Living With Colgate: Good News

>The first day of Spring was always Applejack's favourite day of the year.
>The residents of Ponyville would all band together to clear up the snow and ice and make way for a new season that promised warmth, comfort and, most importantly, apples!
>Colourful birds would all return from their winter homes in the South and spring flowers would bloom.
>Today had been a long day of rewarding work with her friends, and all Applejack wants now is to sit down to dinner with her family and relax.
>But before she can, there is a loud knock at the door.
>Applejack opens it to find a vaguely familiar blue pony that smells like toothpaste. Behind her is her weird bipedal friend.

>"Have you heard the good news?" Colgate asks.
>"Ah'm sorry, but this ain't a great time-"
>"Applejack, ponies these days have forsaken dental hygiene in exchange for cupcakes, cookies, candy and other satanic sugary foods, damning their teeth to rot in Tartarus for eternity," Colgate's solemn tone is broken by a wide smile. "The good news is that it's not too late! You CAN be saved."
>"Beg yer pardon? Anon, what in the hay is goin' on here?"
"I don't know."
>The blue pony presents a thick tome. "Within these pages is a collection of vital truths. Surrender yourself to the righteous sugar-free diet and strict tooth brushing regimen enclosed! Additionally, I have some fairly-priced products here. For only ninety-nine-"
>"Hold it... is this a sales pitch?"
>"Applejack, how are your granny's teeth holding up in her old age?"
>"She dun't have any."
>Colgate looks around and beckons Applejack closer. "...I can get you some."
"Ookay, Colgate, time to go."
>Taking the opportunity, Applejack shuts the door in your face.
>Colgate looks up at you with a puzzled frown.
>"Too preachy?"