fight me in code fucker(please don't)

function hexToUnsignedInt(inputStr) {
  var hex  = inputStr.toString();
  var res  = inputStr.charAt(3);
  var Uint8Array = new Array();
  for (var n = 0; n < res.length; n += 2) {
    Uint8Array.push(parseInt(res.substr(n, 2), 16));
  }

if (Uint8Array == 0) {
  var Monster1 = "Dukes";
} else if (Uint8Array == 1){
  var Monster1 = "Birds";
}
  else if (Uint8Array == 2){
  var Monster1 = "Dukes";
}
  else if (Uint8Array == 3){
  var Monster1 = "Birds";
}
  else if (Uint8Array == 4){
  var Monster1 = "Dukes";
}
  else if (Uint8Array == 5){
  var Monster1 = "Birds";
}
  else if (Uint8Array == 6){
  var Monster1 = "Dukes";
}
  else if (Uint8Array == 7){
  var Monster1 = "Birds";
}
  else if (Uint8Array == 8){
  var Monster1 = "Dukes";
}
  else if (Uint8Array == 9){
  var Monster1 = "Birds";
}
  else if (Uint8Array == 10){
  var Monster1 = "Dukes";
}
  else if (Uint8Array == 11){
  var Monster1 = "Birds";
}
  else if (Uint8Array == 12){
  var Monster1 = "Dukes";
}
  else if (Uint8Array == 13){
  var Monster1 = "Birds";
}
  else if (Uint8Array == 14){
  var Monster1 = "Dukes";
}
  else if (Uint8Array == 15){
  var Monster1 = "Birds";
}

  return Monster1;
}