Levi talks with Roland about morality and murder

===START===
* arthurianNoblesse began espering Rolandsprite
arthurianNoblesse
ROland, did you know?
Rolandsprite
Hm?
arthurianNoblesse
DId you know that they were intelligent?
THat they could show courage, and loyalty?
Rolandsprite
... And if I did? What would you say?
arthurianNoblesse
I Don't know.
ROland, I Killed them, have been killing them, am continuing to kill them.
I Am to them an angel of death, sent from where they do not know to bring naught but genocide and suffering.
Rolandsprite
Sounds about right, of all of us. Save maybe me, anyway.
arthurianNoblesse
I Watched one of them, it stayed to fight me while its friends ran away.
I Killed it.
Rolandsprite
Friends? How many did you engage?
arthurianNoblesse
A basilisk, two ogres, and four imps.
Rolandsprite
That many?!
Alone?!
arthurianNoblesse
THe only survivors were an ogre and an imp, both heavily wounded.
Rolandsprite
God damn. That's impressive, but Jesus Christ Levi, don't try to do all the work yourself.
arthurianNoblesse
I Didn't think.
MY sprite told me they were intelligent, that they were huddling together to protect themselves from me.
Rolandsprite
Had they SEEN you yet?
arthurianNoblesse
NO, I Chose to attack them.
Rolandsprite
Is it cold on your planet?
arthurianNoblesse
I Don't believe so, no.
Rolandsprite
Then why were they huddled together?
Oh, never mind.
It ain't important right now. So you attacked them. Charged them like the crazy bold swordsman you are.
arthurianNoblesse
YEs, I Killed two imps before any of them even realized I Was attacking.
Rolandsprite
Well that's impressive. One blow, huh?
arthurianNoblesse
YEs, I Hit an ogre and another imp with it as well.
Rolandsprite
Not bad! It was a bold, foolish move, but that's some pretty fancy footwork. How are you holding up right now?
arthurianNoblesse
I Remember it so vividly ROland, the feeling of my sword cutting through them, the look in their eyes as their existence was terminated in a small explosion of a resource for me to use.
Rolandsprite
Levi, that's part of the reason they're here.
arthurianNoblesse
I Know why they're here, ROland.
Rolandsprite
You spoke of them having "friends." That retreat wasn't borne of nobility. That retreat was a tactical necessity.
arthurianNoblesse
NO, that's incorrect.
Rolandsprite
That retreat was a conservation of manpower.
Well, troop strength.
arthurianNoblesse
I Spoke with the basilisk, ROland, after it told them to flee.
I Yelled at it, told it to stop being brave and just die.
THe look it gave me, I Think it almost did.
Rolandsprite
Almost what? Ran off? Surrendered?
Actually died?
arthurianNoblesse
I Don't know.
I Could tell though, it was on the verge of doing something different, something other than staying and fighting me.
Rolandsprite
Are you wounded?
arthurianNoblesse
I Am, but I Can barely feel them.
Rolandsprite
How badly?
arthurianNoblesse
I Got bitten by the basilisk and took a punch from the ogre, I Haven't checked the extent of the damages.
Rolandsprite
So you are at an impasse then, aren't you?
arthurianNoblesse
ROland, I Feel like a monster.
Rolandsprite
These things would impede your progress, and harm you and your friends, and you get cold feet because one of them decided to make a tactical sacrifice.
You're not a monster.
arthurianNoblesse
I Know that I Have to keep fighting, that I Must kill them so that I Can protect the others, I Know that everything I Still care about depends on me not giving up.
Rolandsprite
You're not a monster, cause boy I can tell you what a monster looks like, and it ain't you.
I gave Lily a speech earlier in a similar vein.
arthurianNoblesse
But I"m scared, ROland, scared that if I Keep doing this, keep pushing any shreds of mercy inside of me down so that I Can end them, that when we win, I Won't be myself anymore.
Rolandsprite
When I first killed another, I was young. Maybe five sweeps? I'd just picked up my gun, and when I shot him, I watched him fall.
Watched him fall, and watched that realization dawn on him. The panic that sets in when you realize you won't be gifted with another moonrise.
The sorrow and grief that you wasted it all in a gunfight.
I bawled like a wriggler. I puked. I curled up in a ball and stayed there.
But I kept the path, I had a mission. I wasn't going to let that stop me.
I wanted to minimize the amount of killing I did, but it stacked up.
I stopped crying eventually.
I stopped...
Caring, for a while.
These trolls made to oppose me and take from me, and I refused them that privilege.
Sure, some cried in front of me as the life drained from their bodies, and for a while, that moved me too.
But I stopped feeling guilty when I realized that they were only sad that they failed.
Only sad that they had made the foolish mistake of picking a fight they couldn't win.
If they coulda done it differently...
They'd have picked the same fight time and time again until an outcome existed where they won.
These creatures are the same way.
They hate you. HATE YOU. HATE HATE HATE. There is no compassion or mercy for you in their minds.
They aim to take from you. You can refuse, or you can accept. There is no third option.
If refusal means killing them, *so be it.*
arthurianNoblesse
ROland, can I Tell you something?
Rolandsprite
Yes.
arthurianNoblesse
SOme time ago, I Stabbed my sister.
Rolandsprite
Oh, my.
arthurianNoblesse
THe wound would have been lethal, if we hadn't gotten medical attention in time.
arthurianNoblesse
I Still see it ROland, I Still feel it, still hear it all so well. MY blade slicing through her, her body falling to the ground, the drip drip drip as blood slipped onto the floor, the color of red my hands were while I Tried to staunch the bleeding.
SOmetimes, when I Close my eyes, it's like I"m back in that moment, where everything in my life has gone wrong, and it's all my fault.
Rolandsprite
What was the reason for the accident?
arthurianNoblesse
WE were sparring.
SHe was... different.
SHe tried to hit me, I Panicked and moved faster.
ANd then she dropped.
AFter we got back from the hospital, I Blunted my sword.
I Didn't want to hurt anyone with it ever again.
arthurianNoblesse
LOok at me now, look at all the havoc a blunted sword can sow.
WHen I Was trying to make myself attack the imps, I Saw it again, blood red hands, the drip drip drip.
Rolandsprite
So you're in that stage. Struggling with the idea that you have a killer instinct, and making promises to yourself that you won't do it again. Do you believe you did the wrong thing by brutally and painfully bludgeoning these creatures to death with a blunted blade?
Well, that was a poor way of phrasing the question.
arthurianNoblesse
THat's the thing ROland, I Don't.
Rolandsprite
Challenging all of those enemies by yourself probably was, in fact, the wrong thing to do.
I mean, I don't wanna say it was a little brash and foolhardy, but...
It was a little brash and foolhardy.
But back to the original question:
arthurianNoblesse
ROland, I Don't need you telling me what's brash and foolhardy right now.
Rolandsprite
Hm.
arthurianNoblesse
I"m sorry if that was rude, I Am not feeling myself at the moment.
IT's been a long... day? HAs it been a day?
Rolandsprite
No, no, you're right. It probably wasn't appropriate, or "Proper Social Protocol" for the moment.
And I'd guess it's been a coupla hours. Maybe more.
arthurianNoblesse
I Feel like I"ve done so much and been here for so long.
Rolandsprite
Meanwhile, I feel like I've done jack shit and been here for a terribly short time.
arthurianNoblesse
MY apologies, I Have a habit of not realizing that my situation may seem desirable to others.
Rolandsprite
Getting portia through her gate to God only knows who's land is one thing, but separating us was a mistake.
I think if I'd gotten any closer to the gate, I'd have exploded.
arthurianNoblesse
I Am glad you did not get any closer then.
Rolandsprite
Damnable game constructs.
So now I'm about to zip out of here.
Look all about my planet for something.
Someone might get lucky. Might be me, depending on the circumstances.
But the dominos have to be set up just right.
We need to be ready for that eventuality.
But back to YOU.
You are upset.
You have just killed several creatures.
You are feeling guilt for their deaths.
But you believe your actions were justified.
Am I missing anything?
arthurianNoblesse
NO, that is an accurate summation of my emotions at the moment.
Rolandsprite
These things are all normal, I think, to a first-timer. Mine is a naturally more violent race, so we adjust a little better.
Your actions were justified, though.
Their deaths pave the way for your ascension, and give you resources to boot.
While it may not have been consensual, their deaths were not in vain.
arthurianNoblesse
I Know they were not ROland, I Know all these things.
Rolandsprite
Having a conscience isn't a bad thing.
I guess it makes you a better person. I forgot what it means to have one.
arthurianNoblesse
THat the creature's deaths are necessary, that they are doomed regardless of my actions, that I Must kill them to protect my friends.
I Stood watching them for I Don't know how long, fighting myself tooth and nail to attack them.
BUt in the end, attack them I Did, I Made that decision, and I Stand by it.
arthurianNoblesse
BUt despite all logic pointing to this being the correct decision, I Cannot shake this horrid guilt, this feeling that I"m more monster than they.
Rolandsprite
Well, what if you didn't do unprovoked attacks anymore? You just charged these guys, right? Why not switch to a stealthier approach, and only fight when you're spotted?
In your case, I'd have commended you for a stealthier approach; it's safer, and less noisy to enemy intelligence networks.
arthurianNoblesse
WHy would I Choose that course of action though? ARe their deaths meant to be easier because they attacked me?
Rolandsprite
No, I'm saying that you might feel a little better in the case of self-defense, and if you try to limit your combat interactions.
arthurianNoblesse
I Can't allow myself that luxury, it will slow my growth and I Need to be as strong as I Can be to protect the others.
WE have a limited time ROland, the BLack KIng is a monster, and I Do not know for how long POrtia's death will sate his bloodlust.
Rolandsprite
Haha, I'd like to hear you say that to Lily. She'd likely chew your ear off!
arthurianNoblesse
WHen he is ready to attack us, we must be ready to defend.
Rolandsprite
The black King will wait until he is challenged again. That's my belief.
He will not go hunting us on our planets.
arthurianNoblesse
I Cannot trust that that will be the case.
Rolandsprite
I think we'll meet him on the battlefield.
But hey, if you wanna help me level the playing field a little bit...
arthurianNoblesse
I Will do anything to help.
Rolandsprite
I'm going to begin working on something here very soon.
I came to this place on a sand barge. A large one.
It is currently decommissioned. I'd like to make it capable of flight and weaponize it.
Well, probably weaponize it first. Alex will need to make his weight calculations based off its max weight capacity.
But the point remains.
We'll need to armor it, arm it, and get it off the ground.
arthurianNoblesse
WHat is it you would require of me?
Rolandsprite
I'm certain we can use a third set of hands, especially if you start setting aside the grist now.
arthurianNoblesse
THen as you ask, I Shall begin setting aside my grist. I Am not certain what use it provides me beyond the expansion of my house and the cloning of items anyways.
Rolandsprite
I'm really excited for this, too; we'll essentially be building an armed and armored mobile command center.
arthurianNoblesse
I pray that it shall prove useful to our mission.
Rolandsprite
The armor will have to be very good, though, if it's to withstand a shot from that revolver. You're a knight in training; do you know anything about armor?
arthurianNoblesse
I Will admit, I Am not as well versed in it as I Could be. THe majority of my knowledge has come from my sister, but I May have books on such that I Can consult.
Rolandsprite
Eh, it's aircraft armor. We'll figure it out as necessary. Nothing like winging the design of a highly experimental aircraft, am I right?
Listen, Levi. One more thing:
Is there anything I can do to help?
arthurianNoblesse
I Am unsure, there are a great deal of emotions I Am feeling right now, and the adrenaline of the battle has begun to wear away, leaving behind the remarkably painful sensation of my wounds.
I Believe that speaking with you has provided an outlet, for which I Am grateful.
Rolandsprite
Well sheeit. I didn't FEEL very helpful.
mercurialTraceur
((Roland <3 Levi))
Rolandsprite
Just kinda ranted about justifications and stuff.
I mean Jesus Christ are you NUTS I am the worst God damn sprite EVER
arthurianNoblesse
ADvice was not necessary, I Believe that the simple act of speaking with another regarding my feelings has been cathartic to at least some degree.
Rolandsprite
Well, that's good. Just sorta spilled any old garbage out over here, hoping I'd sound like I knew what I was talking about.
arthurianNoblesse
I- IF I Am to be frank with you ROland, I Feel numb inside and also as though I Am but a step away from a breakdown.
Rolandsprite
Wait! I've got it! Go sleep!
Recuperate!
And then, you'll wake up on Derse, right? You can do some more reconnaissance!
arthurianNoblesse
THat sounds to be good advice, although I Must admit I Would prefer not to endure DErse once again.
mercurialTraceur
(Levi X Roland OTP)
arthurianNoblesse
STill it would do me good to sleep on something apart from volcanic rocks, which I Have recently learned make exceptionally poor mattresses.
Rolandsprite
Sadly, we know my dream self (should I still possess one) is not on Derse, but information is the most powerful tool in our arsenal.
Intelligence wins conflicts.
arthurianNoblesse
I Shall take your advice, ROland, if at the very least because I Feel exhaustion crashing upon me like a tsunami unto the shore.
AU revoir.
Rolandsprite
Good bye. Good luck. Lemme know if you need anything.
* arthurianNoblesse ceased espering Rolandsprite
Rolandsprite
I don't actually ever sleep, soooo
What a nice guy.
arthurianNoblesse
===END?===