Berry Depressed (Shitty Feels greentext)

(Improvised Greentext for thread >>15742223 - https://archive.moe/mlp/thread/15742223)

OP's Topic:

At last the magic bleach got you to Equestria! All the pones are nice and shit and would love to put you up in their homes to help you get started.

But only one place is available at the moment. And that is the home of the town drunk.

She constantly comes home at 3 in the morning and throws up in the sink, the whole house reeks of stale beer and depression and she keeps curling up next to you every night and falls asleep sobbing about her life being out of control.

Can you do with this, Anon?

-

>It's around 4am, not bothering to wait up for Berry you sleep on her couch. It's not ideal, but it's the only space available at the moment.
>As you dream lightly, a sudden scraping of keys and thudding at the door rudely awakes you.
>These signature noises must mean that Berry has returned, no doubt deeply intoxicated.
>Fuck it, you were tired of her shit. Hugging the pitiful blanket closer to your body and burying your head under a pillow, you try to block out the noise.
>Eventually the door clicks, bursting opening dramatically followed with a slight thud - Seems someone overshot their slam again.
>Dull sound of scrabbling hooves can be heard as Berry frantically tries to stand.
>Please just pass out already.
>As you think this, there's an unmistakable noise of sudden galloping, before...
>There she goes - barfing in the sink. So classy.
>God I'd rather be sleeping outside right about now.
>Few minutes pass, silence falls again. Sleep begins to reclaim your brain before

"-Hic- A-Anon, are yew awake?" a voice slurs

>Ignore.
>You can sense her watching you. Not going to cave, you keep steadily breathing, faking sleep.
>Stench of fresh vomit breath reaches your nose. Berry is right next to your head, looking at you.
>You can't ignore her now.

"Mmm... what you want? I'm asleep" you lie.

>There's a slight pause, before

"A-are yew sleepin' cus you HATE me?"

>Fresh tears sparkle in her eyes.
>Oh here we fucking go.

-

>Rather irritated now, you sit up. Taking the top of the blanket you fold it over on your chest and gently pat it, indicating that Berry should hop up.
>She gets what she wants, as she awkwardly clambers onto you rather painfully with heavy hooves.
>The smell of alcohol and sick was overpowering you, and yet...

"Do you need cuddles?" you ask softly, anger ebbing away.

>Sobbing and snotting quite heavily now, she nods while making indistinguishable blubbering noises into the blanket.

"Come here then" you say, raising your arms over the smelly sobbing mass and pulling it closer.

>The crying gets louder.

"I'm soo shorry, don't hate me!" wails Berry pathetically. You can't now.

>You make calming "Shhh" sounds as you stroke her mane. It seemed to subdue some of the tears.
>Pulling her into a deep cuddle, Berry rests her soaked and sticky face into your neck. It's absolutely fucking gross, but you put up with it.
>With a squeezy-hug, you coo in her ear.

"Now who's my little pony?"

"I-I am" she whispers, through sniffs and hiccups.

"That's right." you assure her.

>She slowly goes limp, likely passed out. Not the first time.
>As her eyes close, you kiss her neck softly. She won't remember any of this tomorrow. She never does.
>It's more heartbreaking for you to comfort her like this every night. She doesn't recall it. Ever.
>During the day, you're nothing but a freeloader to her.
>You lie back, pony snugged on your chest.
>Now you fight your own tears.

-

>Morning sun creeps into the room, rousing you from sleep.
>The weight of sleeping pony is gone from your chest, seemingly slumped off somewhere in the early hours.
>Reluctantly getting up, it's time to face the day and clean off last night's tears.
>As you proceed through the rather grubby, dismal house, you bump into Berry outside the bathroom.
>She looks at you, though you can't read her expression. Is she annoyed? Is she embarrassed?

"M-morning" you stutter. The look she gives you seems to imply she doesn't remember. Again.

"Hey, good morning." She repeats flatly.

>Pause.

"So... good night? Not hungover?" your small talk is weak.

"What does it matter what I do? It's not really any of your business" she sniffs.

>Sighing deeply, you knew this was going to be the case. Why bother being nice to her if you still get treated like shit?

"Well, okay. Going out tonight too?" you say, trying to inject some friendliness into your tone.

>She just looks at you.

"How long are you staying here again?" she asks.

>Not even bothering to reply, you turn away into the bathroom. You need a cold shower.
>The stream of icy water doesn't distract you from your feelings.
>Why did I drink that magical bleach to get here?
>Are all my lives destined to be miserable?
>You don't know.
>Maybe it's time you took to the bottle again. It seems like your only path to forgetting it all.
>You hate Berry, and yet you can't deny her comfort when she's vulnerable.
>No one did that for you.

-

>The day breezes by, as they all do. All blurring into one big streak of grey.
>Berry goes out without so much as a' good-bye'.
>Maybe you should go out too, but eh, no one understands the non-pony.
>Drinking some rather foul liquid you find at the back of Berry's fridge, you try to kill your mind off for the evening.
>It barely works, your spirits don't feel elevated at all. If anything, you only feel angry.
>Why did you deserve this? Wouldn't it be good to be in someone else's shoes.
>Wanting to give up thought, you decide it's time to sleep.
>Blissful unconsciousness, the only place you can run away to.
>Sleep comes easily, likely aided by whatever you drank.
>Dreams of falling. As you hit the ground, you jerk awake.
>Familiar sound of stumbling hooves.
>3am? Feels like you barely slept and yet it's been 5 hours.

"Guuuuh, are yew awake again?"

>Mumbles come from behind you. You ignore, this time you'll keep your resolve.
>Uneven trotting gets closer.

"Heeey, heey, wake up" comes the thick voice of Berry.

>Still ignoring.
>She begins to nuzzle your side with her face.
>It tickles, but dammit you weren't moving.
>After a moment or so of you lying still, she gives up with the nuzzling. Instead she clumsily tries to climb up on your chest.
>Her hooves slip, and she falls flat on her rump.
>Heavy breathing indicates that tears are beginning to well-up again.
>Jesus fucking christ why do you feel like you need to be sympathetic to her. She hates you when sober.

-

>It's not long until the floodgates open.
>Sitting in the middle of the floor wailing, she's really looking defeated this time.
>You can't ignore this anymore.
>Tossing and turning, you silently face her.
>Her eyes are much bigger than usual in this darkness. As they meet yours, she trots over, face already oozing with various fluids.

"Evening" you whisper to her, to no reply.

>Before you know it, Berry leaps up onto you. The familiar scent of booze emanates off her. It's plain that she wants her nightly comforts.
>Mumbling nonsense and hiccuping, she nuzzles your chest, wiping her face in the process.
>You're conflicted. You want to kick her off, and yet something so pathetic needs love.

"Are you here for your cuddle-slave?" you say blankly.

>Berry looks at you. You blink, watching her.
>Did that grab her attention?
>Her face contorts even more, like she was holding back words she needed to say dearly.
>Even this level of scrunchy-face was unnatural for this drunken pony.
>Just as you begin forming the words to ask if she's okay - she throws up all over you.
>Fuck my life.
>Instead of dealing with the mess, Berry just sobs louder and louder. Her weak apologies were lost as she buries her head into the couch.
>Guess you need to clean this up.
>After an hour, you clean the worst off the couch and yourself. Berry is now sleeping in your spot, so you're left to find the most comfortable bit of floor you can.
>You can't take this anymore.

-

>Morning comes round, your joints ache from a terrible night's sleep.
>To your surprise, there's a pony curled up next to you on the floor, trying to steal your body heat.
>This was a rather awkward situation - Usually she'd be in her bedroom or awake by now. Yet here she is, covered in stale vomit.
>Your movement makes her stir, and she groggily opens one eye.
>You say nothing.

"Why... where?" she begins.

>She notices you, quickly backing away.
>When she asks what the fuck was going on, you try to explain.
>She doesn't believe you.
>You insist rather firmly that it's true.
>You get called a liar. She certainly didn't have any problems. In fact, after a night out she'd usually wake up the next day feeling much happier.
>Today though, you had ruined that for her, somehow luring her out of her bed.
>This is all too much to take.
>No more comforts for her ever again. You mean it this time.

>It's night again. Berry is out.
>You tempt sleep. It takes pity on you.
>Usual bangs and thumps wake you at 4am.
>It's Berry. She's gassed. She wants attention.
>You ignore all advances she makes.
>Even her hardest sobs don't budge you. It kills you inside, but you weren't falling for the crocodile tears again.
>She cries herself to sleep that night, endlessly blubbering about being sorry.
>You hate yourself for not comforting her, but the damage was done.
>You were fed up of being a shoulder to cry on.
>You need to escape this life.
>There's only one thing to do.

-

>Getting up, it's time to leave. You're fucking done.
>You'd rather live in the fucking streets for all it's worth. No ponies to hassle you.
>Not owning much, you take only the blanket to keep you warm - Nothing else matters.
>Treading out the room lightly so not to wake Berry, you slip out the house.
>The cool air awakens you, and as it does, you feel the full weight in your heart - It was crushing you.
>The sun is slowly creeping into the sky, meaning it must be around 7am - No point in sleeping today. Instead, search for a den.
>Eventually you find a nice, secluded cave near the Everfree forest. Not ideal, but sheltered and uninhabited.
>Free at last from that foul, stinking, booze-obsessed pony, you can relax.
>Hell, it was win-win as she didn't need to see your useless ass anymore either. This situation couldn't be more ideal for the both of you.
>With the blanket, you snuggle up and eventually enter a doze.
>Body-clock being fucked now, you start-awake in pitch-blackness. It's cold, too cold.
>Okay, sleeping in a cave was not a good idea. Maybe you should just sneak back, Berry will be out drinking anyway at this time.
>As you start moving through darkness, you think about her. She probably didn't even realize you were gone.
>Maybe it's better that way - Not knowing how pathetic you really were.
>Odd, the door is open. You enter.
>Berry doesn't seem to be about. You need to piss.
>Open bathroom door.
>Greeted with a passed-out Berry
>Bottle of bleach next to her
>Uh oh.

-

>The rest of that night is spent at the Accident and Emergency section of Ponyville Hospital.
>You carried the limp little pony through the streets, tears running down your face, screaming for help.
>Longest night of your life, constantly on edge of vomiting while in waiting room. You're so worried.
>After 3 hours, you are told the news.
>Berry critical, but stable
>Seems they were able to pump her stomach just in time, though damage has been done. Could be hospitalized for a long time.
>You sit by her hospital bed, blaming only yourself. This was your fault for not being there.
>Why would she do this though? She doesn't acknowledge you when sober.
>You don't understand at all.
>Hours of grief pass by. Exhausted, you sit by her like a loyal hound.
>Eventually, your emotions are drained. Sleep takes you.
>Dreams are relentlessly taunting.
>Their theme is the death of Berry.
>It was all your fault, everyone blames you.
>Everyone is gathered around, mourning her. As you walk through to pay your respects, the crowd of faceless ponies disperses revealing the one you only have eyes for now.
>Berry sits in the middle of the crowd crying. She just wants cuddles.
>As you quickly approach to give them, arms out-stretched, she fades away listlessly.
>Fuck - This is too much.
>You jerk awake. God fucking dammit.
>Glancing at her form now, Berry is snoozing softly in her hospital bed.
>Will she ever wake again?

-

>3 days pass, and you barely leave her side.
>The weight in your heart is doubling every hour.
>You'd rather be the one in the bed.
>Hell, was this how your family felt after you drank bleach?
>Hitting so close to home, it stings your eyes and throat. The anguish burns and chokes.
>"I'm so sorry Berry" you say, looking over her still form.
>Bringing a hand to your mouth, you try to push back the emotions. It only forces them further.
>Silently, you lean over the little pony.
>Planting a soft kiss on her neck, you get a faint whiff of booze.
>There's a soft groan.
>Your heart starts slamming itself around your chest.

"Berry?"

>No reply. What was that?
>Feeling feverish, you stroke her mane. There's another groan.
>Oh god, is she waking up?
>You call for the Doctors and Nurses, who attend to Berry. They kick you out of the hospital room, asking you to bring some home comforts for her. You do without arguing.
>Coming back hours later, it's confirmed - Berry is awake but weak.
>You enter the room full of nerves - She's looking at you from her bed.
>Wrapping her in your blanket, you simply ask

"Why?"

>She pauses to think.

"It's... foggy..." comes her weak voice.

>Was that the truth?

"Did I worry you?" you say flatly.

>Her face contorts

"Of course you worried me. I... was trying to find you."

"Find me?" you repeat.

"I... was drunk. I remember you telling me that you arrived here by drinking some 'magic bleach'. I figured... I'd find you again the same way."

-

>At these words, your heart breaks. Tears begin to fall.

"You were... looking for me?"

>She tilts her weak head, looking at you.

"Yeah, why wouldn't I?" she starts

>This make no sense to you - Berry had never shown signs of warmness to you at all.
>Yet now she's lying there, barely moving due to trying to find you by drinking Bleach.
>Your tears fall as the pony wheezes her words, you could have prevented this.
>You let out your sorrows and apologize endlessly.
>Berry lets out a weak smile.

"It's my fault" she croaks.

>No, don't say that. I'm to blame here.
>You move close to her, grabbing her hoof.
>Tears in her eyes now.
>Your heart falters at the sight of them.

"Why are you crying?" you whisper to her.

>There's a pause, the tension is so thick.

"I'm dying." Berry responds softly, as a tear silently escapes her eye.

>What?
>Berry explains what the doctors had said when you were away - internally she's destroyed.
>Bleach completely ruined her stomach, liver is shot. Not helped by years of binge-drink.
>Your vision begins to fade in and out of focus at these words.
>Berry is a terminal patient.
>You don't know how to react to this news in a dignified way.
>You tighten your hand on her weak little hoof.

"How long?" you eventually voice up.

"Until the life support ends."

>Your little pony was looking up at you now.
>You can't look at her right, vision obscured with tears.

"Thanks for all those times you comforted me" she calls.

>She remembers? All this time she knew?

-

>The weak smile fades.

"Of course I knew. I just felt so pathetic about it I couldn't..."

>At this, the horrible realization dawns. All those times, Berry actively wanted those snuggles. Only able to fulfill her desires behind a veil of drunkenness.
>The night you weren't there, when she was trying to find you, the loss of your comfort must have been too much.
>She's scared off every person she cared about, and it was the final straw.
>Her life was meaningless to herself, only existing due to the affection of others.
>Until last night.
>This responsibility is too much to bear.

"Berry-" you begin, but she shushes you.

>Wiping her tears, she looks at you with those giant sad eyes.

"I don't blame you."

>Pulling close to her for a hug, you're the one snotting and blubbering into her neck now.
>This goes on for an hour or so, until eventually.

"It's time. I can't take the pain anymore."

>Don't say that Berry, please no.
>There must be another way.
>Frantically, you ask the Doctors if there's another solution. There's none.
>With Berry weakly watching you, you get angry at being so helpless in this situation.

"Give her my liver and stomach!" you say foolishly.

>As the nurses try to calm you down, the grief just gets worse. Gut-wrenching sobs overpower you.
>This was all your fault.
>Everyone gathers round her bed for the switching off of life-support.
>This can't be happening.
>You hold her hoof in your trembling hand.

"I am your little pony." she says breathlessly.

>Beep