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Thread 10: Stories 61-75

PrincessApplejack Mar 19th, 2014 221 Never
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  1.  
  2. _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
  3.  
  4. Another meeting, this time a rather large one. The entirety of the royal houses of both the Crystal Empire and Canterlot, as well as Discord, the A-team, The Wonderbolts, and Pinkie Pie had been summoned by Celestia's own order.
  5.  
  6. There was much discussion and speculation on why Celestia had called such an enormous meeting. Their answers would soon come when Celestia entered the room.
  7.  
  8. "Good news, everyone!" They all were now dreading what came next. "After nearly two years without it, Canterlot will be once again hosting the Grand Galloping Gala and you will all be invited-..." Celestia trailed off when she saw everyone's reactions.
  9.  
  10. The Wonderbolts all took 'fighter jet' formation and launched a Spitfire missile to blow a hole in the wall and leave, Twilight grabbed the A-team, noting that they swore a terrorist attack was going on in Las Pegasus, Shining Armor grabbed his wife and threw her out the window before grabbing their daughter and vaulting out himself, Chrysalis was telling 18 how much she loved her and ramming 18's face into her chest while 18 just kept pulling the trigger on an empty Charity pressed to her skull, Pinkie loaded herself into her party cannon and shot herself out, Luna turned herself into Nightmare Moon, summoned the Elements, and banished herself, Discord turned himself to stone, and Fluttershy activated her self-destruct sequence.
  11.  
  12. By the end of things, Applejack and Rarity were the only ones left for Celestia to speak to, and they were fighting over a sword to commit harakiri with.
  13.  
  14. "Well you're all obligated to show up anyway! Even if you all have to be dressed in casket!" Celestia 'hmphed' and walked away from the madness.
  15. _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
  16.  
  17. >SA
  18. "Chrysalis"
  19. 'Applejack'
  20. ~~~~
  21.  
  22. >...BABO-
  23.  
  24. "-OOM... Okay, you know what? No. You absolutely cannot cut me off like that, that is totally unfair. You are throwing off my mojo."
  25.  
  26. >You're just predictable is all.
  27.  
  28. "So harsh, and after I just saved you so much money!"
  29.  
  30. >Oh? I didn't remember sending you out to haggle.
  31.  
  32. "Meh, Cadence mentioned we were getting the pantry restocked, and I noticed the bill was a little high. Can't say I'm not pro-active."
  33.  
  34. >Oh, well thanks. What did you haggle fo... oh no.
  35.  
  36. "What? I thought that was pretty damn good myself, that's half what we were paying to import it."
  37.  
  38. >Chrysalis... what have you done?
  39.  
  40. "...Nooot following-"
  41.  
  42. >...
  43.  
  44. "...Did you just feel tha-"
  45.  
  46. >Get under the desk.
  47.  
  48. "Holy shit, really? That was all it took for-"
  49.  
  50. >GET UNDER THE DESK NOW!
  51.  
  52. "Hey! Whoa, no need to cram, I need a little room to work my magic."
  53.  
  54. >If you value your life, you will stay quiet and not so much as BREATH!
  55.  
  56. "Well, I wasn't planning on doing much breathing anywa-"
  57.  
  58. *THOOM!*
  59.  
  60. "...What was tha-*
  61.  
  62. *THOOOM!*
  63.  
  64. >That... is one pissed off mare.
  65.  
  66. *THABOOOOM!*
  67.  
  68. 'Where. Is. She.'
  69.  
  70. >Applejack Two is right down the hall, ready and willing to service all of your hug based needs, all she asks is a slight donation to be given in the form of candy, marchmalleys or more hugs, your choic-GLK!
  71.  
  72. 'She. Swindled. My. GRANDMOTHER.'
  73.  
  74. >It's technically just haggling, not swindl-GRK!
  75.  
  76. 'Ya willin' ta' die for her, Shinin' Armor?'
  77.  
  78. >...No, not really, but I AM willing to go back to our old rates and promise never to let her try that again?
  79.  
  80. '...'
  81.  
  82. >...I'll make her write an apology note.
  83.  
  84. '...'
  85.  
  86. >...No, really, SHE will write it, not me.
  87.  
  88. '...Ya'll are so, so lucky Ah' know you well enough ta' know you wouldn'ta let her do this iffin' ya' knew, or else...
  89.  
  90. >Point taken. Please release my throat.
  91.  
  92. '...Have a good day, Shinin' Armor. You too, ya' little bug monster. Remember this.'
  93.  
  94. With poise and dignity, she exited.
  95.  
  96. >You okay down there?
  97.  
  98. "...Gonna need a towel."
  99. _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
  100.  
  101. >MM
  102. "29"
  103. '???'
  104. [???]
  105. ~~~~
  106.  
  107. >Yes, 29? What's this important thing you needed to show me?
  108.  
  109. "Oh, nothing much, just... THIS!"
  110.  
  111. >HOW DID YOU FIND THOSE!?
  112.  
  113. "It was in the pile."
  114.  
  115. >Damn my inability to organize properly, DAMN IT!
  116.  
  117. "You seriously never once had an opponent in the mayoral race, and nobody questioned why?"
  118.  
  119. >My name is Mayor Mare! What the hell am I supposed to do if I'm not the mayor, huh? My name makes no sense if that happens!
  120.  
  121. "You know, all I have to do is point this out to the right ponies, and allllll sorts of things are going to happen."
  122.  
  123. >...What do you want me to do?
  124.  
  125. He just grinned wide, licked his lips, and placed a box onto his desk.
  126.  
  127. She would never live down the humiliation and self loathing from what came next.
  128. ~~~~
  129.  
  130. 'Hark! The light of the full moon, it is upon us my beloved!'
  131.  
  132. [Yeah! It's really, really bright too. Can someone turn that down a bit?]
  133.  
  134. 'DAMN IT BUG MONSTER! Stick to the script!'
  135.  
  136. [It's bothering me!]
  137.  
  138. 'How did YOU get the lead part in this!?'
  139.  
  140. [Fine! You stand over here, see how you like the light in your eyes!]
  141.  
  142. 'FINE!'
  143.  
  144. [...Nevermind, i liked the old way better.]
  145.  
  146. 'ARRRRRRGGGHHH!'
  147.  
  148. Awash in a sea of excited parents happily ooohing and ahhhing at their children's wonderful performance, the Mayor only gritted her teeth harder, and did her best not to shake the camera any worse than she already was.
  149. _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
  150.  
  151. >Twilight
  152. "Chrysalis"
  153. ~~~~~
  154. "..."
  155.  
  156. >Well?
  157.  
  158. "I... I can't read this tablet."
  159.  
  160. >I thought you said you could read Changeling High Cuniform!
  161.  
  162. "Well! I might have exaggerated just a bit!"
  163.  
  164. >So you've been illiterate this whole time and making things up?!
  165.  
  166. "No! It's... Well it's just that Changeling language varied a bit from hive to hive and different eras. I mean I can read most of them but this shit's really out there."
  167.  
  168. >Well... I guess that makes sense. I'm sorry for snapping at you. Are you sure no one else would know how to read these?
  169.  
  170. "... Well, there's one guy. He's the closest changelings could have had to a 'king', though, I don't know why we called him that. He didn't lead a hive or anything. He kept to himself and and you had to seek him out."
  171.  
  172. >Really? Why didn't you tell me about this guy before?! Who is he? Where can I find him?!
  173.  
  174. "Well he's a bit of a creepy pervert to be honest, and depressing to hang around. You might call him 'The loremaster' of the changelings, a keeper of the histories... Though, he always called himself The Weaver."
  175.  
  176. >How was he depressing?
  177.  
  178. "He suffered from a brittle chitin disease that meant no matter how much he was loved, he was pretty weak. To our people it was known as 'Dainty Leg Syndrome'. Seriously though, the guy's just sick and wrong."
  179.  
  180. NON CANON
  181. _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
  182.  
  183. >Cadence
  184. "18"
  185. {42}
  186. ~~~~
  187.  
  188. >WHEEEEEEEEEEE~!
  189.  
  190. "Kill... me..."
  191.  
  192. {Me first.}
  193.  
  194. "No, you are the hard as hell to kill bug monster soldier, I am the comparatively much easier to kill bug monster. The choice is clear."
  195.  
  196. {It's clear that I have the deciding power in this relationship.}
  197.  
  198. "...Damn."
  199.  
  200. >WHEEEEEEEE~!
  201.  
  202. "Look at her, she is in the ZONE."
  203.  
  204. {She gets to dress up in her prettiest dress and put on her prettiest makeup and dance with her husband. This is the kind of shit she LIVES for. The fact she has two others to play dress up with is just gravy in her happy days.}
  205.  
  206. "...Damn, now I'm thinking about the dance."
  207.  
  208. {Should we... get dates?}
  209.  
  210. "..."
  211.  
  212. {...}
  213.  
  214. "{Who the fuck are we kidding.}"
  215.  
  216. >WHEEEEEE~!
  217.  
  218. "Yeah... whee..."
  219.  
  220. {...Why do *I* have to carry the luggage?}
  221.  
  222. "You want to swap?"
  223.  
  224. >18! I HAVE FOUND MORE PRETTY! COME! THE PRETTY AWAITS ITS NEW HOME!
  225.  
  226. {...No. No I do not.}
  227.  
  228. "Figured."
  229. _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
  230.  
  231. >Chrysalis
  232. "Twilight"
  233. ~~~~
  234.  
  235. >You know, I don't get it. What happened at the last Gala to be so bad anyway?
  236.  
  237. "Oh, it was the worst, just the worst! I didn't get to spend any personal time with Princess Celestia!"
  238.  
  239. >...and?
  240.  
  241. "And Applejack only got to sell one pie!"
  242.  
  243. >...And?
  244.  
  245. "And it turned out Blueblood was kind of a jerk!"
  246.  
  247. >...and?
  248.  
  249. "And the party was boring Pinkie!"
  250.  
  251. >...
  252.  
  253. "Oh, and that's not the worst part. Animals ran through the building!"
  254.  
  255. >Like, dangerous ones?
  256.  
  257. "No, one's you'd see in a garden, because that's where they came from. They were in the garden, and accidentally ran through the door."
  258.  
  259. >...
  260.  
  261. "And then, and THEN, in all the panicking... SOMEONE KNOCKED OVER A STATUE!"
  262.  
  263. >...
  264.  
  265. "...I mean, sure, in hindsight it doesn't sound all that bad, but mark my words, it was the WORST when it happened. Could you imagine what it was like a few years ago?"
  266.  
  267. >...
  268.  
  269. "...Hrm."
  270. _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
  271.  
  272. >AJ56
  273. “Spike”
  274. ‘Celestia’
  275. ________
  276.  
  277. >Owwwwwowowow!
  278.  
  279. “Take it like a man-er, Changeling. It’s just a couple second degree burns, nothing major.”
  280.  
  281. >Nothing major? Half my face nearly melted off!
  282.  
  283. “No kidding. I’m swabbing off sections of chitin left and right. Look.”
  284.  
  285. >Aaaaah! Am I gonna die?! Is this… is this the end of my quest of plot? Oh, fickle youth! Cut down in its prime! I’m not long for this world!
  286.  
  287. “I think you’ve been hanging around 29 too much, and no, you’re not gonna die. You’re healing up as we speak, actually. But how did this even happen? I thought you were like, invincible, or pretty close to it.”
  288.  
  289. >I’m not even sure, man! It’s like… well, I walked into sunbutt’s room while she was wolfin’ down some cake and she was just all bent over. I think she was trying to pick up a fork or something, I dunno, I wasn’t paying attention. Her plot was in the air, tail flicked to the side and then I dove like my life depended on it.
  290.  
  291. “Heh, nice.”
  292.  
  293. >It was nice for about three seconds. Then she kinda groaned, or gasped, or whatever and then my world was agony.
  294.  
  295. Before Spike could respond, the door to the bathroom opened and Celestia poked her head in, her eyes finding 56 quickly.
  296.  
  297. She smiled.
  298.  
  299. ‘You survived!’
  300.  
  301. >I… yeah?
  302.  
  303. ‘Oh this is just phenomenal! I thought for sure you’d be nothing but a pile of ash by now!’
  304.  
  305. >A pile of ash…?
  306.  
  307. ‘So it appears you’re able to withstand my natural heat….’
  308.  
  309. “I wouldn’t go that far, princess. Look at those burns, and these piles of chitin flakes. I think any longer and-”
  310.  
  311. ‘Oh hush, Spike, you overthinking cutie. Now 56, I-wait, how old are you?’
  312.  
  313. >I dunno! Ask not-mom!
  314.  
  315. ‘Hmph, well, we can deal with that later. 56, would you be a dear and, uh… do that again?’
  316.  
  317. >Do what? OW, Spike! That hurts!
  318.  
  319. “Hey, I’m not the one who put his face inside a butt as hot as the sun! Deal with it!”
  320.  
  321. ‘That thing with… you know, what you did earlier….’
  322.  
  323. >Speak Equestrian, sunbutt.
  324.  
  325. “She wants you to nuzzle her ass again.”
  326.  
  327. ‘Yes! Yes, that! It’s been so long since I’ve been touched in any way that I’d almost forgotten how it felt! I-’
  328.  
  329. >No.
  330.  
  331. ‘…what?’
  332.  
  333. >Said no. You may have the biggest, jiggliest booty in the galaxy but that thing nearly melted my face clean off! It’s like Ms Flowerpots, too dangerous to mess with!
  334.  
  335. ‘…Spike?’
  336.  
  337. “Eh?”
  338.  
  339. ‘Random question, but where’s your gun?’
  340.  
  341. “In Applejack’s room, why?”
  342.  
  343. ‘Oh yes, of course. Well, carry on, you two. Here’s to your speedy recovery, 56.’
  344.  
  345. >Thanks! …Boy, she left in a hurry, didn’t she?
  346.  
  347. “…good thing I didn’t tell her where to find the bullets.”
  348.  
  349. _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
  350.  
  351. "Hey, bug that helped wreck this cafe during the royal wedding, you've been sat in the corner there all day, tell me what you want so i can get rid of you faster and close up already.
  352.  
  353. >I was apparently supposed to meet somepony for a blind date here, i didnt want to be impolite and ruin my chances.
  354.  
  355. "It's been several hours buddy, i dont think they're showing."
  356.  
  357. >I figured that after the first hour, I've just sat here for the rest of that time because watching every pony go by is better than looking for a job, finding something promising and then having it ruined at the last second.
  358.  
  359. "Oh come off it, you can literally be any pony you want and you had guys had no trouble wreaking the city the last time you were turned loose, finding a job should be a foals errand for-"
  360. *Crack*
  361.  
  362. The cafe owner could only stare in bewilderment at how easily the changelings hoof was snapped, a far cry from the supposedly invincible insect from the old mares tales as well as the stories from the royal guard who actually trained with one of those things.
  363.  
  364. >I'm glad i proved my point because this hurts like a bitch, do you have some ice?
  365.  
  366. "Y-yeah, in the back, come on."
  367.  
  368. With the surprisingly frail changeling now on ice, an awkward silence descended upon the duo.
  369.  
  370. >Look, sorry about making a scene there, i'm just sick and tired of everypony assuming changelings are some magical 'Can do everything' race just because a few of us are ridiculously strong or popular.
  371.  
  372. "i'm sorry too, i guess. I shouldn't have assumed."
  373.  
  374. >Dont worry about it. It happened before, it happened today, it'll happen tomorrow. Same old, same old for this changeling.
  375.  
  376. "Why are you even looking for a job anyway? I heard from the guards up at the castle that you guys have an entire ballroom big enough for the lot of you all to yourselves.
  377.  
  378. >One, some guy keeps setting that place on fire and laughing maniacally from within the inferno and two, Princess Applejack asked me to do it.
  379.  
  380. >It's likely only because of her deciding to give us all a chance, even after what we did, that any of us are alive right now.
  381.  
  382. >Heck, half the reason we still call ourselves 'Applejack Number' is a sign of respect for that, the other half being that we apparently suck as an entire species at coming up with names
  383. >The bottom line is, i dont want to disappoint the first pony to think we were more than just a swarm of mindless emotion locusts.
  384.  
  385. >Thanks for the ice and for letting me get all that off my chest, i should get back to the castle before i miss dinner.
  386.  
  387. With a halfhearted wave of the injured hoof, AJ12 started to hobble out towards the streets of canterlot before the voice of the cafe owner called out once more.
  388.  
  389. "...Hey, before you go, are you doing anything this weekend?"
  390.  
  391. >Well, i was planning on heading over to Appaloosa, they have a vacancy for somepony to work with the miners over there, maybe i can luck out and just hold their lamps or something.
  392.  
  393. "Instead of doing that, how do you feel about helping me out instead? It's busier here on weekends than manehatten rush hour, and i could always use another set of hooves."
  394.  
  395. >....There isnt some unspoken catch? Like "Oh by the way i host regular insect repellent parties." or "Changeling is considered a delicacy with some of my customers" or "You have to wear these roller skates" or "This cafe doubles as an airship and you would be a perfect barometer." ?
  396.  
  397. "No, wouldn't sell that even if it was, hate those things and what?"
  398.  
  399. >You dont want to know, but, really? Just like that you'll let me work here? Ponies from canterlot dont exactly like changelings, i dont want to tank your business.
  400.  
  401. "Pah, dont you worry about that, if some mule wants to stop coming here just because they have to see you occasionally then i dont want their custom. Your shift starts at eight AM Saturday, be here at seven and we'll talk about pay and such. Now get out of here, i thought you said you were going to miss dinner."
  402.  
  403. >R-right! Thank youThankyouThankyou!
  404. Making his way towards his post to relieve the day guy, the night guard of canterlot bore witness to the strange sight of a changeling practically bouncing his way up towards the castle.
  405.  
  406. [Wait, wasn't i supposed to do something earlier today?]
  407. [...Nah, if it was really important i would have remembered before now.]
  408.  
  409. _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
  410.  
  411. >Dash
  412. "Spitfire"
  413. 'Sorin'
  414. -Gilda-
  415. [Lightning Dust]
  416.  
  417. "Ya know she's gonna make us go, right?"
  418.  
  419. >I know, alright. I know.
  420.  
  421. -So what's this about a Gala? That's a kind of apple, isn't it?
  422.  
  423. 'Yeah, if that apple vendor shows up again, I think we'll be ok.'
  424.  
  425. >That was Applejack. As in Princess just tried to gut herself Applejack
  426.  
  427. 'So she'll be bringing cake instead of pie?
  428.  
  429. [We were invited to the biggest event in Equestria, shouldn't that be a good thing?]
  430.  
  431. "We could just do what we always do, hire body doubles.
  432.  
  433. >No, we don't have the budget and AJ would never, wait, doubles?
  434.  
  435. 'Check em!'
  436. *Sorin pulls a blowup version of him and Spitfire from behind a radio.
  437. "We just do a little hoofshaking, then set these up in a corner and bug out."
  438.  
  439. >And what about Gilda and Lightning Dust? And me!
  440.  
  441. "Hey, capt'n's gotta learn to plan ahead"
  442. *Both Sorin and Sptifire bolt out the door
  443. >Those bitches.
  444.  
  445. [Still not getting what's so bad about the Gala]
  446.  
  447. -Would someone please tell me why it's a big deal.-
  448.  
  449. >Wait, did they just admit, in front of a superiour officer and two others that they were planning to shirk their duty?
  450.  
  451. [That's what it sounded like?]
  452.  
  453. >Gilda, still know that guy that sold us coffin varnish in flight school
  454.  
  455. -Yeah, he's still at it. Tastes like ass but it'll get ya drunk. But what does that have to do with ...
  456.  
  457. >yeah yeah yeah, go clean that guy out. I'll get you the cash.
  458.  
  459. [What's going on?]
  460.  
  461. >Just play along, LD
  462. *Dash and Lighting Dust exit the room, leaving Gilda alone
  463. -Is anyone gonna tell me the fuck a Gala is?
  464. _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
  465.  
  466. >SA
  467. "Chrysalis"
  468. ~~~~
  469.  
  470. >What the hell is this?!
  471.  
  472. "DOORSL-"
  473.  
  474. *THUMP!*
  475.  
  476. "OW MOTHERFU... why is the door blocked!?"
  477.  
  478. >It's letters! Letters addressed TO YOU.
  479.  
  480. "What do they say?"
  481.  
  482. >...They're asking for... oh for the love of, did you set up a dating service!?
  483.  
  484. "NO!"
  485.  
  486. >...
  487.  
  488. "...It was just one time thing in order to get a law passed, alright?"
  489.  
  490. >What?
  491.  
  492. "Don't ask."
  493.  
  494. >Well, don't get them sent here. This mailing address is for official Empire business only!
  495.  
  496. "Alright, alright! JEEZ! Not like I have my own place, you know."
  497.  
  498. >And who's fault is that?
  499.  
  500. "You, for letting me snuggle you in bed, you enabler you. I'm being enabled."
  501.  
  502. >I'll stop!
  503.  
  504. "WITHDRAWN! Now... can you chuck those in the fire? I don't want to give an impression I'm running a brothel service or something."
  505.  
  506. >Because you don't want your citizens to be demeaned?
  507.  
  508. "What? No, I just don't want them getting nookie if I'm not."
  509.  
  510. >...
  511.  
  512. "Have fun with those!"
  513.  
  514. >...Okay, Shiny, don't do it. Don't set fire to them and burn yourself alive. Doon't do it. So tempting but you have to fight it... don't...
  515. _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
  516.  
  517. >AJ 2
  518. "SA"
  519. ~~~~
  520.  
  521. >Oooooh! I like that one! NO! That one! NONONO! THAT ONE! THAT ONETHATONE!
  522.  
  523. "...I might need to get a blood test with you and Cadence."
  524.  
  525. >THEY'RE ALL SO PRETTY! How can I pick one dress!? I wanna' wear 'em all!
  526.  
  527. "Sweetie, the Gala isn't for a few weeks yet, you have plenty of time to pick."
  528.  
  529. >But what if I wait too late, and then I don't have a dress, and then I have ta' go to the gala in a nothin' but a hat! A hat isn't a dress, Shiny! I asked, don't tell me I'm wrong!
  530.  
  531. "You won't wait too late. Come on, stop worrying. Besides, I'm sure Cadence wants to help you pick too, right? This is just to get some selections you like so we can go from there."
  532.  
  533. >But Shiny, I like everything!
  534.  
  535. "Flaw number four in my plan to escape the shopping spree with Cadence."
  536.  
  537. >I just want to look pretty for the big dance, you know?
  538.  
  539. "Two, you will never not look pretty. Take it from the stallion married to the princess of knowing what's pretty."
  540.  
  541. >...Okay, Shiny. Are you going to dance with Caddy at the Gala?
  542.  
  543. "Of course, why wouldn't I?"
  544.  
  545. >You ever think I'm gonna get a prince ta' dance with some day?
  546.  
  547. His eyes went wide, his back went rigid, and his teeth suddenly almost broke through his lower jaw as mental images of stallions asking her to dance flooded his mind.
  548.  
  549. >...Shiny? You okay?
  550.  
  551. "...F-Fiiiiine."
  552.  
  553. >Why'd ya' pull out yer' shotgun?
  554.  
  555. "N-no reaaaaason."
  556.  
  557. >...Shiny?
  558.  
  559. "Nooooo...."
  560. _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
  561.  
  562. >Shining Armor
  563. "Cadence"
  564. [Applejack 2]
  565. (Miscellaneous ponies)
  566. --------------------
  567. *It is ten years in the future. The Gala is in full swing, having grown more energetic in recent years. Applejack 2 has done quite a bit of growing up in the last decade, her personality maturing, her interests changing and her dresses and mannerisms becoming more flirtatious. She's developing an interest in boys and they have quite an interest in her*
  568.  
  569. (Might I have this dance, Miss Two?)
  570.  
  571. *A young gentlecolt bows and offers his hoof to her*
  572.  
  573. [Tee-hee, I would be delighted to!]
  574.  
  575. *A blushing changeling accepts and they awkwardly sway at eachother in a corner the dance floor*
  576.  
  577. >Grrrrrr
  578.  
  579. "Try to be calm, Shiny. She's just growing up. We were just as young when we met, remember?"
  580.  
  581. >Not that young. This isn't right, look at them! Colts only care about one thing, and damned if he'll get it from MY daughter!
  582.  
  583. Minutes pass as Shining Armor watches them from across the room, unblinking. Cadence left to meet with some dignitaries, assuring him that Two will be fine.
  584.  
  585. *Applejack 2 quickly gathers a small crowd of potential suitors and they lavish her in attention*
  586.  
  587. (That brooch really matches your eyes)
  588. (You're the prettiest princess here)
  589. (Your dress looks fantastic on you, but it'd look even better of my floor)
  590. (There's a party in my pants and your invited, baby!)
  591.  
  592. *Shining Armor growls like a junkyard dog, puffs out his chest and starts stomping across the room*
  593.  
  594. *Only to be stopped by his wife a few steps in*
  595.  
  596. "Shiny! Behave yourself, we raised her right, she's smart enough to handle this on her own! You won't always be there and she needs to learn how to deal with attention, she's going to be getting a lot of it."
  597.  
  598. >Fine. For you. But I swear, if something goes wro-
  599.  
  600. "Nothing will go wrong, have some punch with me"
  601.  
  602. *Shining Armor reluctantly takes his eyes off Two and goes for some punch*
  603.  
  604. ----------------------------------
  605.  
  606. *A few minutes later he can hear Two's voice squeaking in the distance*
  607.  
  608. [I like surprises, what is it? And how come you can only show me in the bathroom?]
  609.  
  610. *A group of 3 stallions walks with Two towards the bathroom, her cheeks are flushed and she's giggling, clearly tipsy. They look around like a pack of wolves stalking a deer. One of them starts pulling on her dress*
  611.  
  612. *Shining Armor screams and draws two pistols from within his suit*
  613. >NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
  614.  
  615. *Cadence hears her husband's shout and rushes in*
  616. "SHINING ARMOR, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"
  617.  
  618. *She sees Two surrounded by stallions, the flank part of her dress half down**
  619. "AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH"
  620.  
  621. (Pic very related)
  622.  
  623. ---------------------------------
  624.  
  625. +BREAKING NEWS: The Princess and Princess of the Crystal Empire apparently snapped at the Grand Galloping Gala this year, 29 guests are dead with over 90 wounded, over 78 Royal Guards were killed making the arrest, there have been no official statements from either the Canterlot Government or the Crystal Empire+
  626.  
  627. :Gosh darn it Celestia, I don't know how, but this is yer fault:
  628.  
  629. NON CANON
  630. _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
  631.  
  632. >Spike
  633. "AJ2"
  634. 'SA'
  635. [Twilight]
  636. ~~~~
  637.  
  638. >THIS IS SO STUPID!
  639.  
  640. "It is not! My sandcastle is awesome!"
  641.  
  642. >I'm not FOUR you guys!
  643.  
  644. [Spike, play nice.]
  645.  
  646. >Why, of all places, did you set up a playdate in a SANDBOX in a park!
  647.  
  648. 'Two wanted to make sandcastles.'
  649.  
  650. [And you need a bit more childhood in your life.]
  651.  
  652. >This is so humiliating.
  653.  
  654. "Awww, don't be like that Spike! Ya' just gotta make sure ta' mix the water right, and then it gets all castlemakeable! Your sandcastle just needs some more attention, then it won't look so bad!"
  655.  
  656. >It's not about... wait, looks bad? My sandcastle looks fine!
  657.  
  658. "Nu-uh, it's all sideways!"
  659.  
  660. >...It's supposed to be like that. So... so the pegasi can ramp off it and take to the skies faster!
  661.  
  662. "Do they need a ramp? I thought they could just fly straight up."
  663.  
  664. >Yes they need a ramp! Look at yours, all ramp-free. Your ramp related needs are neglected!
  665.  
  666. "Oh yeah, well at least mine has a tower!"
  667.  
  668. >Towers are for dummies!
  669.  
  670. "Oh yeah! Would a dummie do this!? MWHA!"
  671.  
  672. >ACK! NO KISSING! TWILIGHT, TWO'S KISSING! MAKE HER STOP!
  673.  
  674. "MWAHMWAHAMWAH! I'm kissin' and you can't stop meeee!"
  675.  
  676. >This is a violation of my rights! Contamination! YOU'RE PAST THE COOTIE BUBBLE!
  677.  
  678. "MWAH!"
  679.  
  680. >TWILIGHT HELP!
  681.  
  682. [...]
  683.  
  684. '...Didn't you used to-'
  685.  
  686. [Yes, and you promised never to speak of that again.]
  687.  
  688. >HEEEELLPPP!
  689. _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
  690.  
  691. >Spike
  692. "DT"
  693. ~~~~
  694. "Spike, we need to talk."
  695.  
  696. >Uh, okay. What's up?
  697.  
  698. "I need you to be my date to the Grand Galloping Gala"
  699.  
  700. >...what?!
  701.  
  702. "The A team is going to be there and as a member of the A team that means I'm going, but there's no one close to my age except you. That makes you it. There's no way I'm going to embarrass myself by going alone so you HAVE to be my date."
  703.  
  704. >Uh...well there were some other ponies I was thinking of asking and-
  705.  
  706. "Ditch them! There's no way they can be any more important than me. You're going with me and that's final!"
  707.  
  708. >Uh...uh...AHHH!!!
  709. Runs off
  710.  
  711. She takes out TBDRLIATU
  712. "Spike, this isn't a request!"
  713.  
  714. Runs by
  715. >aaaaaaAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaa...
  716.  
  717. She follows suit
  718. "Get back here!"
  719. _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
  720.  
  721. >SA
  722. "Chrysalis"
  723. 'Celestia'
  724. ~~~~
  725.  
  726. >...
  727.  
  728. "..."
  729.  
  730. >...Nnnnope, nothing.
  731.  
  732. "OH COME ON!"
  733.  
  734. 'Hey, Shiny. Do you know anything about-WHOA! Chrysalis, what are you wearing?'
  735.  
  736. >Looks like a fur bikini, doesn't it?
  737.  
  738. "It's supposed to be feral!"
  739.  
  740. 'It looks silly.'
  741.  
  742. "Ugh, what does it take to rile you up and get you flustered?!"
  743.  
  744. 'His wife.'
  745.  
  746. "I MEANT BESIDES THAT!"
  747.  
  748. 'There is no "besides that". I unwittingly burned out all his embarrassment capabilities when he worked for me, at least for someone as tall as us. Here, watch.'
  749.  
  750. She saunters over to his desk, sensually turning around and softly sitting down in front of him, careful not to hurt any of the paperwork.
  751.  
  752. 'Shiny, I think my plot has been shrinking here lately, could you check for me?'
  753.  
  754. >Sure.
  755.  
  756. Chrysalis's jaw hit the floor when he suddenly cocked back and slapped her ass, hard.
  757.  
  758. >Hmm... feels a little off. Let me see again.
  759.  
  760. Oblivious to her pupils dilating and her lower jaw attempting to bury its way into hell to ask for someone to pinch her and ensure this wasn't a dream, he suddenly cupped both of her cheeks and mushed them around, carefully testing them.
  761.  
  762. >Hmmmm.... Nope, you're actually a few centimeters bigger, but you're a little firmer. Been doing some exercise?
  763.  
  764. 'I have! Thanks for noticing.'
  765.  
  766. >Anytime.
  767.  
  768. 'See? When he first started working for me, I drove him up a wall. But after a couple years of him fainting and needing to be rushed to the hospital, he just built up an immunity. Couldn't even get him to flinch by year five. Sorry.'
  769.  
  770. "..."
  771.  
  772. '...Chrysalis? You okay?'
  773.  
  774. >Is that... a little 404 in her eyes?
  775.  
  776. 'Chrysalis? You're scaring-'
  777.  
  778. They would never be able to tell you exactly what the loud bang that went off in her head was, all they knew is that when she woke up eight hours later, she had no memory of what had transpired, and they resolved never to speak of this again.
  779.  
  780. They lasted about twenty minutes before they did it again, and got the same reaction.
  781. _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
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