[00:29] <JstMeNU3> Him: I know how you felt now. That sense that nothing in your life is ever going to get better. That it's all pointless. And God dammit I'm sorry I ever lost my patience with you for feeling this way... You deserved so much better... I'm so sorry, Shelby. I don't expect or deserve you to ever forgive me, but I had to at least apologize...
[00:30] * mg42 mjpopcorn.gif
[00:32] <JstMeNU3> Me: I am surprised to be hearing this from you. Well, to be honest, surprised to hear from you at all. I'm happy to recieve an apology about what happened. It really makes me feel more confident about moving on and accepting that what is done is done. I'm a much stronger, happier, more confident person now that I've faced myself and my problems. If I may, what exactly brought this on? After your reaction after Assassins, being de-friended, and otherwise ignored I felt as if you just wanted to forget I existed.
[00:34] <JstMeNU3> Him: The short answer is I'm a coward... Absolutely fucking gutless. And for that, again, I'm sorry. As for what brought it on... I'm not entirely sure. Regret, I think.
[00:36] <JstMeNU3> Me: Well, what is important is that you realized you made a mistake and you learn from it. Don't let it take over and consume you.
[00:38] <JstMeNU3> Him: Okay, it was regret. It was realizing that I threw away someone who legitimately, unconditionally loved me, even though in retrospect I feel like I'd been a complete bastard to her. It was realizing that everything was my fault from the beginning, and realizing that I will never, ever have that person back. I'm sorry, I probably sound crazy...
[00:45] <JstMeNU3> Me: You don't sound crazy. You sound like you realize a past mistake. Like I said, don't let it consume you. Learn from it and make yourself better and stronger than the you who made that mistake. Anyway, I have to work now. We can talk more later if you want.
[00:45] <JstMeNU3> Him: Possibly... And I'm sorry. I'm absolutely letting it consume me. I want it to stop. Good luck at work.
[00:51] <JstMeNU3> and then about an hour later... Him: You were always stronger than me. Always. Always smarter, always more ambitious, arguably more talented... More patient. And you put up with things that probably would've killed me... I don't know if I'm going to make it through this. But you did. Because you're better. You always were and God dammit I'm bothering you at work I'm sorry I should leave you alone please don't hate me...
[00:52] <JstMeNU3> Me: Warren it's fine, my phone is in my locker while I'm on the florr. Have you told Katherine about how you've been feeling? Did something happen between you two?
[00:53] <JstMeNU3> and then after work Me: Alright, I'm off work. Are you alright?
[00:54] <JstMeNU3> and about an hour ago, Him: I'm okay, yeah. And nothing HAPPENED, exactly. She'd probably kill me if she knew I was talking to you. Which means I should stop, but I had to apologize. I've been feeling a decent amount better since then. I'm glad you're doing so well. A little jealous, actually.
[00:56] <JstMeNU3> Me: Glad you're feeling better. Why would she kill you? And why would you be jealous?
[00:58] <mg42> katherine's a bit of a nutjob then?
[00:59] <JstMeNU3> Him: Jealous that you're doing so well. And she'd kill me because you're my ex. She requested I defriend you on facebook, and frankly the reason I was being such a dick at Assassins was that was the first day we were dating. She almost broke up with me.
[00:59] <JstMeNU3> Me: What? Almost broke up with you why?
[01:00] <JstMeNU3> Him: Because I was talking to you. I'm sorry, I shouldn't be talking about this.
[01:00] <JstMeNU3> Me: It's alright. And wow, that seems like a bit of an over reaction. And here I thought she was getting to an ok point with me.
[01:01] <JstMeNU3> Him: I'm sorry. I'm not... Interrupting anything, am I?
[01:01] <JstMeNU3> Me: Um, no? What would you be interrupting? If you were I'd tell you.
[01:02] <JstMeNU3> Him: I dunno, I just have extremely low self-esteem. I thought maybe you'd been on the phone for absolutely no good reason.
[01:02] <JstMeNU3> Me: Oh no. Probably just heading to bed soon. That's about it.
[01:05] <JstMeNU3> Ah, okay. I um... I feel like it'd be dishonest if I didn't mention this. I'm not stalking you or anything, but I've kinda pieced together through Tumblr posts that you're dating MG42 now. I feel really weird calling him that in this context, but I don't know his name. You're happy, right?
[01:06] <JstMeNU3> Me: Yeah I'm happy. Heh. And his name is John.
[01:06] <mg42> ok good he knows
[01:07] <JstMeNU3> Him: I'm glad you're happy. That seems like an... Oddly fitting name for your boyfriend. No idea why. I see he finally got around to making you that chainmail bracelet he was talking about forever ago.
[01:07] <JstMeNU3> Me: Yep! It's very nice.
[01:08] <mg42> technically that's not the same i was originally making you >_>
[01:08] <JstMeNU3> Him: Did you go to that Lewis Black concert with him? Again, I swear I'm not stalking you, I'm just kinda perceptive.
[01:09] <JstMeNU3> Me: Yeah, he got us tickets to see him when I went to California to visit him.
[01:10] <JstMeNU3> Him: Ah, I see. He's apparently sweeter than I ev-Okay, that's not the point here. Shut up Warren. That sounds like it was fun.
[01:10] <mg42> tehe
[01:10] <JstMeNU3> Me: It was a lot of fun. His parents like me too which is good. I was worried about the internet thing making them dislike me.
[01:11] <JstMeNU3> Him: Oh, you met his parents? Neat. When did you two start seeing each other?
[01:12] <JstMeNU3> Me: Back in November. It was odd finding out he had feelings for me but I did talk to him a lot through what I was going through and we just seemed kind of right, you know?
[01:12] <mg42> :3
[01:12] <JstMeNU3> Him: Is it odd that I had a hunch he kind of liked you? I admittedly got jealous when he started talking about making you that bracelet.
[01:13] <JstMeNU3> Me: Really? I was going to pay for it. Initially the reason I had asked him to make two was to give you one for our annivesary. I just didn't talk about that part in front of you because surprise and such.
[01:14] <JstMeNU3> Him: ...Oh. I feel like a scumbag now. I'm sorry.
[01:14] <JstMeNU3> Me: It's alright. You didn't know. he felt bad about it all too with how he hadn't gotten them done and whatnot. THe he offered to just make me the one and I told him he didn't have to but he gave me this one anyway.
[01:17] <JstMeNU3> Him: I see. This is so weird... I hardly feel like I'm talking to the same person anymore... You're so... Happy. That should make me happy. I mean... I am happy for you. But I just... I dunno. Sorry, I'm rambling/being inappropriate.
[01:17] <JstMeNU3> Me: I've changed a considerable amount, and for the better I feel. I am a lot happier now. I mean, I still have to battle my illnesses but, I dunno, it's gotten easier.
[01:21] <JstMeNU3> Him: You definitely seem like you're better. I wish I could say the same for myself. If anything I'm worse. I... Would it sound condescending if i said I'm proud of you? I don't want to sound condescending.
[01:21] <JstMeNU3> Me: No, that's fine. A lot of people are, including myself.
[01:23] <mg42> this was a tad more than nine texts
[01:23] <JstMeNU3> well he started texting me again shortly after I counted the intial texts.
[01:24] <mg42> oh, just now?
[01:24] <JstMeNU3> everything from this point on was recent [00:54] <JstMeNU3> and about an hour ago, Him: I'm okay, yeah. And nothing HAPPENED, exactly. She'd probably kill me if she knew I was talking to you. Which means I should stop, but I had to apologize. I've been feeling a decent amount better since then. I'm glad you're doing so well. A little jealous, actually.
[01:26] <JstMeNU3> anyways, continuing
[01:30] <JstMeNU3> Him: Okay. Well I'm proud of you. I'm so damn proud of you. And I'm sorry I hurt you so much. More than that, I'm sorry I was so damn selfish and only focusing on how I was feeling to notice it. I'm sorry it took me so long to recognize when you were having a panic attack, and more than that I am fucking disgusted with myself for ever having lost my temper with you during one because I didn't know how to handle it... I was a monster, and I'm sorry. I wish you had gotten better because of me rather than in spite of me. But I have nobody to blame for that but myself.
[01:31] <JstMeNU3> Me: Warren, you made a mistake. You can't let it take over your life. Live and learn, that's all you can do.
[01:32] <JstMeNU3> Him: I made a LOT of mistakes, Shelby. And I'm fairly certain these ones are going to haunt me for the rest of my life. Sorry if that sounds melodramatic. Okay, it is. I'm sorry. I need to get the fuck over myself.
[01:32] <JstMeNU3> Me: Warren, you don't need me to forgive you. You need to forgive yourself.
[01:32] <JstMeNU3> Him: I think it might be a bit less about forgiveness at this point. I think this is straight on regret. But... Thank you.
[01:33] <JstMeNU3> Me: What are you thanking me for?
[01:33] <JstMeNU3> Him: I'm not sure. Trying to help me, I guess. I'm sorry I'm such a mess.
[01:33] <JstMeNU3> Me: It's alright.
[01:34] <JstMeNU3> Him: Anyway, I should let you get to bed. I should try and sleep anyway. I'm sorry for how I've treated you. I hope telling you that will help me somehow and not just make me more miserable. Stay happy, God knows you deserve it.
[01:34] <JstMeNU3> Me: Thank you. If you feel like you want to talk more some other time I'm fine with that. Don't ruin yourself over this, ok?
[01:35] <JstMeNU3> Him: I'm sure as Hell going to try not to. You're treating me far better than I feel I deserve. Thank you. Good night, Shelby.
[01:35] <JstMeNU3> Me: Good night, Warren.
[01:35] <JstMeNU3> annnnnnnnnnnnnnd finally done
[01:36] <mg42> i was wondering when he'd realize his folly
[01:36] <JstMeNU3> apparenly almost exactly 6 months later
[01:36] <mg42> how am i not surprised about katherine being how she is
[01:36] <mg42> considering what you've told me
[01:36] <JstMeNU3> haha I know I'm not
[01:37] <JstMeNU3> wanted to be all "Oh really, she's being demanding, controlling, and jealous? SO SURPRISING!"
[01:37] <JstMeNU3> but decided to take the high road