Thread 38: Stories 31-45

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>Twilight
"SA"
'Velvet'
~~~~

>So... are we winning? Losing? Something in between?

"You're asking me? Mom, you're into this, how are we doing?"

'NOT GOOD ENOUGH!'

>Sooo... we're losing?

'WE AREN'T WINNING AS MUCH AS WE ARE SUPPOSED TO!'

"Which means?"

'WE NEED TO WIN HARDER!'

>...You're not going to tell us, are you?

'YOU DON'T DESERVE TO KNOW!'

"Do you know?"

'...Yes.'

>...
"..."

'...a-hem...'
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>42
"Vekir"

>Ok, explain this to me again

"Neh-my brother-neh!-passed out-nehhhh!-and fell on me!"

>Why'd he pass out?

"Nehhhh! The fight! Between the mares! Neh! Too intense for him!"

>Yeah, sure, let's go with 'intense'.

"I did! Now please give me the assistings, strong and brave punchbug!"

>Ok, ok, on three you push and I'll pull. One, two, three!

With a little effort the dead weight of Rekulk is rolled off of Vekir, who springs up with little trouble.

"Aha! An excellence! Many thanks, Punchbug, my descendants shall sing of your strength!"

>Uh...yeah, thanks.

"Ooh! Ooh! I was unable to ask earlier, because of the Queen of all Bitches taught us of naming, but you received your effigy, yes?"

>The little stuffed changeling you crammed a helmet on? Yeah, thanks, that was nice of you.

"Hurrah! We have a friendship now, yes?"

>Well I mean, we don't really know each other all that mu...

"..."

>Wow, ok, I can feel the puppy dog eyes through your armor, you're getting good.

"Many thanks."

>...oh, alright, we're friends.

"Hurrah!"

>Hrgk! Watch it with the hugs, you're miles away from Two or Shiny, but it's still not a good idea to drink a glass of cider after downing a gallon of milk, you know?

"Of course...I think...what is a gallon?"

>...Don't worry about it, is your brother going to be ok?

"Hm? Oh yes yes, I shall have Grehm carrying him back to the mighty fortress of sleeping when we finish. Besides..."

Vekir hops onto her brother's heap of a body.

"It is now easier to watch the feuding families, yes?"

42 shrugs, dumber than a post the Morlock may be, but she's industrious.
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>Rekulk
"Rekulk's Brain"

>Pink thinking sponge, attend!

"Whyfor do you call for me, body?"

>Explain the images I behold!

"It appears two grown females are wrestling like pups in the toxic slime."

>Yes, but my mating stick has begun to stir! Such an occurrence is not normal!

"Hmm...rationalizing..."

>Hurry! The Twience princess did not bring thought towards this! The armor is so uncomfortable!

"Aha! A breakthrough!"

>Give me your wisdom!

"Males normally do battle for a mutually attracted female, yes?"

>Of course!

"And the stronger male is usually more desirable to he female, yes?"

>Why do you waste time with these stupidities!?

"We are experiencing a female's lust for two fighting males due to the two females fighting! AN INVERSION!"

>Could this be true!?

"Nothing is truer!"

>We must ruminate on these revelations!

>"Engage sleep mode!"

CLONK!
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>SA
"Pinkie"
~~~~

>So do you have any idea what brought this on? I'm trying to piece a timeline together here.

"NOPE!"

>....Weirdly cheerful about this.

"Hey, when your parents say 'we're going to take down so and so', you do it. You do not question them, you do not argue with them, you do it."

>Guess I can't argue with that.

"...Well?"

>Okay, fine, I'll break down and ask, are you guys winning or us?

"WHAT!? Isn't it obvious!?"

>...

"...I was hoping you'd say yes and agree with me."

>It's not.

"Drat."

>...So we just have to keep going until someone says stop?

"Looks like it."

>Meh, I'm sure we'll run out of games eventually. I mean, really, how many can there be?

"..."

>Er, ah... You uh... you just started crying there a bit.

"Liquid fun, Shiny. It's just liquid fun coming out of my eyes."

>...Am I really that transparent with that line?

"YES."

>Shame and horror... haven't felt this one in a looooong time... not since I remembered my teenage years.

"..."

>D-doooon't... don't ask...

"..."

>...He rapped, Pinkie... he thought he was a rapper....
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NC
>Velvet
~~~

>Hey, Shiny! I found your old mix tapes that you made!

*click*

*BLAM!*

*THUMP!*

>...I thought it was cute...
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>Spike
"Pennydrop"
'Security Droid'

>Yeesh, that had to hurt, glad I'm not involved in this.

Spike munches on some popcorn as he spectates the feuding families. Then something catches his ear, a whirr of machinery, a clank of metal on stone, he turns his head and finds towering above the crowd a pair of domed semi-translucent heads, glowing with the circuitry within.

He's seen the mechanized forms of the distant machines before, on the posters advertising the Fawntaine Hall of the Future, promising 'guaranteed security at affordable prices'. As far as he could tell these models were new, not on the market yet, and from the way they were standing they had to be guarding someone.

The possibility of who that was made Spike drop his popcorn and wish he had Charity hand.

>Watch my snack, I gotta use the bathroom.

He doesn't address anyone in particular and doesn't particularly wait for anyone to acknowledge what he'd said, he only has eyes for the bots and the person he knows they're guarding.

The CEO of Fawntaine Industries, the bastard that thinks they can just hide who they are behind a bunch of flashy propaganda and inane gadgets.

He was going to kick his ass...uh...

Wait a minute.

"So this is what's bringing in all the hoof traffic, I must have missed a memo, is this how the country is fielding domestic affairs now?"

>You!?

"Hm? Oh. It's you."

Spike stares at the mare between the two imposing robots, she stares back at him.

"Didn't one of the ponies you consider a mother tell you it's impolite to stare."

>My bad, I assumed these two robo-goons were guarding someone important.

"D'aw, you hear that, boys? And they wonder why I don't want kids."

>I wasn't expecting this much security for the secretary, I'll just be go-

"Oh, ohhh ha. Ha ha ha ha HA. Wow, I really don't want kids now if they're all as dense as you."

>Excuse me?

"Let's just say I was given a rather abrupt and emphatic promotion. You're now looking at the owner and proprietor of Fawntaine Industries and Futuristics and two rather large and highly dependable Fawntaine Security Equidroids."

>But how...?

"Fawntaine gave me the job before he got squashed, had the legalities all tidied away in his will, he also had a rather large sum of cash that I used to take us from our humble beginnings into what we are today."

Spike glares.

>An even bigger blight on Equestria than before.

"Oh are we now, I-hang on."

Spike looks on bemused as a slip of paper issues from a slot in one of the droid's necks. Pennydrop reads it and smirks.

"Excellent."

She looks up at the droid.

"Let them know I'm glad it went of without a hitch."

'Whirrrrr...MESSAGE SENT.'

>The...hell?

Penny gives him a smirk.

"Instant Letters, wave of the future."

>...

"You look upset, is it because you realize the future's slipping out of your tiny claws?"

>I'm going to give you one warning, stop what you're doing while you can. I'm not gonna hesitate to put you down if it comes to it.

"Yes, you don't really seem like the hesitating type. But I should know from firsthoof experience when you shot my boss' antlers off, like a thug."

>I was working on behalf of Equestria.

"You were working on flimsy evidence and scare tactics, you're not a guard, you're not a hero, you're a gun-toting little sociopath that can't feel good unless he's got one of the 'bad guys' cowering at the end of his little pistol."

>Says the lady who's going to flood Equestria with unregulated super power potions and robots-"

"Droids."

>Whatever! You're doing all of this to make a buck and you can't fool me, you're going to show your true colors and when you do, I'll be there to stop you.

"Stop me? From what? Providing vital services to all the ponies of Equestria? Giving them the chance to see what it's like to have the abilities of their peers? Creating dependable obedient workers that are so hard to come by in the flesh?"

>What about when your dependable obedient sentries start taking work away from actual people?

"Our lab tests have proved that an infused pony is more competent at any task than a droid."

>And when you make a robot better than an infused pony?

"We'll make a line of infusions that's better. Also, again, droid."

>Whatever, point is, no matter what happens, no matter if it's the ponies you infuse or the robots you make that become more popular, you still get a huge chunk of cash at everyone's expense!

"Or everyone's benefit."

Spike glares at Penny, Penny glares at Spike and scoffs.

"Do you think you can wave around your little compensator and make the world bow before you? Tell you what, make an appointment, come into my office, and present me with your little girlfriend, I'll suck on the barrel a bit if it helps you get off, but bare this in mind: I am the head of Equestria's largest corporation, I have more contacts in every single major industry in this country than you have cells in your tiny pre-pubescent brain. You paint my brains on the walls of my office, your name will be on the same level of that giant monster that wrecked the cities *I* have helped rebuild. You may have the Princesses, your little superhero team...but I have a marketing department and you bet your cynical little anti-hero ass that I am not afraid to use it...enjoy the show."

Turning away, Penny leaves, her robotic bodyguards following after. Spike grits his teeth, flush with the knowledge of who and what he is up against.

And in the confines of one of Penny's suit pockets a little slip of paper is pinned against the bottom. A simple message imprinted on it:

-Blood Samples Delivered, work on Project Cocoon commencing
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>Cloudy
"Cadence"
'Velvet'
~~~

>I have noticed you have been married for some time, but are not yet pregnant. Is something of issue with you?

"HAH! Not gonna work. I'm going to keep focused on the board, and I am going to match those shapes! NOTHING CAN DISTRACT ME!"

>The board is being randomized after every choice, it will not work. However, your words do make me wonder if you are trying to shift the conversation for some reason.

"Not gonna woooork!"

'...I'm a little curious too.'

"WHAT!?"

'I'm just saying! You're wealthy, you're pretty much as far in your career as you can possibly go, you've got a secure place to live, what's the holdup!? I WANT GRANDBABIES!'

"So go cuddle Two! She'll appreciate it!"

'I DO! But I want more! You can't ask me to stop at just one!'

"Fine, then try to get Twilight into the dating game, don't try to make me do it!"

>Regrettable that you don't wish to continue the family line.

"One of them is an immortal princess! I think it'll be fine!"

'That's not the point!'

>Is it a problem with his potency? There are plenty of remedies for that.

"His 'potency' is fine, thank you!"

>If it is an issue with his size-

"HIS SIZE IS FINE, THANK YOU!"

'So what's the holdup?'

"Why are you guys asking me this!? You've both had kids! You look me in the face and tell me pregnancy was a pleasant experience."

'...It wasn't THAT bad.'

>...Unfortunately, I am not that good at lying.

'I mean, it wasn't totally a terrible thing all the time. It had it's upswings.'

>There was much upswinging in my household. Mostly of my voice.

"..."

>...My hormones made me uncontrollable. Once, I almost yelled so loud they could hear me from across the room.

"Big room?"

>As big as a kitchen gets, I suppose.

'...Yeah, I uh... I punched out my husband once or twice...'

"..."

'...But seriously, get on that.'

"UGH!"

>Pink one?

"WHAT!?"

>It is your time to choose.

"My time to- OH NO! I GOT DISTRACTED! CURSE YOU!"

>Just as planned.
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>Flash
"Fizzle"
'Celestia'
=2=

>-Oh shi- HIDE!

"Waah!"

>Shut up! Shut up, just shut up....she's here

"Mrrf where?"

>Down below, in the crowd, don't you see the two 'bots next to her?

"Well quit pinnin' my head onto the floor and let me-....Oh shit"

>Don't move, not even a sound, or a breath, or a spark, she can't know we're here

"Those robots can't see heat right? We are fucked if they can. We gotta cut it, Flash, we need to run"

>Can't, we'll stick out at this height, she'll be sure to see us

"Distract her then? So we can book it?"

>And just what do we have to grab hers and everypony elses attentio-

They both suddenly stopped squirming on the floor No, stop that as their heads turned to the near hillock of popcorn surrounding them

"This'll have to do"

-------------------

'Please tell me you are enjoying this, 2, because if I wanted to settle family disputes they'd involve a lot more gluttony than fighting'

=Whassa glutinny?=

'....It's a fancy way of saying "Will eat cake to win" and I always came out top'

=Hrmmmm, nah, I dunna want any cake=

'GonnapretendIdidn'thearthat'

=An' I want something else other than marchmalley's right now, d'ya think if Shiny an' his family wins, I can get marchmalleys an'.....an'=

'Aaaaaaaand?'

=....POPCOOOOOOORN!=

Looking up, spherical shaped nightmares flashed from a certain Gala across Celestias mind as the boulder sized fused mound of popcorn bounced down the stands and landed (or smashed) into the spectators with a soft "THUMF"

Naturally, Two was the first to burst her head out the crispy surface

=MY WISHES CAME TRUE AUNTIE CELLY! I'M A REAL PRINCESSESSESS!=

And no-one noticed the sound and sight of /something/ propelling out the top most stand through the roof of the stadium.

--------------------

>AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-

>AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-

"SINCE WHEN COULD YOU TAKE OFF THAT FAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-

>LONG STOOOOOORYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
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>Cloudy
"Nightlight"
~~~

>...This seems unfair.

"Hey, it's your game."

Her brow furrowed as he cracked his whip again, knocking off a tiny can on top of a massive stack of paper cups. The cups didn't even twitch.

>I mean in that you seem to have practiced for this event.

"Nahhh, I just used to use a whip a lot. True story, once had to siege a castle with nothing but a whip to fight an evil batpony at the top."

>Really.

"Yep!"

Her own attack was... less than spectacular. Certainly not as good looking as him knocking the eye out of a doll, and nothing else.

"And then after that I mostly stayed in practice just in case I needed to use it again. Came up occasionally, but not a whole lot outside of..."

She let out a low noise as she messed up once again, furthering his already massive lead.

>I have no qualms with you referencing using it in the bedroom.

"Sorry, not going to work for a distraction, Velvet and I have an amazing sex life, and oh yes we get this involved sometimes."

Perfect shot once more.

"And what about you?"

She did not waver in the least, but still didn't do all that well.

>We left the lights on once. Shakesnake oil.

"Wooo, fancy stuff. Said to burn all night long."

>False advertising, it ran out an hour before sunrise. Pity, we were only on round three.

"..."

>....

"..."

He won the contest, of course.

But from that point on he was a little more... wobbly.
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>Maud
"Cheese"
~~~~~~

>To clarify, the object of this competition is to test who can grip the other with their forelegs tighter and longer in an embrace like fashion?

"Righteo!"

>....


Her opponent just waved.

>... I concede.

"Awww, don't think you could win?"

>It dies no it matter if I could. There is more on the line.

"Oh?"

>Yes...

The changeling looked just a little sad as she stopped waving.


>...many ponies think I never smile. I would hate to shatter their dreams.
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>Applejack
"Rarity"
'Fluttershy'
[Dash]
{Spike}
~Arana~
~~~~~

>So, who're we rootin' fer' here anyway?

"Rather conflicting, isn't it?"

'Oh, I do want them both to win, but I feel like that would cheapen it.'

[Well, who did you guys want to win during the competition between me and Applejack?]

“Didn't have a dog in that fight.”

'It was all really silly.'

{I had more fun seeing how crazy you guys could get.}

[HEY!]

~I'm rooting for Twilight's family!~

'Oh?'

~Well, yeah. Spike's related to Twilight and Shining Armor, so that's points to them, and Shining Armor kept me from getting set on fire! So... you know, big plus there. Pinkie did throw me a welcome party, but that's just one thing.~

>Huh... well argued. Anyone else really like Shiny?

{Me? Guys like my big brother.}

“Meh.”

[I literally no nothing about the guy. We've talked, like, twice.]

'He seems nice... but yeah, we never talk. I like Maud more.'

[Yeah, Maud's cool. Punches rocks and doesn't afraid of anything.]

>Gonna go the other way, Shiny make Mah' life easier by handlin' that stuff. Maud just gave me a huge headache when she tore apart that fella's labyrinth.

[...What?]

>Don't ask.

“I feel like I should skew more towards Shining Armor on the basis he's a prince, but on the whole I could go either way.”

>...Do we actually want someone to lose?

“Oh, of course not. Pinkie and Twilight are our friends, and they didn't want this.”

'Oh yes, I would just be much happier if it was a draw.'

[Just cause I don't want to deal with family drama, you know?]

~I don't want someone to get sad...~

>...GO TEAM!

“Brilliant. YOU CAN DO IT, TEAM!”

'yay!'

[GO ALL THE WAY, GUYS WE ARE ROOTING FOR!]

{RAH RAH! TEAM! IF YOU CAN'T DO IT NOBODY CAN!}

~...I don't get it...~

>WOOO!

~... I mean, GO, YOU GUYS!~

{Now you've got it! WOOOO!}

~WEEEEE!~

{...Mostly, I guess.}
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>Blueblood
“???”
‘???’
_____

>Bluebloods log, day two, sixteenth hour. Twilight has begun to fall on this chaos, this… charred battlefield that we once called home. The fight goes on, never-ending, never ceasing — the stamina of PotatoJack and mine mixed can’t be beat, not even by the screams of the souls unluckier than mine coursing through the stricken hallways like-

“WHAT IN THE BLUE FUCK IS ALL THIS?”

>…And through the maelstrom of distressed wails cuts the battle-hardened cry of my surrogate guard, Haymaker.

“I ONLY CAME TO CHECK ON YOU AND JUST WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?”

>Like PotatoJack and myself, he takes to the destruction with grit and valor, determined to protect his homestead-

“ARE THOSE STUFFED TOYS CARRYING THAT GUARD AWAY? REALLY?”

>Quick as lightning, he assesses the situation, ready to act with all his might-

“BACK! BACK YOU FOUL CREATURES!”

An entire section of wall was leveled under the force of one of Haymaker’s namesake moves, the Haymaker.

>He channels his determination and raw emotion into a thunderous blow that rocks the very foundation!

“N-no way... OH SWEET CELESTIA IT’S GETTING BACK UP!”

>Undaunted, he stands firm against the odds and-

VRRRRRRROOOM

>…

‘Whoa! Did you see the way he took off? Straight ran you over like a piece of road! C’mon, Bluey, get up and cover my six, would ya? There’s an extra potato in it for you!'

>…m-my guard dives around the corner, no doubt to return with some sort of winning tactic….

‘Sure he will, buddy, sure he will.’
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>Cadence
"Cheese"
'IR'
~~~

>So, to recap, I have to get on the roller coaster.

"Right."

>Hop off it at the end and run over to the spinner.

"Uh huh."

>Spin the spinner three times, hit the button in the middle to reveal the key.

"Yep!"

>Put the key in the hole while presumably being very dizzy.

"Uh huuuhhh..."

>And then be the first to push the button on the other side.

"YOU GOT IT!"

>...Who designed this thing!?

'My great great great great grandmother.'

>WHY!?

'She thought it was fun.'

>NOTHING ABOUT THIS IS FUN SHE IS CRAZY!

'...Every other conversation with you gives me more ire.'

>What was that?

'I said are we starting or not?'

>Wha-

"READYSETGO!"

>ACK! NO FAIR!

*Races ahead*

"...Cadence? Honey? Wrong way."

>I KNEW THAT!
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>2
"Cheese"
[???]
~~~~

"Okay, next game!"

>I CAN DO THIS! I'M READY FER ANYTHING! ANYTHIIIIING!

"The next game is... doing math!"

>NO!

"...by adding up these Marchmalleys!"

>YAY!

"...so that you can put them in this bag!"

>SPOOPLES!

"So that we can hand them off to players!"

>IS THE BEST!

"So they can... throw them all away, because as it turns out, marchmalleys are bad for you, and the only healthy diet is loooots of math! So all marchmalleys are banned!"

>....NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-

[TWO!]

>GAHWHOWHATWHERE!?... Shiny?

[Two, you zoned out for a second, you okay?]

>...Wass the next game?

[Ringtoss.]

>No math?

[Nope.]

>...Marchmalleys are still okay to eat?

[Uh, yeah, sure, I'll get you a bunch when this is all over.]

>...good.... is all good....

[You okay?]

>Lights are a heck of a plug, Shiny.

[...Uh huh...]
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>Lucky Strikes
"Coco"
'AJ58'
-AJ59-

>Well, this just gets worse.

'Yyyyyep.'

-Totally.-

"Who's a cuddly widdle runny babbit? You are! You are!"

Lucky and Coco are now joined in their cast iron prison by the two changelings that were locked out of the pantry.

>I don't suppose you two can use your lasers to...

'Nope.'

-We're all lasered out.-

>What? How?

'We're running low on love after scrapping with you guys all day yesterday.'

-We couldn't summon a spark if we tried.-

>Of all the rotten luck.

"D'aww it's a widdle hippopotamus~!"

'Yeah, but at least they aren't like...cooking us.'

-My chitin's gonna get wrinkley though.-

>In case we all end up meeting our makers, no hard feelings on the paintballs, right?

-Nah, nah, we're cool.-

'I didn't like those guys we sent out as a distraction anyway.'

"D'awwww, it's a platypus! C'mere you little cutie, I'll cuddle you so hard you'll actually look like you should exist!"

'You know, don't shoot the messenger but we got a look at you guys' quarters before we escaped and uh...'

-It's a mess.-

'Yeah, beds overturned, stuff on fire.'

-And don't get us started on the dresses.-

>...excuse...me?

'Yeah, the little monsters found someone's wardrobe and were just ripping them to shreds.'

-Some of them were sewing them onto others that had missing parts like some kind of crazy surgery.-

"Awww, who's got a widdle militawy hospital? You do! You do!"

>...was there a blue one?

'Huh?'

>A blue chiffon number. Did they get that one?

'Uhhh...'

-Yeah! They were using it as a weird banner! It was ripped to shreds!-

>...

'...dude?'

-Hellooooo?-

>Drill Sergeant?

"Hm? Yes?"

>Earmuffs. And Blindfold.

"Lucky, are you ok?"

>Earmuffs. And. Blindfold.

Slowly, troubled, Coco closes her eyes and covers her ears.

>Ahem...

Pic Related.

>YOU LITTLE BASTARDS I'M GONNA RIP OFF YOUR HEADS AND DECORATE THESE WALLS WITH YOUR FLUFF! I AM A ONE MAN STUFF ANIMAL APOCALYPSE! YOU'RE ALL DEAD, YOU HEAR ME YOU MADE CHINEIGH CHUMPS!? THAT! WAS! MY! FAVORITE! DRESS!

The two changelings gape in horror as a whirlwind of stuffed animals murder encapsulates the room, tearing them limb from limb and somehow punching them with enough force to make them explode in showers of fabric and stuffing! Then as quick as it began, it is over, Lucky Strikes is gone, having left a massacre in his wake as he seeks to avenge his beloved dress.

'...'

-...-

"Leiutenant? Is it safe for me to look now? Leiutenant?"

'I'm kind of glad we didn't tell him we did that.'

-Yeahhhh...let's...let's keep it that way.-

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