CharlieHoers

[RGRE] The Original Horsef***er

Nov 16th, 2018
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  1. **** NOTE: I TAKE ABSOLUTELY NO CREDIT FOR THIS GREENTEXT! THIS WAS WRITTEN BY AN ANONYMOUS WRITEFRIEND IN THIS THREAD https://desuarchive.org/mlp/thread/33166276/ I PUT IT IN MY PASTEBIN SOLELY TO PRESERVE IT FOR FUTURE ANONS AND WILL RELINQUISH IT IF THE ORIGINAL WRITEFRIEND ASKS ME TO ****
  2.  
  3. ***** UPDATE: THE ORIGINAL WRITEFRIEND (WingedAnon) RETURNED AND PUT IT IN HIS OWN PASTEBIN HERE https://pastebin.com/STYfir44 <--- GO THERE *****
  4.  
  5. Anonymous 11/13/18(Tue)09:33:38 No.33167090>>33167092 >>33167311
  6. All this talk about Megan, and not remembering the OG horsefucker.
  7.  
  8. “I never pictured Aunt Megan pulling off what she did.”
  9. >Train tracks bumped along as you sat with your uncle and Pinkie Pie.
  10. >”Given’ everything she taught you, you didn’t figure that out?”
  11. >Dad laughs with a hint of mirth.
  12. >After you arrived in equestria the rest of your family followed shortly afterwards.
  13. >Some villain wanted to use the blood of an ancient hero to gain dark powers or some kind of junk.
  14. >She got you instead.
  15. >Aunt Megan was super pissed.
  16. >Pinkie Pie, being the frizzle frazzle pony she is, quickly agreed with your uncle.
  17. >”Oh yeah, after Megan used her rainbow swoosh powers she ponytied her so good Applejack was taking notes.”
  18. “The hogtying I understand. She’s done that plenty of times, but the whole rainbow magic junk was new.”
  19. >”Believe me Anon, she was throwing around rainbows long before your time.”
  20. >”It reminded me when my friends and I use the Elements of Harmony to stop the big meanie of the month.”
  21. >”Funny how similar they both are. Pinkie, scoot closer to me.”
  22. >”Can’t say no to that Mr. Williams!”
  23. >”Please call me Danny. All my friends do.”
  24. >Pinkie scooted closer, at a respectable marely hoof or so until dad reached his arm around her and brought Pinkie to his side.
  25. “So what did you, Aunt Megan, and Aunt Molly all do in this pony world?”
  26. >”All sorts of crazy stuff, not always fighting off monsters. Sometimes helping the ponies out was a full day. Kind of like back home on the ranch.”
  27. >You watched give a thoughtful look, but there was something more going on here.
  28. 1/11
  29. Anonymous 11/13/18(Tue)09:34:46 No.33167092>>33167095
  30. >>33167090
  31. >It was at the victory celebration, dad had started to talk to Pinkie Pie.
  32. >Though it was more like he was listening to her.
  33. >The mare can go a mile a minute, fan girling and all.
  34. >Megan noticed, and seemed a little sad.
  35. >Dad’s hand was somewhere in Pinkie’s mane behind the ear.
  36. >”Oooooh Danny, that feels really good.”
  37. >”Same spot.”
  38. “What?”
  39. >Pinkie’s tongue was panting and her left back leg started to twitch a bit.
  40. >”Just like a pony I knew, she had special spots where you scratch and just become like pudding in your hands.”
  41. “No kidding. That explains why that one mint pony kept trying to do stuff for her.”
  42. >”That’s just Lyra. She’s a silly pony.”
  43. >”You have no right to call others a silly pony, Pinkie.”
  44. >”I know silly because I am silly, and believe me she is one silly pony. As long she wasn’t trying take advantage of a cute human colt.”
  45. “Young man please, not a child.”
  46. >”And a very ‘cute’ one.”
  47. >Dad has that shiteating grin again.
  48. “Redheads don’t have souls.”
  49. >”That’s why I borrow yours when I need one.”
  50. >”Redheads don’t have souls! Oh no, did you lose it at a jazz concert? Or maybe you put too much in your soul food? Or maybe--”
  51. >Dang, this pony just goes on tangents, yet dad is comfortable with this.
  52. >You can’t recall if he was ever this chill.
  53. “Where are we going?”
  54. >”We’re also on a train, might have lost it he--We’re going to my home on the rock farm!”
  55. “A mining community?”
  56. >”No silly, a rock farm. We grow and harvest rocks of all kinds there. This is a season of geodes.”
  57. 2/11
  58. Anonymous 11/13/18(Tue)09:35:49 No.33167095>>33167099
  59. >>33167092
  60. >”Don’t you recall how to grow rocks son? I’m disappointed boy.”
  61. “Funny man, pops. Seriously though, why?”
  62. >”Yeah, I have to agree with Mr. Williams Jr.”
  63. “Anon.”
  64. >”It’s nice for you to come to my family’s home and all, but it seems rather out of the way when we can be going to all kinds of places. The princesses have a party going on with the rest of your family, but I bet that one will be booooring with all the stuffy ponies in suits. Danny Jr. would get bored.”
  65. >”Ha! Danny Jr. that’s perfect.”
  66. “Pinkie. I’m Anon. Please stop fueling my dad with terrible ideas.”
  67. >Dad looked down at Pinkie, who looked up at him.
  68. >”I think my boy needs to be nicer to you.”
  69. >”Pisha, young colts like him are whimsical. They can’t help it.”
  70. >Breaks are heard as the train lurches forward.
  71. >You jump from your seat, standing straight up.
  72. >Hopefully you can leave this awkward scene behind.
  73. “Welp, time to greet an overhyped quarry!”
  74. >Pinkie pops from her seat with an audible boing.
  75. >”Silly Anon, getting excited for a rock farm. Only you.”
  76. >Dad slowly gets up, lacking a pony in his arms once again.
  77. >Grabs his hat, but doesn’t put it on.
  78. >”Right, let’s go.”
  79. >The other ponies in the other carts greet us as we get off, but none follow.
  80. >You see why shortly.
  81. “Not even a town here at this stop.”
  82. >”Nope! Come on! Let’s go say hi to the folks.”
  83. >She bounces all the way there.
  84. >You don’t say anything, but that pony’s energy is unreal.
  85. >Dad and you keep up just fine, though he did stop when we see a house on the horizon.
  86. 3/11
  87. Anonymous 11/13/18(Tue)09:37:03 No.33167099>>33167102
  88. >>33167095
  89. >”Was your family always rock farmers?”
  90. >”The main family is, I think. But the family is large enough that we’ve branched off to do other things. I’m 100% positverificly sure that we are related to the Apples somewhere on the family tree.”
  91. >”I can see that happening.”
  92. “Didn’t you say you knew an Apple back when you arrived? That family is pretty old.”
  93. >”You’re telling me. I was surprised when I saw Applejack. The near spitting image of our Applejack.”
  94. >”You can always rely on them to be steady! Come on, I see one of my sisters already! Marble! Marble! Call the family out! We are visitors!”
  95. >The oversized megaphone disappeared into Pinkie’s mane, you see her sister freeze in place before dashing off to get her family.
  96. >Though you got the vibe she was running away to hide rather than get her family.
  97. “I think you yelling will let them know we are here.”
  98. >”Just so you know, Marble is the quiet one, Limestone is bossy, and my parents are reserved so we should have a fun time with you two here! If you touch that big rock over there Limestone will give you an earful.”
  99. >”Think I see someone coming out of the house.”
  100. >”Limestone! Hey Limestone! Over here!”
  101. “She looks like she’s been chewing on a lime.”
  102. >”Pinkie Pie, what the hay!? I just saw Marble run by figured something was going wrong again. Who are these weirdos.”
  103. >”Well this is your sister Pinkie and my son Anon.”
  104. >Limestone stops in her tracks, giving your dad a frustrated look.
  105. >”You almost made me laugh.”
  106. 4/11
  107. Anonymous 11/13/18(Tue)09:38:49 No.33167102>>33167104
  108. >>33167099
  109. >”Nice one Danny. Sooooo Limey, this is Dan Williams, and you already know his son. I’ll give you a few moments to ponder those names.”
  110. >”William, I don’t know what a William is? They look like they can work hard though. Even string bean right there.”
  111. >Much to your surprise it was Pinkie’s turn to give an unimpressed look.
  112. >”With how you talk to colts you wonder why you are still single."
  113. >Ouch, time to rebound this train.
  114. “And here I thought Megan was important. Guess Twilight was just hyping it up.”
  115. >Limestone’s glaring contest with her sister stopped when she heard Aunt Megan’s name.
  116. >”Wait, Megan the Ancient Hero? Oh...oh bedrock your Danny Williams the brother!”
  117. >”You got it Limestone. Wish I had a better title.”
  118. “Aunt Megan did most of the work.”
  119. >”Wait, wait, wait hold on. So some great lacky of the hero--”
  120. >You like this mare already.
  121. >”-And his son just comes strolling up to our house because?”
  122. >”Danny asked me!”
  123. >Pinkie the ever so helpful one.
  124. >”I was asking him.”
  125. >”Daw, when have we ever turned away guests?”
  126. >”Whenever I can.”
  127. >”I’m sure you two sisters can keep going at this all day, but I want to speak with your parents.”
  128. >Limestone huffed before looking back at the house.
  129. >”Right, so it looks like dad and mom are already at the porch. Just go up to them and say whatever. Just don’t touch Holder’s Boulder!”
  130. >”Limestone, they haven’t even seen it yet.”
  131. >”Anon, stay here and talk with these lovely mares. I’ll be quick.”
  132. >Dad strides past Limestone, his boots kick up dust with each heavy thud.
  133. 5/11
  134. Anonymous 11/13/18(Tue)09:40:01 No.33167104>>33167110
  135. >>33167102
  136. >Time to break the ice.
  137. “Rock farming.”
  138. >”What about it?”
  139. “How does that work?”
  140. >Limestone rolls her eyes before pointing to one of the fields.
  141. >”We grow deposits and collect the minerals at certain times. Depending on what you want a plot can take decades to form. Then put in the neck work and break a few rocks to get the gems.”
  142. >”It’s super boring.”
  143. >”It’s hard honest work. One that isn’t appreciated enough.”
  144. >Limestone looks at you, looks away briefly as she chews on her upper lip.
  145. >”So, um, what do you do?”
  146. “Ranching. Drive cows, work fields, raise horses. Probably not as lucrative as hauling gem stones, but it is a good life.”
  147. >”Right, right. So what brings you here? Besides the whole intr-showing up to our home and other manure.”
  148. >Pinkie is rubbing her forehead.
  149. >Putting two and two together, Limestone casually saying ‘shit’ is not something you do around a colt.
  150. “Got kidnap by some evil mare. She wanted to take over Equestria or some nonsense. She liked to grab my butt."
  151. >Limestone’s face freezes stone cold.
  152. “Got tied up really tight with this latex suit that restricts your movement, and was completely helpless.”
  153. >She is clearly trying to avoid saying something.
  154. “With how much she rubbed all over me I could call it molestation.”
  155. >”Terrible.”
  156. “Eh, I’ll live with it.”
  157. >Pinkie is holding back mischievous laugh.
  158. >”Boy! Get over here.”
  159. 6/11
  160. Anonymous 11/13/18(Tue)09:41:30 No.33167110>>33167115
  161. >>33167104
  162. >Looks like Dad is done talking.
  163. “So what’s going on?”
  164. >”Just talked with them, and I think my hunch is right. Limestone, I just got permission to go the family cemetery.”
  165. >Limestone looks to her father at the house who gives her a nod.
  166. >”What are you looking for? Right, I’ll lead the way. Pinkie go help start up dinner for our guests.”
  167. >Your guide turns around and gives you a head tilt.
  168. >”Follow me you two.”
  169. >Dad has his right hand in his pocket, he is gripping something tightly.
  170. “Right then. Let’s go.”
  171. >The three of you walk, passing through a bland rocky terrain before coming across a open cave that leads below the earth.
  172. >”So I’m guessing you don’t live in Equestria. How long you plan on sticking around?”
  173. >”Well we do have work to do, so not too long I think.”
  174. “Going to tell us what you are looking for?”
  175. >”No. Not until I am completely sure.”
  176. >”Stallions got to keep their secrets.”
  177. “Let me guess. An old friend.”
  178. >Dad is silent.
  179. >”Can’t think of anypony in our family that knew the old heroes, er, you and your family.”
  180. “Getting dark in here, why do you have a cemetery down here?”
  181. >”You’ll see why soon enough.”
  182. >There is light up ahead, enough light to make some of the crystal glow.
  183. >After walking through the cave tunnel you come to an opening.
  184. >Light beams through the ceiling onto a large gemstone in the middle of the cavern.
  185. >Greenery overflows in this underground oasis next to a cool underground water pond.
  186. >”This was found a long time ago by one of my ancestors. The magical stone makes the ground super fertile. Over there is where we have the family cemetery.”
  187. 7/11
  188. Anonymous 11/13/18(Tue)09:42:55 No.33167115>>33167119
  189. >>33167110
  190. >“Anon.”
  191. >You look at your Dad expecting him to continue.
  192. >”Stay here.”
  193. >He pull out a locket, one you haven’t seen before.
  194. >Dad walks to the ancient tombs with purposeful steps, leaving you with the rough mare.
  195. >”He sure has a rough marely exterior. So you are thinking a friend huh?”
  196. “Yeah, I was told stories about their adventures, has to be someone he once knew. It was, what, a couple thousand years ago?”
  197. >”I dunno. That was ancient history when Celestia was young. Some kind of Stallion intuition going on here. Just meeting Pinkie Pie and he has a crazy plan to drag his kid to buck middle of nowhere.”
  198. “After what I’ve been through this week, this is relaxing.”
  199. >“Yeah. If I was there I would have knocked that mare silly. Ain’t right kidnapping a colt.”
  200. “My hero.”
  201. >You smile as you scruff up Limestone’s mane.
  202. >Limestone tenses up and blushes furiously before stepping away.
  203. >”Only the right thing to do, don’t get all feely on me with those wiggly things.
  204. >Adorable, but you decide not to push it.
  205. >This mare is wound up tight.
  206. >Dad is clearly looking at gravestones until he gets the farthest one in the back on an elevated hill.
  207. >He has stopped and his starting at it.
  208. 8/11
  209. Anonymous 11/13/18(Tue)09:44:40 No.33167119>>33167121
  210. >>33167115
  211. >”I think he found your pony.”
  212. >Danny gets up and doubles back to an earlier grave.
  213. >He kneels down and wipes away some of the grit.
  214. “He can read that? How? Those stones must be crazy old?”
  215. >”Ptth, making rocks last is our specialty. Wouldn’t be much of a rock farmer if we couldn’t take care of a few old rocks.”
  216. “Still though, ancient history we are talking here.”
  217. >”All I know is that the land changes, but we ponies are always reliable and solid.
  218. >You look down at her with an impressed look.
  219. >”I mean, your family did teach our race how to survive. Got our morals from them.”
  220. “Yeah, I guess they did.”
  221. >Looking back up, you see Dad has taken off his hat and put it on the gravestone.
  222. >Can’t see his face, but you can tell he is holding back tears.
  223. >He gets up and moves back to the stone in the back.
  224. >”Anon! Come here!”
  225. >The deep voice echoes throughout the chamber.
  226. >You pass rows beyond rows of old graves.
  227. >Sections diverged off to other branches belonging to family many centuries old.
  228. >How did you dad know where to look.
  229. >Maybe stallion intuition is a real thing in pony land.
  230. >Walking past until you reached him on the small hill.
  231. >Not saying yet, you look at the tombstone.
  232. >’Surprise’
  233. >Dad has his hand over his mouth, eyes are watering.
  234. >”I meet this mare when we came over the rainbow bridge. We became fast friends, went on adventures together, had a really good time. Surprise…”
  235. >The locket in his hand is open, and you can see her.
  236. “She’s a pegasus.”
  237. >”Yeah. Pinkie Pie takes a lot from her. It’s how I suspected. Same mane, energy, friendliness. Family traits are strong in her.”
  238. 9/11
  239. Anonymous 11/13/18(Tue)09:45:52 No.33167121>>33167125
  240. >>33167119
  241. >”Come closer. I want you to hear this.”
  242. >Dad gets on his knees in front of the grave, and you follow suit.
  243. >”Surprise. It’s me. Your Dan. Sorry it took so long to get back. You know how bad I was with time. I wish we had more time. Wish we didn’t lose the road back to pony land, but here we are. I brought Anon. Anon, this is your mother.”
  244. >Had you been standing you would have fallen over in shock.
  245. >”Surprise and I knew each other for a long while. When I was eighteen we got married. Damn, I was so young. I can still remember holding her.”
  246. “You said mom was lost in an accident.”
  247. >”When the Rainbow Bridge was destroyed there was no way we can go back. Our ties to pony land was truly lost forever.”
  248. “Mom. Was a pony. I. Just. What!?”
  249. >”We had twins. A beautiful baby boy, and a darling little filly. She called you her biggest surprise.
  250. >Leaning down on your hands, you take this all in.
  251. >This was your mother.
  252. >Looking over at the picture you see the bright smile of a blonde pegasus.
  253. >Puffy mane, large grin, and energy leaking off the picture.
  254. >”She was the world in my life. I’m sorry. I took you away from her. Her and your sister. I needed you to get checked by a human doctor, when we got back home. It was all gone.”
  255. >The tombstone with that his hat on it, that must have been your sister.
  256. 10/11
  257. Anonymous 11/13/18(Tue)09:46:58 No.33167125>>33167170 >>33167205 >>33167217 >>33167329 >>33167407 >>33167544 (You) >>33167576 >>33167668 >>33167758 >>33167787 (You) >>33174948
  258. >>33167121
  259. “Cornerstone.”
  260. >”That’s her. The most solid little filly I had ever held. Guessing the old human genes made for one tough pony. She was perfect, just like your mom. I’m sorry. I don’t have a picture of her.”
  261. >Dad is gripping your shoulder tightly as he pulls you in.
  262. >He doesn’t say anything else, just continues to cry quietly.
  263. >There is nothing else for you to say.
  264. >The strong brickhouse of a father, is holding you with such loving tightness.
  265. >On the ground in front of Surprise’s resting place is the open pendant.
  266. >There are tears forming in the corner of your eyes.
  267. >Closing them you grip your father tightly.
  268. >There are so many things you want to know, but for now you just want this moment.
  269. >You feel feathered wings hugging you for some reason.
  270. 11/11
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