Corrections

"This report will analyze Tor and figure out to what extent privacy in achieved." - avoid informal 'figure out'

"web browser which supports multiple platforms" - change to "web browser THAT supports multiple platforms"

"(Windows, Mac OS X, and Linux), that adds the Tor software." - trailing "that adds the Tor software" does not make sense.

"This provides an easy way for non­technical users to be safer and more anonymous online." - too informal. Consider changing to "This provides an accessible method for non-technical users to gain increased security and anonimity online."

"(identifying/tracking [insert better word])" - better word "agents"?

"Some attacks against Tor exists, which could expose Tor users’ identity." - consider revising "Some attacks against Tor exist that could expose users' identities."?

"One issue in previous generations of onion routing was the ability for a single compromised
node to record all traffic going through it, and to decrypt this in the future, by compromising
other nodes and forcing them to use their stored keys to decrypt the traffic." - consider revising. Run-on sentence. "by compromising other nodes..." does not make sense where it is located in the sentence.

"This is overcome by using “telescoping path­building design...” rather than a pure “onion” design" - change to "This is overcome by using A “telescoping path­building design” rather than a pure “onion” design..."

"... is initially established, session key pairs are created..." - change to "... is initially established, paired session keys are created..."

"This “telescoping” design also has the added bonus where building virtual circuits is more
reliable, as unlike with the previous fixed “onion” method of choosing the nodes and then
always using them, if a node were to go down, the path could just be re­negotiated and new
keys generated for the replacement node." - Run-on sentence. Pro-tip: change the commas to full stops and change the structure of the setences around that.

"Another issue in previous generations of onion routers was their lack of congestion control,
which resulted in traffic bottlenecks. Many of the existing solutions to congestion control require
visualisation of global traffic, and communication between nodes,­ which could compromise
upon anonymity." - ERMAGERD, http://www.scribe.com.au/tip-w022.html . ctrl+f > "which" , most instances can be changed to use "that" and it will read much better.

"Nodes on the outer edges of the virtual networks are able to detect when congestion or
flooding occurs, and they can then redirect the flow of traffic, sending less data through those
routes until the congestion or flooding has stopped." - consider changing to "Nodes on the outer edges of a virtual network are able to detect when congestion of flooding occurs.
They can then redirect the flow of traffic by sending less data through congested routes." don't need to state "until congestion or flooding has stopped", it is already implied.

"In previous generations of onion routing, state information was simply flooded through the
network - the idea being that one could simply observe traffic for long enough, they would
discover the information they were looking for. However, this approach “can be unreliable and
complex”11 , and so a new system was implemented in Tor: directory servers." - Define 'state information'? Consider restructuring the opening sentence, currently it is structured
in the form 'METHOD followed by AIM'. The problem is that it is difficult for the reader to understand what is being conveyed until half way through the sentence when an abrupt hyphen
breaks the flow of the sentence (seriously, avoid doing that). Change it so the aim comes first followed by the method, i.e. "To discover 'information they were looking for'... state information was flooded through the network"
Also, define 'they' and 'information'.

Define "pseudo­-TLD". First instance has no description.

"... they query mirrors, which store..." change to "... they query mirrors that store..."

"the entire network could be destroyed if half the directory servers were destroyed" - I'm not sure how formal this has to be, I'm guessing it's not a thesis, but "destroyed" is too informal. Try "damaged", "taken-down", "offline".

"Previous generations of onion routing didn’t have any sort of integrity checking, which left traffic
vulnerable to various man­in­the­middle attacks." - You know what I'm going to say. "integrity checking" is the verb THAT you are refering to, not WHICH you are refering to. While I'm here, in formal papers you should avoid contractions such as "didn't", and rather use "did not".

"This means that anyone located between the original sender and the original destination could potentially modify the traffic being sent" - change "between the original sender and the original destination" to "between the original sender and destination". Redundancy check.

" by verifying the data integrity at both ends of the circuit,
it’s possible to guarantee the traffic hasn’t been modified by a malicious or rogue relay
anywhere along its route." - change "it's" to "it is". This is a formal paper. ctrl+f > "it's" > 'change all' > "it is"

"... Tor that previous generations of onion routers
didn’t have." - change "didn't" to "did not". Formality.

"it’s important that the users who run relays
are happy with the traffic that goes through their servers." change "happy" to "satisfied". General formality.

"... to give the owners of Tor relays the ability to choose what traffic they want
want to allow." change to "... to give owners of Tor relays control over the traffic they handle."

General note: try to write more succinctly.

"On the internet, information flows back and forth." change to "On the internet, information flows back and forth between ['sender and receiver', 'two nodes']"