Nothing Gold Can Stay

>be me, bonky
>i'm with my pickle horse-man pal, pickle horse-man
>we're going out into the wilds
>to beat john the baptist's ass
>and you might ask why the greatest of us (pickle horse-man and I)
>might go out and beat the least of us
>this smelly wild hermit
>it is exactly this quality, of living with modest means, that draws us to beat him
>but also we're being paid a lot of gold by herod
>anyways, we find ol' john in the river jordan
>he's dunking people
>we wait in line to get dunked
>we're secretly pissing in the river
>we keep loudly drawing attention to how warm the water is getting all of a sudden
>these people are getting dunked in our piss
>we wonder if it will affect their afterlives
>it's our turn
>pickle horse-man is super-juiced to leap on john and cut off his head
>but john the baptist stops us
>he says he knows we're here to kill him
>he only asks that he might baptize us
>i don't want to get touched by this weird old guy
>but pickle horse-man says yeah sure, he likes collecting blessings from all the sick-ass cults in judea
>he's dipped in the sparkling waters of the river jordan
>some trick of the light makes him look so innocent and pure
>his hair swirls in the water, soft and limber and golden
>he's kind of beautiful
>john the baptist brings him up
>he's gasping
>he's blinking jordan water out of his eyes
>he's rubbing his face
>he's choking
>i think he's crying
>this is all getting a little too greek for me
>john the baptist lays a hand on me
>his touch is like fire
>i scream
>i bound through the water
>i kick him in the head bronco-style and it shoots clean off
>i splishy-splash through the water and grab the head up by its hair
>i turn back to pickle horse-man
>he sees me bathed in blood, teeth clamped down on john the baptist's oily locks
>he screams
>sheesh, this horse-man needs hashish and a harem, i think to myself
>i spin the head around in the air and club him with it
>i club him all the way down the road to jericho with john the baptist's bloody head