Thread 79: Stories 46-60

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>Snake Eyes

BOOM!

>Okay! We're under attack by changelings, Princeesses, and Faust knows what else! Fantastic, karma finally tracked me down like a bail bondsmare.

BOOM!

>And I bet Penny worked hard on that big dumb convoluted route too.

BOOM!

>Though then again...my mind begins to perk...this could be an opportunity-

BOOM!

>I wonder...

BOOM!

>...yeah...I think I need to find Screws.

BOOM!

>Time to settle accounts.

"Sir...sir please...I think my leg is stuck."

>Walk it off, pal, I got bigger problems.

"How do I walk THIS off!?"

>Well you won't with that attitude, no will you.

"..."

>Oh fine, hey, robot, reboot the subroutine or whatever the fuck and get Soap Scum here out from under this rubble, alright?

'Acknowledged.'

"Thanks sir."

>No problem.

"I owe you."

>...no. Take that back.

"Wh-what?"

>No favors. No more favors.

"Uh..."

>No. More. Favors. I owe two too many already, I don't want anyone owing me.

"Okay sir..."

>Besides...

He started walking away.

>You can't owe a favor to a dead guy.

"...what?"

>Shit, okay, forget what I said. The favor? Use that to forget what I just said, okay?

"Yes sir!"

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>Dash
"Fluttershy"
~~~

>...Okay, so, falling into this area was... unfortunate?

"..."

>...Fortunate?

"..."

>...Okay, look, I'm going to admit social problems here, I do not know how you are taking this. It's a bunch of caged up animals, which normally would make you feel bad, but these are also monstrous looking things, which you normally are afraid of and would want locked up. Is this good? Is this bad?

"..."

>...Talk to me here!

"...I'm gonna hug all of them."

>So... good?

"Not good."

>Not good?

"I'm very upset right now."

>I'm noticing the things growing out of you now, yes.

"...Someone needs a stern talking to about how you treat animals."

>And you are glowing. Gonna step back before I get cancer.

"And I'm going to give them that stern talking to... after I help these poor animals."

>The roof is melting, please stop.

"..."

>Or don't, your call.

"..."

>...I might have picked the wrong partner here...

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>Variolus
"???"
'Sunset'
~~~~

It was almost peaceful, the way she brought destruction. She wasn't trying to do anything more than a show, but she was nothing if not one hell of an actor.

>Pathetic.

They had put up a stronger fight than she had imagined, but at the same time they were nothing to the endless stream she was slowly siphoning from the Heart. No matter what they threw at her, she could regenerate it in an instant. Poisons, bombs and blades were nothing to her. She was little more than an animated golem at this point, and as such pain had long since stopped being an issue.

...Or so she thought.

>GAH! What the bloody...

She instinctively reached up, pawing at the eye that had been struck an instant ago. The rocket had not pierced it, but it had managed to land dead center.

>Who has the gall to-

"STOP!"

Boom! Another one stuck.

"WRECKING!"

Another.

"MY!"

And yet another still.

"EMPIREEEEE!"

Whoever this was had managed to land bullseyes every single time, despite their obvious rage. Strangely, she sounded familiar.

"Do you have ANY FUCKING IDEA how much this is going to cost to fix!? Labor, materials, fucking crystal doesn't grow on tress you know! And even if it did, IT'S A FUCKING BARREN WASTELAND! You stupid cuntscraping whore! GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY EMPIRE!"

Barrage after barrage, every single one of them striking her right in the eye, descended upon her.

But it was pointless.

In no time at all, her eyes cleared, and she could see again.

More to that, she could glare again.

Right at the impudent changeling standing atop a shattered portion of the castle, a rocket launcher on her back and a glare on her face.

...And also a wig colored like the princess on her head. That... that was weird.

>Who are-

"NO, SHUT UP! FUCK YOU FOR WRECKING THAT BUILDING! Do you know who lives there!? Two ponies who just got MARRIED YOU DICK! They just took out the loan! You know how much insurance paperwork this is going to be!?"

>...what...


"FUCK YOU! That road is used by over a thousand crystal ponies PER DAY! You've set back commute times by hours! FUCKING HOURS!"

>...you can't be serious.

"FUCK YOU! You think you're just stomping whatever, but that's ponies LIVELYHOODS YOU'RE STEPPING ON, VARIOLUS!"

She wasn't sure if this changeling remembered her or had just heard her booming declaration earlier. Either way, she was clearly bonkers.

>You think I care about-

"SHUT UP! I'm actually going to have to fiddle with the taxes now! I'M GOING TO HAVE TO FIDDLE WITH TAXES THAT IS SO FUCKING HARD!"

>...

Internally, she looked to the other pony.

>Sunset, what the fuck is she talking about?

'I... don't know? I remember seeing her in the halls at the Empire, but I don't know what she does.... also, fuck you. FUCK YOUUUU!'

>Noted.

Returning to the living just in time to take another bomb to the eye, she'd decided she had enough.

>Are you really so willing to die fo-

"YES!"

>...I was asking if you're willing to die for this E-

"YES!"

>...What about just less wr-

"YES!"

>...Huh.

She... didn't know how to respond to that one. She was honestly confused that this changeling would, with 100 percent sincerity, declare she was willing to die for this place.

>...Who are you?

"I am EIGHTEEN, you gigantic asshole! NOW GET OUT OF MY-"

She was gentler than she should have been, when she thought about it. Far too gentle of a telekentic grab and hurl for the impudence of trying to shoot out her eyes. Sure, her eyes were as durable as chitin in this form, but still. That was annoying.

But, she had to admit, there was something admirable about-

>WAIT A DAMN MINUTE!... Was that a female!? How many of those are there!? HOW IS SHE SO BAD AT THIS!?... changeling standards have gone way downhill since I died.

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>42
"DT"
'77'
[Spike]
~~~~

>DIAMOND TIARA!

"Are you saying my name to praise me? If so, very smart."

'WHAT THE FUCK, POPPET!?'

"I know, it's amazing."

[EVERYTHING IS ON FIRE!]

"Well duh, that's what 'incendiary' means. Try to keep up."

>We were supposed to get that information for Twilight!

'Sexy scanned the files before I did! Look!'

~I'm sugar baby the real sugar baby all you other sugar babies are just intimating-~

>...

"...Uh... I might've forgot to clear his memory first."

[Was that you?]

"NO!"

'That sounded like you.'

"THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE BETWEEN ME AND SEXY!"

'Wow, I am not touching that one with a ten foot pole.'

[Yeah, nope.]

>I don't get it...

"...So do you want me to put out the fire?"

'Yes, obviously. But don't use your-'

"FREEZE ROUND!"

'MOTHERFU-

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>Spitfire
"Guards"
'Variolus'
~~~

>...oh dear Celestia...

BOOM!

>...Dear... dear Celestia...

BOOOM!

>It can't be...

BOOM BOOM BOOM!

>...THEY'RE FLYING IN FORMATION!

Tears of joy rained down from her face as the monster was consumed by another pass, true elation filled her as every single bomb hit it's mark, not a one flying free. They were a team...

They were a team!

They were flying like she taught them too!

They were flying like actual professionals!

She hadn't been a failure after all!

>I DON'T TOTALLY SUCK!

This is the greatest-

'LITTLE PESTS!'

FWOOOM!

"GAHHHH!"

"OH CRAP OH CRAP!"

"MAYDAYMAYDAYMAYDAY!"

She watched as they were all scattered by a shockwave.

...And she felt something.

>...YOU BITCH! NOBODY FUCKS WITH MY TEAM!

She picked up her bombs.

And she got to work.

>GET SOME!

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Variolus
“???”
~~

This was too easy.

Far, far too easy.

She should be facing more opposition from the other Queen. Where was she, if her minions were currently engaged? Was she hiding? Fearful, yet hopeful she would be stopped? These hive were not her brood, perhaps she was planning for the inevitable, or the worst? One last way to have a hive, should she be victorious?

Or that Queen was simply a coward.

Yes.... that seemed likely.

She couldn't help but think that as she reached for yet another building to rip apart, so lost in the thought she barely noticed when it seemed much more... farther away than before.

In fact, everything seemed to be moving further and further away. Everything... except the castle.

Perhaps, had she still the ability to feel pain, she would think at the very least it would it stung a bit when a stray shard of the sparkling castle, a shard she had created with her deft swings no less, pierced through her shoulder. The foundation meant to hold up a castle proved strong enough to pierce inside, but it was strangely shallow in it's wounding, able only to slip into one of the many cracks into her chitin, but not separate it any further.

"Well, that was fairly easy. Now, what to do about those things down there..."

How odd, the fallen Queen thought to herself. It had been so long. She had honestly forgotten what it was to rage at the thought of being ignored. Perhaps it would not have been so bad had she not been so insulted that this being thought she could be wounded by something so simple.

She would have to clear up that misconception.

With a howl of fury, she tore herself loose and ripped the shard from her shoulder, hurling it backwards with reckless abandon.

It barely made it out before it was caught, spun around, and driven right back into her, just above her spine. It wormed it's way in, and she felt it clip her bone.

It did little more than annoy her as she nonchalantly blasted it free, and continued on unabated.

Her entire head lurched forwards, smashing through crystal walls and into the side of the castles. Shards of sparkling foundation crumbled around her, raining down upon her hair and and then continuing on below. It would look comical, the sight of her face-first into the side of the castle, had it not been such a horrifying sight of destruction all around.

Two massive, enraged eyes did not hold still as she looked to the one before her, shaking with a twitching fury at the sight.

Very few things could make her as angry as the view that Chrysalis did not look bothered in the least.

"Well, shoot. I was hoping I hit your spine with that last one. Ah well..."

She looked so uncaring.

So very, very uncaring.

This little shit was going to make her burst a blood vessel.

"By the way, I was taking a nap a second ago, what did you say your name was?"

A huge, booming rumble started in her chest, building up until it blared out in a loud, monstrous tone.

>YOU LOOK TO I! VARIOLUS THE BETRAYER! TH-

"Who?"

The words died on her lips, her grand speech fizzling away with a breath.

>...YOU KNOW OF WHO I-

"No, I don't. Don't do that whole 'oh, you totally know who I am!' claptrap, okay? I'm sure you're a busy wanna-be and you've got shit to do, so hurry up and tell me who you are so you can get back to... whatever the fuck it was you were doing. Smashing indiscriminately? I guess it's something."

>...Wanna be...

"Yeah, wanna be. As in, you wanna be Chitania or... I dunno, a drunk dragon? One of the two. I'm assuming the former because changeling, but who knows, you might have enough sense not to even kid yourself that you could even be a diet version of old auntie Chitty. I mean, fuck. That thing pierced you. Do you know how hard it is to pierce Chitania with literally anything? It's fucking hard. Not so much with you, though. I'm hoping you don't insult her by trying to compare."

Ignoring the fact it hadn't actually pierced her, she had to admit it was true, the Titan mused to herself. She wasn't as durable in this size. Or rather, she was exactly as durable, but full of cracks and red shards that weakened her chitin's structural integrity. Just as if a plastic case had been cracked, she had been weakened by growing to such an unstable size before she could make herself more durable in the process.

But then again, It wouldn't take long to fix that little bug...

"So, go on. Who are you again?"

Her rage returned, quite harsh, quite solid. She did not know how much the other knew of that day, how much of Chitania's history the other Queen had shared. She would have to test the matter.

>I am the one who lead to Chitania being sealed away.

She swore a smirk started to form on the other one's face.

"So, full of bullshit in addition to everything else. Alright, I've heard enough... what did you say your name was again?"

She opened her mouth to retort, but the other Queen beat her to the punch.

"Oh wait! I don't care!"

Limit reached.

With a screech of a roar, she cocked her hoof back and punched forwards into the castle, trying to crush the impudent thing beneath her hoof.

She managed to crush nothing but a wisp of green flame.

"Oh wow, you sure showed that room! Look at it, it's so terrified it's crumbling!"

Finding her was simple enough, she need only follow where the blasts of ineffective emerald were coming from while they did little more than tickle her. Her hoof returned, hammering down on her own shoulder from whence the chanting voice had come.

Again, nothing met but the crunch of her own chitin.

"Self mutilation is the first sign of depression, you know."

Her hoof was even faster this time, and smarter too. She angled it to where it should have brushed past her own cheek and rammed into the thing above her ear.

But, instead of a rush of something moving from one plain of existence to the other, she heard the hum of an otherworldly power, and felt a nudge. Nothing but the tiniest, gentlest of nudges to angle her hoof juuuuuust slightly.

Right into her own nose.

"Well, at least you aren't making yourself look any uglier. Finally! After all those years! An upswing to how you look!”

That was enough of that.

With a howl, power erupted in every direction, a gale-force blasting out every which way and consuming all in it's path. Buildings shook, but managed to keep from crumbling. Power unrivaled had lashed out, and she heard the crawing voice of that bitch no more.

“Where the fuck are you getting that much power? I sincerely doubt that's your own.”

A blinding green light flashed in her eyes, the sting forcing her to shut them just long enough for a weight to land down upon her nose.

“You're starting to annoy me. Can you just give up already? I've got shit to do.”

Rage bubbled out from her throat as another wave of fire lashed through the air, carving the very tips from the tops of the buildings. It carved through them like butter.

But it only carved them.

“...How in the fuck did you get into that thing?”

That heat of rage returned to her face at the wondrous voice chiming in her ear, just above her left ear specifically.

“...No, I'm right, you somehow tapped into the Heart. How the fuck... even I couldn't get in there, and I really fucking tried! How?”

She paused, cursing herself for not realizing Chrysalis would have easily seen the fluctuation in love magic when she called upon it. In the moment after, she found herself unsure in just what she should reveal to the other. This would be a good time to impart some wisdom, if she wished...

“Nevermind, don't give a fuck.”

Scratch that, the bitch daughter of the bitch who used to hold her leash could remain stupid.

Despite her resolution that this bitch needed to be taught a lesson via some physical means, she found she was left without when Chrysalis vanished. It took very, very little time to deduce where she had gone.

“...This makes no sense. You should have absorbed either all of it or none of it, you can't just sap a bit of the Heart at a time. And if you had gone all in, you would currently look quite... different, and be on your way to a swift and painful demise. I should know. Yet... the Heart still beats, it remains. It is being sapped, but not completely. This... should be impossible.... unless-”

No time.

There was no time to let her piece it together.

She had to react now. And oh, react she did.

Everyone down below let out a scream of pain as they were blinded by a sterling green light. Pure energy composed of love that lit up the sky and screeched with abandon as it tore off the top of the Crystal Palace. Wails of pain were drowned out in the ensuring explosion, and Variolus knew there had been no time to dodge, no time to move. She had seen the green light envelope the other Queen.

A pity she had to kill the last Queen like that, in fact despite it all she truly did feel a touch of remorse that she had gone so far, but she could not have let her discover the secret, not before Chitania had arrived and her plan could be put into motion. She hated what she had done, but she had done it all the same, and she would have to live with it.

>...No...

The remorse, as powerful as it was, faded away shortly.

Taken away with the fading of the body where Chrysalis had once stood. Not cast away by a teleportation, but though never having been there at all.

She had unleashed her might on an illusion.

“Fucking finally.”

She felt them before she could even breath a once.

She hadn't even seen them. Hadn't seen any of the strange things planted all around her head as Chrysalis had been dancing upon her. Her lack of ability to feel pain had betrayed her, left her as unfeeling to a wound as it had to something being placed along the crown on her head.

She could not see, nor did she recognize the use of the devices that flared up with magic, but that was pointless. She did not need to know what they did. She knew enough.

She knew Chrysalis had her.

She had played her and now she had her.

She had enraged her, put her off center, turned away her focus. It wasn't much, but it was just enough. Just enough to plant her devices that flared up with love. Just enough to loosen her own impregnable mind to rage in that one moment of pure desperation.

Just enough she could feel the drills beginning to bore their way into her mind, drills that tore away at her mental defenses.

She was a Queen. She was a changeling Queen, as powerful as they had ever been. Her mental powers were powerful, most certainly. Her skills with mind magics one of the betters even among her peers, if she may be so boastful. She was, unquestionably, capable of repelling any attack upon her mind on any day.

Any day... but the day she had been split in focus. Dancing between keeping Sunset down, her own rage, controlling her powers to the golems and her need to get the Queen away from that heart.

She had split herself into a dozen different directions, and she never realized she had left cracks. Cracks that, on any other day, would be pointless, meaningless, easily defended even as scattered as she may be.

But with the power afforded by those devices...

With her own equally impressive mental strength bearing down on her...

With everything combined into a cocktail of situations that could never again be replicated...

She had her.

Queen Chrysalis, despite all the odds, all of her planning, all of her abilities, had her.

And that annoying Queen was making her way into her mind.

“Hmm. I do hope I can lift you...”

And she smiled.

“Leaving a giant vegetable in the middle of the street would make Eighteen mad at me.”

And she broke in.

She broke in past the mental defenses, past all her guards, past a thousand different things that should have kept even the mightiest Queen out. She broke in, and she surveyed the land.

She had her, and she prepared to wipe her mind clean, and leave her a broken, drooling mess.

She had her.

'H-help me...'

Almost.

“What the fuck!? Sunset!? Wha-”

That was it.

She had had her, and then that was it. Her one chance, her surefire victory, her triumph, gone.

All gone because in that moment, that one in a million moment, she had halted. The power she had gathered at her horntip had frozen upon it like ice instead of flame. A defenseless, weaker mind had been shoved before her in an act of desperation, and it had paid off.

Variolus knew she gambled with everything when she put the pony's mind between herself and the Queen, knew full well that wiping out both would be just as easy to wipe out one. Sunset would not have shielded her, had she cast her spell at that moment. Together, they would have fallen.

But she had hesitated.

She had held back her might for a moment, just a moment, and hesitated. If it had been nothing but shock, she would have recovered in time. But it was more than that...

She had been unable to go through with it. Unable to wipe out Sunset as she would have her own mind.

And now her chance was gone. The one chance she would ever get, the one perfect mixture of timing, lack of defense and power, the one time she would prepare for and never allow to come again, gone.

Just gone.

Gone gone gone away... under the weight of a titanic hoof crashing hard into the side of the prone Queen. Gone away as surely as the Queen herself was as she broke through the shield that surrounded them, scattered like the snow she split with her body as she rolled through it, hidden away like the cloud of dirt and snow that erupted when she finally came to a stop.

In one instant, Queen Variolus had lost.

In the next, she had taken her victory back.

>How funny.

And it felt so good.

>You thought her so untrustworthy, so deceitful... and yet, when it came time where your demise would have only benefitted her... she stayed her power, and spared you. She could not reach me, if it meant going through you.

She felt the twist inside of her, emotions certainly not her own bundling up into misery. Cries that only she was privy to hear.

'Why didn't you just finish it...'

>Yes... why indeed.

Her hit had been true, her mark landed solid. There was no need to worry about that Queen anymore.

>Hrmph. And to think, she thought you would be the greatest of us all... I almost feel bad for her. But no matter. Just another failed plan... like all the others.

To her work, she returned.

Oblivious to all the world as the snow parted in the land outside, revealing black chitin for all the world to see.

“...Hrmph, so, plan A didn't work.”

Her side healed, resealing quickly from the severe damage it had taken. The moment she was finished, she flicked her hoof with a flippant lack of care, and tossed one of Twilight's love-harnesses away into the snow, now drained of all she had placed into it.

“...Plan B?... I'm feeling plan B.”

Did Variolus really think her defeated so easily?

“I hope so... it'll make it all the more satisfying.”

The emerald flame enveloped her, and she smiled.

“...when she is begging for her life...”

Unknown to all but herself, not the soldiers, not the rampaging monster, none, she vanished.

The fight had only just begun.

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>42
"Spike"
~~~

"Hey, hey 42. 42. 42!"

>No.

"Hey 42. Do the thing."

>I will not.

"Do the thiiiiiing."

>No.

"It's a giant blob thing. Come on. Do the thing."

>No, just shoot it.

"No, do the thing."

>Shoot it.

"Do the thing!"

>Just shoot it!

"42! 42! 42! 42! 42! 42! 42! 42! 42!"

>WHAAAAT!?

"...do the thing."

>FINE!

"..."

>.....hwaaaaaa...

"..."

>.....aaaaAAHHHHHATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATAHWAAAHHHATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATTATA! HOOTAAAA!

"..."

>...Omae Wa Mou Shindeiru.

BOOM!

>Satisfied?

"EEEEEEEE!... Admit it, it was fun."

>...Maybe a little.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

~~

>WE ARE USEFUL AGAIN!

"Shut up, Luna."

>Awww.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

It was raining fire from the castle.

That monster was still wrecking the Empire. What what being thrown at it was hurting it, but not enough, it just healed.

Somehow, the fact they were doing damage and it was just healing again in a snap, was more upsetting than not being able to scratch it at all, like the last titan.

Regardless, he was pulled out of the path of a massive chunk of debris that came hurtling down from high above.

"Dude! Be careful!" Gauge shouted over the noise of an enraged beast destroying the city.

"S-sorry!" Quicksilver apologised, following Gauge as he made his way through the streets towards the castle.

It took some time getting to the entrance due to the collateral damage inflicted upon the Crystal Empire, but they got there. They were let through immediately due to their guard armour. Gauge nodded to the soldier standing guard, amidst a group of scared ponies who were seeking refuge somewhere.

"Go with the sergeant here, folks! He can get you to a determined safe zone in the upper region of the empire!" He announced, the ponies looking to a calm, grey Unicorn who was already ushering ponies through an alcove to what was presumably a bunker of sorts.

"Hey!" Gauge shouted to him, "There a way in?!"

The guard seemed confused.

"Yeah, but I'm not sure you wanna go; the area is clear of ponies, the Princess made sure of that, no one left to evacuate from the castle."

"Alright." Gauge nodded. "What needs done?"

"Escorting these folks would be great! Changeling clones are having a hell of a time against the patrols." The guard seemed pensive. "Not too sure the sergeant can handle 'em by himself."

"I heard that!" Shouted said sergeant.

"We can do it." Quicksilver spoke up, walking past Gauge. "J-just tell us where to go."

"Y'all are conscripts, huh." He stated. It wasn't a question. "Not sure civilians should lead civilians in a situation like this."

"We can do it." Gauge rather sternly insisted.

"We're not from the Empire, b-but we came from Canterlot to help, our commander sent us." Quicksilver said, "We're as able as any guard."

After a few precious seconds, he nodded stiffly.

"Fine. Just be careful, these are ponies lives we're talking about here."

"We know. We'll keep 'em safe." Guage assured, heading over to where the sergeant was beginning to move out, he began to grin cockily. "Canterlot's finest, after all."

Quicksilver ran after him. "I'd of thought Pommel or Strikes were--"

"Nope! Us! We're the finest!" Gauge laughed. "Me an' you. Greatest guards ever to live! We're gonna escort the shit outta these ponies. They'll be so safe they'll feel like they've been bubble wrapped."

"If you say so." Quicksilver shrugged, helping a mule get their pack in order. "So long as we all make it there safe then I'm happy."

There was another resounding crash and roar from the beast as they smashed into the castle.

"...We'd best get a move on."

"Agreed!"

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Non-Canon
>Pinkie
"Fluttershy"
'Dog Chimera'
~~~~~
>Welcome to Sort of Late Night /pa/ with your host Pinkie Pie! It's during this time that content still matters, but I want to give everypony chips! Now for our main guest...FLUTTERSHY!!!

"Oh I'm so mad right now."

>Uh oh. Do you remember your happy place?

"I'm trying. I'm trying so hard right now."
Desk fall apart into splinters.

>Okay, not a good time. Gotcha. Better end the show before the rest of the studio falls apart.

Fluttershy shakes her head and finds herself hugging one of the creatures.
"Oh I must have started day dreaming. Are you okay?"

'I want...Da..ddy'

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Variolus
"??"
~~~

With the threat of mindwiping demise gone from her risks, the second Titan was finding this fairly easy. Really, she didn't know what else they could throw at her at this point, she had taken out anyone of any seeming importance already.

"AHHHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Or so she thought.

>...What in the hivemind's darkest pits...

The flash of bright purple and dark green filled her vision for a moment before a strike landed upon her nose. One that should, by all accounts, have bounced off her without a scratch, but contained far more power than reasonably any single pony should.

Her assaulter leapt back, dangling from the side of the castle by... her hair?

>...Sunset? Who is...

No response.

>Oh, right, you're currently having a pity party in there... who are you?

The crazed lunatic threw her head back, cackling wildly for all the world to hear.

"FOOOOOOOOLLLLL! YOU NOW FACE THE MASSIVE MANIACAL MAYEM OF THE MANE METICULOUSLY MANUFACTURED TO MASH MONSTERS MARAUDING MY MANOR! YOU FACE..... THE MAAAAAAAAANE-IAC AHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHAHAHH!

>...

She was going to need a minute.

"NOWWWWW! VILLAIN! YOU FACE ME! A FORMER VILLAIN WHO- oh, by the way, it's WAY better to be a hero than a villain! You still get to cackle and break stuff and everything!"

>...I'm good.

"Suit yourself... AHHHHAHAHAHAHAHHA! PREPAAAAAAARE TO FIGHT ME!"

>...Okay.

With one swing, her hoof connected to the side of the obviously very unwell mare, and she prepared to hear bones snapping and screams of agony as she was 'non-letally' dealt with.

She did not expect the BOINININING! that followed instead when her hooves hit hair, and was defected away.

>...What in the-

"ENGARD!"

Shrapnel was hurled at her like a machine gun, tossed by a thousand different tendrils at the same time in such rapid succession it looked like she was being attacked by a wall of crystal.

As with the previous entries, this was doing far more damage than it should.

>ENOUGH!

She tried to hit her again, this time managing to clip her in the side before she could bring up her defenses. She felt no shortage of satisfaction when she was sent away.

And no shortage of rage when that tendril hair lashed out, grabbed a spire, looped around and delivered a, as she put it-

"DYNAAAAAMIC KICK!"

Right to her nose.

>GRAAAHHHHH!

It irritated her a bit.

That was nothing when, completely void of all damage, that mare started laughing and posturing to her again.

"AHHHHHAHAHAHAHA! NOW DO YOU SEEEEEEE!? You cannot HOPE to DEFEAT me, VILLAIN! I am the MANE-IAC, and I-"

She had tried.

She had really, really tried not to do the thing she did where she slammed her hoof down on her like squashing a bug. She really didn't want to do that, but that screeching, wild voice was just too much.

>...Sorry, but no. No fucking way am I putting up with-.... what in the fuck.

She was flat, alright, as expected. But there was far less... blood? There should have been more-

POP!

>...no fucking way.

"AHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAH!"

Like a damned balloon, she re-inflated, and was perfectly fine.

She was perfectly fine.

After being squashed.

>...nope.

The lasers came easily to her.

"AHHAHAHAHAHHA! YOOOOOOU THINK YOUR PETTY TRICKS CAN PUT DOWN THE MAAAAAANE-IAC!? AHAHAHAHAHAAH!"

She swung around with the greatest of ease, dodging every shot that should have landed it's mark is an open violation of the laws of physics and the speed of light. She would have pondered this if the mare suddenly darting beneath her hadn't taken all of her attention.

>Where the fuck did you-GAH!

She fell, legs now tangled in strands of mane she could not see. Long ropes of green tethering her together, and leaving her unable to so much as move an inch before she stumbled face first into the castle once more.

It was only her pride that was wounded... but it stung.

"AHHHAHHAHAHA! YOU FOOOOOOOOLLL! GOOD ALWAYS TRIUMPHS... OVER EEEEVVVVILLLL!... I know, I was disappointed too. Evil's a lot more fun, but hey! Being a hero is fun too! I still get to beat up giant monsters! Neat!"

>GRRRRAAHHHHHHHHH!

She swung, destroying a strip of road.
Not even close.

She swung again, taking out a street sign.
She just kept laughing.

She swung and swiped and punched and shot and everything she could think of, but even when she landed hits it didn't seem to do anything! She would just bounce back from them like a damned cartoon character!
And she NEVER, STOPPED, CACKLING!

"AHHHHAHAHAHAH! Your SKILLS are weak, your POWER is nothing, for I! AM! THE MANE IA- GAH! CURSEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeessss...."

For a long, long time, Variolus just stared at the chunk of ground where the mare had been.

She had hit the spot directly next to her, uprooting a chunk of crystal and creating some kind of faux-lever that had shot up and flung her like a catapult.

She knew she should be happy something finally put a stop to her as she flew threw the air, arcing up so high she couldn't even see her purple hue anymore...

But she just felt like she had been played a cosmic joke.

No power in the world could defeat that mare... but comedy.

This was the world she had returned to.

>...I think I liked it better in the corner...

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>AJ
“???”
____

>…Ah don’t even know how Ah got stuck in this stupid hole… Ah really don’t. Annn’ Rars jus’ kept goin’ without me. ‘Kay. Ah’ll jus’ hang ‘round, then. No big, not like Ah wanted to help’re nothin’, nope.

A blonde tail swished in annoyance as Applejack huffed, her bodacious hips once again the bane of her existence having been snared within a blown out section of wall.

>Ya know, fer’ a mare wit’ no concern ‘bout figures, Ah sure got hit with the irony stick when it comes to mah rump... an’ hips… an’ mah-

Her ear twitched at the sudden hooffalls approaching from behind. They were slow, but determined.

>…Horseapples.

Struggling was a moot point and she only bit into her bottom lip, tensing her haunches as the steps came to a stop right behind her.

Then… voices.

“…can’t do it, man. I can’t.”

“Yes you can! We believe in you!”

“But… what if I grab wrong? It’s so big!”

Wait a minute… big?

All pretense of fear was lost to Applejack on that comment, replaced by a snort of indignation.

“The sheer mass of it ensures that your first grab will be the right grab!”

“That sounds like some cheap line for insurance or something!”

“No, no, listen to him, those are facts!”

“I don’t know….”

“Look, we’re likely to die in this whole situation, you wouldn’t want to go out without getting at least one grab in, would you? Think of your masculinity for Faust sake!”

“Then you touch it! You've never touched a mare before either, right? Well, there you go!”

“I—well I, uh… it’s just, this moment isn’t about me, it’s about you and your journey!”

“You’re so full of shit it’s in your DNA!”

“…Damn.”

“Ouch, man.”

“O-oh, sorry… too far?”

“Juuuust a touch.”

“Sorry.”

For her part, Applejack was confused. At first, she was afraid that robots were coming to prey on her. Then she was afraid a bunch of no-life scientists were going to molest her. And now she was confused as to why she too felt bad for the one that got insulted.

Her back leg gave an unconscious little kick, due to going numb, and she heard a mass collective behind her jump as one.

“She moved!”

“…Faust on high did you see the way it jiggled?”

“Like… pudding, or some zero-gravity elastic material. It ripples... but snaps back into place.”

“That shouldn’t be possible over such a huge expanse of flesh, though. Wait a second….”

A sharp “EEP!” escaped the princess of paperwork as she felt a cold hoof poke at her right cheek.

“Aha! Does someone have a notepad on hand?”

“Got you covered.”

“Thanks! Let’s see… there appears to be an extraordinary amount of toned muscle underneath all the fat there.”

F-fat?

Crimson seeped in Applejack’s cheeks.

“Ooooh, I see now, yes, and that allows it have the outer consistency of Jell-O while retaining it’s shape within an instant!”

“Yes!”

“Fascinating!”

“Now about the hip size there….”

There was no shortage of mixed squeaks and grunts from Applejack as she felt hooves poking and nudging various points of her hindquarters, all of it in the name of science.

>Rars… please… s-save me….

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Crystal Guard
"Changeling"
~~

>...Oh wow, uh... you're really good at that.

"RARRRGARBLE!"

The changeling wasn't even using his hooves or lasers, content to tear the faux-changeling apart with his fangs alone. It kept regenerating, he just kept tearing at it.

>I mean, fuck... you're not even slowing down.

"GRABRAAHHH!"

>Just... I have a gun and sword, and you're doing more damage than me.

"RAGRABRAHHHHHHHHH!"

>...you doing anything later?

"..."

>...

"...I've got some free time, assuming we don't die."

>Yeah, seems like a priority.

"Talk later?"

>Talk later... you were busy?

"Oh, right.... RARGARBLE!"

>...neat.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>2
"AB"
'Sb'
(SL)
~~~~~

>Ya got anyyyyy... Sevens?

"Go fish."

>Yaaaay!

"..."

>...I like fishin'. Shiny took me last week, it was fun, even if we didn't catch nothin'.

'I like fishing too! My parents took me along... When that whole zombie invasion happened.'

(They weren't zombies!)

'NO! I am so sick of that! Stop calling them 'Infected' or 'turned' or 'walkers' or whatever! Just say zombie! JUST SAY ZOMBIE!'

(A-alright, jeez...)

"...Ah'm bored."

(So's everyone else, probably. Nothing's going on.)

"Yeah..."

>...wanna go hear one of yer' granny's stories?

"'(...)'"

>... I like 'em.

"...some thin' ta' do, ah guess."

(Why is today so boring!?)

"Jus' onna them things, scoots. Onna' them things."

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Crystal ponies
"Guard"
~~~~~

>So, just to double check, that's NOT the one who wrecked Canterlot.

"Nope."

>It is a completely different, unrelated giant changeling.

"Well, they might be related, but no. Not the same one, and different."

>Is... Is this common?

"I don't know."

>I feel like we should know if this is a common thing.

"I'll inquire about it later."

>...I wasn't the only one, right? Tell me I wasn't the only one who thought... You know...

"...I admit, I didn't see them pop out of the grou d like everyone said they did, sooooo..."

>Oh, good.

"They're not, you know."

>I know, just felt a little... Racist?

"...me too.."

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________