"

{They fight}

"Argh, that was my good mane as well, are you done yet?"

'Yeah, burnt that dumb grin off your fucking mouth, I'd call it even pussywhip'

"So, Partyland, gotta have clowns, those are pretty scary right? Maybe she's building a Clown-Soldier factory, scare the enemy into submission....sounds clever, very clever"

'Pffft, clowns, those are lame, she's just all hung up and's wasting money, I bet we can do more evil shit there than what she's got planned'

"What do you mean-QUOTE, DO MORE EVIL SHIT, END QUOTE- Do you actually want to go there? Tough guy like you probably doesn't want to be seen there"

'Oh yeah? How about we both go there, off the record and shit, make some real scary shit and rub it in her face, that'll show here'

"And I thought teens these days didn't have any..uhh, the word, whats the word about getting off your ass an-INITIATIVE-...oh, that one"

'Hehe, classic stupid Flash'

"As I was saying, I thought teens like you didn't have any initiative these days, it's a deal, we go there, cook up our own little shop of horrors, and show Pennydrop who the REAL movers and shakers are!"

'.....So, you got a ticket? They got real cheap discouts of you're wearing fancy dress'

"You mean this, THIS. Doesn't count? How could you get any fancier than this?"

'Iunno, bowties'

"Those...might work, let's go get some bowties"
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Non-Canon

>SA
'Caddy'
"Two"

~~~~~

>Hey Two, wanna play a round of Candyland?

"Ya huh!"

>Alright! Cadence you wanna join?

'I'll think I'll sit this one out, you to have some "we" time.'

>Ok, suit yourself, come on sweetie the games in my office.

"Just a second, I got to tell Caddy a secret!"

>Well, I'll just go ahead and set up the game.

"Kay"

'Ok honey, now that Shiny's gone, whats your little secret.'

"Ok... Remember how you used to think I was trying to steal Shiny so that he'd love me?"

'Y-yeah... why?'

Two just smiles and skips out the door.
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>Dear Diary, I was...
~~~
>Just a small-time bug....
>Livin' in a lonely wooorld...
>She swore one day that she would kill alllll the gooooods....
~~~
>Grew up big and strong....
>Did some right but tons went wrooooo-ong....
>She came out swinging and defied alllll the oooooodds....
~~~
>A Changeling in a smoking room....
>The smell of blood and cheap perfuuuuu-ume....
>Crushing skulls and making a path...
>Kill them all, them all, them all, them allll....
~~~
>Rivals, dueling....
>Sparks are flying through the night...
>Their blood is, flowing-
>Who dies neee-ee-ext?
~~~
>Ugh, this is crap. I'm crap, why am I writing this? Did that boulder to the head concuss me more than I thought? Sorry, diary....
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>SA
'SA's brain'
"Twilight"
~~~~~

>TWILI!

"Shiny! Glad so see you're okay."

>Me!? You're the one who was in actual danger.

"Oh, yeah. Hope I didn't worry you."

'MurderMurderMurderMurderMurderMurderMurderMurderhurtLSBFFMurderMurderMurderMurderMurder'

>Nahhh, I know you can handle yourself.

'HurtTwohurtWifehurtCelestiahurtChrysalishurt42ggonnabeatgonnabeatgonnahurthurthurthurthurthurt'

>Are you sure you're okay?

"Never laid a hoof on me, was all shrapnel damage and magic drain."

>See? Knew you could take her.

"Sadly no, she's far stronger than I thought, even not in her giant form. I had to essentially just send her far enough back we could get a headstart."

>Bahhh, I'm sure you could handle it.

'Gonnapunchgonnapunchgetmyjuggernauthurthurthurthurthurthuuuuuurrrrttttt'

>But hey, why don't you just take me next time? I know a thing or two about fighting her type, you know. Trust me, I studied up on this.

"Absolutely! I would have taken you with, but...."

>Yeah yeah, we're working on it. No worries, I'll be there next time, cross my heart.

"Awww, thanks BBBFF."

>Anytime, LSBFF.

'Hugsdon'tmakeragegoawayneedtogoplaywithtwohugsarenotworkinghugsarenicebutstillwanttoHURTHURTHURTHURTHURT'

"Shiny?"

>Hmmm?

"...I think... I think you might have been on to something... when you spare her..."

>...

'...critical run time error. Reboot.'

"She's not... not quite what she looks like on the surface."

>...If you say so.

"I'm glad you're... Shiny, you know? I don't think anyone else would have given her a chance. And the more I learn about her... the more I'm starting to think she might need one."

>...

'Warning! heart.exe has stopped!'

"Good job, big bro."

>...Y-you know me... always... always one to look on the bright side of things.......

'guilt.exe is now running!'

>Shut up, brain.

"What?"

>NOTHING!
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>Pennydrop
"Scientist"
'Agent'
~~~~

"And thus, our 'crop destroyer' is, in fact, an amazing weed killer. Can't keep it on the shelves."

>Excellent. Divert the excess funds into the lava-canon research.

"Of course, of course... can I have a little for, like, somethine our clients will actually use? Like air conditioning. Great for that."

>Meh, five percent.

"Of course..."

*SLAM!*

>Did he just slam my door? I feel like someone is about to die-

'She's been spotted!'

"She?"

>WHERE!?

A folder laden with pictures was tossed on the desk, revealing quite the assortment of imagery... most of it fight related.

'On a train headed towards Appleloosa. One of our agents was luckily onboard. He thought it was weird when they suddenly ended up in the forest, but...'

>...The princess must have known and tried to get her away from a populated area.

'Bingo, and judging from the gunshots, they tried to take her out right there.'

>I suppose it must not have worked.

'We didn't get a chance for any chemical samples, but judging by the wreckage not caused by blunt force trauma...'

>She's more durable than expected?

'A lot, considering. She might even be as durable in her normal form as her titan form, we can't tell, no baseline for either. Nothing damaged her, and believe me, the princess and her soldiers tried.'

>This is good.

"...I'm sorry, good?"

>Yes... very good.

She spun around, looking out her wide, open windows.

>Imagine what we could do with that sort of power. Right now, larger beings like the dragons or such are easily a vast threat to any of us. They cause such destruction so effortlessly, and we have to depend on ones like the princesses or their champions. But imagine a world where any one of us could grow to their size and fight back. Imagine a world where the weakest of ponies could shrug off a cannon. Imagine a world... where we stand tall above all of them.

"...I guess we could also use it to grow crops and end world hunger."

>...Sure, that too.

'So do you want us to-'

>Do not engage, for the love of Celestia do not engage. Let the princesses do all the heavy lifting. We'll make our move, in time.... in time...

*CRACKBOOM!*

>HOLY SHIT!... WATCH IT WITH THE LIGHTNING, FUCKO! WHAT AM I PAYING YOU FOR!?

"That's a weather crew."

>MY TAX DOLLARS PAY FOR THAT!

'We skimp most of our taxes.'

>SEMANTICS!

"It's not."

>OUT!... soon... soon we shall see, just how high we are going to gr-

*CRACKBOOM!*

>THAT'S IT YOU ARE SO FIRED!
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~~~

>One day, Mother once asked me if I wanted a prince to have.
>I told her no, I had already filled up on the soldiers.

~~~

>I fought my first dragon today. It was a long, hard fight, but I eventually won.
>Maybe next time Mother will let me use my titan form.

~~~~~~

>I asked Mother how hot the sun was, as it seemed to hot to hold.
>She said she didn't know, she had never checked.
>So now we're waiting for that drone to come back down and tell us, we hope he won't be too long.
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Non-canon, just wanted to write something for them.

>PJ
“SS”
‘DT’

~~~~

>Dodge.

*fwoosh!*

>Dodge!

*fwoosh!*

>DODGE!

*fwoosh*

>RETURN!

A tail shot out, cracking in an almost whip-like fashion as it snatched the pinecone mid-sail and flung it back the way it came.

Now matter how small, there gleamed an undeniable smirk of approval from PJ, even as she tilted her head slightly to the left to avoid the projectile.

>It’s about time.

The filly being spoken to only readjusted her glasses, the lens of which were cracked beyond repair. The frame was also warped, and her once luscious mane was now bedraggled and grimy. There was a tattered handkerchief a shade darker than her coat tied loosely around her neck.

“So what comes next, teacher?”

>Well, if you can dodge a pinecone, you can dodge death in the forest.

“…see, remember what we talked about? Waaaay back when? This is you doing it again, saying something that you think makes sense but in reality, it really doesn’t.”

>I never was one for sense. I’m all for potatoes, though. In fact….

And a spud was produced from a pack on PJ’s hip. But she didn’t eat it. Not yet.

>Now, to be brutally honest… you’re not a fighter, Spoon.

“I know this but that's why we-”

>Wasn’t finished. You’re not a fighter, you’re not an interrogator, you’re not a specialist, you’re not a weapons expert, you’re not even that much of a survivor. You’re a fairly spoiled little princess who’s best friends with an even bigger spoiled princess. But at least Tiara has the added benefit of flaunting about a rocket launcher. But you?

PJ snorted.

>I’ve never seen a pony so out of place. No, not a pony. A potato. That’s what you are, a potato trying to fit in with other potatoes… except you’re all bruised and misshapen. I don’t want to say I wasted my time giving you this crash course here but it’s not going to work.

There was something akin to hurt that settled in Silver Spoons gaze and she frowned, mostly with confusion and loss.

“I don’t… wait a second, why’re you saying this all of a sudden…?”

>It’s sudden to you but I knew this would fail since day one. I just finally reached my limit for ignoring the obvious, is all. I mean, chucking pinecones at you all day and all night is fun, anyone can enjoy that and laugh, but sooner or later, it gets old. And boring. And sad. And I’ve had enough old, boring, sad things in my life to fill all of Equestria. But look, let’s head back to the castle and we’ll explain to the others that you’ll just… I don’t know, that you’ll be moving back to Ponyville or something. That’ll be one less distraction for the Gun Club to worry about.

“I was a distraction…?”

Oh Chrysalis be praised, the first bite of a fresh potato was always orgasmic and PJ took a moment to revel in it, ignoring the filly and focusing on the flavors exploding in her mouth.

Then she swallowed.

>You sure weren’t exactly helpful, I’ll tell you that much. Tiara will be sad, yeah, but look at it this way. This saves the both of you in the long-run as I can already foresee you tripping her up on the field and getting you both nixed. See? Helpful right there, by getting out of the way. Now come on, let’s go.

She approached the still filly, giving her a ‘follow me’ tap on the shoulder and had gotten about ten steps before snapping out of her potato stupor and realizing that Silver Spoon was not behind her.

>Eh, what’s the hold up?

“You go.”

>Come again?

“I said… you go.”

>Right, I go, and you’re supposed to follow.

“No.”

Another piece of potato vanished into PJ’s maw. So the filly wanted to be hardheaded, no reason not to enjoy a few bites here and there.

>Sooooo… what? Where’s this bit of defiance going? Because I have to say, I’m not really the type to banter when I can just zip it on out of here.

“Then do it.”

>After you tell me what you plan on doing after I do, I will.

The band holding Silver Spoons mane in its signature braided ponytail was pulled off, which somehow undid the braid itself causing her mane to fan out with a flourish. PJ snuck another nibble of potato as the filly gave her head a fierce shake, sending he rather useless glasses sliding off and to the forest floor.

“Why should it matter to you what I do? I’m just a distraction….”

>True, but you’re a filly-sized distraction. That carries a bit of weight. At the very least, I’ll need to know so I can inform Spike, or Celestia, or whoever might worry about you.

A tremor shook Silver Spoons form but PJ couldn't see her face to figure out the cause.

“Tell them… whatever you want. Whatever won’t send them searching. Tell them I went home, I don’t care. I just… I don’t care….”

And she was walking almost before she finished yet PJ could hear the strangled tightness in her voice, and her hampered walk spoke volumes of the agony renting her heart.

PJ said nothing. She didn’t call the stumbling filly back. She only watched her go, occasionally lifting that spud to her mouth and taking a bite until the forest growth swallowed Silver Spoon and she was gone.

>Huh. …Now I’m impressed.

~~~~~~~

It’d been some time since PJ had set hoof in the Gun Clubs official meeting room-

‘WHERE THE HELL IS SHE?’

-and it seemed as though she wouldn’t be getting that peace she’d been searching for if the enraged purple filly in front of her had any say.

>Ouch. Can you ask that one more time? I don’t think my potato heard y-

When Tiara suddenly leveled her signature weapon at the spud-eating Changeling, the urge for jokes was consequently snuffed out.

‘Still feeling funny?’

>Sorta, yeah, but I wonder what’s faster? Your trigger hoof or my reflexes?

‘Where. Is. She?’

>Still in training.

‘Then… why’re you here?’

>Because sometimes training has to be done in seclusion. Sometimes company can hinder you, provide a crutch. Take that crutch away and you find out what you’re really made of. You start asking yourself the tough questions. Will I make it? Will I stand? Is it worth it? Why?

‘…’

>I never claimed to be a teacher, just a Changeling with tons of experience who likes to help when and where they can. Once you strip someone raw… then the real ‘training’ can begin, the building process.

She strode past the frozen filly and her rocket launcher.

>Silver will return in a few days. Whether she returns with conviction or with a train pass back to Ponyville, that’s up in the air. But she will return. Until then, see you around, Tiara.

The farewell was one-sided. Tiara didn’t so much as look at PJ but she did take a steadying inhale.

‘Listen and listen well because I’m only going to say this once. If... if my best friend gets back and she’s not my best friend anymore because of you… consider it war, Changeling.’

Only the sound of lazy chewing met Tiara’s proclamation.

>Sure thing.

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>Rekulk
"Spike"
'77'
-42-
~Vekir~
_56_

"...and it didn't even faze her even when she was our size!"

'This is chilling news indeed, Spike, that such a beast could return to wreak more havoc worries me.'

"You and me both, 77, that's why it's important for us to-"

>Spike of Scales, it is good to see you once more!

"Huh, Rekulk, when'd you get here?"

>A day or so ago, I am here with two of my fellows in search of the Twience princess! She shall honor the ponies' side of our deal by giving us a second skin so that we may walk among the ponies without worry of causing fear! ...could you spread word of that, Spike of Scales, it gets tiring to say that to everyone I speak with.

"Sure thing bud."

Rekulk looks to 77 (who has taken on a decidedly stoic expression) and smiles.

>The One-Eye! Esteemed brother of Zhetri Tuuhl, it is an honor to meet you in a less dangerous time!

'You were told about me, hm?'

>Yes indeed, Zhetri Tuuhl often spoke fondly of you and the Knife Wielder, chief amongst his siblings. He always kept hope for your survival beyond his separation from you.

'Yes, well as you can see, I did survive, our sister, sadly, did not.'

>And yet you possess that.

Rekulk points at the bone knife.

'Yes, 88 gave it to me before she died.'

Rekulk nods.

>It is good to have something of your loved one's to hold after their passing, it is possible that a piece of them would live on in you. But I waste your time, Spike of Scales, can you tell me where I can find the Twience Princess?

"That way, pal."

>Much thanks.

Rekulk walks away, humming to himself with a spring in his step. 77 let's out a breath.

"You okay?"

'I think it speaks to my progress from when I started that I didn't immediately attempt to stab him on sight.'

"I know you're brother's a dick, but it does seem like the Morlocks are on the up and up. At least him."

'Still...there is a part of me that cannot forgive then for what they've done. A fair hypocrisy, eh, a changeling refusing to give someone a second chance?'

"Well I mean, I don't think changelings ever ate anybody...besides 21 I mean.'

'Odd though, he said there were two others? I wonder where they are now.'

-WHAT THE FUCK!?-

~I pay you great homage, sister of Zhetri Tuuhl!~

_VEKKY NO! THAT PLOT IS OFF LIMITS!_
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>Is it too early to start thinking up names for my brood? I realize I haven't even ascended yet, but it can't be too early yet, right?
>Mother says the drones don't get names, but those are her drones, my drones are going to be far better than hers. If I want to name my drones, infiltrators and soldiers, who's going to stop me? I'm CHITANIA!
>So far, I have Alloformica, Bajcaridris, Cataglyphis, Cataglyphoides, Conoformica, Linnaeus, Formica, Iberoformica, Polyergus, Proformica, Rossomyrmex...
>Shoot, am I going to be able to think up enough before they're born? I had better get it in gear when I'm not training, what am I going to if too many come out and I don't have enough names?
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~~~~~~

>Mother found another town today. Didn't even know where it was, she just said "I feel like heading towards a unicorn settlement today." and there we were.
>Of all the things I inherited from her, I hope I got her sense of direction.

~~~~~

>A drone asked me why he couldn't be a Queen today. I told him because he's a male. He then asked why there were no Changeling kings, and I told him that they're too short. So he asked if I could teach him how to grow taller.
>Mother answered that one. She said she'll teach him her 'special stretching magic'.
>If we ever find his top half, I'll ask him how he likes being taller.

~~~~~~

>My aunt challenged my mother to a fight today, Said "No using size magic, winner gets to infiltrate this town". She agreed, and lost.
>So she smashed the town flat.
>...Mother is a sore loser.
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NC
>Chitania
"???"
------------

>Aaand...there, all wrapped up!

*Pop*

"Hehe!"

>No dont do that, it's to protect you from things i cant punch!

*Pop**Pop**Pop**Pop**Pop**Pop**Pop**Pop**Pop**Pop**Pop*

>ARGH!
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>SA
"18"
~~~~

>Heeeyyy, I'm ba-HOLY SHIT!

"IT'S ALLLLLIIIIIIIVVVVVVVVEEEEE!"

>...What?

"THE PAPERWORK IS ALIIIIIIIVVVVVVEEEEE!"

>...But that's why I was shocked, there is no paperwork.

Wide, dry eyes blinked for a bit.

Then she turned left.
Then right.
Then left again.
Briefly at the ceiling.
Left once more.
Under her paperweight.
Right this time.
Ruffled her hair as if to try and shake something loose.
...then left one more time.

>...

"..."

>...H-have you... slept? At all?

"..."

With a very audible CRACK! Her face shot forward.

"Zzzzzz...."

>...HONEY! We're going on vacation!...No, really, I think we ALL need this right now.... yes, she's unconscious again... what?

"Mmmm...shinnnneeepullmehtailherder... UNF"

>...Yes, she is!... Glad you doubled checked!
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

. NC.
>Spike
"???"
~~~~~~

>....

Even after glancing at that ginormous stack of application forms threatening to crush his desk, Spike was still left speechless.

>Y-you... so you all want to join the Gun Club?

As one the excited voices of the Mane-iac, of Screwloose, of Fizzle and Flash, of Rarity and Applejack and Fluttershy, Two and 56, even Chrysalis, Shiny, Cadance, and Luna, all of them rang out with an ear-numbing,

"YES!"

>Nope.

And Spike quite calmly unlatched the window behind him, pushed it open and stepped out without a word.

"..."

"Groovy."

"MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"SPIKEY-WIKEY!"
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