Threshis28/06/2019
I just told you we talk about everything
Its stupid
But she understands why i do it

Gene28/06/2019
I'm sure she's concerned about you
What things have you tried? Why it failed, may I ask you?

Threshis28/06/2019
My mind is full of demons
I tried everything

Gene28/06/2019
Like what?

Threshis28/06/2019
Ask me and i answer

Gene28/06/2019
Did you try to call hotline?

Threshis28/06/2019
3 times

Gene28/06/2019
Was it beneficial for you?

Threshis28/06/2019
Nooe
Nope

Gene28/06/2019
Why not?
Did you try some sport? Reading? Listening to music?

Threshis28/06/2019
Yes
Yes
Yes

Gene28/06/2019
What kind of sport?

Threshis28/06/2019
Running
But i dont like sports
:stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye:

Gene28/06/2019
Did you enjoy these thing at least for a little bit?
Maybe it was too early for you at this point?

Threshis28/06/2019
It was all recently
And no i didnt feel joy or liked em
I try my best to get out but it aint working
Im a fighter
Bit now i lost my hope

Gene29/06/2019
Well you said that you're a fighter
It means that you still have hope, deep down

Threshis29/06/2019
Nope

Haru29/06/2019
Hey there, Threshis. I'll be stepping in. Paisley's had some stuff come up. Are you okay with that, buddy?

Threshis29/06/2019
Yes
Got the overwhelming urge to cut rn

Haru29/06/2019
Okay. Do you think you could avoid that for the session?

Threshis29/06/2019
I cant promise anything

Haru29/06/2019
Okay, that's alright - I hope you don't cut yourself but if it's not something that you can stop, I won't expect that of you. What I will ask though, is when this started, and how long it's been going on for.

Threshis29/06/2019
Since im 7 im having depression
Self harm since im 18
Ptsd since i was 14
Abuse since birth until 18
I got free from abuse in 2019

Haru29/06/2019
Okay, I'm so -so- sorry that you've had to go through that. Nobody should have to cope with all of that shit in their life. Nobody.
Can I ask what caused the PTSD?

Threshis29/06/2019
I can send you in dm a story
And then we tlan further here
Yes i got it saved
:joy:

Haru29/06/2019
We're not allowed to do that sadly, as it's not moderated, but we do have private support rooms. If you want, you can c/p it to me in DM, but we'll have to talk here.
Alright. I'll have a read through. I won't mention specifics in here.

Threshis29/06/2019
Yes i know
But i screenshotted my story i cant send it here
And explaining now in my state of mind is to hard thats why i saved it for such occasions

Haru29/06/2019
I find some of it relatable as I'm from a similar background in which I've been a victim of and witnessed abuse from people in the same position/etc.
It's not a good thing and it can be a huge blow to your confidence/self-worth.
Not to mention traumatizing to witness.

Threshis29/06/2019
This is maybe 1% of the things that happened
The easiest thing to tell
Xd

Haru29/06/2019
I think the important thing is that you're still here though, and you're able to talk about it.

Threshis29/06/2019
Had a few suicide attemts earlier this year

Haru29/06/2019
You've survived through horrible experiences and yet you're still standing.
But you're still here.
That's the main thing, right? There's hope for you.

Threshis29/06/2019
Not in my head
How do i get rid of those demons man
They keep me from doing anything

Haru29/06/2019
It's not a quick fix, that's for sure. It's not something that can be dealt with in the stroke of an hour, or even a day.
It could be years. A life time.
But you can get there.
Our experiences become a part of us. They shape us. They teach us. We can't erase them, but we can choose how to approach them.

Threshis29/06/2019
I need tips on how i can handle these emotions and demons

Haru29/06/2019
That's a great way of thinking, honestly, that's the first step and you've done really to get there already.
Tell me more about your current day to day life.

Threshis29/06/2019
Im currently in a burnout
So im sick home
I wake up
Smoke a cigarette
Eat a bowl of cereal
Maybe game sometimes
Clean up the room day to day
Watch youtube videos
Eat
Smoke some weed a few days a week
Lay in bed most of the day
I try to get out
But i cant slways
My sleeping schedule is fucked
So soon i need strong sleeping pills again

Haru29/06/2019
Do you live alone?

Threshis29/06/2019
With my mom only

Haru29/06/2019
I see. Work?

Threshis29/06/2019
I cant work anymore
And my mom is way to sick to work to

Haru29/06/2019
I see. On wealthfare/benefits/etc?

Threshis29/06/2019
Whats that?

Haru29/06/2019
How do you get income?

Threshis29/06/2019
Well my mom gets money because shes sick
Soon my contract will end
Now im sick home from work
Then i get money to
But i need to recover first
Before i work again
I wanna work thats not the problem

Haru29/06/2019
I see. A part of managing your urges to self-harm can potentially come from establishing a sense of purpose by performing a productive activity on a routine basis.
Even if it's something small.
Do you have any pets?

Threshis29/06/2019
3 dogs
Alot of cats
5 guini pigs

Haru29/06/2019
Do you take care of all of those on a day to day basis? That's pretty impressive.
I'd be so overwhelmed.

Threshis29/06/2019
My mom takes care of the cats
Feeds the dogs in the evening
I walk the dogs
And take care kf the guini pigs

Haru29/06/2019
Okay. So you walk the dogs frequently. That's excellent.
What do you do when you go out during the week?

Threshis29/06/2019
What do you mean?

Haru29/06/2019
Like. What do you do when you're not at home?

Threshis29/06/2019
Im almost always home
Sometimes i go out for grocery shopping
3 days ago i went to shop for new clothes

Haru29/06/2019
I see. Honestly. Up until recently I was in the same boat and to an extent I still am.
I make sure to force myself to leave the house on a day to day basis now, even if it's only for 1-3 hours.
I usually go to the gym, or to the pool, or to the library. Just somewhere where I'm not going to be trapped inside with my thoughts.
If you find something productive to do, like doing something physical like exercise, or a sport, or even if you're just reading somewhere/learning/etc, you're improving your mind and body, while taking your mind off of negative impulses.
If you tire yourself out on a day to day basis, it's hard to think about such things too.

Threshis29/06/2019
No matter what i do my mind takes control
I tried everything you named already

Haru29/06/2019
Counselling? Therapy?

Threshis29/06/2019
Everything man

Haru29/06/2019
All you can do is keep trying.
That's all any of us can do.

Threshis29/06/2019
I cant anymore
Im to exhausted friend

Haru29/06/2019
You can. You're here, right? You want to get better. You want to make yourself stronger.
We all get exhausted.
We all fall and we don't want to get back up.
It's hard.
It's excruciatingly hard.
It feels like you're ripping your body apart until the point you just want to cry your eyes out or break down in public.
But every step counts.

Threshis29/06/2019
Ive only taken steps backward no matter what i tried or who tried to help me

Haru29/06/2019
Backwards, forwards, all just a matter of perspective.

Threshis29/06/2019
There is a demon in my mind

Haru29/06/2019
I know what you mean.
You don't want it there.
It's not you.
You want to get it out.
You want to go about your life without it.
But sometimes these things are part of us and we have to learn how to keep them in check.

Threshis29/06/2019
How do i manage it?

Haru29/06/2019
For me, and this is a daily thing, I do my best to try and understand how I'm feeling while I'm going about my business.
I question my thoughts, my feelings, and I challenge them.
It's a constant process.
Like, instead of thinking
"I want to hurt myself. I don't want to feel like this. I want this instead."
I stop and think
"Why am I doing this? Why is this happening to me?"
And I focus on those thought processes instead.
Answers can take a while to find but they're inside all of us.

Threshis29/06/2019
I know what you mean
But i cant fight anymore

Haru29/06/2019
People are capable of amazing things.
When we get beaten down, we can climb back up long after we're 'done'.
I think the fact that you're still here is proof that you're still fighting.
You don't want to give up.

Threshis29/06/2019
I never really wanna give up man

Haru29/06/2019
I know. It's fucking awful.
Whenever I sit there and think about how badly I want to give in, I cry my eyes out.
Even in public.
But it's those feelings that validate the fact that I'm here, and I'm alive. That I'm human.

Threshis29/06/2019
Yes
But i have 0 control over what i do

Haru29/06/2019
In what way?

Threshis29/06/2019
Mentaly
But man i need to sleep now
Im seeing double
Constantly passiny away
Thanks for talking helped me calm down

Haru29/06/2019
Okay. Rest is good for the mind, and that's good. Come back if you need to talk, alright? We're all here for you.

Threshis29/06/2019
Gn

Haru29/06/2019
Night night, friend!
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