Sep 29th, 2017
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  1. >Things were not going as planned.
  2. >You had a very strict time limit, and it was running out fast.
  3. “Come on… come on…”
  4. >Your team was inexperienced, you were probably the only person worth a damn pushing at this point.
  5. >And you were pushing hard.
  6. >Projectiles whir past you but you’re holding on for dear life.
  7. >You were on death’s door at this point though.
  8. >And anybody who’d be able to help you stay alive was currently milling about helping the less qualified members of your team.
  9. >Because of course they were.
  10. >But you could manage, all you’d have to do is just hold on.
  11. “Come the fuck on you pieces of shit!”
  12. >Your reprimand was not well received.
  13. >”Hey, fuck off man.”
  14. >”I don’t see you doing much better than us.”
  15. >And, sure enough, you were dead a moment after.
  16. “Fuck!”
  17. >The match was over not too long after that.
  18. >Fucking Genjis fucking up and not pushing the damn payload.
  19. >Frustrated, you exited the game, sitting back in your chair.
  20. >You’ve had enough of this bullshit for the night.
  21. >Overwatch’s playerbase is full of cancerous idiots, and you didn’t want to deal with that.
  22. >You reached over to your drink, taking a sip.
  23. >And, of course, you grabbed an old can.
  24. >Flat, stagnant soda bombarded your taste buds, causing you to spit it out on your monitor.
  25. “Oh come the fuck on…”
  26. >Maybe you should have thrown away the excess half full soda cans.
  28. >Thankfully you manage to clean up the mess before it got problematic.
  29. >Once you did, you started to feel a little hungry.
  30. >Your mini fridge did not yield much in terms of promising meals.
  31. >You considered going to see what your parents were cooking, but decided against it.
  32. >They already silently judged you for still living with them enough.
  33. >That and they gave you a monthly allowance to live of off that you had already pissed through.
  34. >Just a week left until you would have gotten the next pay.
  35. >So you decided to wait until they were asleep before going out to take some food.
  36. >With that all straightened out, you lied down on your mattress.
  37. >A few of your friends messaged you earlier, asking if you’d like to hang out for a while.
  38. >You didn’t reply back.
  39. >Going out to hang out with people you only hardly associated with didn’t constitute as a good use of time for you.
  40. >After all, a 4chan thread could probably have given you the same level of enjoyment, and you wouldn’t have to leave your house for that.
  41. >As you stared up at the ceiling, you couldn’t help but feel strange in that moment.
  42. >Your stomach was in knots as you sat up.
  43. >Was that soda making you sick or something?
  44. >You tried to stand up, but your body failed you.
  45. >Instantly you fell back down the moment you sat up.
  46. >A soft groan escaped your lips as you slipped out of consciousness.
  48. >When you came to, you knew that everything was very wrong.
  49. >Your body felt numb and you weren’t lying on your bed anymore.
  50. >Looking around, you noticed it was instead a flower patch.
  51. >Marigolds, tulips, daisies…
  52. >You felt a twinge of embarrassment over your knowledge of flowers.
  53. >But that was quickly overshadowed by the realization that something was in the bottom of your line of sight.
  54. “The hell?”
  55. >A soft, effeminate voice slips from your mouth.
  56. >You’ve never had a deep voice, but you knew this was way too high.
  57. >As you sat up, you realized that you were both nude and strangely different.
  58. >Your body was coated in pink scales.
  59. >Claws capped off your fingers and toes, your face was stretched into a snout…
  60. >And you lacked a dick.
  61. >It was just smooth down there.
  62. >Didn’t take long for you to put two and two together.
  63. >You had become a female.
  64. >Some weird, lizard girl.
  65. >Based on how tall the flowers were, you seemed to be a lot shorter too.
  66. >The trees towered around you.
  67. >Not to mention they seemed overly vibrant and soft.
  68. >You rubbed your head, noticing you had long, soft hair and a pair of what felt like horns.
  69. >Or you hit your head really hard and two small bones with sharp, curved tips broke through.
  70. >You managed to pick yourself off the ground in full.
  71. >Your claws dug into the soft earth ground instinctively.
  72. >Upon feeling the soft soil go between your toes you shuddered, quickly shaking them off one by one.
  73. >You’ve always hated getting dirty.
  75. >Not knowing what was going on, or even if you were awake, you started walking around.
  76. >All the while you softly slapped your face, trying to see if you were asleep.
  77. >You felt every slap on your cheek.
  78. >Butterflies flew by as you walked through the forest.
  79. >It was all quite scenic, like something from some cheesy cartoon.
  80. >You couldn’t help but wonder as you walked when the last time you went out for a walk like this was.
  81. >Never, you’ve never gone out for a walk as a pink lizard thing.
  82. >You knew that’s not what you were thinking of, but you didn’t want to dwell on it.
  83. >After walking around for a while, you found yourself on a small little path in the woods, like a road.
  84. >Not seeing anything else to do, you followed it, still very confused.
  85. >All you wanted at this point was to go home and be take a nap.
  86. >The bright sun beating down on you sure didn’t help your feelings about the whole deal.
  87. >It was honestly jarring to be out in the sun, you were used to having your thick black out curtains keep things dark.
  88. >But your eyes adjusted with time.
  89. >The road grew wider the further you went down it, the forest receding as the road was more well kept.
  90. >And, in the distance, you saw a very strange figure waiting.
  91. >A quadrupedal animal, slightly shorter than you, with lavender colored fur.
  92. >You recognized it instantly.
  93. >A fucking pony.
  95. >You weren’t a fan of My Little Pony.
  96. >At most you’ve watched a few /mlp/ thread simulators.
  97. >That and shitposted in April on /mlpol/.
  98. >Other than that, you didn’t know much about the show.
  99. >But this was definitely a pony from the show.
  100. >It looked familiar too, probably a canon character.
  101. >Which made you question if this was a dream all over again.
  102. >Sure, being a pink lizard is one thing, but ponies?
  103. >Bullshit.
  104. >The pony noticed you and began to approach you.
  105. >You instantly began to panic.
  106. >You can hardly order a pizza, let alone talk to a horse.
  107. >The ponies talked, right?
  108. >Fuck it, of course they talked, it was a goddamn kid show.
  109. >But you tried to focus less on that, but more on what the hell you were going to do.
  110. >One option was running off into the woods.
  111. >But then you’d have had to both run and try to find your way through the woods.
  112. >Maybe you could have intimidated her.
  113. >But you knew that you’d only wind up failing.
  114. >So you just kind of sat there, looking dumb.
  115. >Maybe she’s was just going to ask you for directions.
  116. >Although, that might have been worse in a way.
  117. >Granted, any social interaction would have probably felt shitty.
  118. >Why couldn’t you just be at home…?
  120. >Didn’t take but a minute for her to be a yard away from you.
  121. >”You must be the emissary Ember sent! What’s your name?” she asks.
  122. >For some reason, saying your actual name just didn’t feel like it would cut it
  123. >Thus you suddenly had no actual answer for her question.
  124. >”Come on you faggot, just say your name.” you thought to yourself.
  125. >But you just couldn’t bring yourself to do it.
  126. >It felt to weird to associate yourself with this.
  127. >Your mind instinctively was trying to distance you from this.
  128. >Looking down at your body, an idea popped in your head.
  129. >Your basic knowledge of flowers has not failed you this day.
  130. >And to think your friends laughed when you had a puzzle based on flower types back when you used to DM D&D in high school.
  131. >You still honestly couldn’t have blamed them.
  132. >In all honesty, you were still embarrassed.
  133. “Um, Chrysanthemum! But… you could… call me Chrys?”
  134. >Were Chrysanthemum pink?
  135. >They might have also been yellow…
  136. >The purple pony nods, smiling.
  137. >”Nice to meet you Chrys, I’m Princess Twilight Sparkle, I thought I should meet you in person.”
  138. >You nodded, your whole body feeling numb.
  139. >What have you gotten yourself into?
  140. >Who is Ember?
  141. >What the fuck is a Twilight Sparkle?
  142. >Sounded like a shitty cocktail you’d regret ordering at a club.
  143. >If you went to clubs that is.
  144. >But that’s wasn’t the point.
  145. >You have much bigger issues at hand.
  146. >And that brings you to exactly where you are now.
  147. >Going over recent events like an ass in your head while trying to figure out what you should say to a fucking princess.
  150. >”Is everything alright?”
  151. >You’re suddenly brought back to the present, staring at the pony.
  152. “Oh uh… I was just…”
  153. >Think, think!
  154. “A-admiring the scenery!”
  155. >You idiot, you were staring at her, not the fucking trees!
  156. >She doesn’t call you out on that though, she simply nods.
  157. >”Must be very different than your home.”
  158. “No fucking kidding…”
  159. >”What was that?”
  160. >Your eyes widen in fear.
  161. >Swearing at a princess is probably a big no-no, right?
  162. “I uh, well, um…”
  163. >She however giggles at you.
  164. >”It’s alright, you don’t have to explain your colloquialisms, I got the gist of it.”
  165. >Did she not understand what you said?
  166. >This is the world of a kid show after all, maybe they have their own equivalent?
  167. >”We should probably head off soon. Would you care to fly there? I can only assume you’re anxious to stretch your wings.”
  168. >You instantly look behind you.
  169. >Sure enough, you have a pair of leathery wings on your back.
  170. >You don’t know if that’s awesome or terrifying.
  171. >Technically terrific and terrible are the same root…
  172. >A part of you wishes that you had a little shock collar on you that would go off whenever you think about your stupid bullshit trivia.
  173. “Um, I… wouldn’t want to leave you to walk by yourse-”
  174. >As you glance over the pony, you notice a small pair of wings of her own.
  175. >Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.
  176. >If you were still a mammal, you’d probably be sweating bullets.
  178. >Wings, of course she'd have wings.
  179. >No easy for you today.
  180. "I uh... actually..."
  181. >Kicking at the ground bashfully, you try to come up with something passable.
  182. "I'm... tired! It's been a long journey so far and I think it would uh... be good if..."
  183. >"We walked?" Twilight asks.
  184. >You bob your head up and down quickly.
  185. >"That's fine by me!"
  186. >Relief crashes over you in an instant.
  187. >You feel like you might fall to your knees and cry if you're being honest with yourself.
  188. >Smiling warmly, Twilight begins to walk ahead on the road.
  189. >You follow close behind her, still riding your little high from that victory.
  190. >"So, I hear you've prepared quite the speech for us!"
  191. "...yes?"
  192. >"I can't wait to hear it, I've heard that you have quite the way with words. Although, you're hardly known outside of dragon territory. Why haven't you tried branching out?"
  193. >C'mon, you can come up with something to say...
  194. "I... have been too busy..."
  195. >"Aren't we all these days?" the princess asks with an understanding sigh.
  196. >A small smile forms on your face.
  197. >You're doing this!
  198. >"Oh! I must ask, could I hear a bit of one of your recent speeches? A little sample if you will.
  199. >Twilight looks back, confused by the small, pathetic sound that escapes your maw.
  201. >What are you going to say?
  202. >She thinks you're some master orator diplomat.
  203. >But... you aren't.
  204. >And that is something you can't just bullshit.
  205. >You're still going to try to, but still...
  206. >Think, what's something profound sounding?
  207. >Anything would do...
  208. >Twilight is still walking, but at a slower pace.
  209. "O-of course, let me just... pick a good piece..."
  210. >"Take your time!"
  211. >Oh, you will.
  212. >You do have... a thought.
  213. >It is stupid beyond reason, but it's about the only idea you've got.
  214. >As long as you change a few words...
  215. "R-rise and shine, Mis- err... you all? Rise and... shine. Not that I... wish to imply you have been sleeping on the job. No one is more deserving of a rest... th-than all of you, and all the effort in the world would have gone to waste until... well, let's just say your hour has... come again. The right ma... no... um, effort in the wrong place can make all the difference in the world. So, wake up. Wake up and... smell the ashes..."
  216. >You feel ungodly dumb for this being the closest thing to a speech you had memorized.
  217. >"Bravo," exclaims Twilight, "One of your earlier works? It seemed a bit rusty."
  218. "S-something like that..."
  219. >"Well, I quite like it!"
  220. "Th-thank you..."
  221. >Crisis averted?
  222. >For now at least.
  224. >After about forty minutes of walking, you're almost wishing you had tried flying.
  225. >At least worst case scenario your end is quick and painless.
  226. >Walking sucks, and you're doing a lot of it.
  227. >If Twilight is feeling any strain, she's not showing it.
  228. >No, she's having no issue maintaining small talk.
  229. >"What's it like working under Ember?"
  230. "Huff... fine... huff..."
  231. >"How does it feel being in Canterlot?"
  232. "...Strange..."
  233. >Your heart is thumping as you carry on what feels like a grueling hike.
  234. >/fit/ would tear you to shreds if they saw such piss-poor effort.
  235. >After some time, Twilight stops.
  236. >"We're almost there!"
  237. >Sure enough, in the distance you see a large castle jutting up from the skyline.
  238. >And, among other things, an apparent train system.
  239. "Wh-why didn't we take the train...?"
  240. >You feel like you've been robbed, forced to walk so far for nothing.
  241. >Twilight giggles at your miserable question.
  242. >"Is this a not so subtle request to extend the lines? I'll see what I can do!"
  243. >There's a joke about ponies being racist against dragons here somewhere.
  244. >But you don't have the strength to find it.
  247. >Mercifully, Twilight beelines for the train station rather than carrying on straight to the castle.
  248. >"You wait here, I'll go get our tickets."
  249. >Taking this moment to catch your breath, you lean against a wall.
  250. >Now all you have to do is fake your way through a diplomatic visit, deliver a riveting speech, and escape the magic pastel pony hell world.
  251. >Because that's something you're equipped to do.
  252. >It's all ponies around you here, all of slightly different shapes and a hodgepodge of colors.
  253. >It's like a little girl's dream come true.
  254. >Or, a brony's wet dream.
  255. >However, a non-pony does approach you.
  256. >It's a dragon, like you.
  257. >They're a head taller than you with crimson red scales and large horns that hit from both sides of their head.
  258. >Without a word, they grab your hair, painfully dragging you away from the wall.
  259. "Ow! Ow! Wh-what the fuck?!"
  260. >Twilight looks over, both your yells and the fervor of the confused onlookers confusing her.
  261. >"Who are you, and what are you doing with her?!" Asks Twilight sternly.
  262. >The larger dragon's nostrils flare as she visibly calms herself.
  263. >"I am Flamel, ambassador from the Dragon Lands. I believe you are dealing with an imposter."
  264. >You're too terrified to be embarrassed by your sudden crying at this point.
  265. >Everything is going to Hell.
  266. >No, you're already in Hell, but it's getting worse.
  267. >Everything is going to Utah.
  269. >There's an overwhelming, confused tension in the air.
  270. >Everybody is on edge, most everybody has no clue what's even happening.
  271. >"A-an Imposter?" Twilight stutters, looking over you and your assailant.
  272. >Flamel rubs her temple, inhaling sharply.
  273. >"I'd have hoped that a princess would have been informed of who was visiting. This bi- whelp and I look nothing alike!"
  274. >The red dragon catches herself, holding back a choice word.
  275. >Although you could care less what she says, you just want to run away.
  276. >But even you know struggling right now would be ill advised.
  277. >So you do the next best thing.
  278. >Grovel.
  279. "I-I'm so sorry! I was confused and scared and...and I didn't want to anger royalty so I just... p-played along!"
  280. >Twilight's face is painted with embarrassment.
  281. >The other dragon leans in close, whispering to you.
  282. >"I'd advise you shut your goddamn mouth before I let these horses try you for espionage."
  283. >You quickly snap your mouth shut.
  284. >Bluffing or not, you don't want to risk it.
  285. >As you stand there, tears still streaming down your face, a thought occurs to you.
  286. >If this is a kid's show universe...
  287. >How did she just swear?
  288. >"I suppose I'll have to keep a close eye on this one then. I assume you don't mind, seeing as how you were going to let her stroll in with you anyways." Flamel says dryly to Twilight.
  289. >At a loss for words, Twilight turns back to the wide eyed stallion in the ticket booth.
  290. >"Make... make that three tickets."
  291. >You notice that Flamel's mouth is upturned in a smirk, her fangs barred.
  292. >She's enjoying this.
  293. >"Come along now, imposter, I don't want you slowing down my schedule."
  294. >Still grasping at your hair, she pulls you towards the train, as giddy as a school girl.
  296. >Thus begins the most awkward train ride of your life.
  297. >Well, it’s also only the first train ride you’ve ever had, but you’re pretty sure that no ride could top this.
  298. >You’re seated by the window, Flamel sitting to your right and Twilight across from her.
  299. >Boxed in and shoved into the corner, all you can really do is sit there and hope neither of these guys harbor too much of a grudge.
  300. >You didn’t even want to pretend to be an adviser!
  301. >But you did anyways, because you’re a spineless little c-
  302. >”Hey, I’m asking you a question.”
  303. >Your train of thought is abruptly derailed as you look over at Flamel.
  304. >Of course it’d be her who’s talking to you.
  305. “H-huh?”
  306. >She sighs, running a clawed hand down her face.
  307. >”I said ‘would you care to explain your side of the story?’”
  308. “I mean… I already said-”
  309. >”You already gave a piss-poor excuse, now let’s hear the real reason. And no waterworks this time.”
  310. “B-but...”
  311. >Twilight thankfully speaks up.
  312. >”Perhaps she is being honest, I was rather quick to assume she was the emissary…”
  313. >Does she actually believe it’s her fault, or is she just vouching for you?
  314. >Regardless, you can tell by Flamel’s face she isn’t buying it.
  315. >However, she simply bites her tongue, sitting back with her arms crossed.
  316. >”Is something wrong?” questions Twilight.
  317. >”Why, no, nothing at all you royal whore.”
  318. >You hold back a shocked gasp at the insult.
  319. >Why would she do that?
  320. >That’s when you remember, for about the six-thousandth time today, that Earth swears don’t translate over here.
  321. >Flamel’s voice was calm and almost cheery when she said it, so going of context clues, Twilight wouldn’t be able to tell at all how she’d been insulted.
  322. >As the two important ones start talking about business, you can’t help but gaze out the window.
  324. >Today just keeps getting more and more insane.
  325. >Your stomach is in knots and your mouth feels dry.
  326. >And your false tiredness from earlier is slowly giving way to actual fatigue.
  327. >You’re emotionally drained, and physically worn down.
  328. >As you position yourself in a more comfortable position, your legs squeeze together.
  329. >The obvious, glaring absence down there makes you pause for a moment.
  330. >Why, on top of all of this, are you a girl?
  331. >You recognized that in the beginning, but everything was dumped on you at once, you haven’t really focused on this.
  332. >Hell, you even managed to spit out a feminine name earlier because you were so in shock about seeing a talking horse.
  333. >But now, in this technicolor train, it’s hitting you in full force.
  334. >Even your gender has been stripped from you.
  335. >Along with your species, your home, your possessions, the people you knew…
  336. >All of it is just gone.
  337. >Earlier you were flustered and embarrassed, even scared.
  338. >But now it’s just left you feeling empty.
  339. >Maybe part of it is how tired you are, but you feel so hollow now.
  340. >You simply stare out the window, a dull sense of dread reverberating through you.
  341. >Are you even you anymore?
  342. >Are you ever going to get home?
  343. >Does anybody know you’re gone?
  344. >You think you can hear somebody asking you if you’re okay.
  345. >Flamel might be telling you to stop crying.
  346. >But right now, it feels so distant.
  347. >Everything sounds like it’s underwater.
  348. >And your only way out is the sweet embrace of sleep.
  349. >Unfortunately for you, it is not a dreamless sleep.
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