Thread 22: Stories 16-30

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>Rarity
"Rekulk"
'Conceivably Anyone'

>Right, well...this is certainly less fashionable than I'd hopes but, yes, I think it'll work.

"I test now, yes?"

>Yes, darling.

Rekulk in his new 'Encounter Suit', steps into the sunlight.

"...nothing! Haha! It is working!"

>Excellent...are...are you sure you want to go out like this? I mean, I can get some better materials here in short order.

"No no, while you are most generous, Princess of Diamonds, the trades wait for no Morlock! I go now, to trade and trade again until I can trade no more!"

Rekulk shambles out of the room, covered in a pool tarp stuffed into four boots with eye holes covered by a pair of goggles.

>...Celestia mother, please forgive me for this crime against nature I have created.

"Hallo friends, we shall trade now, yes?"

'What in the holy hell!?'
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>Chitania
"Annelida "
~~~~

>I am by the castle, and I don't see you!

"Well, I'm here, and I don't see you, so clearly you aren't here!"

>I'm hanging up now.

"NO WAIT PLEASE!"

>...

"...Look, I just need you to bail me out already! Just punch the walls so we can break out!"

>...Are you in prison?

"NO!"

>...

"...YES! I got arrested, okay!?"

>So turn into someone else and claim you got locked in there by mistake.

"I can't, there's a guard staring in my vague direction. He doesn't move, it's creepy! Look, just come post my bail, okay?"

>Post it yourself.

"I'm a little... short on funds, at the moment."

>How short?

"...I might need you to kill some guys."

>Of for fucks sake!

"Hah! Just kidding, fake alias... but I am fucking OUT of whatever currency these assholes use."

>So how are you planning to pay me back!?

"...Uh... sayyy, it's been a while since you got off, right? What say I ea-"

>HOLY SWEET CORPSES OF MY ENEMIES, ANNELIDA! NO!

"Just offering!"

>What is wrong with you!?

"Me!? You're the Changeling freaking out over sex! Seriously, have you MET us!? As a species, I mean? This isn't an isolated incident."

>I'm hanging up.

"NO PLEASE CHITTY NO! THEY'RE GONNA RAPE ME!"

>...Fine, I'll just punch the wall, so you better be ready to run.

"Ready and waiting!"

...

BOOOOOOM!

>There, now come... Annelida?

"Uh..."

>You do know what direction "south" is, right? So when you said the "Southern wall", you knew where you were talking about?

"...South is down, right?"

>... I don't know, I'll ask one of these guards. There's a couple dozen, so I should get some information shortly!

"Sooo..."

>Be there in twenty minutes.

"YES! Kisses!"

>What is WRONG with you!?
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>Twilight
"Rarity"
~~~
>Like, ohmahgawd, Rars! I LOOOOOOOOOVE that new dress of yours!

"Twilight! Oh, you startled me, but, thank you, though I can't take all the credit, I spoke with our new changeling friend and she provided-"

>New friend? Like, that spider thing? Sooooo gross! I mean she's cute an' all, but like, Spiders? Blargh! I have such a total phobia.

"Well... This is new, especially when you seemed fascinated by those ones we met awhile back-"

>Ugh, the comics are SOOO not canon, Rarity.

"P-pardon? Not canon? Twilight, what are you-"

>Hey! Do you think you could make me a cute dress?

"Well, I certainly wouldn't mind doing it for a friend."

>Thank you soooooo much, Rars! I'll pay you back some how!

"It's not neccessary-"

>No! I got it! I will totally owe you a girl's night out! We'll put on our sluttiest dresses, crash some bars, find some cute boys! And if we can't find cute boys, we'll go back home with buckets of ice cream, raid Chrysalis' movie collection, and just swap some gossip and be, like, total bitches! You know? We should do that any way, we totally don't hang like we used to, or much at all!

"I- Umm..."

>Let's meet back here in three hours! Oh! Think Celestia 'r some of other other girls would wanna join us? I'll totally go ask them! So make that four hours, 'cause, like, this mane doesn't make itself sparkle, girlfriend!

Twilight leaves

"I feel so much more connected to twilight and yet it horrifies me so much."
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>18
"Chrysalis"
~~~

>... I wonder what I would taste like if I were made of candy... what kind would I be?....

"18!"

>GAH! DAMN IT, CHRYSALIS, WHY?"

"No time! I need you to put this memo out!"

>...What the hell is a spiderling?

"Sciderella's hive!"

>Who?

"The Queen who looked like a spider!"

>...We had one of those? That sounds kind of weird. Like, what was the point? We're already black, fanged monsters with sharp pointy parts. And we eat love. We EAT love. How much scarier do we need to be?

"She could disguise herself as a regular changeling!"

>Oh, okay, so she was this horrifying monster who hides among slightly less horrifying monsters. Our culture is surprisingly mulch-layered.

"She's evil!"

>Said the mare who disguised herself as someone else and had sex with someone under false pretenses. After mind controlling him. And then trying to explode his home. With green laser beams... fired from evil bug monsters.

"At least I didn't dissolve anyone!"

>What was that thing you stuck Celestia in anyway?

"Nevermind that! Just print off six dozen of these!"

>...Oh my no. No no no. You didn't. You made a political cartoon? Really? Noooo...

"I command you to stop snickering!"

>If you insis-AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! "W-watch you cider around the Spider!" AHAHAHAAHHAHAHAAH

"I said stop!"

>I-I-I am NOT snickeringAHAHAHAHAH THIS IS GOLD-

*THOOM!*

>...

"...We done?"

>Y-yeah....

"Gonna print the things?"

>Printing the things.

"Gonna laugh again?"

>Not laughing.

"Good. Get to work, 18."

*SLAM!*

>...F-f-fucking laser beams...
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>Chrysalis
"Celestia"
~~~
>What do you mean I can't distribute the flyers? This is important information!

"I'm sorry, but Equestria AND the Crystal Empire had strict laws on political cartoons."

>What's wrong with my comic!

"You need more pointless labels."

>That doesn't make any sense!

"That's exactly the point! It doesn't, but people will think it does and try to figure out the meaning."

>Okay, what kind of pointless labels?

"Well, 'Us guys', 'those fuckers', and 'our shit', are popular ones."

>Whoa! Slow down, I need to write this down! This is comic gold!
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>SA
"Chrysalis"
~~~~

>What the hell are you doing?

"HUSH! My brilliance is at work... eggs.... degs... shmegs..."

>You know, I don't doubt you think this is intelligent, but I have to ask why.

"AH HAH!"

>Fine, don't answer me, whatever.

"Catch this, "No matter how she begs, don't trust the eight legs!" Perfect! Now I just need to draw a little begging Spider... put a little money bag with a heart behind her back... and a knife... better put a little skull and crossbones on the knife, just to make sure they get that it's bad... and a little frowny face on the skull. Label label label, aaaaaand, perfect! What do you think!"

>...This is a picture of us having sex.

"I got distracted halfway in."

>...

"...Soooo-"

>No.

"Awww."
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>18
"SA"
~~~
We join our heroes in the office doing paperwork!

>... So... wanna have sex after this?

"That was really random, and it didn't have a lot of enthusiasm behind it. You okay?"

>I am I just... It's been awhile since I asked and I felt weird for not saying it.

"What is it with people feeling they need to bring back old things all the time?"

'Shiny, I'm sorry, we're not having sex tonight, Twilight invited me to a girls night out with Rarity and some of the other girls.'

"See? It's like we've run out of jokes and are now resorting to cheap, self-aware, gag recycling with added pointlessness to it!"

[Dammit, Shiny, you're stealing my fourth wall gig!]

"No one cares, Pinkie!"

>... You know what would make a gag different? If we actually did have-

"No."

>Can't blame me for trying at least, right? Oh, also, I blame Celestia.

"AAARGH!"
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>29
"MM"
'Trixie'
[Zecora]
~~~~

>COVER YOUR EYES!

*FLASH!*

>...Oh elated day! Success! Oh what a momentous occasion, what a glorious time!

"Oh? What's the celebration about?"

>That was dearly departed soul number 50! More than four score of the little ones have gone on to find happiness and paradise! What glory! Like a twine wrapped around mine heart and lifting!

'FANTASTIC! So we're done!?'

>...What? No.

[Oh, your elation made it sound as if we had freed those bereft. Tell me, how many do we have left?]

>There's... one, two, three, four....

"...Niney?"

>...

'His hoof keeps going, shouldn't it have stopped?'

>...

[His breathing seems rather flurried, I'm starting to think we should be worried.]

>...

"...N-niney? You okay- Oh hey! You stopped! Good, how much are-... Niney? Do you need a nap? Why are you curling up on the ground, Niney. We need to get you home if you want to take a nap, this place is dirty. Niney, you gotta... Oh Niney, Niney no, don't rock back and forth like that, don't... don't do the ball thing. He's doing the ball thing... Niney? You want some cake? I'll get you some... come on, get up buddy. Come on, you can do it, don't... awww, Niney..."

With a sigh, she sat down next to him.

"You guys go on ahead if you want, I think 29 needs a minute."

The zebra shrugged, but instead of leaving sat right down on the other side of him.

[He will be here for longer than I can see, I have nowhere else I need to be.]

"...Thanks."

[Of course.]

'...The Great and Powerful Trixie actually would like to go home, but he has the apartment key.'

"..."
[...]

'...Just goonna reeeaaach in there and... Wow, he is curled up tight... tryin' a liittle more... no? No, looks like that's not happening.'

"..."
[...]

'...HRRRGH!'

".."
[...]

'...The Beneficent and Friendly Trixie has decided to stay!'

"..."
[...]

'...So how much longer is he going to keep rocking like that?'
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--------------
>Fic-ling
"Other-lings"
---------------

>OH FUCK MY EYE, WHAT THE HELL.

"Dude your eye did the pop thing."

>NO SHIT, THANK YOU FOR POINTING THAT OUT.

"s'alright, so when is the next cha-"

*pop*

>MOTHERFUCK!

"i'll just leave you to it..."
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>SA
"Sombra"

~~~~~~~

The doors of his office swung open and for once were not shattered by the action.

>Sombra?

“Shining, I found it.”

>Found what?

“Last night, I found a way to return myself fully to the land of the living!”

>... You found it... You really found it!? W-we've got to celebrate!

“As much as I would love to celebrate, there is no time to waste. I must travel to quite a few places to gather the materials needed as well as prepare a certain place for the ritual.”

>Alright then, just let me tell Cadence and Two that I will be leaving for a little while and we can go. I'll also tell 18 to expect a little more paperwork in the near future.

“... You wish to come with me?”

>I said we were going to do this together... and I meant it.

“...You are a good friend Shining Armor.”

>So where to first?

“Do you remember those Golems we had running around not too long ago?”

>...Yes.

“Well, we have to go straight to the source.”

>You mean...

“Yes, we're going to a Rockfarm.”
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>Cadence
"Twilight"
~~~~

>...

"OH MAH GAAAAAWD! YOUR HAIR IS AMAAAAAAZZZZIIIIINNNG!"

>I... I SHOULD be fixing you, but this is so nice to have someone who gets me, finally! And isn't a 'meh' wannabe like Rarity!

"Oh mah gawsh, did you notice that Rarity is almost like a girl version of Shiny?"

>Y-.. no. No, they are nothing alike. Literally nothing. One of them is a mare who isn't afraid to manipulate others with her good looks, the other is a stallion who's main note is having enough love in his heart to take out the sun raiser. They are in no way similar.

"Nooo, silly! I just mean I would TOTALLY do them if I was gay and or they weren't my brother! HOTTIES!"

>...Oh. I wouldn't, Rarity seems like she would be clingy.

"Girl, you just need to get your FLING on!"

>I really don't, I'm married.

"Oh come oooon, what he don't know won't hurt him!"

>It worries me that you're placing the imperative on him knowing and not my doing, like desire justifies anything.

"Girl, you need to stop being so phil.. philio... thinky!"

>...I look to you, and I'm afraid of what I might become.

"GIRRRRRLLLLL!"

>Very afraid.
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NON-CANON!
NOOOOOON-FUCKING CANON!
>Sciderella
"Variolus"
~~~~

>YOU BITCH!

"Okay, hell is bad enough as it is, you don't need to add to this."

>You stole my medal!

"This medal? This "Worst Queen Ever" medal they MELTED INTO ME? Yes. I absolutely stole that. I took it from you so I could glue it into myself."

>Why!? I'm totally the worst Queen! I ate toddlers! I devoured my entire hive! I nearly caused us to be discovered dozens of times! I'm so the worst! What could you have possibly done!?

"I actually don't know. I was pretty good, all things considered. Didn't take any unnecessary risks, I killed my mate after he impregnated me without much fuss, and I never came close to getting discovered until the end."

>...Huh. You don't sound that bad. What do you mean 'until the end', though?

"Oh, I killed Chitania's best friend so I could learn her size changing magic, and then I told my hive to kill hers. What? I totally could have conquered Equestria if that bitch hadn't stopped me. Hah! Jokes on her, though, she got frozen in ice after she killed me. Stupid bitch."

>...SIR! Mister giant evil dude sir! I would like to be moved to a higher level of hell, please! I'm bad, but I'm not THAT bad!

"Oh fuck you."

>Hell no, I have better standards than that.
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>SA
“Cadence”

~~~~~~~~

“You're leaving?”

>Yeah, I've got to help Sombra out with something.

“Is this about him trying to get his body back?”

>Y-you know about that?

“I may be air headed sometimes Shiny, but I saw the book he was reading at breakfast the other day, I'm not blind.”

>...The Doll.

The blush that spread across her face almost made her coat turn red.

“S-shut up, I know that I wasn't being such a good wife then but I've gotten better haven't I?”

Shining leaned in and nuzzled her softly.

>You've always been the best even when you were not as attentive as I would have liked.

“... Do you really have to go?”

>I have to do this Caddy, I promised him.

“But what if he... you know... goes back to being the way he used to be.”

>I trust him Caddy. I trust him to watch over our daughter when we're busy. Being stuck the way he is, a floating shell of his former self, its humbled him and its turned him into a better stallion for it.

“I know, I know...just be careful Shiny.”

>I will. Now I've got to go tell Two that I'll be going with Sombra. Take care of her and Twilight for me okay?

“I will... I love you.”

>I love you too.
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>Spike
"Blueblood"
~~~~

>So, how're you liking your new digs?

"Seeing as it is essentially less of a prison and more of a slightly cramped apartment with a wall made of clear glass, I would say it is a step up."

He sighed, flopping down on the couch and curling up on the softest thing he felt in months.

"...I don't know if I deserve this, really. I mean, I doubt this makes up for everything I did."

>No, it doesn't. But I don't know if you've noticed, Celestia's got a bit of a forgiveness kick to her. Have you seen her and Chrysalis? Man, the things they get up to with Shiny.

"...Yes, she does, doesn't she? I still remember when I was "Deposed" the first time. Looking back, I was actually just sent to what was essentially a resort... that was a wasted second chance, thinking about it."

>Well...

He opened the little slot on the glass, slipping in a collection of books through the crack.

>Third time's the charm?

"Maybe..."

His frown deepened.

"How is Arana?"

>Adjusting, I'll put it that way.

"Shining Armor keeping his pet on a leash?"

>She WISHES he would put her on a leash.

"...That is not a mental image I ever wanted to have."

>WELCOME TO MY LIFE!
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>Two
“SA”
'Sombra'

~~~~~~

“... So me and Sombra will be going away for a little while.”

>Do you both have to go? I've have a surprise for you!

'We do have to go, but we'll have a surprise for you as well when we get back.'

>REALLY! We can share surprises then!

“Yeah we can, but its going to be a little while until then okay?”

>Okay, I can't wait! What's it going to be!?

'Ha ha, if we told you now it wouldn't be much of a surprise then would it!'

“He's right Two your going to have to be a little patient.

>...Kay.

“You be a good girl for your mom, alright?”

>I will... Your both going to be ok, right?

'“Of course/indeed.“'

>I love you Shiny.

“I love you too, my little princess. We better go get our stuff, I'll see you when I get back. Goodbye Two”

>Bye Shiny.

As Shining made his way out of the room Sombra made to follow.

>Somby...

Sombra stopped and turned his gaze back to her.

'Yes, little one?'

>I love you too, Somby.

Sombra's etherial form froze for a moment before he smiled softly.

'… I love you as well, Two.'

The little changeling smiled brightly.

>Please keep my daddy safe for me.”

'I will.'

>Bye Somby.

'Farewell, little one.'
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