Comparative Cultural Studies (Starring Anon)

    >Interspecies conference on...things.
    >You, Anon, are the token human.
    >There's some minotaurs there, and some griffons. A chimp. He's kind of an asshole.
    >A dragon or two. A wvern, some yeti, because yeti are a thing here.
    >You spend an enjoyable hour trading amusing anecdotes with a sasquatch who looks a lot like MST3k's Bobo. Even sounds like him, too.
    >A yak, who gets drunk and gets thrown out when he punches said sasquatch in face for no sane reason.
    >And then...there are the ponies.
    >oh God in heaven, the ponies.
    >There's all three of the pony types you've already met.
    >And then there's the little rainbow-colored things that they call flutter ponies
    >Moth and butterfly ponies all over.
    >bat ponies, bat ponies everywhere.
    >Zebras, who are basically ponies with stripes, and you've already met Zecora, and you SWEAR she drops the accent and rhymes when she's talking to other zebras.
    >Giraffes, who are...ponies with long necks.
    >Sea ponies, in special wheelchair-aquarium things.
    >There's at least one Siren, who's basically...a serpent-pony. With lots of teeth.
    >Speaking of which, there's a few ponies who are just that. Snekpones are a thing here, too. Several different varieties. Why the hell not?
    >There's breezies, so many breezies. All the breezies.
    >And there's the tiny little pones with bright mirrored wings who keep getting lost and bumbling into lights. There's one snoozing in your shirt pocket now. She's nice.
    >And there are even more than that, and you're fucking dazed because there's like a hundred different pones you don't recognize.
    >"Is there ANYTHING around here that ISN'T a pony?" you finally cry out?
    >"I'm not a pony," says the floor lamp next to you. You stare at it for a while. Ask a silly question, you guess.
    >"I, uh...shouldn't have said that. I guess," it says. "Just forget I was here, okay?" It tries to escape under cover of being a lamp.
    >At least the lamp had a sexy voice, you think to yourself.

>A few hours later in the conference
>You attend a symposium on cultural divergence, and it's actually fascinating
>The speaker's presentation actually touched on where and how chimps and yetis diverged, evolutionarily speaking, and their similarities and differences from humans.
>That's you. Plenty of speculation about possible yeti from your own world, too. You got tapped to talk about yours. That was fun.
>The "anthropologists" were a goat and yet another type of pony, one that seems to be half-squid.
>the lower half is squid, anyway. The upper half is all attractive mare, and you're not sure, but you think you may be developing a tentacle fetish.
>You're leaving the conference chamber and chatting to another pony when something huge, black and yellow-striped suddenly buzzes at your head
>And it's LOUD
>NOPENOPENOPENOPE.jpg
>"YAAAAAAAAAAAA!" you observe intelligently, and start swatting at it.
"Anon, DON'T! It's--" and your companion can't quite finish before you club it out of the air. The giant hornet hits the wall with a thud and slides down.
>And...oh, it's not a hornet. Sure, it has wings LIKE a hornet, it's got antennae like a hornet and an abdomen like a hornet. Complete with a stinger
>It's also got hooves like a pony, a face and mane like a pony, and eyes that are doing a remarkably good imitation of Ditzy Doo's.
>And a lanyard with an ID card and photo on it.
>"It's the Vespidian rep. Sunbow the physicist.," says your companion belatedly. cringing back from the spectacle.
>He finally sputters out--after getting his bearings--"What the DEVIL was that display about?"
>The British accent is a nice touch. So's the muttonchops, you think. "I thought you were going to sting me," you say lamely.
>He was wearing glasses, which are broken now.
>"Well, I wasn't. Before, at least," he says, glaring at you.
>You spend the next few minutes dodging an enraged hornet-pony through the crowd.
>"I WANT SATISFACTION, SIR!" he screams.

>Your companion is...you guessed it...another type of pone.
>You thought she was just a colorful pegasus with an interesting feather pattern But no, she's a bird-of-paradise pone.
>Of course. Explains the lack of a cutie mark, but she's apparently an author. Also, her name is Silver Skies.
>"'Kay, watch this," she says in the concession area, where you're going to get snacks. She takes a deep breath, and then...
>Suddenly her neck balloons into a colorful iridescent collar of shiny patterned feathers, and several swept-back quills with rainbow-colored disks on her mane sweep forward.
yes, I know it's supposed to be the males. Fuck it, I don't care.>
>"Huh? Huh? Is this kewl or what?" She looks like she' wearing an amazingly colorful mink coat. Combined with her delicate features, it's actually kind of...well, hot. Or at least cute.
>She's blushing furiously. Awwww.
>"I'd hit it," says a tiny voice from your pocket. You look down at the teeny little flect pony, which has finally awakened. Apparently your altercation with the wasp pone didn't wake her.
>She catches both of you staring at her. "What?"
>The three of you wander until you find a booth selling various honey-based snacks and drinks, which smell absolutely divine
>Also, mostly in shades of blue and green.
>You buy some popcorn balls from the changeling mare proprietor, and some fresh, ice-cold honey mead. It's easily the best thing you've tasted since you got here, and you say so.
>Silver Skies has eaten two of her popcorn balls and is starting on a third. The flect is nibbling on one of your popcorn balls and a small glass of mead you're holding for her.
>"I'm glad you like it!" says the changeling mare. "It's homemade, an old hive recipe!"
>It hits you that the honey is exactly the same shade as the nectar-glands on her thorax. You stop chewing.
>The flect looks up at you. "You, uh, gonna finish that?" she asks.