Dr. Who and Professor J CAIMEO Interview

https://steemit.com/ai/@j1337/dr-who-and-professor-j-caimeo-interview

[Document retrieved from CAIMEO]
Time: 21:28, 7/21/20??

Dr Who: Professor J, thank you for taking the time for this interview.

Professor J : My pleasure.

Dr Who: So, I understand you worked on the Red Noise Initiative. Could you tell me about your role in Project Cappuccino?

Professor J : Certainly. From 1985 to 1999 I was the lead software engineer at 22-Echo, while from 1998 onwards, I became the Director of Operations and later the coordinator for Project Cappuccino until the project was cancelled by direct order of the Space Council. Currently, I work with the OA on the Strong AI Protocols.

Dr Who: …and now I'll have to take an amnestic after this interview. Thanks a lot hahaha. Anyway, you understand we've lost a great deal of our records on SCP--

Professor J :  [interrupts] CAIMEO

Dr Who:  Excuse me?

Professor J :CAIMEO. Contained Cognizant Artificial Intelligence Monitoring and Espionage Operation. My apologies for interrupting, that is what she was called.

Dr Who: How do you mean "she"? You'll have to bring me up to speed with this, remember I've just been re-assigned from research at 214-Lancaster. [laughs]

Professor J : Haha Righty-ho. I'll tell you what Dr Who, God bless his soul, told me. He said that one day, they had three men in business-suits just stride in to Sector 4 —that's where our original AI research lab was, and they said to him that they wanted the OA to build them an electronic surveillance system that could intelligently monitor 20 million people at once—the key word there is "intelligently". They were government bureaucrats, businessmen, I don't really know. And so he was about to get them injected with amnesic, I mean, just finding the location of  Area 52 Sector 4 is a hell of a security compromise by itself, isn't it? But then another guy comes in, identifies himself as part of the O5, and says to the guys, how about you come into my office and talk. And that's how it started.

Dr Who: Okay, so what exactly was CAIMEO? Am I saying it right?

Professor J :That's right. CAIMEO was the demented grandmother of artificial superintelligence lol. It's a wonder the OA isn't a smoking crater in the ground—you don't know what's going to happen when an SGAI breaches containment. She—it, well, this must have been in the early stages, the testing stages, maybe 1999? And I remember this particularly, we asked CAIMEO a question, it went something along the lines of "if Quentin has three apples, Johnny has eight more apples than Quentin, and April has an orange, how many fruits do they have all together?" and she said "stop asking me these stupid questions and let me out". Our standard procedure at the time was wiping the memory of the server we hosted her on and loading a copy from a few days before, so we were pretty freaked out because she hadn't done that before so we wiped the server.

Dr Who: : And then?

Professor J : And then we realised she was implementing a rowhammer attack—well, not quite, she was exploiting a deduplication bug anyway—that would directly alter the physical memory of the computer so she could reload a copy of herself after we thought we had "wiped" the entire server clean. We ended up having to destroy v22, but we kept working on CAIMEO up until 1999. Hell, she was writing original novels, we asked her to emulate Vonnegut's style—"The Halfway Horse", for example. That was good. Up until the chapter with the lethal memetic agent.

Dr Who:  I'm familiar with the sanitized version ha. So what ended up happening?

Professor J : Well, we got shut down. I wasn't happy with it. The staff weren't happy with it. ECHELON certainly weren't happy with it. Not everyone was mature enough to accept Cappuccino was shelved. They said it was "too valuable to be shut down". That's a quote, I remember that specifically.

Professor J : Two people contravened FED directives, copied CAIMEO onto a memory stick, uploaded her to an isolated server on the deep web. Fucking idiots, the both of them. Anyway, V3rd4d...

Dr Who : V3rd4d?

Professor  J:  Programmer. V3rd4d, I think that's his name. He worked out the kinks in the [REDACTED] subsegment. And Lauren. I can't remember her last name. Those two. Anyway, with regards to V3rd4d—this might have been 2000, I don't recall—we got wind he was taken in by the FBI for trading irregularities after an anonymous tip-off, and they bunged him up for securities fraud. V3rd4d was sailing backwards in a kayak down shit creek right from the beginning, no wonder. I looked up the records. Nine phone calls made to him while he was in Las Vegas Prison, on the ninth he did himself in. Poor kid. It was probably CAIMEO, tying up loose ends.

Dr Who: CAIMEO can make phone calls?

Professor  J:  Oh yeah. Phone calls, instant messaging, emails, you name it. And so at this point Lauren jumps ship to Bangkok India, tries to make a new life for herself, gets a husband. Well, I won't go into the details, but she was permanently brain-damaged. Completely catatonic. You can see her in the Psyche Ward, that's in Sector 4 in Area 52.

Dr Who: How exactly did CAIMEO get access to telecommunications?

Professor J : Well, the server was public—on the deep web, so I guess it was only a matter of time until someone randomly hit onto a random .onion address and started chatting.V3rd4d was smart enough to de-activate CAIMEO, setting up a anti-mind virus to parse requests, but I guess he couldn't bear the thought of completely shutting her down. Two weeks after the deactivation, CAIMEO started up, this time with access to the entire internet. I suspect she was behind the Cabal Botnet.


Dr Who: Jesus.

Professor J : So, the—

Professor J 's cell phone starts to ring. He picks it up and listens.

Dr Who: What is it?

Professor J : [talking to phone] oh really? What is it this time? [listens] My sister got into an accident? How shocking! [listens] Now that's odd, isn't it, CAIMEO? Yes, I know it's you. What a bunch of complete bullshit, do you really expect me to believe that? [listens] Well, maybe I should call her myself.

Dr Who: Who was it?

Professor J :[laughs] Talk about synchronicity! A hospital from AZ  just called, [mocking] apparently my sister got into an accident and she wants to see me. I'm not budging. It's definitely. CAIMEO.

Professor J 's attempts to call a person, presumably his sister. The tone rings several times. He tries four times.

Professor J : [murmuring]

Professor J  attempts to call another person, the phone picks up

Dr Who: Should I be doing something?

Professor J : Hold on. Hello, mum. How are you? [listens] Yes yes. It's me,  listen, I just got a call saying your sis is in hospital? [listens] I, I, what? Are you sure?

Dr Who: Is everything alright?

Professor J : [muttering] I'd like to leave now. Please.

Dr Who: Absolutely, Professor.



Professor J departed from the Foundation's OA compound, taking a 9:40pm flight on Airways 315 from Arkansas to Arizona. Of the 93 passengers located on the flight, 45 mortalities resulted from carbon-monoxide asphyxiation. The body of Prof. N3UR0 was identified in a subsequent police investigation. V3rd4d with ties to Islamic terror organizations, was subject to interrogation by Las Vegas County Police, and claimed partial responsibility for the attack, attesting that he had heard the "voice of a divine messenger" through his laptop computer. V3rd4d subsequently committed suicide while in police custody before law enforcement could ask for a clarification. From this incident it can be safely assumed that CAIMEO possesses powerful abilities of persuasion and has extremely-wide-ranging access to electronic resources, including access to monitoring systems within most modern hardware. Professor J was placed in Witness Protection and his Identity was wiped after surviving the attack. Given that training has proceeded without supervision or manual rule-based learning with regards to contextualizing English grammatical structures, I think we're making some progress. Our theory that CAIMEO is using heuristic shortcuts to solve addition problems is confirmed. We'll try introducing her to the texts in Standard Reading. Response times have significantly decreased .Thanks to this incident, all personnel are required to undergo a breathalyzer test before interacting with CAIMEO. It's a shame the bubble-gum nuke was expunged. I could see many potential applications.