Envy and Lust

[13:08] Rindou Sakamoto says, "Let's take a walk."
[13:08] Lea Elisheva exclaims, "Sure!"
[13:08] Lea Elisheva asks, "To my spot?"
[13:08] Rindou Sakamoto says, "Anywhere is fine."
[13:08] Lea Elisheva says, "Well."
[13:08] Lea Elisheva says, "Our spot, now."
[13:09] Rindou Sakamoto says, "I've been trying to test the terrain."
[13:09] Rindou Sakamoto says, ".. But I'm far from where I need to be."
[13:09] Lea Elisheva says, "I see..."
[13:10] Lea Elisheva says, "That's... not good."
[13:10] Rindou Sakamoto says, ".. I'll have to figure something out."
[13:11] Rindou Sakamoto says, "I'll need all the help I can get."
[13:11] Rindou Sakamoto says, "I'll need better tools. I'll need to be cheap."
[13:11] Rindou Sakamoto says, ".. Unfair."
[13:11] Lea Elisheva says, "Yeah... Sors suggested the same thing to me."
[13:12] Rindou Sakamoto asks, "Did you have anything in mind?"
[13:13] Lea Elisheva says, "I don't even know who... I don't even know if I could bring myself to do it."
[13:14] Rindou Sakamoto says, "..."
[13:15] Rindou Sakamoto says, "I know we'll at least be able to get one person out of them all. But that's not enough for us both."
[13:15] Lea Elisheva says, "Yeah..."
[13:15] Lea Elisheva says, "I don't know if it was a mistake to accept the contract. It feels like it."
[13:15] Lea Elisheva says, "I lost something when I did."
[13:17] Rindou shook her head at that very thought. A hand reached for Lea's own, taking it and... holding it tightly.

"It wasn't a mistake. Losing... losing a piece of what made you, you, is a part of becoming the kind of person that can't be looked down upon. Betrayed. Hurt.

What matters most is what we have."

She squeezed.
(Rindou Sakamoto)
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[13:20] Lea held tightly onto Rindou's hand, too. The words of the other did little to give her any peace of mind, though, but the handholding helped.

"The world just seems less beautiful to me now, though... I feel like it abandoned me. I don't feel as connected. It's just..."

She repeated herself, showing how scattered her current emotional state really was.

"...it's just less beautiful."
(Lea Elisheva)
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[13:20] Rindou Sakamoto says, "It was always this ugly."
[13:20] Rindou Sakamoto says, ".. You just didn't see it before."
[13:21] Lea Elisheva says, "...I dunno..."
[13:22] Lea Elisheva says, "I miss that beauty. I miss it a lot."
[13:22] Rindou Sakamoto asks, "... Is that beauty worth more than me?"
[13:22] Rindou Sakamoto asks, "Worth more than us?"
[13:23] Lea Elisheva says, "Heck no. I just need to look at you to see beauty again. It just hurts that everything else is less so."
[13:25] Rindou Sakamoto says, "Look at me, then."
[13:25] Rindou Sakamoto says, "Look only at me."
[13:25] Rindou Sakamoto says, "Forever."
[13:25] Rindou Sakamoto says, "Never..."
[13:25] Rindou leaned closer.
(Rindou Sakamoto)
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[13:25] Rindou Sakamoto says, ".. let go of it."
[14:13] Lea set her gaze on Rindou, feeling a sense of inner peace that mirrored how she felt when she harmonized herself with the world. Whether it was born a need to feel that peace or coming from somewhere genuine did not matter, for in this moment, Rindou was all Lea really needed. Lea quickly closed any remaining distance between the two and locked lips with Rindou, holding her tightly in a warm embrace.

She had not yet let go of her missing the love she had for the beauty of the world, but what Rindou said was enough for her to start.

For better or worse.
(Lea Elisheva)
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[15:46] The more their relationship went on, the more Lea was... discovering how life really was. She was thick, slow, and sometimes socially inappropriate at times but...

Hadn't they walked a long, long way ever since that first kiss? Now Lea was taking charge of it, showing that she could understand cues, that she could read into Rindou's heart and satisfy what was needed— what Rindou craved.

I'd suggest letting go of Rindou Sakamoto.

That man knew all too well just how difficult that would be. Just how much she needed - craved Lea in her life. A compromise like this one wasn't something she wanted to make.

.. Even so.

As the kiss broke off the young woman's thoughts seemed to fester on. Malentine's words had reached her in a way only we could understand.

"Lea." She began, holding on tightly.

"Would you hate me if I were someone else?"

Could she really be the one? The one that'd break through and seek out her soul wherever it went? Could she love her, even when she donned a mask?
(Rindou Sakamoto)
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[15:58] Lea placed her hand on Rindou's cheek, staring deep into her eyes. The question was odd to her, she took a moment to process it, deciding it too important a question to just blurt out an answer to.

Hm...

The two of them were a bit of an odd pair, weren't they? Rindou wanted to be someone else, but Lea wanted to be herself at all times. She wanted to give herself to other people, do good things for them, and show them love.

"Why are you asking me about hate, silly?"

A whimsical smile, another gentle, small kiss.

"I'll love you no matter who you are."

Up until now, Lea's gaze was genuinely loving, caring, and kind. But after she said that, it slowly started to transition into one that looked less relaxed, signifying a deep obsession and need that was starting to be born within her. Because, you see,Lea could be the person that'd break through and love her even when she donned a mask.

"As long as you don't leave me."

Another lapse, Lea's voice making it clear that she would hold on to Rindou at all costs. No matter who she was. No matter who she became. Lea wanted Rindou. She needed Rindou. And she'd see to it that she'd have her at all costs.

No matter what else had to be thrown away in the process.
(Lea Elisheva)
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[16:07] Their lips were sealed once again while the love professed manifested itself in an obsessive manner, moreso than Rindou's own. The Sakamoto wanted, desired, and needed what others had - what they possessed. Lea on the other hand wanted things she already had. She wanted to keep them. To twist them into staying forever, into never parting, never betraying. The world had given up on her but Rindou hadn't.

"I'll never leave you."

She stated, taking the Elisheva's lips for her own and afflicting her with a deep, deep kiss. When Lea's eyes opened once again she'd be met with a different face, a different appearance. Blonde. Brown eyes. Lively. Happy. Radiant. Excited. Kind. Generous.

Things that Rindou Sakamoto could not be herself; the image of someone who wasn't jaded by the world, of someone that hadn't seen the worst parts of it all.

"No matter who I am, I will love you. No matter who I am, love me."

It wasn't the same girl that had laid that first kiss on her lips, but it was a familiar face. One that confronted her about the pain Lea felt back then - the suffering she felt from hurting Rindou on that fated day in the square. A kind soul that could mend everything.

And a kiss. One while donning a mask, one to test it all. To see if she'd accept this version of Rindou - this idea of her. If Lea could see beyond it all, then...

... Rindou Sakamoto was someone she could let go of.
(Rindou Sakamoto)
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[16:16] No matter who I am, I will love you.

That was all it took. Even with the mask, even with the different face, Lea returned the kiss with enthusiasm. With energy. Lea pushed forward and lowered Rindou to the ground, hovering over the other woman with their lips still locked together. Lea didn't love Rindou for how she looked, how she sounded

Lea loved Rindou because she was the first person aside from family who gave back what Lea gave to others. Lea loved Rindou because she filled a gap that was left behind by a person she was starting to develop feelings for. Lea loved Rindou because she didn't leave, and comforted Lea after Adrian left. Lea loved Rindou because she was the one who wanted everything Lea had to offer.

Lea loved Rindou because of her sin, and not in spite of it.

She loved Rindou for Rindou, enough to let go everything about her.

"Of course, my love~"
(Lea Elisheva)
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[16:26] She was pushed to the ground, knowing all too well what was to come. Anticipation and excitement were brushing up against her heart and reaching the depths of her being. Hair shifting back and forth were the most noticeable part of her uncontrollable envy for this one being met with utmost approval.

Lea had looked down upon who she was once, though it came with regret and pain. The only betrayal that came was needed for them to truly reinforce that bond, for them to come together, for Lea to know her greatest desire was to hold onto everything that Rindou was.

Because Rindou never wanted to lose what she could get. Because Rindou was the complete opposite, yet, far too similar. Her envy was beyond what the mortal realm could accept, infecting her with timeless magic and abilities that were only matched by an immortal who still roamed the world to this day.

She was Rindou Sakamoto.
But she did not need to be.
She did not need to be anyone but the person that others wanted her to be, the one that would get their attention and respect.
It wasn't who that mattered. It never mattered. What she could obtain was what was most important and the means to obtaining it came second. A deal with the living devil had been made for power, power that the noblewoman could never look away from, power that drove her to prepare herself to claim lives.

Rindou was not needed.
Envy was what she was.
No one was who she was.

"I want a family."

Her deepest desires manifested.

"I don't care how."

No matter the cost.
(Rindou Sakamoto)
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[16:27] test
test
test
(Rindou Sakamoto)
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[16:39] Maybe the world abandoning her wasn't that bad...

They say that it's always darkest before dawn. When Lea betrayed Rindou, that merely strengthened their bond. Perhaps losing her harmonization with the world is the same. Perhaps breaking her connection, stripping herself of the ability to see the beauty of the world was all that it really took for her to finally figured out what truly mattered.

Lea was freed from the constraints levied upon her, allowing her to expand her wings into the darkness engulfing her world.

And so she expanded them.

Ideas were formed in her head upon Adrian leaving, they were expressed, and they were validated. And once they were validated, they were given life. They started to bleed into her very personality, no longer becoming thoughts she felt the need to push away.

And now, having bled together, they were starting to blend, and be given life.

"That's a good idea, Rindou. But... what kind of family? Kids? Marriage? All that stuff?"
(Lea Elisheva)
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[16:39] test
(Lea Elisheva)
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[16:43] "Everything. I want it all. I deserve it all. I need it, with you. You're the one."

Her declaration came with her pulling Lea closer, flipping her over her and onto the ground in return to her previous motion. She was on top now. And she wanted more. Desires always sought out new ways of being sated, yet never reaching satisfaction.

This was but another proof of it.

"If I could myself, I would give you kids. But I can bear the idea of someone else taking what's mine."

She could let go of everything, but not what she wanted. And she wanted it all. Compromises were difficult with her, insanely so. And it pained her heart to think that they'd have to reduce themselves to adopt if they truly wanted something like that.

Disgusting.

"I want to create a paradisewith you. To make miracles. I want everyone to see me like you do."
(Rindou Sakamoto)
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[16:51] Lea was surprised at having herself flipped over, but didn't mind it at all. It just caused her to smile, or rather, to smirk, as she listened to what Rindou was telling her. The sin was having its influence levied upon her, drawing out more primal feelings that she usually never gave in to, in the past. But being around something so vile that the lifestream itself drew out a desire for similar indulgence in her.

And that's what she, too, wanted.

"I'm sure one of us could find someone, then. But..."

She wanted to indulge in that feeling of love, that feeling of reliability, and it was very much reflected in her face.

"The only paradise I want is you. Right now."

...what was happening to Lea?

Was this really the person she was becoming?

She spent her whole life free from these kinds of desires, having never thought of them at all. She was so clueless about them that any hint about them, no matter how small, flew entirely over her head. But now that one of the people closest to her left her, spat on her, and ran away...

It made her realize just how much she needed it all along.

The Lovers arcana still represented her, only now, it had reversed.
(Lea Elisheva)
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[16:59] There was no hesitation. The second thought after she spoke of her desire. She'd show Lea just why finding someone to replace either of them was unacceptable. She'd remind her of the freedom they painted on the canvas of life together. Rindou leaned in closer, her lips moving to press against the angel-blooded's neck, granting her a kiss filled with desires and lust.

Her left hand moved up to the blue-haired one's chest, touching, squeezing, proving that the reality she saw before her eyes wasn't a lie, that Lea was really there for her - that Lea was hers as she took their intimacy a step further in a completely open space, allowing just anyone who'd pass by to look and witness that change.

Witness what Lea had become.
What Lea wanted to become.

Teeth sunk into the other's neck, an aggressive approach to claiming the card that had been laid on the table before her as she leaned into her futher. Her free hand roamed by the girl's side, following her curves and reaching down to her hips, only to push the bottom of her robes upwards.

Magdalen feared that Rindou would corrupt her baby, that she'd let her fall to Sors, but... she should have feared the rest of the world. Rindou would never let Lea fall.

Or at least, she would never let her fall away from her arms.
From home.
(Rindou Sakamoto)
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[17:10] When the love others had given to her was drawn into question, Lea needed it shown. When she grew insecure over how people really felt, she needed it expressed. She needed to feel and experience it so she knew it wouldn't go away. And for now, it was enough. It was more than enough, even. Lea allowed herself to lose herself in these feelings and emotions, appreciating every moment of it. And should someone see them? So be it; none of it mattered. Lea didn't care if the world knew who she really was. Because, as far as she concerned, she was showing everyone all along.

it's just that people, including herself, did not pay attention.

When one tries too hard to be perfect, the shadow reaches down to Hel and becomes the devil.

A saying by a man from another time and place, and one that certainly applied to Lea, now. This shadow had been kept away, hidden from all, until something happened that forced Lea to confront it. And when she finally started confronting this darkness, she felt no shame, she felt no embarrassment. She didn't hate herself over her flaws. Now, the only people she hated were those who made her confront those flaws.

none of this was her fault.

In the comforting arms of her lover, Lea was allowed to immerse herself in her shadow, and all the desires and impulses that laid within.

She loved every minute of it.
(Lea Elisheva)
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[17:17] Not many will understand, no. It takes one of these curses to see the world the way we do.

It had been set from the very beginning. The moment Lea's heart fell for Rindou the play was made. There was no avoiding it; sins fed upon sins. For there was no Envy without Pride, needing one to believe they deserved better, that they should have better. There was no Gluttony without Greed, for wanting to consume everything was merely another way to possess it all.

Envy fed more and more into that desire, into the flaws that Lea possessed. She made them shine. She allowed her to see the world for what it was, to see how it would give up on her before Rindou herself would. For when it fell, Rindou moved forward alongside Lea.

The Heavens were reached that night.

Now all that was left was to create it.
(Rindou Sakamoto)
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[17:26] The heavens were reached, the pathway paved. Some say asceticism was the way to enlightenment, but so too was indulgence, it seemed. For while asceticism involved detaching themselves from the world, allowing them to gaze at it from above or below, indulgence allowed one to immerse themselves in it, seeing all of it at once. The ascetics could only look down at and up to the world, but the indulgers were the world.

And Lea, having once found heaven in one, now stood to find it in the other.

And, you know? It wasn't as bad as everyone said it would be. Yet, at least. But even then, Lea had already experienced a lot of the suffering the world had to offer.

What else could the future possibly take from her, aside from her own life?

A thought that could surely prove to be her undoing, and was well on its way to.

And then, when it was finally over, she spoke.

"You really know how to speak my language."
(Lea Elisheva)
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[17:33] Using Lea to rest upon Rindou couldn't help but let out a small giggle to her confession, leaning closer and wanting to claim even more than she already had before thoughts forced her to put all of that on hold.

"Good. Because... I think I've figured something out. A way for the contract to be fulfilled for one of us, at least." She said, shifting around and pulling Lea closer into her arms.

"Let's... take advantage of the one that lied to us. The one that pretended. The one that won't bear to see reality.

The one that'll willingly help us.

Lea... Let's have your mother help us." She said, only to let her amber eyes fall upon Lea's own. Green sparks flew right through them as she spoke on.

"Let's tell her about the contract. About yours. Let's tell her that... if it's not fulfilled, you'll die. Let's... tell her it was some sort of mistake that we regret.

I'll even apologize to her." She grinned, a hand moving through the girl's cerulean hair. If Rindou could don a mask, so could Lea. One of manipulation using who she was, rather than being another.

"Either she'll help us by hunting our targets or... by giving us the ability to create our own paradise. Either way, she'll never leave us. Never abandon us. She'll work with us for our dream. For this dream."
(Rindou Sakamoto)
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[17:41] Lea's eyes widened at Rindou's suggestion, having to suppress an immediate panic response to it. The very idea was abhorrent to her, leaving her shocked, appalled, and...

Hesitant to say no.

"...I can't do that to my mother, Rindou. I can't lie to her. I can't hurt her like that. I can't..."

She paused, another thought entering her mind. One more self-centered than the others, that's for sure, and a well-founded one, given how many people already knew about her little excursion on the mountain. They didn't know what she did, precisely, just that she did it. It was pretty telling that Lea allowed a thought like this to enter her mind.

"...trust her not to tell others."

It was pretty telling that Lea allowed a thought like this to enter her mind.

However, Lea was honest to a fault, and her mother is the person in the world she least wanted to lie to.
(Lea Elisheva)
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[17:45] ".. Then we don't." Rindou answered, smiling without stop. She drew her lips along the other's cheek as she whispered, keeping her close and keeping her mind in line with the desire for power - focusing on that contract and trying to avoid the downside of it all more than anything else.

"We... reduce the list. She can be the only one on it. She'll have to make a sacrifice willingly or..."

A kiss on that cheek. Her right hand where the invisible ring laid rose up.

"... we take her sacrifice ourselves. It's not a lie if we don't mention to her the others. We both don't know the extent of the risk, either. It could be a scratch... or an arm."

Rindou wanted a family, after all. She had said so. She didn't want Magdalen to be involved in that. She didn't want to risk herself in a battle and become the world's enemy in the process. Magdalen Elisheva passing away was easy to explain; no one would doubt that she would fall victim to Sors' hand if she were to come across him.

.. So long as the pair covered their trail.
(Rindou Sakamoto)
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[17:51] Lea couldn't do that. She can't do that. She won't do that. And yet...

It'd be a lie to leave out how good of an idea that really was.

She didn't know what to say, and she didn't know how to say it. She didn't know whether to say yes, say no, say maybe, be non-committal. She didn't know how Rindou would react or respond, but it was pretty obvious that Lea wasn't. She was so overwhelmed by her thoughts and feelings that she short circuited, curling in her legs, freezing up, and staring forward. This made one thing crystal clear.

Lea did not see her mom as someone to be used like that. She couldn't. The very thought of it caused her to, well...

This.
(Lea Elisheva)
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[17:55] Lea freezing up and not knowing how to respond was only the proof that everything would be fine. That everything would work out. She wasn't convinced, no, but she knew that it had to be the right way. That it was their best bet currently, one where the world would not turn on them for it. Rindou whispered in her lover's ear.

"We can have her help as a last resort. If there's nothing but a few days left, then..."

She let it linger on, let that thought form itself into the other's mind while she held her close, providing warmth upon her frozen heart.

"She would never abandon you, right? She would never refuse to help us with this, so long as she loves you."

Foul logic.
(Rindou Sakamoto)
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[18:00] Lucidity returned to Lea after a while, the warmth of another person always being enough to thaw her out over time. And when she was lucid, she spoke.

"Mom is every bit as afraid of losing me as I am of her."

Maybe that's where Lea's insecurities even came from; she was risen by someone who lived out that fear and expressed it.

"I just can't hurt her like that. I really can't... she would never hurt me, ever. I can't hurt her back."

There was a single situation in which Lea could justify it to herself, though...

But even when suffering as on the line, she couldn't.
(Lea Elisheva)
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[18:03] "What if it were... for me?"

Rindou had always intended to use that sacrifice for herself, after all. It was her idea and the guilt Lea would feel of having strength that came from her mother's demise wasn't something that would help her happiness and joy, but...

... for Rindou? Lea would do a lot of things.

"What if it were the only way, for my sake?"
(Rindou Sakamoto)
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[18:09] "Let me answer a question with a question."

Lea would do a lot of things for Rindou, yes, but this? Well, she'd certainly consider it. She certainly was considering it. But she just wanted to make sure Rindou knew how difficult this really was for Lea.

"By what metric would I make this decision? It's between two people who I know would never leave me. How do I make the decision of which to keep? Or not hurt, at least."
(Lea Elisheva)
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[18:15] When it was put in such a way most people would feel horrible about even asking for it - if any would. Though... Rindou? She had slowly been consumed by her own sins, she could feel them crawling up her back while she answered— pushing in a direction she thought was right. Logic was Lea's strong and weak point.

"You told me on the mountain that Sors, Adonis, and Nym all looked like a family when speaking together. You... wondered if you'd ever have that. If we would ever have something like that.

I want that with you.

Your mother's had your entire lifetime to make family life a reality; but you still looked at those guys like they had something you never could."

She needed not to directly insult Magdalen or tell Lea about how she didn't seem to care for her enough to even stay in Levengard, no. There were things that needed not to be said, but merely implied.

"Levengard will be where we build our paradise. That's... what we said. What I want."
(Rindou Sakamoto)
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[18:23] "I...well... hm."

Lea really didn't want to do this. Her player didn't want her to do this. But Rindou was very, very convincing. That made sense; all of it did. Lea's family fell apart shortly after Ethan died, with only Magdalen around to be... well, Magdalen. And while she was very, very attentive, doting, and loving...

It was only her mom. It was nobody else.

"You... have a point."

So obsessed was Magdalen with holding on to Lea that she never once considered that Lea wanted something more. So needy was Lea of Magdalen's love that she never once considered that she actually did want something more.

The cracks were starting to form.
(Lea Elisheva)
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[18:32] That's all that needed to be done. For Lea to admit it. For Lea to accept that her words rang true, that there was... no reason not to sacrifice her for the greater good - for their greater good. The seed was planted. When the right time for Rindou's advancement - her ascension would come with the loss of another.

However it would not be Envy's loss.

"I love you, Lea."

Unfair.
(Rindou Sakamoto)
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[18:37] Deep down, Lea knew exactly what was going on. She knew she was probably being manipulated into doing something that she'd regret. But ultimately... her heart didn't care for the words of her mind.

"I love you too, Rindou."

And so her mind went unheard, while her heart continued to flutter.
(Lea Elisheva)