Most Wanted (Pt.1)

	Everything below the nose was warmth, everything above it cold steel. In that silence they reserved their smiles and sympathetic words for me, pressing their possessive affections as close as they could from where they sat. The daggers and icy glares were reserved for one another. I could almost hear the party going on outside the conference room, somewhere below us past the glass windows. Manning up took some courage in that moment but I managed to force some words out.
	“Ladies while I am flattered that you all find me so desirable-” I managed to say, before all hell broke loose.
	“You’re nothing but a bunch of jealous leeches who’ve embarrassed my lover in public and cant accept he’s taken!” She said, stressing the last word in particular.
	“Big talk from a Vampire.” The Princess Alizabeth Driscoll said with a snort. Lady Maria Sala shot a purely murderous look at the Jabberwocky who merely leaned back and allowed the tentacle-esq appendages to snap and hiss in the other woman’s direction.
	“I do agree with Maria though. He is taken. By me.” This came from Cleopatra. The ninth, as she was often fond saying to people. 	The Pharaoh tapped her staff of office on the ground as if to emphasize the point somewhat and uncrossing her legs and shifting them ever so slightly in my direction.
	“My my, how presumptuous of you all to speak of him like that.” The fourth and final woman in the room said. The Ryu, Shizune Nakamura, had curled up on herself and had sat in silence the entire time with her eyes closed. I had hoped for an ally there but could see she was just as determined, or demented, as the rest.
	The four women continued to bicker like this for several minutes, the volume getting gradually higher and higher. I was seemingly forgotten as they moved that much closer to all-out-war levels of intensity. I thought that Cleopatra was about to start bludgeoning someone with her staff and the gleaming claws on Alizabeth filled me with a special kind of anxiety. I stood up; thinking to make a mad dash for the door but froze as all eyes suddenly came to rest on me.
	“What’s wrong my love?” Maria said, smirking slightly from the knowledge that the last two words would only irritate the other three more.
	“I have no interest in being a trophy to your games. I want to go home now.” I told them, too exhausted to be anything other than bleat honesty. At least they had the decency to look embarrassed. Even Alizabeth’s tentacles deflated.  The silence reigned again. No one quite looked at one another and I made to go for the door again.
	“Please, Mr. Evans. Don’t leave just yet.” Shizune said.
	“You saw us at our worst. All I can ask is you give me the opportunity to show you me at my best.” She implored.
	“I’d take that deal.” Alizabeth muttered. The other two nodded.
	“What are you suggesting, we all go out and grab dinner?” I said. I had meant it as a mocking suggestion. A little condescension in exchange for an evening I’d rather not remember, not something to be taken seriously in the slightest. After the past hour before God, the whole world, and all their cameras it was the last thing I wanted.
	“Not together. But this all must come as an awful shock. Perhaps the two of us could-”
	“Now wait just one fucking minute.” Alizabeth growled. Shizune looked over innocently at the other woman.
	“What makes you think you can slither in and-”
	“Now who’s being presumptuous?” Cleopatra cut across the other woman but was still in full agreement.
	“I ask for nothing that I would not extend to you as well.” Shizune said defensively.
	“It is as Mr. Evans said himself, we would each get a chance to spend some time getting to know one another more...intimately in a personal setting, free from outside influence and interference.”  The Ryu said, laying special emphasis on the last two words.
	“Don’t you think that’s twisting my words a little?” I said.
	“How so?”  The Ryu asked.
	“You may be an overgrown garden snake but you’ve got a point.” The Jabberwocky declared.
	“A chance to show my future husband the Kingdom that waits for him is worth the price of having to temporarily share him with you three.” Cleopatra agreed.
	“I don’t like where this is going.”
	“It seems the fairest way to settle our dispute.” Lady Maria said after a moment’s consideration.
	“Please.” I begged.
	“Then it’s settled. Shall we say a month to each woman in her native land?”
	“I want him first.” The Jabberwocky said, and I shivered under the weight of her lecherous eyes.
	“Out of the question. He should come home with me as we are the closest to my lands.”
	“It should be random, for fairness.”
	The four women continued to negotiate like this and I sank back into my chair. And as I sat there with my head in my hands asking myself how it had come to this I realized; I knew exactly how this had started.
																		+++
	“Cassander Evans continues to be an unstoppable force. With a fiercely devoted following turning into his nationally syndicated radio show broadcast to more than 120 stations on both sides of The Portals with millions of listeners each week. His show recently garnered its third award for National On-Air Personality of the Year and earned Evans the title of youngest ever inductee into the prestigious National Radio Hall of Fame...and it just goes on like that for awhile...before naming you Mamono’s Most Wanted Man of the Year! Congratulations Cassander!”
	I chuckled and raised my glass up high before downing the contents. I didn’t quite know what it was or how I’d earned it, but fans were fans and they made it worthwhile.
	“Both sides of The Portals you say?” My secretary nodded and handed me the magazine so I could see for myself. There I was, black hair and all with my characteristic violet eyes. Dark Energy exposure as a kid when The Portals opened up, I was only a block away when the North American one opened over Boston. My best feature, and I had to pick a career in radio. I liked the level of anonymity to it though, just a voice putting out the good word.
	“There is an award ceremony if you are interested?” Anne asked.
	“Why not, I haven’t been over their side in awhile. It would be rude to be a no show.” I said. I didn’t think much of it to be honest. I’d been to award shows before. So when I walked through those front doors nothing much crossed my mind beyond how lavish the building was and how gorgeous the women were; exactly like every other one.
	This part of the city seemed to be in full celebration. Fireworks burst along the skyline in kaleidoscopic patterns outside and the people were everywhere chatting to an overlapping wall of soft music. I didn’t recognize most of the people in the room, be they human or one of the myriad of humanoid races that occupied the other side of The Portals. But I didn’t see a podium anywhere.
There was dancing in some places, a great number of single women dancing individualistically and a long wall of food. On the tables spiced baked hams crowded against salads and liquors so obscure that I couldn’t tell one from the other apart from taste. The longer the night went on the more I had and the more I had the heavier my eyes became, the more comfortable I became in my seat and the less inclined I felt to move at all.
	“Enjoying the evening?” I turned towards the voice.
	“Oh yes its quite lovely. Haven’t been this far out in awhile.” I said before fully registering whom I was speaking to. The voice had a rising and falling pulse and was like smooth decadence that teased and caressed its way into my ear with a shocking clarity.
She was tall and leaned over me slightly from where I sat. I couldn’t help but notice how her chest was practically shoved into my face, practically spilling from the black gown she wore. She brushed a strand of her long blonde hair out of her face and smiled, ruby red lips splitting perfectly formed porcelain colored skin. I stood suddenly under her gaze, black sclera that were like a reverse mirror that just absorbed the light from overhead. Dimly I was aware of the fact that I was 6’3, and she was eyelevel with me.
	“Oh excuse me where are my manners. I am the Lady Maria Sala, a pleasure to make your acquaintance.”
	“Cassander, the pleasure is mine.”
	“I know. I’m sure you get this all the time but I am a regular listener to your show.” Lady Maria said to me, blushing only slightly at the confession.
	“Well I’m glad you enjoy it. But I was wondering, when are the awards handed out?” She blinked in surprise and her smile got even wider, taking on a kind of bemusement and I-know-something-you-don’t quality.
	“Oh you’ll be rewarded soon enough. In the meantime, would you care to join me?”
	“I have nothing else going on.” I said, moving to stand.
	“We could go for a stroll on the balcony? The view is quite lovely.”
	“I would be delighted.” I said, allowing the pretty woman by my side to grab hold of my hand and wrap it around her arm. In the other hand she held two champagne glasses and handed me one.
	“So Lady Maria-”
	“Just Maria, so long as it’s between us.” She said easily.
	“My apologies. What brings you here?”
	“I never miss the annual Most Wanted.” She told me with confidence. The cold air blasted both of us as we stepped out on the veranda, moving away from the crowds. It was simple, circular. Stone railing overlooked the city below. I paused to look at it.
	“I always was impressed by what your kind were able to accomplish. Sometimes I feel like a Neanderthal in New York City.” I admitted. Maria laughed.
	“Care for a dance?” She asked, sipping on her glass before placing it on the railing.
	“Sure.” I said, feeling myself slip a little deeper into my inebriation. I couldn’t quite take my eyes off her own. There was something captivating, something hypnotizing about them. She took my left hand and placed the other on top of my right, bringing it in close to her side. How had she gotten so close so fast?
	“What about you, Cassander? What were you hoping to find here?” I heard her ask. Shifting, I tried to get some space between our bodies. She was catching me in her pace and dictating the terms that we moved around. Why had I agreed to this?
	“I dunno.” I heard myself mumble. She took my mounting struggles as a sign to move closer. Her face practically pressed against mine. Gleaming fangs moved in close and I felt the skin on my neck begin to crawl and tighten.
	“I know what I was hoping to find.” She whispered, her voice pouring into my ear.
	“Bathroom!” I forced out suddenly. Maria looked at me strangely but had loosened her grip enough for me to slip out.
	“I’ll uh, I’ll be right back.” I promised. The wave of warmth that hit me as I opened the door brought some clarity, but the sudden advances of Maria Sala still rang out as odd in my mind. Cold water was what I wanted, a quick splash across the face to chase off the lingering dullness on my mind.
	“Excuse me Mr. Evans are you alright? You look confused.” I turned quickly at the mention of my name. Deep blue robes contrasted with the green scales and still managed to reveal a great deal of skin a paler shade of green. The robes clung loosely to her skin and left a deal of her cleavage exposed, a giant emerald hanging by a gold chain there. Two green fins protruded from the sides of her head and twitched and golden eyes danced with concern. My breath caught in my throat at the sight of the Ryu before me, the crowd parting as her long serpentine form dominated the floor around us forcing people to step over or around her.
	“M’fine...” I said, trailing off as I struggled to articulate what I was thinking. The goddess inched in closer.
	“You don’t look it, if you do not mind me being so bold.” She said. She quickly followed up with a statement after she saw the look on my face.
	“I am Shizune Nakamura, your show is broadcast regularly by the ladies of my temple. Please do let me know if there is any way I can be of assistance.” She said, her voice soft and firm but not lacking in warmth.
	“Could you please direct me to where the washroom is, Miss Nakamura?” I asked.  She absorbed all of this information with a graceful nod.
	“I would be delighted to show you.” She said, slithering closer with a grace that a woman of her...length shouldn’t have. It was like watching running water.
	“Thank you, I am afraid I am making a fool of myself.” I said absentmindedly.
	“Why is that Mr. Evans?” She asked, her voice somehow serving to cancel out the noise of the surrounding people. I shook my head, running a hand over the back of my neck. Shizune Nakamura turned her head to watch me intensely out of the corner of her eye but didn’t otherwise say anything. I could feel her eyes roaming over me as we walked.
	“It appears I was too slow.” She said herself softly.
	“What was that?” I asked. She waved the question away.
	“Never you mind.” And we continued in a tranquil silence like we were in a bubble cutting us off from the outside noise.
	“It’ll be on the second floor here, right up these stairs and to the left.” She said.
	“Thank you again. I owe you.” I said.
	“Will I see you again tonight?” She asked me suddenly.
	“Jeeze I had to be rude but I’m considering calling it an evening.” I said.
	“That is alright. I know we will meet again.” She said with a soft smile. She held out the back of her hand and the intense glimmer in her eyes as they locked onto mine elicited a tiny echo of concern as I leaned in to kiss it.
She turned quickly and seemed to glide away. I disappeared into the bathroom then. The cold water chased away the clouds on my brain. I let it drip and run off my face while I stood doubled over the sink before drying it off.
The award, I thought to myself, had never really been specified in the weeks leading up to my arrival tonight and I hadn’t pressed it too hard. But now I was hearing the voice of my mother in the back of my head. Oh what did she used to say? Around Mamono, something something never relax? Then there would be a diatribe about my father and stepmother.
	 I eventually came out of the restroom thinking a polite, but speedy bolt for the door was the best approach. Down the stairs. Hugging the wall I went for the door—I was so close!—when the single most imposing woman I had ever seen comes to stand in front of me. Great wings dark purplish wings stretched from her back and her skin (of which a lot was on display) was deeply tanned. There was a surprising amount of frills to what she was wearing. Mouthed tentacles stretched out towards me, tongues flicking in the air. She was tall. Taller than I was and there was no other way to describe the woman than as muscular. Smooth, well-defined muscles like a Greek statue with hands that ended in long talons.
	They swung towards me and I flinched, stepping back. Only this allowed me to take my eyes off of her exposed midriff and look this new woman in the face. She was grinning and I flushed with embarrassment a little bit.
	“Alizabeth.” Was all she said. Alizabeth held her hand out until I took it with extreme reluctance.
	“Cassander Evans.” I said. She nodded.
	“I know.” She told me and the two words were enough to send a shiver down my spine. I tried to smile.
	“Would you like an autograph?” I asked. She beamed and the act was surprisingly human and warm. I relaxed in it.
	“That depends, do I get to handle your pen after?” She said lecherously. The scent of wine rolled off her mouth.
	“Excuse me?” I said. She grinned down at me.
	“Don’t you know where you are?” She asked.
	“The awards show? I was just leaving actually so if you’ll excuse me-” I said trying to step past her. She laughed loudly.
	“Go? You can’t go, you’re the award!”
And then it all clicked into place. And in that one searing moment of my life I realized that the Paladins were right, and if I got out of this in one piece with all of my clothing I’d have a daily segment on my show for them.
	“Ah, now he realizes.” Alizabeth said. I turned to walk away but found two large (and I do mean large) clawed hands on my shoulder pulling me in tightly. She rested her chin on the top of my head and wrapped her wings around us for maximum restriction, completely uncaring in the face of the stares she was getting.
	“Now, why don’t you and I go find somewhere we can get to know one another better?” She asked, squeezing me like a teddy bear. I was saved the burden of answering by a richly accented voice coming from somewhere behind me.
 	“Alizabeth! I see you’re as tactless as usual. Do you still live in a cave?” Alizabeth turned her head, keeping both hands on me and tightening from firm grip to iron python.
	“Cleopatra. Still walking around in stripper clothes. Pity you can’t find a man dressed like that, but this one is off limits. Can’t you smell him?” She said, rubbing her breasts into the back of my head for emphasis.
	“I smell lizard and corpse more than I do you. Let him go.”
	Alizabeth let me go and I immediately put some distance between us while I sought out my savoir, only to feel something cold and distressed worm its fingers into my heart. Swinging a blue gold scepter with one hand and smiling warmly at me. She was clad in gold with hair so long that it almost touched the ground and not much else. Calling it a bikini was too generous. Yet I felt something shake in my knees, something buckle under its radiance and only just managed to stay on both feet.
	“Are you alright?” She asked. I nodded. And then the weight was gone as she turned her attention to Alizabeth.
	“I cannot believe that you would sink so low as to molest a man in public.”
	“Oh go and shove that rod up your c-”
	“Mr. Evans?”
	All of us turned to eye the Ryu. Shizune wasn’t looking at me though; she was staring down this Cleopatra woman and Alizabeth. I felt like I was in the middle of some Clint Eastwood western as I began to edge my way towards the door. It was right there. I licked my lips and began to inch away. Only to back into something that grabbed me and wrapped around me.
	“Found you.” Maria said, her voice like flint in my ear. I cringed as cold fingers began to play with my wrists and palms.
	“You hurt my feelings when you ran off like that you know. How are you going to make it up to me?” She purred. The other three women saved me from answering this question.
	“Unhand him upstart.”
	“I was here first-”
	“Do I care what you think?”
	“Didn’t your mothers tell you to respect your elders? If anything Mr. Evans belongs to-”
	“If you don’t give me my man I swear to God I’ll start an international incident-”
	“Try it and I’ll slap sanctions-”
	“-Sanctions? With your economy?”
	And on and on the threats and promises of blank checks spiraled until I began to fear a genuine transnational crisis would develop with my face as the New York Times front cover.
	“Cant we just talk about this in private?” I begged. They all stopped and looked at me. Everyone else was too, for that matter.
	And now here we are. An informal agreement had been reached by the four of them with myself as the glue that bound the deal together and as I sat in my taxi headed back to North America on the other side of The Portal to gather my things I pounded the complementary (but I heard consolatory) wine bottles the Awards staff had given me. I was to pack my bag full of only the essentials. The woman I was staying with for that month would provide everything else. No, I did not have a choice. The other three were forbidden from trying to interfere or contact me during someone else’s month.
 	Yes, I had to choose one of them to marry.