Beer! - Applejack&Anon

>Day Liquor is Quicker in Equestria
>You are Anonymous
>And presently, you are staring at the mug of SAA Cider in your hand.
>Applejack gives a happy sigh as she saunters over and plops down on the bench next to you.
>"Hoo-ee partner!"
>The earthpony mare chuckles and gives you a firm nudge in the shoulder with her hoof.
>"Now go ahead and tell me that ain't the best sippa cider you ever had!"
>Grunting in response, you bob your head once or twice and go back to staring at the frothy beverage.
>It's well into the fall season by this point, the leaves have started to change colors and the Running of the Leaves will be happening soon enough.
>Then the pegasi will bring in winter clouds and Hearthswarming will follow.
>And then Winter Wrap-Up...
>And here you are, stuck with your one opportunity to get stinking drunk and you're stuck with slightly upgraded apple juice.
>It's enough to make a grown man cry.
>You blink a few times as you feel a tear roll down the side of your nose and into your drink.
>Rubbing at your eyes with your arm, you take a sigh and chug the cider.
>As you drop the mug, you notice AJ staring at you again.
>"You feelin all right there, Anon?"
"Yeah,"
>you lie, running your tongue along your lips to pick up the remainder.
"Just, thinking about home I suppose."
>Applejack gives a slow nod and moves closer to you.
>"Now I can't say for sure about your situation, the furthest I've ever been from home is Manehatten, but I reckon you must miss your kin somethin fierce."
>No, not really.
>The ponies are excellent company.
>With an exaggerated sigh, you rub the back of your head and try to keep from stretching the truth too much.
"Well, there is that, but I also miss all the things that made living on Earth great. Like sports, and movies and..."
>Your voice trails off, but Applejack doesn't miss a beat.
>"Anon, we got all that stuff here."
>Fine, if that's how she wants to play.

>Squaring your shoulders, you fix the orange mare with a stern glare.
"Well, you don't have beer!"
>Applejack blinks and cocks her head to the side.
>"Considerin I don't know what a beer is, I reckon we don't. What's so great about beer anyway?"
>You make a gentle buzzing sound with your lips and roll your eyes.
"What's so great about beer, ha! Why don’t I lay it out for you, AJ.”
>Tapping your foot against the ground a couple times, you wait for the music to kick on.
>It’s one of those strange little quirks about Equestria, but you’ve gotten the cues down pat by this point.
>Sure enough, a few seconds later a familiar guitar twang begins strumming as some poor pony musician finds that they’ve lost control of their body and are forced to play the song.
>Tough for them.
http://youtu.be/fPSE3QfIJfI
>Yeah, that’s the stuff.
>You make a few chirping sounds with your mouth, earning a small smile from the cowpony before starting the song.
“Chug-a-lug, chug-a-lug, make you wanna holler hi-de-ho
Burns your tummy, don’cha know, chug-a-lug chug-a-lug.”
>The song continues on in short order, detailing some rather deviant encounters with alcohol throughout the years, though not entirely true to your life.
>But the orange mare doesn’t need to know that.
>Songs are truth in this world, and it’s best if you use that to your advantage, especially with her.
>Eventually the song comes to its conclusion and you bow while AJ stomps her hooves a few times.
>In the distance, you can hear a pony sigh in relief as their body falls back under their control.
>“Well shoot Anon, it sure sounds like this beer stuff’s a real hoot!”
“Yeah.”
>You smile a little and stare off into the distance.

“Nothing against your cider, Applejack, but there are entire week-long festivals dedicated to beer back on Earth. Folks come from all over the world to see what everyone else is working on. It’s really amazing.”
>AJ bobs her head a few times and presses her slightly sweaty frame against yours.
>“Well, if there’s ever anything I kin do for you sugar cube, you be sure and let me know. That’s what friends are for after all.”
>The best that you can manage is a grunt as you watch the ponies enjoy their drinks, not knowing what they’re missing out on.
>
>
>
>It’s several days later when Twilight approaches you.
>“Good morning, Anonymous! Are you getting ready for the Running of the Leaves?”
“Hm? Yeah, I suppose so.”
>While you’re not overly interested in pony holidays, this one is still pretty interesting if only on the basis that the ponies manage to knock loose all the leaves on their own.
>The horned mare smiles and moves closer.
>“Wonderful. By the way, I was talking to Applejack yesterday and she was telling me you told her about a special holiday that humans have where they drink bears.”
>There’s a flash of light as a pen and scroll appear in the purple pony’s telekinetic grip.
>“I find that fascinating. Can you tell me more?”
>Resisting every urge to tell Twilight that humans regularly crack open a bear after a hard day’s work, you correct her.
“Well, it’s beer, not a bear. And yeah, we have festivals devoted to trying all sorts of beer from all over the world. It’s a time for humans to get together and enjoy a good, cold drink.”
>Twilight scribbles furiously on her paper, making small sounds of affirmation as she does.
>“Interesting. Tell me more about the festivals?”

>Scratching the side of your face, you offer up a shrug and a sigh.
“There’s really not that much to say. We drink beer, eat meats… oh, and the female servers wear really low cut frilly dresses.”
>“And beer?”
>You pause and give the mare a confused look.
>Clearing her throat, Twilight tries again.
>“What makes beer so special?”
“Um, nothing really; it’s just malted barley, hops, and yeast.”
>The purple unicorn’s face contorts as she frowns.
>“That’s it?”
“More or less. It has to ferment for a little while, but it’s pretty straightforward.”
>Twilight nods and scribbles something else down before turning away.
>“Well, I don’t quite understand the appeal of drinking something like that, but if it makes you happy, then I’ll certainly keep it in my notes. You humans are such fascinating creatures…”
>Continuing to mutter to herself, you watch as Twilight trots off towards the library before turning your attention back to more important things.
“Whatever that’s about…”
>
>
>
>A week later, you find yourself under the canopy of red, gold, and yellow leaves, watching as the breeze from the runners begins to pull them from the trees.
>You stand on the sidelines, smiling to yourself as you watch the ponies gallop across the home stretch, to the cheers for their friends and neighbors.
>The Running of the Leaves is a resounding success.
>As if there were ever any doubt.
>Scanning the crowd of ponies for a familiar blonde mane, a frown works its way across your lips as you realize that Applejack isn’t among the runners.
>After a double and triple check, you scowl and turn in search of some sign of the Apples, or one of her friends.

>Even as you jerk your head from left to right, a loud voice calls out.
>“Attention Everypony!”
>Your eyes at last settle on Twilight as she stands in front of the crowd.
>A large smile splits her face as she waves her hoof towards town.
>“If you’ll all head into Ponyville Square, we’re going to have a special celebration to commemorate this year’s Running of the Leaves!”
>Even if you forget everything else you’ve learned here in Equestria, one thing will always remain abundantly clear.
>Ponies.
>Love.
>Parties.
>You’re quickly swept up in a rush of excited equines as they gallop towards town.
>There’s a large tent set up, the red and white big top stretched tight against a series of poles inside.
>As you are pulled inside, you finally spot the wayward Apple.
>Her face is bright enough where you might confuse her for some of her produce, save for the fact that even red delicious don’t usually clean up so well.
>She’s dressed up for the occasion, a quiet, almost understated green and red sundress hugging close to her muscular frame as she shuffles her hooves from side to side.
>Rarity stands off to the side, still mussing with the mare’s hair when AJ catches sight of you.
>Somehow, the Apple’s face colors even more as she trots over to you.
>Her hat somewhere by the wayside, the orange mare looks up at you with big green eyes and an anxious smile.
>“H-howdy, Anon.”
“Hey AJ.”
>You tear your eyes away from the country mare and let them drift around the tent before circling around back to her.
“What is all this?”
>Applejack sets her lips into a frown and glares at the ground.

>“Well, me’n my big mouth had to go and blab to Twilight about our little conversation over cider and she insisted we try to make you feel at home. I said I’d see to the beer and Pinkie took care of putting this little shindig together, but then Rarity heard about it and said I ought to get dressed up for the occasion.
>She makes a face and kicks her rear leg a few times.
>“And I don’t mean to rush you or nothin, but this outfit makes me itch something fierce. I’d appreciate it if you went and got your beer.”
>It takes several seconds for AJ’s words to sink in.
>Beer.
>She made you beer.
>Dropping to your knees, you wrap the orange mare up in a big hug.
“Apple Horse, you are undoubtedly my very best friend.”
>Applejack yelps and squirms against your grip for several seconds before finally relaxing and giving a surrendering sigh.
>She wraps a hoof around your neck and gives you a firm pat.
>“C’mon you big gallute, go get yerself a taste of home.”
>Right.
>Beer.
>Hopping to your feet, you jog over to the keg where Pinkie is waiting.
>She manages to fill your mug with ease despite her hooves, in a classic Pink manner.
>All the ponies watch as you turn back to them, waiting for you to get the first taste of the alien beverage.
>Holding up your mug, you grin at the crowd.
“To good friends.”
>And then you down it all at once.

>…
>…
>…
>It comes back up almost immediately.
>The not-quite fermented slop shudders up at you from its place on the floor.
>You hack and gag as Applejack and others rush to your side.
>Someone pounds you hard on the back a few times, knocking loose the rest of the disgusting substance.
>Twilight is off in the corner panicking, magically thumbing through her notes as she tries to find out what went wrong.
>With a woozy stare, you look up at Applejack, who can only offer a sheepish grin.
>“So, not that great for a first attempt, huh?”
>You shake your head and groan.
>AJ sighs and calls over her shoulder.
>“All right ya’ll, break out the cider; this beer’s a bust.”
>Ugh, cider.
>But considering the beer, maybe you should be grateful for what you have.
>Well intentioned friends.
>That you should probably keep a closer eye on in the future.
>As you retch again, you wonder why you were blessed and cursed to have such attentive friends.
>Applejack chuckles, staying by your side for the rest of the party.
>Her hoof never stops rubbing your back.
>It doesn’t make you feel any better physically, but at least it’s a small comfort.
>She really is impeccable and one of a kind.
>And there’s no one you’d rather have here with you.