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- This is an Anon in Equestria parody of Sweeney Todd, the Demon Barber of Fleet Street.
- -
- "Brainhorn, the Demon Writefag of the Skype Chat"
- Starring:
- Brainhorn as Sweeney Todd
- BettySpaghetti as Ms. Lovett
- TechyConversant as Antony
- -
- Song 1: "There's No Thread Like AiE"
- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0FLeKvZdNs8
- -
- (Techy)
- I have surfed the board, /mlp/'s wonders,
- From the MLPG, to the daily dose of /b/read!
- But there's no thread like AiE!
- (Brainhorn)
- No, there's no thread like AiE...
- (Techy)
- Brainhorn?
- (Brainhorn)
- You are new, 4chan's been kind to you...
- You will learn.
- There's a place in the board, like a great black pit,
- where the writefags post their weeaboo shit,
- and the flaming trolls always throw a fit,
- and it goes by the name of AiE.
- At the start of the threads are the coveted few,
- Behind the backs of Anons, mocking them too,
- Turning good stories to rape...
- I too have surfed the board, seen it's wonders,
- and the faggotry of writers is as bad as you could guess.
- But there's no place like AiE.
- (Techy)
- Is everything alright, Brainhorn?
- (Brainhorn)
- I beg your indulgence, Techy. My jimmies are quite misplaced.
- In these once-lovable threads...I feel rustled, everywhere...
- There was a story that I wrote,
- And it was likable...
- A simple story that I wrote,
- It was my lyrical high note,
- And it was likable, it was well-recieved...
- And I was naive.
- There was an Anon who saw,
- my story's likable...
- A jealous vulture from the crowd,
- hiding in an Anonymous shroud,
- he would troll, then he would wait,
- and soon my story they would hate!
- And it would fall...
- So new, so fresh, was mine,
- and it was likable!
- (Techy)
- And your story? Did it succumb?
- (Brainhorn)
- Oh that was many threads ago...
- I doubt if anyone would know...
- I'd like to thank you, Techy. If you hadn't bumped my pastebin, I'd be forgotten still.
- (Techy)
- Will you update again?
- (Brainhorn)
- You might find me if you like, in the Skype Chat, I wouldn't wonder.
- (Techy)
- Until then, writefag.
- (Brainhorn)
- There's a place in the board, like a great black pit,
- where the writefags post their weeaboo shit,
- and the flaming trolls always throw a fit...
- -
- Song 2: "Worst Stories on Here"
- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hT7n718iJzI&feature=relmfu
- -
- (Betty)
- *gasp* A reader!
- Wait! What's your rush? What's your hurry?
- You gave me such a FRIGHT, thought you were a troll!
- For a chapter, can't you read! Read just one, read!
- All I meant is that I haven't gotten a pastebin hit for weeks.
- Did come here for a story?
- Do forgive me if the plot's a little vague...
- The writer's block has hit me like the plague!
- From the way that Anons keep avoiding-
- (Stupid trolls.) Celestia knows I try...
- But no one even bumps my name!
- Ah well, I guess my stuff is lame.
- Mind you, I can hardly blame them...
- These are easily the worst stories on here...
- I know why nobody takes care to read them,
- I should know, I write them!
- But good? No!
- The worst stories on here...
- That's sugarcoating it,
- The worst stories on here...
- If you doubt it, read a bit!
- Is that just disgusting?
- You can barely read it.
- With vomit and pissing!
- Mindbleach, you'll need it.
- The worst stories on here...
- And all the ideas are running thin!
- Oh come on! Just had it.
- Really, need to write a new oneshot!
- They think it'd be a treat!
- When I write, spaghetti,
- When Rainbro is all you see!
- Mr. Rapetrain has a story...
- Writes it well but it's a curiosity,
- That his stories share similarity,
- Gotta hand it to him!
- What I call, 'plagiarize',
- His stories are full of lies!
- Wouldn't do it my story.
- Just the thought of it's enough to make you sick!
- And let me tell you copy-paste's no easy trick...
- No denying ideas are bland...
- Even blander than the worst stories on here.
- All filler, no thriller,
- Isn't mine just, revolting?
- All greentext, and shocking?
- It looks like, it's clopping...
- And feels like...
- Well, pity.
- A writefag alone.
- With limited words...
- And the worst stories on here!
- Ah, Brain, writing's hard!
- Writing's hard!
- -
- Song 3: "Poor Thing"
- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e8nzD_yEPfM
- (Brainhorn)
- You've got shoutouts on Pastebin, why don't you collaborate?
- (Betty)
- People think pastebin's crap.
- (Brainhorn)
- ...crap?
- (Betty)
- Yeah. And who's to say they're wrong?
- You see, threads ago, something happened on there.
- Something very rustling...
- There was a story that he wrote...
- And it was likable.
- He loved to reference and quote,
- And he would never brag or gloat,
- And it was likable!
- Algi was his name. Algiheri.
- (Brainhorn)
- What was his problem?
- (Betty)
- Foolishness.
- He story was nice, you see,
- Cute storyline, and the prose was fine,
- Had the chance to break 40k views.
- Poor thing!
- Poor thing!
- But Anon was jelly...
- Wanted views like mad.
- Every day he would shitpost the author,
- But did that stop him from writing another?
- Stay on the thread and wrote by the hour.
- Poor fool.
- Ah, but that was not the end, poor thing.
- The namefags thought it was not so great,
- Poor thing! Poor thing!
- "Anon", they said, "Have you seen this of late?"
- "This story deserves a lot more hate!"
- "Let's flame this story to it's fate!"
- Poor thing! Poor thing!
- So the story gets posted, poor thing! Poor thing!
- But it's only met with jeers.
- No one there said something nice, poor thing!
- Doesn't even recieve pity views, poor thing!
- "Maybe they're right," the author thinks, poor thing!
- "Maybe I can change it so they'll like it!"
- Little did he know they don't care for that shit.
- He was no match for their trolls you see,
- And everyone just played along!
- Letting the bad reputation grow, you see,
- Until no one read it anymore, you see!
- Poor thing!
- (Brainhorn)
- NOOO! I never got to the epilogue!
- (Betty)
- So it IS you! Algiheri!
- (Brainhorn)
- NO, not 'Algiheri'. That writefag's gone. It's 'Horn' now. 'Brainhorn'.
- And he will write again!
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