April No Jokey

After a little over 2 years of streaming full-time it has finally clicked.

Don't expect anything out of it.

Friends will come and go.
Numbers will go up, numbers will go down.
What works today won't always work tomorrow.
The amount of work and effort you put in won't equate to success.


This isn't meant to discourage anyone... This is just the sobering truth.

I've said it before and I'll continue to preach it... Streaming is the hardest thing I've ever done and that has nothing to do with the actual act of streaming itself.

For me, it's everything that comes along with it. Building a community to me has provided something I never have had before in my life, a constant circle of friends... When people leave that circle, it cuts deep. As a kid I moved so often that I never made friends. As an adult, that has left me with terrible coping mechanisms for dealing with the loss of friendship. I also take criticism way too personally. This makes streaming, especially full-time emotionally draining for me.

I really felt like I had some momentum going in to March... But again, I expected too much and numbers went down significantly. I want partner probably more than anything I've ever wanted to accomplish before in my life... But after 2 years of me being the stubborn idiot I am, I finally truly realize that wanting it won't make it happen.

It will happen if and when it happens. Not any sooner than that... Nothing will change that.

My channel and the community that surrounds it has become something much larger than just me... It's something people look forward to on a daily basis, where they can be themselves and have a good time. They can openly vent their frustrations or talk about their success. They can talk about their mental health or physical health problems and always find someone who is able to sympathize and maybe feel a little less alone. It's a place we can call our own... And in the end, that's what I started out wanting... I've already accomplished everything that is truly important to accomplish on twitch.

I appreciate each and every one of you.

I just want to have fun.
I just want to make new friends.
I just want to share my passions with others.

It's what I do and it's what I'll continue to do... numbers be damned.