WE FLOAT AWAY

"like a family
we descended
into the darkness
that surrounds us
held on tight
nails into skin
eye to eye, tear to tear
you floated away
and i did too"

these words echoed in my mind as i stumbled into the L'Observatoire. it was my favorite poem from her. a memory was as fleeting as she was.

my mind was swimming in an ocean of heaven hill and codeine. i could feel the warm music of the night bounce from wall to wall of this dimly lit venue. my body felt weightless as i waltzed through the crowd, my feet couldn't touch the ground. through the cracks of my eyelids, an iridescent halo of light hovered above. i smiled.

tonight is my last night.

i slowly sway to the music, my next drink pulling me down through the floor. a woman on stage reads from a crumpled note, though i can barely make out what she says. the soft organ that surrounds her dances in the light.

i close my eyes and was back there, walking the streets of Melbourne with her. we were drunk off life. and scotch. everything around us was music. for a time, i was truly thankful to be alive.

the vibraphonist plays a melody pulling me out of the lull. the halo of light above the stage pools into my vision. in my haze, i recall grant's pass. we were on the road all night. she slept as i drove. before long, the sun rose, eclipsed by the mountain. it was beautiful. the warm sunlight filled our car gracing her face and gently waking her. we stopped and had coffee, and decided to stay there for a time. we had the money. in that moment, it felt like everything was so far away.

--

i remember how nice the sunkissed breeze felt as it rushed over us, standing on the edge of the world with the endless ocean stretching out before us. her silhouette against the blue skies was something to behold.

--

a few more drinks and im really feeling it. the pinpricks of light blur into each other as i swayed with strangers. time doesn't exist here.

--

i come to. its been minutes? hours? i had a dream. it was the last memory i had of her before she got sick. we smoked in the car, parked out in the trees gazing at the stars. the gentle autumn breeze drifting through the window. her laugh reverberates in my head. i've never heard a sound that brought me so much joy.

im on the floor, watching the ceiling swirl. confused faces flow in and out. im laughing about nothing. the room is getting darker.

i dont feel a thing