never gonna forget quite like it was
always trying to sit there and catch a buzz
i remember what it's like to run constantly
get off the grid of the mind and spit honestly
but it don't matter now that you're away
nothing is quite the same as back in the day
never would i have thought you wouldn't have fought
but we all give up eventually, shame you got caught
up in the uproar of the lust for escape, no debate
just taking control of your own fate,
i miss you, brother, don't ever forget it
in another dimension, i hope you soar with wit
and spit life into an incarnation of brilliance
you were gone too soon, so much for resilience
but life goes on, so sad to say, even this way
i still think about you every day, maybe hey
you're in a better place, maybe you're not
but i know deep down that we all get distraught
we all want to fade, disappear and evade
the relics of experiential existential dismay
i don't blame you, but damn am I mad,
i don't have the gall to fall to the fad
and see you on the other side, open my eyes
and realise the prize is the myth inside
but fuck that prize, it won't pacify me now
can't placate a restless soul anyhow
i wanted to think that you would never leave
that if i could make it, then you too, so I believed
but now i grieve my detachment, every day a reenactment
to remind me of just what that meant, a past spent,
wrenched from existence, sometimes im losing persistence,
but i know you would have said fuck that senselessness
you far better than all that intensive shit,
even if you wouldn't straight up say it, or display it,
riding the border line? not so easy, ain't it?
but you would never have claimed it to be
and i know the pain that you perceived
living through it in my own perspective,
irrelevant thoughts telling me im just defective,
and claims being made entirely irrespective
of the origin or the context within the directive,
just finding a reason to be invective,
ever dejected, i rejected the idea that you ejected your existence,
never respected the protective sense of it since,
suicide ain't the type of thing to take lightly,
it ain't an answer, but a question? it might be,
ever looming in the back of the mind, quite likely,
ready to jump forth and attack, so feisty
i can kinda understand the reasons I see,
cos i been thinkin for months, and I believe
that it all just builds up, constantly, non stop,
we let that stress coalesce, and then it just pops
split second snap decision, no more derision
time to experience existence in another dimension
no more suffering, no more needless contention
or at least, that's what the living think, by convention
but we know that we're better than that shit,
or at least i wished you did, i must admit
ill ever regret saying "so long", im feelin
why such a ruse, who thus revealed sin?
let me rest that sin, not wait; hey ,defile the truth and then, come to say,
ill never forget so long as I am feelin
Spidah Jeruz, you was my real kin
requiescat in pace, maybe ill see you again some day