To my sweet love,

April, I love you. This hurts so much. The thought of losing you. The thought of being alone again. Just the thoughts I have in my head are killing my conscious right now. I don’t want to lose you. My heart is aching right now…I’m sure yours is too. I’m holding my tears back. I have no reason to cry over this no matter how much I want to. I just want to be with you. I want to flourish life with you. I know you want these things too. I guess I’m not the one though. I love you, and it feels real. It has to be real. If it isn’t…if what I feel is not real, then what is? Is this how you feel? I’m feeling chills running down my face and back. I keep feeling this bad omen over my back. I keep hearing “I’m breaking up with you,” being played in my head with your voice. I know I’m overreacting…I know I am. I can’t help it though… You’re my sweetheart. I’m trying so hard to stop this, to stop being so awful. You realize this, right? My heart is aching again…I love you. I love you so fucking much April. I’m feeling those chills again…they won’t stop. I’m just awful. I admit that. I’m sorry for the shit I’ve done. I know that doesn’t change anything though. I still did it. I really am sorry though. I’ve been happy all week after what happened on Sunday. I’ve been smiling, laughing. Not my usual self. Tonight hurts. It hurts to know that I hurt you. I want to go back to what we were. I’m trying to do that. I know you want to get back to what we were. I know you want to be happy with me again. I know you want me to be different from the others, but it seems I’m not…I’m sorry. I love you, and I apologize for my failures. I just suck at this whole relationship thing. This is the longest a relationship has ever lasted for me, and you know that. It’s the same way for you. I love that we lasted this long. I want to keep going with this relationship. I’m human. I make mistakes. I’m trying to work on it. I feel like shit. I really do. I love you April, and I will do anything to save this relationship…so please… I love you April Leighann Harper. I love you beyond belief. I can’t believe how much I’ve hurt you. I want you to do something for me. I want you to hit me, hurt me, do whatever you can to show me the pain I’ve caused you. I want you to. I love you, and I swear you are mine. I vow I am yours. I love you April, my sweetheart, my beautiful girlfriend, my pretty lover, the cutest girl I have ever known. I love you.

From the worst boyfriend in the world,
Brooks.