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  1.  
  2. FACADE STAGEPLAY
  3. Wed Oct 27 15 08 23 2010
  4.  
  5. GRACE
  6. Trip, when are you going to get rid of this?
  7.  
  8. TRIP
  9. What, Grace... this?
  10.  
  11. GRACE
  12. Yes, you know how I feel about it --
  13.  
  14. TRIP
  15. I know I know I'll do it right now, alright?!
  16.  
  17. GRACE
  18. You know I've had to ask you about this several --
  19.  
  20. TRIP
  21. Get off my back! I'll get rid of it in just a minute!
  22.  
  23. (Tom knocks on the front door.)
  24.  
  25. (Tom knocks on the front door.)
  26.  
  27. TRIP
  28. Uhp, he's here!
  29.  
  30. (Tom knocks on the front door.)
  31.  
  32. (Tom knocks on the front door.)
  33.  
  34. GRACE
  35. What?! You told me it'd be an hour from now!
  36.  
  37. (Tom knocks on the front door.)
  38.  
  39. (Tom knocks on the front door.)
  40.  
  41. (Tom knocks on the front door.)
  42.  
  43. (Tom knocks on the front door.)
  44.  
  45. (Tom knocks on the front door.)
  46.  
  47. (Tom knocks on the front door.)
  48.  
  49. (Tom knocks on the front door.)
  50.  
  51. (Tom knocks on the front door.)
  52.  
  53. TRIP
  54. No, he's supposed to be here now!
  55.  
  56. (Tom knocks on the front door.)
  57.  
  58. (Tom knocks on the front door.)
  59.  
  60. (Tom knocks on the front door.)
  61.  
  62. (Tom knocks on the front door.)
  63.  
  64. (Tom knocks on the front door.)
  65.  
  66. (Tom knocks on the front door.)
  67.  
  68. GRACE
  69. God... Trip!
  70.  
  71. (Tom knocks on the front door.)
  72.  
  73. (Tom knocks on the front door.)
  74.  
  75. (Tom knocks on the front door.)
  76.  
  77. (Tom knocks on the front door.)
  78.  
  79. (Tom knocks on the front door.)
  80.  
  81. (Tom knocks on the front door.)
  82.  
  83. (Tom knocks on the front door.)
  84.  
  85. (Tom knocks on the front door.)
  86.  
  87. (Tom knocks on the front door.)
  88.  
  89. (Trip opens the front door.)
  90.  
  91. TRIP
  92. Tom!!
  93.  
  94. TOM
  95. Are you interested in a computer?
  96.  
  97. TRIP
  98. Hey! It's been too long, man! -- (interrupted)
  99.  
  100. TRIP
  101. Uh...
  102.  
  103. TRIP
  104. Well come on in...
  105.  
  106. (TOM kisses trip.)
  107.  
  108. TRIP
  109. Oh... you're doing the European-style greeting...
  110.  
  111. TRIP
  112. we just got back from a trip to Italy, but the men only did that with women... generally... but, um... -- (interrupted)
  113.  
  114. TOM
  115. Nope, I love you.
  116.  
  117. TRIP
  118. Oh, um... -- (interrupted)
  119.  
  120. (TOM kisses trip.)
  121.  
  122. GRACE
  123. No, no, here we are!
  124.  
  125. GRACE
  126. Tom,
  127.  
  128. GRACE
  129. Hi! How are you? Oh god it's been such a long time!
  130.  
  131. TRIP
  132. Yeah, it's been too long.
  133.  
  134. GRACE
  135. And, I've got to say, you look really good!
  136.  
  137. (TOM uses the answering machine.)
  138.  
  139. ANSWERING MACHINE
  140. No new messages
  141.  
  142. GRACE
  143. Well, come on in, make yourself at home!
  144.  
  145. (TOM picks up the phone.)
  146.  
  147. TRIP
  148. I'm just going to go close the door.
  149.  
  150. (TOM puts down the phone.)
  151.  
  152. TOM
  153. DOnt.
  154.  
  155. GRACE
  156. Well, come in, make -- (interrupted)
  157.  
  158. (Trip closes the front door.)
  159.  
  160. GRACE
  161. Uh...
  162.  
  163. TRIP
  164. Oh, Tom, take a look at this photo I just put up from our trip to Italy a couple of weeks ago... -- (interrupted)
  165.  
  166. TOM
  167. No.
  168.  
  169. TRIP
  170. N -- no, no, come look at this Italy photo!
  171.  
  172. TRIP
  173. Tom, Come here, I want you to -- (interrupted)
  174.  
  175. TOM
  176. No, I don't want to.
  177.  
  178. TRIP
  179. N -- no, heh, come here!
  180.  
  181. TRIP
  182. Tom, come on, take a look at this picture!
  183.  
  184. TOM
  185. You're making me uncomfortable.
  186.  
  187. TRIP
  188. W -- well, come take a look!
  189.  
  190. GRACE
  191. Trip, darling, your obsession with that photo of yours is making our friend -- (interrupted)
  192.  
  193. TOM
  194. No
  195.  
  196. GRACE
  197. N - no, Trip can get overly obsessed.
  198.  
  199. (Trip shakes the advice ball.)
  200.  
  201. TRIP
  202. Why not?
  203.  
  204. TRIP
  205. Huh!
  206.  
  207. GRACE
  208. (little sigh)
  209.  
  210. TRIP
  211. Tom, let me get you a drink.
  212.  
  213. TRIP
  214. Oh and I've got these fancy new cocktail shakers I'm itching to try out.
  215.  
  216. TOM
  217. Want me to itch it?
  218.  
  219. TRIP
  220. I've got the perfect bottle of cabernet I've been saving for just such an occasion.
  221.  
  222. TRIP
  223. Whoa, hold on there my friend, let's keep that raging libido of yours under control tonight.
  224.  
  225. TOM
  226. No.
  227.  
  228. TRIP
  229. Uh, well, I'm just going to pour you a glass of this wine.
  230.  
  231. GRACE
  232. No no,
  233.  
  234. GRACE
  235. Tom, how about something simple, like a nice glass of chardonnay?
  236.  
  237. TOM
  238. I want wine.
  239.  
  240. TOM
  241. Wine.
  242.  
  243. TRIP
  244. Aha! Great! Drinks comin' right up!
  245.  
  246. TRIP
  247. (quiet humming)
  248.  
  249. GRACE
  250. (little sigh) Ah, the funny thing is, Trip doesn't even like the taste of alcohol.
  251.  
  252. TRIP
  253. What was that?
  254.  
  255. GRACE
  256. (clears throat)
  257.  
  258. TRIP
  259. Grace, perhaps you'll take a walk on the wild side and join us in a real drink?
  260.  
  261. TOM
  262. I'm horny.
  263.  
  264. GRACE
  265. Should I leave you two alone to keep flirting?
  266.  
  267. TRIP
  268. What? Grace, no -- -- (interrupted)
  269.  
  270. GRACE
  271. No, I don't want to get in the way...
  272.  
  273. TRIP
  274. He's just kidding! It's a joke.
  275.  
  276. TOM
  277. Nope.
  278.  
  279. GRACE
  280. As for my drink...
  281.  
  282. GRACE
  283. I'm not in the mood to drink tonight.
  284.  
  285. GRACE
  286. Nothing for me.
  287.  
  288. TRIP
  289. Nothing?
  290.  
  291. TRIP
  292. Okay.
  293.  
  294. TOM
  295. I really am horny....for the 8Ball!
  296.  
  297. (TOM picks up the advice ball.)
  298.  
  299. (The advice ball reads, "Could Be")
  300.  
  301. (TOM shakes the advice ball.)
  302.  
  303. (TOM puts down the advice ball.)
  304.  
  305. PHONE
  306. ** RING **
  307.  
  308. TOM
  309. PHONE!
  310.  
  311. TRIP
  312. Oh, I'll get it --
  313.  
  314. GRACE
  315. No, no, we have a guest, we can let the answering -- (interrupted)
  316.  
  317. PHONE
  318. ** RING **
  319.  
  320. (TOM picks up the phone.)
  321.  
  322. PHONE
  323. Grace? Hello?
  324.  
  325. GRACE
  326. Tom, no! Please don't do that.
  327.  
  328. PHONE
  329. Who is this? Grace is that you?
  330.  
  331. (TOM kisses trip.)
  332.  
  333. GRACE
  334. Uhh, it's my dad, I can hear his voice.
  335.  
  336. (TOM kisses grace.)
  337.  
  338. TRIP
  339. Oh!
  340.  
  341. PHONE
  342. Excuse me, I must have the wrong number... ** click **
  343.  
  344. GRACE
  345. Okay, he's being annoying, as usual... just -- just hang it up.
  346.  
  347. TOM
  348. No.
  349.  
  350. (TOM puts down the phone.)
  351.  
  352. GRACE
  353. Oh, good, you hung up. I can call him back later, or in a few days, heh.
  354.  
  355. (TOM uses the answering machine.)
  356.  
  357. ANSWERING MACHINE
  358. No new messages
  359.  
  360. TRIP
  361. uh... uh, heh heh...
  362.  
  363. GRACE
  364. (nervous coughing)
  365.  
  366. TRIP
  367. what...
  368.  
  369. TRIP
  370. wow, that was, um...
  371.  
  372. GRACE
  373. (nervous coughing)
  374.  
  375. TRIP
  376. ha ha...
  377.  
  378. GRACE
  379. ha ha ha...
  380.  
  381. TRIP
  382. ha ha ha!
  383.  
  384. GRACE
  385. ha ha ha ha!!
  386.  
  387. TOM
  388. Do you like your parents, Grace?
  389.  
  390. TRIP
  391. Ha ha ha, heh, Tom,
  392.  
  393. GRACE
  394. heh heh...
  395.  
  396. TRIP
  397. you maniac! heh heh... you sex maniac! Ha ha, never afraid to...
  398.  
  399. TRIP
  400. put us on the spot...
  401.  
  402. TRIP
  403. heh heh, you're crazy, heh, you know that?
  404.  
  405. TRIP
  406. heh, ha ha...
  407.  
  408. TOM
  409. Fuck the magic eight ball?
  410.  
  411. TRIP
  412. (big sigh)
  413.  
  414. TRIP
  415. Anyway, uh... what were we talking about?
  416.  
  417. TRIP
  418. Heh heh, -- (interrupted)
  419.  
  420. TOM
  421. Sex.
  422.  
  423. TRIP
  424. You...
  425.  
  426. TRIP
  427. You think we should....
  428.  
  429. TRIP
  430. have more sex...
  431.  
  432. TOM
  433. Yes.
  434.  
  435. TRIP
  436. Ha ha, ha, oh, you're -- you're quite the kidder tonight, ha ha ha...
  437.  
  438. TOM
  439. Right now.
  440.  
  441. GRACE
  442. Ha ha, yeah...
  443.  
  444. TRIP
  445. Ha ha, heh, never afraid to say anything that pops into your mind, ha heh heh...
  446.  
  447. TOM
  448. Sex. Now.
  449.  
  450. TRIP
  451. Um, uh, wait... -- (interrupted)
  452.  
  453. TRIP
  454. You think we should....
  455.  
  456. TRIP
  457. have more sex...
  458.  
  459. TOM
  460. Yes, you should.
  461.  
  462. TRIP
  463. Uh, ha... ha ha ha... uh... y -- well, you, uh... you're really, uhh...
  464.  
  465. GRACE
  466. Wait, wait -- what is he --
  467.  
  468. TRIP
  469. No, no no, no Grace, ha ha ha, he's having a bit of fun with us tonight, that's all...
  470.  
  471. GRACE
  472. (clears throat)
  473.  
  474. TOM
  475. More sex.
  476.  
  477. TRIP
  478. (frustrated sigh)
  479.  
  480. TRIP
  481. Uh...
  482.  
  483. TRIP
  484. Ha ha! Oh I think we're going to need some drinks first if we're going to talk about sex. -- (interrupted)
  485.  
  486. TOM
  487. Are you sexually frustrated?
  488.  
  489. TRIP
  490. uh...
  491.  
  492. TRIP
  493. So yeah, remember how you introduced us almost exactly ten years ago tonight?
  494.  
  495. TOM
  496. Yes, it's boring.
  497.  
  498. TRIP
  499. Uh, well, all I can say is, tonight means a lot to me, and Grace.
  500.  
  501. TRIP
  502. (frustrated sigh)
  503.  
  504. TOM
  505. Grace doesn't think so.
  506.  
  507. (TOM hugs grace.)
  508.  
  509. TRIP
  510. Y -- yeah, yeah, n - no no no, wait, uh, w - what's wrong, Grace?
  511.  
  512. GRACE
  513. Oh! ha ha ha, you're hugging me!
  514.  
  515. TRIP
  516. Oh, well that was nice, I'm sure Grace appreciates that.
  517.  
  518. GRACE
  519. (clears throat)
  520.  
  521. TRIP
  522. Anyway...
  523.  
  524. TRIP
  525. Grace, come on, it's not helping things for you to say that... -- (interrupted)
  526.  
  527. TOM
  528. Something wrong?
  529.  
  530. TRIP
  531. N -- no, no, and we're, we're, uh -- we're not disagreeing.
  532.  
  533. TOM
  534. Yes you are.
  535.  
  536. (Trip shakes the advice ball.)
  537.  
  538. TRIP
  539. Yeah, yeah, I, heh...
  540.  
  541. GRACE
  542. You know, ever since we got married, Trip is forever trying to get me to buy new furniture, and redecorate,
  543.  
  544. GRACE
  545. and -- and it's true, I kind of enjoy it but...
  546.  
  547. TRIP
  548. Well, yeah, it's great, everybody -- (interrupted)
  549.  
  550. TOM
  551. Why is that, Trip?
  552.  
  553. TRIP
  554. Well, you have to appreciate how after a full day's work designing magazine ads, Grace can find the time to redecorate --
  555.  
  556. GRACE
  557. I want to throw it all out, get rid of everything, and throw paint all over the walls...
  558.  
  559. TRIP
  560. (annoyed sigh)
  561.  
  562. TOM
  563. Why do you want to start over
  564.  
  565. GRACE
  566. So -- (interrupted)
  567.  
  568. TRIP
  569. Ah, yeah, Tom, I knew you'd like it.
  570.  
  571. TRIP
  572. See Grace you don't realize how good this all looks -- and, and how good you look!
  573.  
  574. GRACE
  575. (annoyed sigh)
  576.  
  577. TOM
  578. You don't look good, Trip.
  579.  
  580. GRACE
  581. Oh, uh...
  582.  
  583. GRACE
  584. (little sigh) So I just had to have this armoire...
  585.  
  586. GRACE
  587. but... dammit, I don't know what I was thinking, this is a monstrosity!
  588.  
  589. TRIP
  590. A monstrosity... what?
  591.  
  592. GRACE
  593. (frustrated sigh)
  594.  
  595. TRIP
  596. Grace, everything's fine! No one is complaining about your decorating --
  597.  
  598. GRACE
  599. No, decorating is just --
  600.  
  601. GRACE
  602. (frustrated sigh)
  603.  
  604. GRACE
  605. There must be some way I could --
  606.  
  607. TOM
  608. Hello, I'm a peeping tom.
  609.  
  610. GRACE
  611. I don't know what to think. I don't know.
  612.  
  613. TRIP
  614. You're good at decorating, trust yourself.
  615.  
  616. (Trip shakes the advice ball.)
  617.  
  618. TRIP
  619. Definitely not.
  620.  
  621. TOM
  622. You are Grace.
  623.  
  624. GRACE
  625. Well -- well, Trip can get overly obsessed.
  626.  
  627. TOM
  628. No
  629.  
  630. TRIP
  631. Uhh, you're driving me insane!
  632.  
  633. TRIP
  634. Your... goddamn decorating...
  635.  
  636. TRIP
  637. You're never satisfied with anything! You're never happy, never ever satisfied with anything.
  638.  
  639. GRACE
  640. (impatient sigh) -- (interrupted)
  641.  
  642. TOM
  643. Fuck off Trip.
  644.  
  645. GRACE
  646. What?!? That's awful, where did that come from? You're acting ridiculous!
  647.  
  648. GRACE
  649. You... kissing... and...
  650.  
  651. GRACE
  652. You're always sending these subtle flirt signals! You're always trying to get people turned on! -- (interrupted)
  653.  
  654. TRIP
  655. Oh, god...!
  656.  
  657. TOM
  658. Trip's acting rediculous
  659.  
  660. GRACE
  661. What, what's that, what are you saying?
  662.  
  663. TRIP
  664. Alright, you know what, Tom,
  665.  
  666. TRIP
  667. I need to ask you something.
  668.  
  669. GRACE
  670. Trip --
  671.  
  672. TRIP
  673. Grace, let me ask our guest a question.
  674.  
  675. TRIP
  676. Tom, yes or no...
  677.  
  678. TRIP
  679. It's okay for a married... person, to talk and be friendly with someone of the opposite sex, right?
  680.  
  681. GRACE
  682. What?
  683.  
  684. TRIP
  685. I mean, come on, if you're -- (interrupted)
  686.  
  687. TOM
  688. Yea
  689.  
  690. GRACE
  691. What...?!
  692.  
  693. GRACE
  694. Oh, yes, that's fine... that's fine...
  695.  
  696. GRACE
  697. The real truth is, Trip, you flirt with everybody! The clients at work, our friends, everybody, you can't help yourself! You're always looking around, goddammit!
  698.  
  699. TRIP
  700. Oh, Jesus...!
  701.  
  702. TRIP
  703. Uhh! Yeah, go on, get away from me!
  704.  
  705. (TOM picks up a trinket 1.)
  706.  
  707. TRIP
  708. I can't stand frigging looking at you!
  709.  
  710. TRIP
  711. What the... goddammit!
  712.  
  713. (TOM puts down a trinket 1.)
  714.  
  715. TOM
  716. What's wrong Trip?
  717.  
  718. TRIP
  719. Uhh... Tom, I...
  720.  
  721. GRACE
  722. What? Are you talking to me?
  723.  
  724. TRIP
  725. I was not talking to you!
  726.  
  727. TRIP
  728. Tom, this has never ever happened before...!
  729.  
  730. TOM
  731. :(
  732.  
  733. TRIP
  734. uhh...
  735.  
  736. TOM
  737. :D
  738.  
  739. TOM
  740. D:
  741.  
  742. GRACE
  743. Tom, in -- in what you said before, about flirting... I think we've already learned something about Trip.
  744.  
  745. TOM
  746. GHOST!
  747.  
  748. TRIP
  749. Oh ho, so we're talking about me, are we?
  750.  
  751. GRACE
  752. What?
  753.  
  754. GRACE
  755. Damn it, Trip, you and my parents are always planning these stupid trips I have to go on..
  756.  
  757. (TOM kisses grace.)
  758.  
  759. TRIP
  760. You know what, Tom, that's it, you need to leave.
  761.  
  762. TRIP
  763. Tom, Jesus, we've had enough, you've got to go.
  764.  
  765. TRIP
  766. We invited you over, but this is just not working out.
  767.  
  768. TOM
  769. DAMNIT!!!
  770.  
  771. TOM
  772. NOOOOOO
  773.  
  774. (Trip opens the front door.)
  775.  
  776. TRIP
  777. We'll be fine -- just go.
  778.  
  779. (Trip closes the front door.)
  780.  
  781. (TOM knocks on the front door.)
  782.  
  783. (TOM knocks on the front door.)
  784.  
  785. (TOM knocks on the front door.)
  786.  
  787. (TOM knocks on the front door.)
  788.  
  789. (TOM knocks on the front door.)
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